I am disappointed. My good for nothing cats just lie around and sleep all day.
Even the sheep out the back, who the cats should be counting to go to sleep, are disappointed and have gone to sleep themselves as they are never counted and have got bored.
So I am going to change all that and bring in a strict exercise regime for my cats. But nothing like the way my Spanish friend, Manuel, exercises his dog Yaki (Yak Key).
Queen – Bicycle Race
Wake up cats ! Daddy is coming for you !
Sonic ! Stop pretending that you have stuff to do ! Come on into the bedroom we need to have a serious talk !
Right you three, you need to wake up and get some exercise. So Daddy has worked out a daily schedule to get you fit and healthy.
Okay, I can see your point China Cat. You are excused from exercising and you don’t have a wedgie. You have a WEDGE jammed under the bedroom door to stop it slamming in the wind and throwing you down the hall. These are wedgies !
Right you TWO ! This is how it is going to work.
When I wake up in the morning I’ll brush your fur as normal …..
…. then you will do an hour of yoga ….
…. followed by chasing your toys around the apartment until you drop
And if there is any slacking, you will do it all again in the afternoon. Got it ??
I’m going to make myself a coffee. Talk amongst yourselves and when I come back I want to hear a “Yes, Daddy, we are really happy to do lots of exercises”.
Right cats, ready for yourrrr ….. where’s Sonic ???
Ummm…yes ! You mean this Samantha ?
Sonic’s NOT on my laptop telling all my female readers ????? Nooooo !!!!
You rotten ….. okay, you win. No more talk about exercises. Call Sonic off !!
Oh boy !! *faint*
Sonic says Daddy is !
Ralph xox ❤
The gifs, yoga and cartoon were found on Google Search and are not mine.
Yes, this is my 300th blog post. Some of you have been with me from almost the very beginning. It is like a marriage, but we have never had a domestic, have we ?
What do you mean, there are other women reading this post ? No there’s not, there’s only you. No, I’m NOT arguing ! Oh boy ! 😉
Donny Osmond singing
Kitty Puppy Love (1972)
Yes, both Resa and I are our cats’ slaves. All the credit for this post must go to Resa for sending me the following lovely photos of her cats and Bad Boy. Thank you. We had a lot of fun, didn’t we my friend ? Enough about us. On with the post !
The other day, out of the blue, arrived this love letter for Sonic.
It’s a little difficult to read. It says >>>
“Dear Sonic, I have had a crush on you since mommy showed me your picture. I hope you feel the same ! With love, Jeepo”
So excited with all the attention Sonic fell asleep for 10 hours and then replied >>>
Almost instantly, Jeepo replied with these four pictures of herself >>>>
It said >>>
“Dear Sonic, This is my special bed where I am collecting fur. I’m hoping to send you a big fur ball one day”
Totally jealous and not to be out done, China Cat had to get in on the act.
You may remember that Black Drake was created by Belén Soto
Don’t tell Donald Trump that Black Drake emigrated, probably illegally, to Resa’s home in Canada.
I digress. Eventually Black Drake replied to China Cat >>>
“Dear China Cat,
I have someone I want you to meet! (a bad boy friend of mine!)
However, first mommy has to cut mats of fur off of Johnny, & take more pictures for Samantha!
Johnny knows & is hiding. He has lots of mats.
As soon as the whole Johnny thing is over, I’ll be writing and sending you a pic of my friend.
Samantha. There’s male for you !
What’s the matter Samantha ?
Oh no ! My slippers are years old and I haven’t yet found a shop here in Spain that sells them in my size, as I am UK 11 1/2 or EUR 46.
You must reply to Johnny, Samantha !
For heavens sake Samantha, answer him !
Well, say something !
There. That wasn’t so hard, was it Samantha ?
Yes, I love you Mystery Woman.
I love you because you are you and you know who you are, don’t you ?
(Wow, that’s six “you”s in one sentence)
I will stick a pin in the spinning globe above. Three things could happen. Firstly, the world might possibly go pop. Secondly, if you go “Ouch !” you are the Mystery Woman. And finally if everyone goes “Ouch !” I will be in the middle of one hell of a domestic ! Oh boy !
I’ve not tried bribery yet. An old slipper should work.
Ralph xox ❤
Camera charged. Ralph dressed up. Off I went to watch the tiny carnival procession in my local Spanish village. On my return I transferred the 35 photographs into my laptop and *sigh* not one came out any sense. Do I delete them ? No ! You know me, I’ll have fun with them at the expense of the eyes of my readers. I am very kind like that !
BTW my eyesight is bad and it wasn’t caused by looking at THESE photographs 😉
What is this photograph all about ? Is it (a) or (b) ? I will give you the answer further down this post.
What do you think created these abysmal photographs ? Is it >>>
1. The tuition I have been given by the photographic
Mistress Master Pelly who sometimes uses a blur technique.
….. or is it ? >>>>
2. The photographs were taken at the point where day met night and my camera had a nervous breakdown not knowing whether to flash or not.
3. My hands shook too much.
4. The planetary rotation of the Earth was affected at the same instant I took each photograph by the jumping up and down and pulling out of hair by readers of my latest blog post.
Our small Spanish village does not have a Zika Virus mosquito problem, but what would happen if it did ?
The mosquitoes would be driven insane by a very enthusiastic out of tune marching band.
The village scientists drowning themselves in wine and whiskey would come up with the ultimate solution of mosquito eradication.
The correct answer is (a), not (b), but could be a (C cup).
At this point in the post I probably only have one reader left. Here she is !
You can restore your eyesight by looking at the brilliant photographs of our Spanish village feria by visiting Jose Manuel Bujalance Palma in Facebook.
You won’t believe this. In fact I don’t believe this. My good for nothing black cat Sonic who sleeps all day, complains bitterly when not petted or fed on time and keeps me awake as I am just dropping off to sleep at night has just received a love letter ! Yes, a love letter ! Heck, I’ve never ever received a love letter ! Do you want to read it ? Okay, I will show it to you in my next post including what Samantha has fallen in love with.
Oh boy !
BTW if by some miracle I do receive email love letters from you. When I have picked myself up after fainting I will publish them including your avatar and links to your blog. I am kind like that. I may even reply in a desperate sort of way 😀
Ralph xox ❤
I have just passed the fourth year of blogging with WordPressCom. I really must get a life !
Perhaps I will !
Hilda is a great local friend to me. Remember how she and her husband, David, hosted the Summer Party ? And some of you may remember Hilda helping out as my Interior Designer when my apartment was renovated.
She also buys the cat treats when they go to Murky Donna supermarket.
And then there was the time when Manny, a teddy bear blogger from California, clambered around in her cleavage. He loved that !
Anyway, she suggests ….
Yes, on the 15th of December this year is my 70th birthday.
Maybe I should invite Elena from my Spanish village Tabac.
…. impressing her with my Sunday best suit. I must remember to paint my nails 😀
How about a cabaret ?
Beth ! You’re hired !
What do you think ? What will make a party to remember ?
You are also very welcome to mail me a birthday card, the funnier the better >>>
137, Canada del Real Tesoro,
29391 Estacion Cortes de la Frontera,
Or, come to the party !
Talking of Hilda. The other day the local village put on an Hawaiian night on the beach of the local river where I tried out Tai Chi.
Even though the party was only 50 yards away from my home, I didn’t go as my ankles were swollen probably from the heat of the day and I didn’t want to take the chance of having a fall on the stones. Still, Mary and Hilda had a great time !
Meanwhile, back in Daddy’s bedroom.
Suddenly a strong gust of wind blew into the bedroom ….
…. swirling behind the bedroom door, the door slammed shut, casting China Cat into a heap on the hallway floor.
Whew ! What have you cats been up to ? I have restarted Coo Coo, put China Cat back and closed the bedroom balcony door to block off that gusty wind. What is going on ?
Oh boy !
For me, an imaginary kiss and a cuddle with an imaginary girlfriend would be nice ! 😳
Ralph xox ❤
This long post contains gifs (animated photos) which can take a while to load if you have a slow speed IP (Internet Provider). Play with your toy while waiting. 😀
Welcome to Ralph’s Blogging Class of 2016 ……. Hey you, stop fiddling with your bra and pay attention ! Heck, and you leaning back with your feet on your keyboard painting your toe nails, concentrate ! And that’s just my male readers. You ladies are even worse !
Settle down !
Stand up Debby and take a bow. You asked me this very intelligent question in my last post which has never happened before by anyone, as my commenters are usually smashed on wine while commenting here. Oooh, why me ?
My cats are going to tell you how to animate pictures by making “gifs”.
Oh boy. Thanks cats !
You will need a Photo Editor (this old prehistoric Editor was on the CD which came with my ancient digital camera) ….
….. and bookmark this free website as it makes the “gifs” for you.
The simplest “gif” is to take two photos from the same spot. For your blog, reduce them in size to 450 pixels or less. Upload them to the GIFMaker. Select the speed. When happy with the Preview, click Create GIF Animation, Download The GIF to “save file”. Done. It’s easy !
This girl “gif” is one photo plus a mirror image of the same photo. It is really too big for blogging.
A photo of a suitcase cropped as a square. Rotate the photo 90 degrees, save. Rotate another 90 degrees and so on until you have 4 photos.
I added text to each of the 5 cat photos, but made a mistake by cropping as rectangles, not squares, so the photos are slightly different in size.
Cropping is easy. I had taken 3 photos of Marcus playing. The background on all 3 were slightly different ……
…. so I picked the same 2 points in all the photos and cropped them …..
…. ending up with 3 new, slightly smaller photos which I resized to the same size.
I uploaded the 3 photos to the GIFMaker, uploading #2 twice to make the “gif” more fluid.
And finally 2 “gifs” spliced together. Here are the 2 original photos of Ana serving paella in my last post. Notice the backgrounds are very different.
The same as before. I picked 2 points, cropped and resized the photos
These 2 photos I uploaded to the GIFMaker website, set the speed, clicked Create GIF Animation and Download The GIF to “save file”.
I then uploaded the same 2 photos again, but this time doubled the speed, downloaded as before to “save file”.
So now I have 2 “gifs” both of which I uploaded to GIFMaker, clicked Combine Animated GIFs and downloaded the finished “gif” to “save file”. Easy ! Lo and behold, a fun “gif” for my post.
Can’t you give me one “gif” cats ?
As usual you weren’t. Stay behind after class and I’ll put you over my knee …. again ! 😀
Ralph xox ❤
The other day I received an invitation …..
….. to go to David & Hilda’s home here in southern Spain for a party. Yay !
It just so happened to coincide with a full moon on the Summer Solstice. The next full moon on a Summer Solstice will be in 2062 when I will be 116 years old and probably will marry a 21 year old super-model that day unless one of you ladies out there sweep me off my feet first. Well, you have 46 years to work on it. 😀
Welcome to the party !
As you can see this party had no cats.
The food was great.
The music by Marcus was brilliant ……
….. to dance the night away to.
I bet you would have loved to dance with me. I must learn how to Jive so that I can swing you over my shoulders and between my legs at the bar before the music starts. 😉
Then, of course, the company of friends enhanced the evening.
Thank you David & Hilda for a wonderful party 😀
I’m unavailable 20th of June 2062 as I’ve probably just met a 21 year old super-model that day and I’ll marry her the following day. Got to work fast when 116 years old 😀
Ralph xox ❤
Wow ! A package for little ol’ me in Spain, all the way from a dear blogging friend in Florida, USA.
That’s strange, it’s got air holes all around the box.
“Cats ! Help !”
My cats are now scaredy cats and revolting (no change there), so Ali Gaiter has a new home, sleeping with a neighbour, a 4 year old Spanish boy, who just loves the toy 😀
Do you remember this ?
Well, Katie owned up for sending the parcel. Not giving up, she sent it again and this time the gator walked on its own into my home. Thank you my friend.
The Urban Dictionary defines a “Gator” as
I’m an old single crock 😀
Ralph xox ❤
I did promise to show you the contents of the Man Tin (a present from Ute).
What I am about to show you is just between me and you the reader as I don’t want the whole world to know what is in my Man Tin 😉
It took me a while to work out how to open the Man Tin, but I did and filled the box with useless and pointless items.
What’s this ?
I reckon it’s a rubber hand bell for a librarian to use at closing time.
Of course Sonic has a different opinion.
This is a bit of a squeeze. An accordion ? No, a geeetah !
“Totally Useless And Pointless” was the name of my song. I can’t play or sing, so the name was apt.
I kept my magic carpet in the Man Tin as it’s not magic and is a rug, not a carpet.
Samantha, of course, has her own idea.
What’s this day-glo item ?
I think it’s worn by builders as safety clothing. To protect and warn the public of a crack exposure.
Now this chainsaw is totally useless and pointless as I have no bushes or trees three floors up in the building.
What’s this tucked away in the corner of the Man Tin ?
I don’t have a Harley, just cats !
I’ll just shake out and show you what’s left in the Man Tin.
White shoes for living in the muddy countryside.
A tractor for a field three floors up.
And the final useless and pointless item, a doll. A DOLL ?? It’s not mine. It’s a cats toy. Honest ! You believe me, don’t you ? *cringe*
That’s it ! The Man Tin is empty.
Well, it was empty. Thanks Ute !! 😀 😀 😀 x
I am !
Ralph xox ❤
Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. .................................................................. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net
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