351: Ralph’s Snowflake University

~I’m Not Shouting At You !~

Unless something dramatic happens I usually don’t have a clue what I am going to post about next.ย  This post could have been about nothing until I read three UK newspaper items which triggered my imagination and developed into my usual craziness.

It all began with an article about University professors being told not to use capital letters to emphasise the point as it may upset snowflake students. Capital letters in texts means that you are shouting at them and they may cry. The professors were also told not to use the words ” do” and “don’t”.

I am sure that I have many snowflake readers who are really upset by seeing that my post title is in capital letters.

It’s not my fault. I’m not shouting at you. The theme developer made it this way.ย  I wrote normally …

… so don’t cry.ย  Are you crying ?

~The Play~

The next two newspaper articles were even crazier, so I decided to write a play about Ralph’s Snowflake University.ย  The Trumpet University is not in my league.

~The Scene~

ย Ralph, that’s me, the Dean/Don of Ralph’s Snowflake University sitting behind my desk in the Oval Office.ย  Students call me Ding Dong, I’ve no idea why.ย  Anyway, it’s the first day and I am interviewing my one and only student.ย  At US$1 million per week, I only need one student. Her Dad pays an unrefundable bucketload covering the full 3 years in advance and the student usually only lasts one day.

~The Encounter~

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Come in !ย  ย Take a seat !

Dragging noises across the floor.

No no !ย  When I asked you to take a seat, I didn’t mean for you to leave my office and take it home with you.ย  Please sit down and make yourself comfortable.ย 

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย  The knocking was in capitals and you told me ….

I know.ย  I’m sorry.ย  I should have made myself much clearer to you … umm …

*shuffling through papers*

… Mandy Manning from Many Mansions, Manchester, England.

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย No, I am Dy Ning from Y Sions, Chester, England. I hate … I can’t say it … M-A-N or M-E-N, so I am a womxn or a wo. Please treat me that way Ding Dong.

That’s okay Dy.ย  Womxn or wo it is then.ย  I think we may have a problem with what course you are going to take to get your degree at this wonderful University.ย  As you know the University has a directive that students may opt out of any subject which may upset you.

ย *shuffling through papers*

History, yes, a degree in history should suit you Dy.

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย  Noooo !ย  ย Someone got killed in 33 A.D., so I am opting out.

Okay, that’s Religion down the toilet.ย  I really do have the feeling that you will opt out of the rest of the degrees that our fantastic University offers, such as Business MANagement, Chinese MANdarin, politics in OMAN, horse breeding where you would be up to your elbows in se…

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย  My Dad wants me to graduate with a degree.ย  Is there nothing for me ?

Well, we do have a degree in vegetarian diet, including growing MANgos. How about that ?

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย  Not really.ย  I am a vegetarian, but love to eat cheese.

Sorry Dy, our gorgeous University doesn’t have a degree for vegedairyans.ย  This was difficult, but, I have the perfect degree for you, Dy, and you can graduate with honours today. Congratulations, you have graduated with a degree in Pathetic Excuses, which is perfect for a career in Insurance Claims, Politics or working in the Benefits Office.ย  You should do well.ย  Congratulations Miss Dy.ย  Good bye.

Bwaaaaaa *sniffle*ย ย  I am not a Miss !ย  I am Ms … Mizzz !

With that parting remark, Mandy flounced out of my office.ย  I hit the intercom button.

Amanda … oops, sorry … Ada,ย  I will be leaving the University for the airport. Please contact my pilot and ask him to prepare for my arrival.ย  I am leaving for the Cayman Islands !

~ For Sale~

Ralph’s Snowflake University.

Make Universities Great Again !

I hope you didn’t cry.

Ralph xox โค

77 Comments on “351: Ralph’s Snowflake University

  1. Oh, my dear Ralph, this piece is SO funny! I want to be a snowflake when I grow up–NOT! I think you will get a call soon from a Broadway producer or a movie director. I do hope you get the lead role of university dean; you are perfect for the part. Just remember, no shouting, no capital letters, no pressure. You can do this–if you can whisper!
    I’m glad you wait for inspiration on your post. This one is indeed inspired!๐Ÿ˜€
    Your wifi,
    Linda

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much dear wifi for such a wonderful review of this post. You are the expert which means a lot to me. I don’t know about Broadway, perhaps Freshly Pressed would be the icing on the cake. I’ve never had one of those. Take care Linda. Hugs. Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Fighting back the tears, you cruel man! However I will go to my safe space where only people that agree with me and don’t threaten me with different beliefs are allowed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh dear ! Sorry to be so cruel Al. Here, have a tissue ๐Ÿ™‚ Enjoy your safe space my friend. Ralph ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

    • Hi Sooz. It is lovely to see you here and to read your comment. Thank you so much. I am fine as I hope you are my friend. I have just noticed that I am not following you. Rectified ! Ralph xox โค

      Like

    • Fantastic comment from you dear Nia. Thank you so much and do have a lovely day yourself my friend. Love Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 1 person

  3. HI RALPH, YOU MADE ME LAUGH. Just in case you couldnโ€™t hear me from down under. Hugs xx โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ralph, you are amazing. A silly article and you are off creating SNOWFLAKE UNIVERSITY … yep, I said it in Scream. I think you are well ready for The Trumpet university.
    You are quite expensive though … no wonder you left whilst the going was good. I do like the degree yes you bestowed on ‘Mandy’ …

    Miriam

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You had me rolling in the aisles today, Ralph. The Snowflake University – PERFECT DESCRIPTION!! (don’t care if it made them cry ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ralph, I know a snowflake that could be an alumna from RSU! Except that her dad would never pay for such an expensive education, that’s the taxpayer’s responsibility. I’m sure she’ll climb the bureaucratic ladder quickly, maybe managing pension plans. Oops! Thanks for providing me with a laugh and some insight into the snowflake college experience!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yes, it has come to this ! Crazy isn’t it ? You are welcome to shout at me, dear Leslie, because I am not a Snowflake and I have tinnitus. CAN’T HEAR A THING ! lol. Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 2 people

  7. You remind me of the years I worked for Manufacturer’s Life Insurance and they decided to shorten it to Manu Life which pissed off the feminists! MUGA indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for telling me that story of yours Jan. It seems that whining and whimpering is becoming the norm and if a NORMAL person disagrees with it, it becomes a hate crime. Crazy ! Ralph xox โค

      Like

  8. Hey, DingDong, my daddy would like to enrol me in your university. We’ll skip the interview phase, just send me my degree in BS, which is a specialty of your establishment, I do believe. Daddy said his cheque is in the mail.

    That reminds me, I was a steward at a ladies professional golf tournament once, and overhearda golfer from Texas being interviewed. The tv guy asked her how she got started with golf. She said ( and here you have to imagine aTexan drawl) “Well, my daddy bought me a golf course ….” Would you like me see if Brandy (that’s her actual name) would like to enrol in your university too?

    ๐Ÿ˜™ to you and the whole lovely family. oxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for Daddy’s cheque, Yvonne ๐Ÿ™‚ Congratulations, you have graduated in BS, a degree with honours ๐Ÿ™‚
      I love your golfing story. Oh yes, send Brandy around with a wheelbarrow full of Daddy’s gold bars.
      Love from Ding.Dong xox โค

      Like

    • Indeed, you did laugh very loudly dear Magick Mermaid. Luckily I am wearing my ear defenders ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 1 person

  9. ‘…not to use the words ” do” and “don’t”…’ Seriously? The world has bone mad. These people are so uptight they’re going to disappear up their own arses any minute now … which will be a great relief to the rest of us !!!

    … excellent satire. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  10. As usual, dear MFR, you are hilarious. I’ve got a lot of reading here to catch up, so I won’t write long comments each time. Love you. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you MVBFM. Don’t worry about the length of your comments. It’s just lovely to see you here my friend. Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Ralph! ๐Ÿ™‚ I enjoyed your post. The snowflakes are here in the US too, and I can’t believe what is being done to accommodate them. According to a Daily Mail story, teachers are not even supposed to use red pens to mark up papers because that can upset students. Here’s a link: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263874/Teachers-shouldnt-use-red-coloured-pens-mark-homework-like-shouting-upsets-pupils.html. It is sad and scary to think what will happen to these people during an emergency situation.

    I hope you, Natascha, and the cats are doing well. Thanks for liking my “Happy Thanksgiving” post, and Happy Holidays! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your lovely long comment dear Arlene. I do read the Daily Mail online and I missed reading about the red pens. Thank you for telling me about this another example of craziness.
      We are all doing well and living happily here in Graz. I hope that everything is okay with you my friend. Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are welcome, Ralph. I am glad to hear you and everyone else are doing well. I am okay, but one of my uncles passed away last month. Take care, Ralph.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s great to read that you are okay Arlene as I have been worried about you. Sorry to read about your uncle. Losing a family member is usually very distressing. Thank you and take care of yourself โค

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for your concern, Ralph. Yes, it is sad when a family member passes away. I did not meet him or know him very well, but I still feel the loss.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Well, the newspaper items are true and I am sure that my little play is being acted in real life somewhere in the world. Yes, Carolyn, it is so. Crazy, isn’t it ? Big hug. Ralph xox โค

      Liked by 1 person

  12. HILARIOUSSSSS POST RALPH! Didn’t mean to shout, just my autocaps got a bit excited over this post. LOL ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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