It seems like only a year has gone by since my 6th WP anniversary. Strange that ! Thank you so much for joining me on my blogging journey, usually into the unknown. You may have noticed that I am not posting as often as I should. This is mainly due to my wobbly hands and psychotic voice/typing app. Comments are almost impossible for me to reply to, but I do love reading them.
The other day I found a piece of paper which may help to catch those thieving scammers who took me for a ride a few years ago. I scanned and emailed it off to the Halifax Building Society (UK) Security email address.
Immediately, I received an automatic reply from, not Halifax BS (UK), but Lloyds Bank (UK). WHAT ??
This mailbox is dedicated solely to reporting emails sent by fraudsters that impersonate the Bank. Please note that other types of email, messages or requests cannot be actioned, and cannot be forwarded on to any other department. The only action this mailbox can take is to request deletion of fraudsters’ email addresses and URLs where our brand name or logo has been used without permission. There may be delays as our partners process these requests.
How awful. A bank to which I have not sent an email to, complaining to me about their logo and brand name. I DIDN’T WRITE TO YOU Lloyds Bank ! Forward my email to the organ grinder, monkey !
At the bottom of the reply email I was told to telephone a 0€00 number instead. I needed to go out and find a telephone where I can plug in a document as there was no number for a fax.
Boy, I needed a coffee ! I don’t know why, I get scalded hands when I drink from the mug and the coffee always pours down my chest. Strange that !
So off I went to find a special telephone.
I am very security conscious and always leave a spare front door key well hidden under the mat.
Shucks, I can’t use the car as the barrier is locked down.
No matter, I enjoy a tram ride especially in the left seat.
I wonder how the telephone call will go ?
10 minutes of angelic music.
Your call is important to us. For training purposes we are recording this conversation. Please wait for a highly trained banking specialist to speak to you, or ….
…. Press one if you have had sex with our logo without our permission. Press two if you wish to speak to a foreign national. Press three if you are worried about your data being protected. Your data is important to us, that is why we have sent it from the UK to strange people in a foreign country such as India. No one will find it or misuse it there. Press four …. dialling tone !
I never found a phone.
By now I felt quite hungry and sporty, so I popped into a store to buy some meatless meatballs and a footless football.
The store assistant had to call an ambulance because a lady had a severe reaction and collapsed when touching a tomato.
After all that excitement, I queued up for an hour behind one lady and two manikins at the checkout.
Luckily, the fire alarm went off, so I dumped my shopping and went out into the street.
While waiting for a bus home I found a quiet spot to have a cigarette.
I waited and waited for a bus, which never came. Fed up, I walked home.
On arrival at home, I replied to the automatic reply email.
CONGRATULATIONS ! Halifax Security has won the Ralph’s “Pass the buck and don’t give a f<<k” award
I didn’t get an automatic reply from my reply to their automatic reply. I wonder why ?
As there is so much craziness going on, I have decided to add a new item to my posts ….. Facepalm News ! Enjoy !
I am sorry that you are offended by all the fullstops in this post Maybe I should get rid of all punctuation and words so as not to offend anyone From now on I should draft and publish a one noise post grunt or oink Or do you have a suggestion ? Oh no I must have offended someone by using a question mark SORRY Ooops capital letters I am not shouting at you
Ralph xox ❤
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