Good, Goodbye, By The Way !

~Good~

As it’s a New Year, I think you cats should change your ways so that our readers can see that you are being good, kind and helpful to me.  Make me proud, cats !

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Awww !  Really ?  You guys are really sweet !

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Meanwhile ….

~Goodbye~

It’s a sad moment to say goodbye to two couples, friends, who are leaving this village for pastures new.

Brian and Monica are giving up the vineyard and moving back to the UK as Monica needs to be close to family.

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And secondly, David and Hilda.  Yes, my close friends David and Hilda !  Their home is sold and are moving to another town in Andalucia, Spàin this week.  (10 cats are going with them !)

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I will miss you.  Goodbye dear friends.

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~By The Way~

Another milestone !  2,500 followers !  Most of which are “ghosts”.  A single Follow email and that’s the last I have seen of them.  BUT, about 150 of you visit or use your Reader to Like or say “Hi !”.  Thank you so much for your love and support dear friends.

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Try the top of my sidebar to follow.  That one works !

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I am so pleased that my cats are going to be good, kind and helpful.

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WordPress !!!   Oh no,  not you as well !!!

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So much for the change for the better !  I give up !

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Do you live in a madhouse like mine ?

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Ralph xox ❤

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Photo Record Of My 70th Birthday Party 15Dec16

WARNING:  This is a very long post.

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The day of my 70th started out so well.  From then on it got so much better AFTER taking me 10 minutes to tie my shoe laces.

A car horn outside sounded,  “Beep … Beeep … Beeeeeeeep !”

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~ Chauffeur driven madness ~

Wow !  Einar’s Mercedes !  Hilda,  my party organiser,  tried to take the first photograph.  As you can see she is an expert highly professional very willing camerawoman.

(The same blooper happened to Carmen’s husband in this post)

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Once the camera started taking photographs,  Einar scooped me up and conveyed me around the village TWICE.  I became quite giddy !

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My village in southern Spain

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~The Arrival~

Amazingly it was a lovely sunny, but cold afternoon.  The day before and the day after it bucketed it down with rain.  After passing every bar in the village Einar finally pulled up outside Pili Bar where my friends were waiting to greet me.  What a surprise !  Can you see me in this photo ?   Clue: hat !

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An even extra surprise was this room.  Thank you so much Hilda, Adrian & Louise for setting it up the evening before.  Can you guess what my favourite colour is ?

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~The Speech~

After our traditional chicken & chips meal, Hilda poked me to say a few words 

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My speech started off well by me saying,

“I have lived in this village for 14 years and have made some marvellous friends. NOT YOU LOT !”

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I did come out of that speech alive.

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~The Present~

The “gang” ganged up and gave me a joint present.  Can you guess what my favourite colour wrapping paper is ?

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Yes, it was a painting of my two cats by Jim.  

(Do you remember his works in the breakfast cartoon and pictures in my apartment posts ?)

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I was really touched.

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~Two Cakes Ralph~

Then in came the cake.  Chocolate !  Followed by a Cheesecake !

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~Fun Time~

Can you work out the party theme ?

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Does Jim have a medical condition ?  Green is not good !

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Max, Hilda & Louise.  Wine tasters.

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Louise & Max

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Einar

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3 not so wise men.  Jim, Adrian & Bill 

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Jenny leading to my alcoholic downfall ……….

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……… through a drinking straw.

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Is it a bird ?  Is it a plane ?  No, it’s Super-70 ! ………..

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…… who just happened to land on Jenny’s lap.

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Okay,  I was naughty.  Max whacked me with her wand and sent me home with no tea.  

All say,  “Me next !”.

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~On Returning Home~

On arriving home my organiser Hilda hung this wonderful picture for me in the hall.

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Nope !  You are staying there behind the glass.  

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So now there is peace in my apartment until after Christmas.  

“No hell, no hell, no he-ell ….”.  Sing along cats !

Merry Christmas everyone !

Love & hugs.

❤  Samantha, Sonic, China Cat, CooCoo, Binbo and their long suffering human. ❤

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I wish you could have come to my party.  Why didn’t you ?

You can’t blame me ‘cos I was kept in the dark about everything to do with the party.

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Ralph xox ❤

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25000 Plus 70 Equals ???

* 25000 comments *

25000 comments

Hello lovely bubblies.  Yes,  between you and me,  we have exceeded 25000 approved comments over this blog’s four and a half years.  25000 ?  Really ?  I have no idea what we talked about as my memory has gone due to ….. 

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* …. my 70th Birthday *

Yes,  today I am 70 years old;  a day when everything goes downhill;  a day when I lose my memory,  forget to zip up my trousers,  walk to the shops in my slippers and on arrival forget what I am there for;  a day when I am known locally in this Spànish village for being the notorious English Unzipped Slipper-Wearing Forgetful Shopper.  (I think it was the unzipped bit which swung it)

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One amazing gift I received was from Sonata who must have taken forever to create the following.  Thank you so, so much my friend 🙂

Sonata avatar

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Did you spot your avatar ?

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You are very welcome to vote as many times as you like in this poll.

If none of my suggestions ring your bell then I am sure you will comment later with your devious fun ideas.  Can’t wait !

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Hey cats !  Aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday ?

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I said ………

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At least be a little bit enthusiastic.

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No I didn’t !  You two should be giving me a present !

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So much for turning 70.  Nothing’s changed !

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I am publishing this post really early on my birthday morning.  Must get some sleep before my party this afternoon.  Yes,  there will be photos in my next post.

Now !  Where are my slippers ?

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Are you at an age when you wish you were older or younger,  or more foolish or wiser ?

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Ralph xox ❤

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“We Three Cats” – A Song For Christmas

It’s really quiet here in the kitchen.  I wonder what the cats are up to in my bedroom.

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The music is “We Three Kings – Karaoke Christmas Song” (YouTube)

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See what I have to put up with.  Cats ! Who’d have them !  🙂

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What’s YOUR fun song with incredible original licks ?

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Ralph xox ❤

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My Wonderful Six Week Holiday From Blogging. Ha !

Hi lovely bubblies.  I’m back after 6 weeks … sort of.  Okay, I know you are saying to yourself,

“Oh Nooooo !”

… but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do … ruin your day !

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Heron on a roof top 

My old laptop died so the Spanish technician told me after 5 weeks.  To stay in touch with you I used a psychotic tablet that switched off in the middle of every long comment I pecked at letter by letter.  Your posts loaded slower than snail mail.  The list goes on.  I was like a fish out of water or a heron on a roof top.

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So what have I been doing for 5 weeks ?

I tidied up the cupboards.

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Shush Samantha !  I organised my paperwork.

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For goodness sake,  SHUT UP Samantha !  Toni, my neighbour, removed the hornets nests.  I supervised of course.

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Ooops !

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Thanks Toni.  Really most of my days were spent cleaning up after my cats.

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 My new crazy laptop

I have a new laptop.  It’s a crazy Spanish Windows 10 smartphone on steroids !  It took me days to set up the way I wanted in ENGLISH with a Spanish keyboard.  THEN … I verified that I am who I am with Microsoft and decided to go to bed early and shut down with an update.  Update … a little word, isn’t it ?.  Oh boy, was I in for IT !  One hour of hypnotising English update spinning dots …

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 and three hours of Spanish spinning dots ! 

By then I was watching an imaginary spinning skirt instead of dots.

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  Finally at 5am,  when, at last, I could see what these updates had done.  The display and Start Menu had changed and most apps are now SPANISH !  Who wants an expensive Frisbee laptop ?  🙂

BUT … I will be strong,  go forth with an English stiff upper lip,  fix the ……..

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Oh boy !  Some holiday !  🙂

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I just ruined your day, haven’t I ?  🙂

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Ralph xox ❤

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The spinning gifs are not mine.

An Ant With A Magnifying Glass

 ~Day 1~

Do you remember in my last post when I tried to give money back to the bank,  had a leak in the kitchen and found hornets’ nests ?  Well,  it’s got a whole lot worse !

A couple of days after publishing the last post and while I was having fun answering your comments,  my laptop produced a million vertical lines,  made mechanical clunking noises,  went black and would not switch off.

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~Day 2 to Day 11~

After a night of “praising” my Dell laptop I sent it away to be fixed locally.  As it didn’t work, the village Spanish computer man either sent it to Dell repair in Madrid,  or to a beach lounger on the Costa,  or to a laptop dancing club.  Who knows !

What to do ?  No laptop !!!  Arghh !!!

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The cats don’t care.

I do have a Tablet … in a box !

I bought it a year ago and looked at it.  The cable sockets were so tiny that an ant with a magnifying glass couldn’t see them and none of my laptop cables would fit.  Too big !

I switched it on.  My vibrating hands tapped,  swiped,  squeezed and stretched.  Weird things happened.  Nothing did what I wanted.  Almost becoming an expensive frisbee I returned the Tablet to its box.

A year passed,  until now !

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No laptop means no blogging …. an unboxed Tablet is a 1% chance of blogging especially as I have to start from scratch.  Oh boy !

I spent half a day trying to sign in to Gmail.  I knew my password was right … “gspot” … The word corrector had changed my email address first letters of my name to capitals,  not all letters in lower case and I hadn’t noticed !  This Tablet WILL,  by the time this is published,  become a very expensive frisbee !

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Via a Google Search I found my blog.  I spent another half day trying to find where to Log In.  A stupid WP monkey hid it in the small “Follow” box at the bottom right of the page by clicking on the three dots.  I did remember my password … “Won’tPress” …

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So here I am,  almost at the end of drafting this post.  I really do need to be a 12yo Tablet whizzkid and have nearby a 45 (not inches)-24-36 woman on whom I can tap,  slide,  squeeze and stretch (not necessarily in that order)…. my Tablet resting on her 45 degree slope.

I digress.  The writing on blog pages are either too tiny for an ant with a magnifying glass to read or it zooms in to 3 words on a page.  My vibrating hands !!  Oh boy !

(Insert ant with magnifying image here)

Can’t do it.

On trying to upload an ant with a magnifying glass image to Add New in the Media Library,  WordPress said that I needed their special App for my device.  I followed the instructions like the good boy I am.  Pressed “Install”.  Nothing happened.  In small red writing underneath, it exclaimed with glee  >>>

! Your device does not exist

Silly me !  Of course it doesn’t exist !  It’s a very expensive frisbeeeeeee !

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Well,  how did I do ?

At least we can communicate,  can’t we ?  Sort of !

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 Ralph xox ❤

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All images are from my WP Media Library.

My next post will be in November as this Tablet is making me crazy !!  No change there then  🙂

Tales From The River Bank. That’s A Buzz !

Many of you know by now that I have big problems with my vibrating hands.

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~Bank~

Problems, such as extracting euros from a cashpoint in a Spanish village nearby.

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Twice, on different occasions, I went to grab hold of the money, instead of which I pushed the euros back into the slot.  Luckily there was enough showing for a friend to extract it.

My true bank is on the coast, 30 miles away.  It’s an international bank and all communications to me are in English.  The local village banks are totally Spanish and my Spanish is limited.  Goodness knows what they are really like >>>

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Secondly, because of my hands, I am unable to write >>>>

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So I have kept with the coastal bank for a number of years.  I had to do something after pushing the euros back into the ATM slot.  I went to the coast and withdrew a few thousand euros so that I would never have to use a local ATM again ….. well, for a few weeks !

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I have guard cats protecting this money 24/7 with dedication and ferocity.

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Happy that both Samantha and Sonic were 0% behind me I took a break from drafting this post and went out onto the rear balcony.  Wow !  The Universe reminded me in the form of a cloud to tell you about what I saw after visiting the coastal bank.

This cloud is a cropped mirror image. Click for the big picture.
This cloud is a cropped mirror image. Click for the big picture.

This mural is what I saw near the bank.

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I emailed a few photos to Resa, who very kindly published a feature post.  Click on Resa’s photo to see the post.  Thank you my friend and the Universe for reminding me ❤

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Well,  that’s it for this post.  Oh no, I spoke too soon !

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~River~

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Oh heck !   What now Samantha ?

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What do you mean your bum’s wet ?

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OMG.  You’re right Samantha ! 

The work surface was covered in water.  Not knowing where it came from and being a Sunday afternoon I turned off the water to the apartment.  The plumber arrived Monday afternoon and on removing one of the overhead cabinets found a broken repair to the hot water pipe in the wall.   It seems that this repair was made during installation of the kitchen units put in a year before I moved into the apartment.

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Not having the right welding equipment with him he went away leaving a water bottle to channel the leak to drip into a basin.  At least I had water back on again.

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Tuesday afternoon he returned, repaired the pipe, put back the unit and emptied my wallet.  I may have to return to the coastal bank earlier than I had planned.   Oh boy !

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~Buzz~

Hornets are really sneaky like my cats.

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Hornets fly into the apartment carrying a bucket of mud and quietly build their nests in inaccessible places.  Last year. I found a huge lump of dried mud on the back corner of a curtain.

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This year one built a nest here …..

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…. and another here.

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Luckily for me, just as the hornets were about to bring in all their relations and lay eggs, the outside temperature shot up into the 40°Cs, peaking at 48° C.  This meant me closing all the windows and doors and running the air conditioning all day and evening.  Yep, the hornets were locked out and never returned once the temperature dropped.

I am unable to climb stepladders, so I will ask Toni, my neighbour, to remove the nests while I take photographs for a future post.  What a buzz !

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No wonder I have vibrating hands  !!!!  🙂

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Oh boy !

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Have you tried to give money back to the bank,  or had a leak,  or enjoyed a buzz ?

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Ralph xox ❤

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The ATM, plastic ducks and hornet pictures are not mine.

Disappointment

I am disappointed.  My good for nothing cats just lie around and sleep all day.

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Even the sheep out the back, who the cats should be counting to go to sleep, are disappointed and have gone to sleep themselves as they are never counted and have got bored.

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So I am going to change all that and bring in a strict exercise regime for my cats.  But nothing like the way my Spanish friend, Manuel, exercises his dog Yaki (Yak Key).

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Queen –  Bicycle Race

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Wake up cats !  Daddy is coming for you !

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Sonic !  Stop pretending that you have stuff to do !  Come on into the bedroom we need to have a serious talk !

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Right you three, you need to wake up and get some exercise.  So Daddy has worked out a daily schedule to get you fit and healthy.

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Okay, I can see your point China Cat.  You are excused from exercising and you don’t have a wedgie.  You have a WEDGE jammed under the bedroom door to stop it slamming in the wind and throwing you down the hall.  These are wedgies !

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Right you TWO !  This is how it is going to work.

When I wake up in the morning  I’ll brush your fur as normal …..

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…. then you will do an hour of yoga ….

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…. followed by chasing your toys around the apartment until you drop

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And if there is any slacking, you will do it all again in the afternoon.  Got it ??

I’m going to make myself a coffee.  Talk amongst yourselves and when I come back I want to hear a “Yes, Daddy, we are really happy to do lots of exercises”.

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Right cats, ready for yourrrr ….. where’s Sonic ???

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Ummm…yes !  You mean this Samantha ?

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Sonic’s NOT on my laptop telling all my female readers ?????  Nooooo !!!!

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You rotten …..  okay, you win.   No more talk about exercises.   Call Sonic off  !!

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Oh boy !!  *faint*

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Are you a disappointment ?

Sonic says Daddy is !

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Ralph xox ❤

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The gifs, yoga and cartoon were found on Google Search and are not mine.

Kitty Love

~300th Blog Post~

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Yes, this is my 300th blog post.  Some of you have been with me from almost the very beginning.  It is like a marriage, but we have never had a domestic, have we ?

What do you mean, there are other women reading this post ?   No there’s not, there’s only you.  No, I’m NOT arguing !  Oh boy !  😉

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k3~Kitty Love~k3

Donny Osmond singing Kitty Puppy Love (1972)

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k3~Resa (kitty slave) & Ralph (kitty slave)~k3

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Yes, both Resa and I are our cats’ slaves.  All the credit for this post must go to Resa for sending me the following lovely photos of her cats and Bad Boy.  Thank you.  We had a lot of fun, didn’t we my friend ?   Enough about us.  On with the post !

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k3~Jeep & Sonic~k3

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The other day, out of the blue, arrived this love letter for Sonic.

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It’s a little difficult to read.  It says >>>

“Dear Sonic, I have had a crush on you since mommy showed me your picture.  I hope you feel the same !  With love, Jeepo”

So excited with all the attention Sonic fell asleep for 10 hours and then replied >>>

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Almost instantly, Jeepo replied with these four pictures of herself >>>>

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It said >>>

“Dear Sonic,  This is my special bed where I am collecting fur.  I’m hoping to send you a big fur ball one day”

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k3~Black Drake & China Cat~k3

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Totally jealous and not to be out done, China Cat had to get in on the act.

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You may remember that Black Drake was created by Belén Soto

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Don’t tell Donald Trump that Black Drake emigrated, probably illegally, to Resa’s home in Canada.

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I digress.  Eventually Black Drake replied to China Cat >>>

“Dear China Cat,
I have someone I want you to meet! (a bad boy friend of mine!)
However, first mommy has to cut mats of fur off of Johnny, & take more pictures for Samantha!
Johnny knows & is hiding. He has lots of mats.
As soon as the whole Johnny thing is over, I’ll be writing and sending you a pic of my friend.
Much love,
BD
xo”

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k3~Bad Boy & China Cat~k3

Canadak40 & k10Spain

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k3~Johnny & Samantha~k3

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Samantha.  There’s male for you !

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What’s the matter Samantha ?

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Oh no !   My slippers are years old and I haven’t yet found a shop here in Spain that sells them in my size, as I am UK 11 1/2 or EUR 46.

You must reply to Johnny, Samantha !

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For heavens sake Samantha, answer him !

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Well, say something !

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There.  That wasn’t so hard, was it Samantha ?

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k3~Mystery Woman & Ralph~k3

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Yes, I love you Mystery Woman.

I love you because you are you and you know who you are, don’t you ?

(Wow, that’s six “you”s in one sentence)

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I will stick a pin in the spinning globe above.   Three things could happen.  Firstly, the world might possibly go pop.  Secondly, if you go “Ouch !” you are the Mystery Woman.   And finally if everyone goes “Ouch !” I will be in the middle of one hell of a domestic !  Oh boy !

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What do I need to do for me to receive a love letter ?

I’ve not tried bribery yet.  An old slipper should work.

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Ralph xox ❤

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My Worst Photography Experience Ever !

~So what went wrong~

Camera charged.  Ralph dressed up.  Off I went to watch the tiny carnival procession in my local Spanish village.  On my return I transferred the 35 photographs into my laptop and *sigh* not one came out any sense.  Do I delete them ?  No !  You know me, I’ll have fun with them at the expense of the eyes of my readers.  I am very kind like that ! 

BTW my eyesight is bad and it wasn’t caused by looking at THESE photographs  😉

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~Horsing around~

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~Food for thought~

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~Puzzling this !~

What is this photograph all about ?  Is it (a) or (b) ?  I will give you the answer further down this post.

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What do you think created these abysmal photographs ?  Is it >>>

1.  The tuition I have been given by the photographic Mistress Master Pelly who sometimes uses a blur technique.

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….. or is it ? >>>>

2.  The photographs were taken at the point where day met night and my camera had a nervous breakdown not knowing whether to flash or not.

3.  My hands shook too much.

4.  The planetary rotation of the Earth was affected at the same instant I took each photograph by the jumping up and down and pulling out of hair by readers of my latest blog post. 

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~The flying circus~

Our small Spanish village does not have a Zika Virus mosquito problem, but what would happen if it did ?

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The mosquitoes would be driven insane by a very enthusiastic out of tune marching band.

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The village scientists drowning themselves in wine and whiskey would come up with the ultimate solution of mosquito eradication.

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~Titbits~

The correct answer is (a), not (b), but could be a (C cup).

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At this point in the post I probably only have one reader left.  Here she is !

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You can restore your eyesight by looking at the brilliant photographs of our Spanish village feria by visiting Jose Manuel Bujalance Palma in Facebook.

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Have you ever had a photographic disaster ?

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~Next post~

You won’t believe this.  In fact I don’t believe this.  My good for nothing black cat Sonic who sleeps all day, complains bitterly when not petted or fed on time and keeps me awake as I am just dropping off to sleep at night has just received a love letter !  Yes, a love letter !  Heck, I’ve never ever received a love letter !  Do you want to read it ?  Okay, I will show it to you in my next post including what Samantha has fallen in love with.

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Oh boy !

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Have you ever received a love letter ?

BTW if by some miracle I do receive email love letters from you.  When I have picked myself up after fainting I will publish them including your avatar and links to your blog.  I am kind like that.  I may even reply in a desperate sort of way 😀

ralph.whillier@gmail.com

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Ralph xox ❤

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The Crazy Bag Lady @BulanLifestyle.com

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