358: She’s A Keeper

~The science of finding a wife~

Over the years I have had my ups and downs with many women.  Not understanding one iota of how they function. This video explains it all.

Your turn.  Where on the crazy/hot chart below do you or your partner hang out ? 

Right click on above pic and Save Image. Mark or scribble your crazy/hot location/s using your Photo Editor. Upload to your Dashboard Media Library. Copy image URL and paste the URL on a new line in your comment below this post. Then we can all have a good laugh.

Or, if you wish, you can vote as many times as you like in this poll.

~Practical science proof~

There I was, minding my own business, setting up the photographs for this post, when up popped a new post from Pamela’s blog in my Inbox.

QED !  She must be psychic !

~What’s a girl ?~

My first few years of life were okay … exploring on my own.  England’s green and pleasant land was my playground.  No other kids in the valley except my sister.

She had two hobbies, horses and getting me into trouble.  Later on in her life she admitted to our parents that she used to egg me on to do something naughty, she would tell our mother and when Dad got home from work he’d beat the crap out of me and send me up to the attic where I stayed all night with nothing to eat or do.  I spent many hours sitting on the window ledge staring along the valley.  So, to me, girls were to be avoided as much as possible and the English countryside was my haven.

Junior school had girls, boys and myself, all from far away villages.  There was a no talking policy in school and my knuckles were rapped with a ruler many times for breaking that rule.  For hours on end we were taught to chant the Times Table in unison …… seven times one is seven … seven times two is fourteen … seven times three is … Don’t know ?  Google it !  (no Google in those days).  Playtime was 15 minutes of mayhem.  No time for girls.

So girls were off my radar.

~INCOMING !!~

And then …. wham ! …. at the age of 12, my parents buggered off to West Africa.  I was assessed to be intelligent enough to be sent to a boys only boarding school for 5 years.  

To me, the school was a cross between a penal colony, Oliver Twist and psychological warfare.  Girls ?  Nope ! 

One subject I didn’t understand was Latin.  It was all Latin to me !

Yes, he did look like him !  I became adept at evading incoming blackboard rubbers that he threw at me.  There were a multitude of chalk marks on the wall behind where I sat.  

Incoming blackboard rubber

I also enjoyed being removed from the Latin lesson and made to wait in the corridor outside, which was okay as it was the school museum with things in glass cases and had an area I found for a no-no cigarette.  Daydreaming of doing sports or roaming the countryside during utterly boring History lessons was also a no-no  …..

…… resulting in my visiting the headmaster. A cordial affair, but a bit one sided.

“Ralph … tut-tut, tut-tut-tut, tut … Here again ?  I might as well move your desk in here.  Bend over !  As a non-violent man, this is going to hurt me more than you.”  

Idiot !

WHACK !  x6 ( I was good at Maths !)

Now look at the school.  Girls everywhere !

It’s dripping in girls (probably with their noses in Facebook drooling over horse selfies).  Neigh !

~A soldier’s heaven~

Eventually I finished school with certificates (not Latin or History) at the ripe old age of 17.  As I was an expert at surviving a cross between a penal colony, Oliver Twist and psychological warfare, I signed on to another cross between a penal colony, Oliver Twist and psychological warfare …. The British Army !

I hadn’t a clue, no understanding at all of what my fellow newbee soldiers were bragging about, mainly women, parts of women and what they did with those parts (no Google in those days) .. until …

…. I got posted to Cyprus, working 24 hours then 3 days off, based a stone’s throw from a young soldier’s heaven. Famagusta !  A place where hot, sometimes crazy women fused into …. well, that’s another story !

After those 3 years of heaven, followed decades of ups and downs with women smoothing out to nothing …. until I met Natascha.

~She is a keeper !~

That says it all !  She IS a keeper !

There is an update concerning Murli’s toothy-pegs here

Are you hot and/or crazy ?

Ralph xox ❤

61 Comments on “358: She’s A Keeper

  1. That was some Latin teacher. Mine was Italian and a very nice man.
    Yes Natasha is definitely a keeper.
    Leslie xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so pleased that both you and Ute had wonderful Latin teachers, Leslie. I had a great maths teacher who understood the black hole I had in my brain for latin, but there was nothing he could do about it as the school had a curriculum which is to be followed to the letter. I know a couple of people who have black holes in their brain for mathematics. Totally alien to them.
      Yes, Natascha is a keeper.
      Take care. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, obviously I am crazy! Mad as a Hatter, Looney as a Loon, Happy as a Herring and Ridiculous as a Ridonculous! xoxoxox to all!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Of course you are dear Resa. It takes one to recognise one and that one is me 🙂 Love from Natascha, myself and three cats. Ralph xoxoxo ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Help! Jeep and Johnny are holding me hostage at the crunchies bowl. LOL!!!
        I’m holding back on the crunchies. Johnny is the size of 2 giant fur footballs. Sending love! xoxoxoxoxo

        Like

  3. Crazy life, crazy post—but so much fun! And crazy Ralph who is crazy about his lovely Natascha! Now that’s NOT crazy. Buen fin de semana!
    Your wifi,
    Linda💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, what an awesome comment from you my dear wifi Linda. There are more crazies in there than a bag of cats. Thank you so much my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much dear Lynette. Yes, sometimes, not very often, we get it right.
      Have a lovely week my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ahh … the man is in love. How wonderful.
    After years of growing up in the cold with beauty around but little love you found the way home. Bless.
    I never understood the kind of harsh boy schools you went to, seems cruel.

    At least you had lovely countryside around…..

    And, aren’t we all a bit crazy?

    miriam

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww ! Yes, the man is in love ! Who, what ? Oh me ! Silly.
      Your second sentence is so sweet dear Miriam. Thank you my friend. And yes, schools in those days were very strict and I hated it. Still, I got over it and became crazy like the rest of us 🙂
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Two things I love about that video –

    (1) The guys packing a gun on his hip. This is presumably because he knows that once the video makes it into general circulation some of the more strong-willed, what used to be called ‘women’s libers’ types will go hunting for him and

    (2) The fact his vertical ‘crazy’ axis starts at 4. (If my wife reads this I may be in a spot of trouble).

    Liked by 2 people

    • lol. I hadn’t noticed the gun, Glen, and you are right, the PC brigade will be after him after viewing this video. I do hope that you did not get into trouble my friend. Blame it on me ! Ralph 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Seems to me, Ralph, that every part in your life was a stepping stone meant to lead you to your true love, Natascha.

    As for Latin, I hated it and my grades surely reflected that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are quite right, Al. The stepping stone idea has been with me throughout my life and you are right to say that everything I have been through led me to Natascha.
      Ah, great, I’m not the only one to hate Latin ! We must start a club, wear a tie, have a secret hand shake and meet up on the Ides of March. lol. Ralph 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I am not sure that I was exactly like your when I was at school ages but I recalled few things that are similar. I was in boy only school too. It was fun and I got into more problems (yeah… got a few good shows with the teacher’s sicks etc. 😦 but it was pure fun).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for relating your story YC. I’m glad that you did have fun as well. Take care my friend. Ralph 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear friend Ralph,

    Thanks for my laugh of the day. Nothing to add about my childhood experiences, mine were completely boring compared to yours! 🙂

    Nancy

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome dear Nancy. Glad you had a laugh my friend. Childhood and boring don’t usually go together, or do they ? 🙂 Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Natascha’s definitely a keeper. You are welcome Widdershins. We have many memories, don’t we ? Ralph 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Well, the video was hilarious… but also fairly accurate, at least in my experience. You’ve had an interesting journey so far, Ralph! It was nice to read some tidbits about your early years. I’m curious if you’d pick getting beat in boarding school, or take your chances at home with your dad? My dad definitely fit squarely in the crazy zone and my mother was off the charts (not on the hot side, BTW).

    I’m glad you finally figured it out, Ralph. Natascha seems great and I’m glad you finally found someone in the right zone!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your long comment, Des. It was some journey, wasn’t it ? My dad was generally okay, unless something upset him, usually not me, but he would take it out on me anyway. Sorry to read that your parents were a slice of bread short of a sandwich, but I hope it wasn’t all that bad.
      Yes, Natascha’s definitely in the right zone.
      Have a great day my friend. Ralph 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I enjoyed learning a little about your life, Ralph. Our dads sound pretty similar. But it definitely could have been worse, and I remember growing up as a fairly happy kid. I often think about the fact that you never know what situations or events shape people. It’s what makes life interesting! Hope all is well with you and Natascha. Des

        Liked by 1 person

  10. A great showing and retelling of your life so far. Boarding school, ugh. I sort of got Latin, but over time have lost the ability to speak anything I learned of it. lol Have a great week you two. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome dear Adele. Blogging is a great way of remembering both the good and the bad of one’s life.
      lol. I am exactly the same. Latin is nowhere to be found in my brain.
      Thank you and have a great week yourself my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Glad you found a keeper Ralph! Good things/ people are worth waiting for! As for school, you had a rough deal. I loved Latin as my teacher taught Latin for 10 minutes and then just chatted… We loved him. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks dear Ute. Natascha was just what I needed.
      I am so pleased that you had a wonderful Latin master. Sounds like you didn’t learn much Latin, but probably learnt more about life with him.
      Love from all of us. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Hello Ralph. This post made me smile 🙂
    I love your storytelling! I’m also wondering where your childhood home was? It’s a beautiful old stone building – similar to houses found in the countryside around Yorkshire, where my parents still live. But, the blue sky in the photo makes me think that it probably isn’t somewhere up north!
    Anyway, I’m glad you and Natascha found each other – it’s a great love story ❤
    Best of wishes
    Carly

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi dear Carly 🙂
      Thank you my friend. I am so pleased that this post made you smile.
      Thank you also for enjoying my storytelling. My childhood home was bang in the centre of the Isle of Wight. I agree, Yorkshire’s lovely in the summer. I spent many courses in the Army in Catterick, always in the winter. Brrrr !
      Natascha’s wonderful and definitely a keeper.
      I hope that you are okay. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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