As an older man I am completely useless in finding a woman to come and live with me. I have come up with a plan and that is to lay it all out on the table, be positive and open. After reading this you will come running to live with me.
One: You will be amazed that an older man can count without using the calculator on a smartphone.
Three: An older man will probably grab hold of your breast in the street. That’s okay, he just lost his balance.
Four: The older man will take longer to get dressed than you and you will probably find him wearing your underwear only because he picked up the nearest thing to put on.
Five: You may spend many hours in the shower with an older man because both of his hands are grasping tightly on the handrails as he can’t stand up properly.
Six: You may be dying to have sex with him whereas the older man may be dying when he has sex with you.
Seven: The older man may ask you why you are wearing a catapult when he sees your thong climbing out of your denims half way up your back.
Eight: The older man may offer to cook you an amazing dinner then forget why he is in the kitchen.
Nine: The older man is well travelled and while having a cuddle with you, will call you Yoko, Fatima, Gerta, Mavis and Honey-Bunny all in the same sentence.
Ten: The older man is great at listening when you tell him of your day of shoe shopping and he will answer you with 75 reasons of why a bicycle chain falls off its wheel sprocket.
See ! I am totally irresistible and incredible !
Oh boy !
Start running ! No ! This way ! 😉
Ralph xox ❤
The last time I went on holiday was to Israel in 2014. Time for a new adventure.
Haha ! Very funny China Cat !
Good ! The cats are asleep ! Now where shall I go ? *thinks*
What now ? What’s up China Cat ?
Oh dear, I am so sorry for leaving you. Even with a friend visiting for a couple of minutes each day to feed you, it was a difficult fortnight holiday for me as I was constantly worrying about you.
It was also difficult being on holiday with my hands as they are. I couldn’t pick up coins, cut food or do anything much with them … and … my trousers fell down so many times when I had to remove my belt at all the security check points. I might as well have gone on holiday just wearing my Superman boxers !
I think I’ll forget the whole idea and stay at home.
Oh boy !
What is your suggestion ?
Ralph xox ❤
Cue music !
Star Wars theme by John Williams
In a Spanish
mountain village far, far away
Hands Solo (very entertaining for him)
and his lazy, good-for-nothing furry side-kicks ….
…. were invaded by the Park Side.
Hands Solo (again ? nice !) dispatched CO0CO0 and robot China Cat on an important mission.
For heaven’s sake ! It’s a story of what happened ! Where was I ?
The Park Side, led by queen NewN (new neighbour) had denounced Hands Solo (three times in one post ! Whew !).
The denuncia was stopped and probably torn up by the Yeti Knights ….
…. I mean “Jedi Knights” (the Guardia Civil police) who put the brakes on her complaint, as the queen NewN was irritating, irrational and had tried to bribe a Jedi Knight to turn him to the Park Side. The Farce was with her.
The Park Side NewN queen illegally painted yellow lines on the galactic highway. The commander of the Town Hall was turned to the Park Side by refusing to eliminate these Park Side insignias.
…. from nowhere, in flew Fluke Streetwalker wielding his Light Sabre (it was very light, being made of balsa wood).
Aided by his Merry Men (ooops ! Wrong movie).
Fluke Streetwalker swung his Light Sabre time after time ….
…. until the yellow Park Side insignia was totally destroyed.
What will happen to the other Park Side insignia ?
Will the Park Side queen order a drone (builder) to repaint the destroyed insignia ?
Will Hands Solo (four times ! Exhausting, but fun !) be ravished by a Princess ?
Will CO0CO0 and robot China Cat be dispatched on an important mission ?
Will the furry side-kicks do anything to enhance this movie ?
Exciting, isn’t it ? But you guys are no fun. Oh boy !
I believe that thoughts are things.
Send out good thoughts, the right thoughts, and your world will right itself.
Send out bad thoughts, hate etc., it will come back and bite you BIG TIME !
A mixed bag of thoughts will just confuse your life.
The choice is yours.
Or do you get a headache just thinking ? 😉
Happy Easter !
Ralph xox ❤
PS: As all the post photo files I have saved are in a right mess, I am going to try to number my posts from now on. If I remember !
I was in the process of setting up the photos for another post when I had to break off and tell you this.
When the local Spanish town hall was asked why the illegal yellow lines in the street painted by my new neighbours (NewNs) have not been eradicated after so many months, they said ………
….. “We know it is illegal. We are not going to black out the lines because in the future the NewNs might apply for yellow lines. Approval may possibly be given. If all the criteria are met we won’t have to paint the yellow lines again, will we ?”
Is this Sensible, Illegal, Logical, Laziness, or just a
joke Yoke ?
“SILLY” I reckon !
Oh, and there’s more !
In a previous post someone suggested installing CCTV to monitor Pedro’s car in case the tyres were slashed again.
After extensive research on using CCTV in Spain I found that CCTV is okay for viewing one’s own private property. Viewing neighbours, public streets and pathways are a no-no. Very naughty ! Really BIG fines !
Guess who just installed 4 cameras monitoring our street, my street door and public pathway beside their house ? My NewNs !
Normally I wouldn’t mind, but what happens if one of you tiptoes in to visit me from your country for a weekend secret rendezvous d’amor ? …. (translation: you’ve come to borrow money 🙂 )
Oh, and there’s more !
Okay ! The NewNs think that they now have total control of 2 sides of their house. The public path has cameras. The street has cameras and yellow lines. Now they are trying to control the 3rd side which happens to be me, the young Spanish family below and their father (who lives elsewhere in this Spanish village).
How do they do it ? Simple. In conjunction with the two Spanish builders (who have been jack-hammering for the NewNs for months in this work impoverished Spanish village and have to go along with whatever the NewNs say. Money talks !) they visited the Guardia Civil (Spanish “military” police) and made out a denuncia (a legal complaint) against me and the 3 Spaniards as a group complaint. We have done nothing except live our lives normally and are still doing so. BTW, if a denuncia is proved to be false, heavy fines and/or prison awaits.
As the Guardia Civil have not yet seen me or informed me directly of the contents of the denuncia (probably can’t climb the stairway to my apartment as they are in a heap on the floor due to excessive laughter) I am in a position to relate some gems within the denuncia. Such as >>>
Complaints against me
He is jealous of our house.
Me bad ! Is it because I am English ?
He bangs on our wall.
Me bad ! Sorry for the echo of you banging on my wall.
He is not nice to me when we talked on the balcony.
Me bad ! I must be nicer to you when I walk away while you were saying nasty things about Toni and another time after your horrendous late night banging which woke up and made a baby boy cry.
Complaint against Toni
When I speak to her nicely, she ignores me.
She bad ! I am sure that in the future she will ignore you when you nicely shout abuse at her.
Complaint against Pedro
He parked his car in our bit of the street.
He bad ! I am sure that in the future that he will park his car legally in the street. Oh, that is ALL the street !
Complaint against Toni’s father
He glowered at me.
He bad ! I am sure that next time you shout abuse at him from your balcony he will glower at you nicely.
There is a fourth side to the NewNs house …. a field !
Oh boy !
Ralph xox ❤
The other day my sidebar went haywire. I
moaned and groaned opened up a new thread in the WordPress Forum. A Happiness Engineer responded. It seems that my theme (bought in 2012) is out-of-date, old software and has been retired, but they will try to fix any future problems until its totally unfixable. All new themes are geared up for tablets and smartphones, so prepare to read one photo/one line text posts. Glorified Twitter !
It seems that all old themes have been retired and may eventually die. I just hope that I don’t switch on my laptop one morning and find my blog in the WordPress obituary.
I may have to buy a new theme. I don’t want to ! *throwing tantrum*
Anyway, read all about it here in my WordPress Forum thread
Oh boy !
Ralph xox ❤
As promised, this is my Valentine’s Day post, from me to only you as no-one else reads this blog anyway.
I have built us a little nest …
…. to keep the two of us snug and warm.
Hey, cut it out you three. This is meant to be a romantic post between me and my favourite female reader who is definitely a lady, possibly a lady, probably a lady, no way a lady, other than a lady. I haven’t quite worked her out yet.
Sweetie, you may use anything in the apartment ………
Cats ! Do you mind ? I want my favourite female reader to go wobbly at the knees over this post !
Honey, you are very welcome to use my internet, as well as watching live English speaking TV and thousands of the newest HD movies in English with Greek subtitles. GREEK SUBTITLES ! Heck, I’m English living in Spain ! If you can read Greek that’s a bonus. I can’t as it’s all Greek to me ! (Δεν μπορώ, όπως είναι όλα τα ελληνικά σε μένα!)
I’ve not yet seen that great musical Zebra The Greek, or the seafaring blockbuster Up The Greek Without A Paddle. Have you ? Maybe we can cuddle up and watch them together, then nothing would be done. No sleeping, eating, housework, showers or feeding the cats.
…..There are lots of naughty TV channels. You know, the ones that can make a man blind !
Why not Samantha ?
I’ve gone blind now. I may need a caregiver at this rate. Now, where IS my laptop ?
Let’s go to the kitchen my dearest favourite reader.
Would you like a drink ? Wine ? Vinegar ? Olive oil ? Whatever tickles your fancy.
I have a large double bed which we can share.
Why Sonic ?
Typical ! You three have just ruined my post of love. You cats are like having a cuckoo in the little nest.
Heck ! Oh well, there is always next year.
Oh boy !
Heehee. Happy Valentine’s Day ! 🙂 ❤
Ralph xox ❤
It snowed overnight in my Spanish mountain village for one day this winter. All gone in a day. 18degC today.
So you want to buy or sell a house in Spain ? During the legal process expect a curve ball, something that makes you want to pull your hair out. This is just what happened to my friends David & Hilda who are living with their 10 cats & dog in temporary accomodation while the sale of their old home and purchase of the new are completed.
16 January 2017
An update from us and how we’re trying to cope with the Spanish bureaucracy.
We moved out of our house last Thursday and are now living in ++++.
We’re adjusting to living high up on the wrong side of the valley where we don’t see the sunshine until around 11 am, burning around 20 logs or more daily trying to heat just one room, blocking the draughts from doors and windows and reminding ourselves that we’re having a break…well trying to.
However, you’ll be pleased to know that the cats and the dog are settled which is the main thing and at least it’s not raining. Oh! and we’re getting used to Spanish TV and lots of reading.
We should have gone to complete today ( Monday) but, surprise, surprise, obstacles have been put in our way to prevent this.
Firstly our ++++ went to the Town hall to collect a document which the ++++ should have had available on Thursday ( this confirms that we live outside the national park), but greeted ++++ with “I haven’t done this as I am too busy with other work”.
++++ returned on Friday and we’re still waiting to hear about the certificate, but in the meantime Friday evening we’re advised that we must produce the past 3 years of electricity bills, IBI, and have two witnesses ready to testify that we have lived in our house the past years . Everything is packed away including files in over 100 boxes….so we searched, did find them and took them to ++++’s office this morning questioning who exactly is asking for this? Seems it’s the ++++ who will make a 3% retention of monies unless they’re produced!
…so here we are waiting and our lives are on hold !
We will let you know as and when we have something to celebrate in the hope that something may happen this week
19 January 2017
Today we completed the sale of our house and here are photos taken this morning.
Views of the road down to my Spanish village.
David & Hilda’s last look at their old home.
Views from my front balcony that morning.
By the evening the snow had gone from the bottom of the valley where I live.
Latest email from Hilda.
04 February 2017
Just to let you know that finally we will be moving into our new house next Tuesday. We will forward our address once we are there. Can’t believe that we will have lived in three houses within four weeks !
Love Hilda x
Yes, after weeks of no noise at all from our new neighbours she kicked off again …. BIG TIME !
At 2045 hrs 02 February 2017 all was quiet. It was dark. I was sitting quietly on my sofa, the young neighbours below, not a peep ….. then ……
BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
On the WALL right NEXT to me ! So loud and continuous ! Frightened the life out of me ! I could just about make out that she was shouting. Baby Liam, asleep in the apartment below me, started crying. It stopped ! Then an even louder continuous metallic banging on her front balcony rail next to mine.
I shot out of the chair and was out onto my front balcony faster than Donald Trump signing an executive order. I said one thing, “I am going to call the police !” and went back indoors. I could hear doors slamming, gradually fading, as she worked her way downstairs. Then quiet.
I picked up my home phone. IT WAS DEAD ! Ooops, I forgot that the installer of my new internet provider had told me that it would take a week to transfer my phone number from the old IP to the new. Next Tuesday !
The young family and I decided to keep a record of her outbursts.
Yes, my Valentine’s Day post !
Ralph xox ❤
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