320: Older Man

~Why you should choose to be with an older man~

As an older man I am completely useless in finding a woman to come and live with me. Β I have come up with a plan and that is to lay it all out on the table, be positive and open. Β After reading this you will come running to live with me. Β 

Here goes.

Β 

One: Β You will be amazed that an older man can count without using the calculator on a smartphone.

Three: Β An older man will probably grab hold of your breast in the street. Β That’s okay, he just lost his balance.

Four: Β Β The older man will take longer to get dressed than you and you will probably find him wearing your underwear only because he picked up the nearest thing to put on.

Five: Β You may spend many hours in the shower with an older man because both of his hands are grasping tightly on the handrails as he can’t stand up properly.

Six: Β You may be dying to have sex with him whereas the older man may be dying when he has sex with you.

Seven: Β The older man may ask you why you are wearing a catapult when he sees your thong climbing out of your denims half way up your back.

Eight: Β The older man may offer to cook you an amazing dinner then forget why he is in the kitchen.

Nine: Β The older man is well travelled and while having a cuddle with you, will call you Yoko, Fatima, Gerta, Mavis and Honey-Bunny all in the same sentence.

Ten: Β The older man is great at listening when you tell him of your day of shoe shopping and he will answer you with 75 reasons of why a bicycle chain falls off its wheel sprocket.

See ! Β I am totally irresistible and incredible !

Oh boy !

You have never met an older man like me, or have you ?

Start running ! Β No ! Β This way ! Β πŸ˜‰

Ralph xox ❀

90 Comments on “320: Older Man

    • Hello Annette πŸ™‚
      Indeed ! Probably due to balance issues, or they just Rock Baby ! I do hope that I am in the second group my friend.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Number 2 is definitely missing Ralph. For # 2 you could say that older men have a great sense of humour?
    Leslie

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Beth πŸ™‚
      Wow ! Thank you so much my friend. I was coming to the conclusion that because of these post comments I seem to be selling sand to a middle eastern country full of sand dunes. lol
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Campervan Merry (my voice/typing app wrote that) πŸ™‚ lol

      Hello Mary πŸ™‚
      You are so sweet. Thank you so much for saying that to me my friend.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  2. Hahaha! I agree and empathize well with most of your reasons. In fact, I’ve almost always been with men older than I -often quite older-. The only really important thing I’ve requested from them all is sweetness and, precisely, sympathy and sense of humor. So if you are so alone and willing enough to adopt a strayed, forlorn mid-aged femboy, well educated and knowledgeable in most arts and sciences, as well as in languages -but demanding with respect to intimate intercourse and physical satisfaction-, just drop me a word πŸ™‚ I’m available and needed of an elderly and fatherly man right now.
    Best regards, a hug and a kiss. Honest :)) ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Li,
      Wow, what a comment ! Thank you so much for taking a little interest in me and in being so straight with me. So I must be straight with you. My relationship with men has not gone beyond work and talk, never was and never will be. This is no way a rejection, but just the way I am. So I do hope that you find who are looking for pretty soon.
      Take care. Ralph πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, OK πŸ™‚
        I thank you for being so kind and polite to me! Not everybody is. Also I want to clarify I was not playing with you -God forbid!-. I’m just lonely, mourning and having a hard time; and I followed my intuition (which failed this time, somehow :)) No problem!
        Ralph, please, be reassured I’m not a kind of slut looking for “trap money”. I’m fair; but not much a “boy” (as I, myself, tacitly said in my comment)… I’m in transition, growing tits and hips, and so far in life I’ve considered myself as a bi-gender person. I feel very girly nowadays. Not long from now, I’ll be a passable female with respect to my looks and demeanour. I’m a female in my heart already now.
        If you ever feel like saying something more to me, you’ll find my email on the contact page of my blog.
        A tight hug and a sweet kiss (if you allow me :)) πŸ’‹ βœ¨β€

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi again… I forgot to tell you I appreciated your last nice wish. I do hope too to find a suitable mate soon. I’m quite desperate of being an outcast. But it’s not at all easy, since I’m weird to most men, and not a single one, lately, takes me seriously, as a serious partner. I have suitors that just want to get it on me, which is fine, and I like a lot to be taken and used, but they do not want to go afterwards to a concert with me or comment on some poem I’ve written. Also, straight men feel ashamed being seen with a bigendered person, not entirely and clearly feminine, and some gay men dislike my tits and my wearing skirts, bras and heels sometimes… and especially my sincere wish of becoming a real wife one day. So, sometimes I drink too much and send messages online like this or the previous ones; or I go out to walk the street (not for money!, but to get some company for the night – and then I wish to drop dead just when I get awake after all the mess).
        I’m very sorry to tell this here. You can delete my comments if they have embarrassed you. I’m very sorry 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hello again Li πŸ™‚
        Maybe it is best for me to reply to both of your very long and open comments in this one response.
        All of what you said is way beyond my comprehension, but I am pleased in the respect that I can read what you say without prejudice or judgement. It’s always a good thing to be able to talk to someone and get it all off your chest. I don’t mind reading what you have to say if it helps.
        I hope your Sunday is a good one. Ralph πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Peggy πŸ™‚
      Oh dear ! Poor thing ! In that case you have my deepest sympathy. Good luck my friend.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Incredible Ralph! Brilliant reasons….. you might end up with the same sort of woman, it happens to us too…. Now, that would be a fun relationship. I do agree with China cat, a promotion is in order. When you promote her can you promote me too please? I don’t seem to get anywhere. I would be happy to be a floor Manager with the responsibility of your china cat.
    Thank you in advance! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Ute πŸ™‚
      Heck ! You mean to say that women may be the same ? Oh boy, I didn’t think of that ! πŸ˜‰
      lol. Of course I will promote you to Floor Manager too Ute. China Cat would like you to take her place. Same terms. Lay on the floor 24/7, no pay and have a glossy coat and a glazed look in your eyes. I reckon you could do that πŸ˜‰ Or are you talking about real work ? We reckon that at those times when you are completely overwhelmed with work, you should go into Costa Blanca mode. Open up a deckchair, put on a summer hat and sunglasses, glass of orange juice in your hand and say, “Hang on a minute, I have to drop everything, this is an emergency !”. Should work πŸ˜‰
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ralph, Thank you soooo much, I am working on the glossy coat, but got the glazed look already πŸ™‚ Oh yes thank you for the wonderful idea, yes Costa Blanca mode, need that more often in between. I will incorporate that in my working life. Thanks so much. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • If you do do it, it will make a great post, that is if you can shake yourself out of the Costa Blanca mode Ute πŸ˜‰ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I think this is not about you, s, is it? You are still young at heart…and you missed some nombers, but, hey, look who’s talking…MOL πŸ˜€ Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend πŸ™‚ ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Binky πŸ™‚
      Possibly a little bit is me ! But as you say, I am still young at heart.
      I hope you are having a lovely Sunday watching the birds.
      Ralph xox ❀

      Like

    • Bonjour Georges πŸ™‚
      Merci beaucoup pour votre commentaire. Joyeux dimanche mon ami.
      Prends soin. Ralph πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Magick Mermaid πŸ™‚
      Spot-on ! You can read me like the book (made out of papyrus πŸ˜‰ )
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ralpha, I refuse to believe you do half these things, a young thing like you, so stop pretending to win the ladies round, you lovely man you x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Widdershins πŸ™‚
      Yay ! I won ! *jumping up and down* πŸ™‚
      Happy Sunday my friend. Ralph πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m married to an older man whose cat leaves toilet stones all over the place. But good luck to you – I’m sure this hysterical post will get you a date!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Jan πŸ™‚
      Oh boy ! Not another one who has a cat that trails stones everywhere ! You are probably constantly having to go around after it with a brush. I do, it’s never ending !
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  7. There’s a film called “In Praise of Older Women”. Perhaps you could make one called “In Praise of Older Men”? πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Cheb and Becky πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for your informative comment my friend. I have not seen that film. Once seen, your idea may be on the cards.
      Happy Sunday. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ralph, such a clever, humorous post. You are as wise as your years. There is a special woman out there for you who would adore you, your three cats and Coo coo clock. Never give up the search! Happy weekend! πŸ’› Christine

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Christine πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for your lovely and uplifting comment. The search goes on !
      I hope you are having a happy weekend too my friend. Mine is okay πŸ™‚
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Adele πŸ™‚
      I am so pleased that you said tongue in cheek and not foot in mouth kind of post. Maybe it is both. lol
      Thank you and I hope you are having a lovely Sunday my friend.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  9. Whenever I come to visit, even if infrequently, I think – surely I am going to find a post informing us all that my friend Ralph is no longer available to blog due to have been whisked off to romantic holiday/honeymoon or some such adventure by a lovely lady that makes him smile just as much as he makes her! And I remain certain that one of these days this is exactly what I will find here! Until then – keep well!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Daniela πŸ™‚
      It’s lovely to see your comments pop-up in my inbox. I know you must be busy so no worries from me.
      Hah ! If I am no longer available due to a romantic holiday, please let me know as I am always the last one to know. lol
      Thank you so much for your fun comment dear friend and I hope that you are well and happy.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Lol, so funny Ralph. It’s not all like that come on! I married an older man, ’nuff said. Lol πŸ™‚ ❀ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. OMC Ya’ll are soooooooooo funny. We should write a posty ’bout our older mommy. Maybe dat’s why we don’t have a daddy, da world’s just doesn’t know how pawsum she is. MOL Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya’

    Dezi and Raena

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Dezi and Raena πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment guys. How wonderful it must be for you to have a pawsum mommy. You will have to take care of her, won’t you ?
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 2 people

  12. HAHA! πŸ˜ΊπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’• I love your sense of humor! I love humor. Murli does too, since she’s pretty funny herself. The world would be much better place if it had way way more men like you. Pawsome! πŸ˜ΉπŸ˜‚
    I’m fine with being single lol. But I hope that one day I could live together with good likeminded cat loving friends, or a friend.
    Yes that’s right Sonic, Samantha and China cat! You are incredible! Murli agrees too! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•
    Also, Murlis kitty litter stones go EVERYWHERE as well. Which is why I’m vacuuming everyday lol.
    China cat you are really doing a good job there! Holding the door, so elegantly. Wonder what you would like to do when you’re floor manager?πŸ˜½πŸ’•
    Murli and I wish all of you a lovely evening!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Natascha πŸ™‚
      I am so, so sorry for taking so long in replying. I really don’t know what happened, but with distractions, forgetfulness on my part and answering comments on my notifier only, I hopped over your comment.
      I love your comment. It is brilliant ! Thank you so much my friend for writing such fun words. What can I say as you covered the whole spectrum of the post except thank you so much Natascha.
      I do hope that you and Murli have a lovely weekend. I’m probably will as it is a sunny 30Β°C.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hi my dear friend! I think it happened the same way, that it happened to me lol. Because for whatever reason, I got an email notification of your reply yesterday late at night. And not just yours, I got some more email notifications of other comments that are a couple days old as well. It didn’t show a notification on my wordpress app. Neither on my iphone, nor on my ipad. Which is what I am relying on mostly. But I also have activated email notifications for comments. And it didn’t send me an email either all those days. Just yesterday night suddenly, a bunch of emails came all at once.

        So sorry for that! Sigh… I hope it’s been fixed now, as I updated the wordpress apps to the new version now.

        But could have been a bug on the wordpress site itself. It didn’t show any notifications on the website either. Only when I went to look if there are comments, did I see them. All of them marked as read, even though of course I haven’t.

        Anyway, enough of that.
        haha, I’m glad you like my comment! Your way to write is what I would call brilliant! I’m just rambling on like usual πŸ˜‚ Murli and I are both very talkative.

        We will be getting temperatures around the 30Β°C soon too. Last week we had 27Β°. But unlike the nice climate where you are, we have a extremely humid heat, which isn’t feeling nice. I would be happy about these temperatures if I would live in the mediterranean as wellπŸ˜ΊπŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜

        I really enjoy reading your blog and comments! You’re just pawsome, that’s for sure.
        Murli and I wish you and the cats a wonderful day! Hope you are all well and happy.
        Big hugs & purrs! NataschaπŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hello again Natascha πŸ™‚
        So sorry to read that you have been having problems in receiving notifications. I have a Windows 10 laptop and have had no problems at all. I sent an email to a Spanish friend the other day and it took almost a day to arrive on his Vodafone Mobile. I had a look in WordPress forum and could see nothing in there about emails taking so long to arrive. In saying that I know that WordPress in the past had smart phone problems. It looks like you had a really bad notifications mess, I do hope that it is all okay now.
        Thank you so much. My cats and I are fine and enjoying the 35Β°C days which I understand are heading your way. I hope that you and Murli will love it.
        Big hugs. Ralph xox ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey there Ralph!😽😊
        Yes, I’m sure you are completely right. It must have to do with the apps on my mobile devices. A bug on them could easily have caused to mark all comments as read, which I think is what happened to the notifications. But no idea what the email mess was about lol.
        Anyway, everything is working just fine again. Received all notifications normally on all devices, since I updated the wordpress apps. The email notifications, also worked just fine again. Yay!
        So all good!

        Thank you for looking around to see if others had problems too!

        Happy to hear you are all fine! Have fun & enjoy the lovely summer days! (Its summer to me with those temps lol)
        We are going to have fun! Also got me a new big white hat for the sun, to keep my head & face protected. Its great!
        Big hugs from me as well! And paw hugs from MurliπŸ˜‰πŸ˜Ί

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hello Natascha πŸ™‚
        I am so pleased that everything is back to normal with your email notifications. It can be so annoying and time wasting when things go wrong, so I am glad that you are okay now.
        That’s nice ! A new summer hat ! Fantastic ! Do you burn easily then ?
        Hugs from me and hugs for Murli from Sonic and Samantha (who are stretched out fast asleep in the evening sun)
        Ralph ❀

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Byung πŸ™‚
      Heehee. Thank you my friend. Your comment made me smile.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • I hate to spam you but I forgot to mention, I was trying to find a way to reblog this, so it would show up on my blog. I dont see the reblog option, so I wasnt able to 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ooops ! Sorry Tommy Cat ! This is a new WordPress theme I just changed over to. I checked my Dashboard/ Settings/ Sharing and activated “Reblog” (found now next to “Like” button). Thanks for informing me.
        Ralph xox ❀

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Tommy Cat. I don’t have a Facebook account, but thanks for sharing. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Hester πŸ™‚
      What a lovely comment from you. Thank you so much.
      Take care. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  13. Hi Ralph! it’s been a while but I thought I’d look you up and I see you are still looking for love…maybe you are going about it the wrong way. If you were looking for an OLDER woman, then you would be the YOUNGER man! πŸ˜‰
    So happy summer is here! Hope you are keeping well
    Wendy x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello stranger ! Hi Wendy πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for looking me up and passing on to me your great advice. I am sure it will come in handy one day, if ever πŸ˜‰
      I agree. It is great to be warm again day and night. My cats are like seaweed as they don’t want to force their way under the bedding all hours of the night lately, so with that I know that summer has started.
      I am pretty much the same, but so happy that I don’t have the stress of going to Ronda hospital any more. I hope that you are all well and happy my friend.
      I have checked your blog and see that you have nothing posted recently. I hope that your art work is coming on leaps and bounds.
      Thanks for visiting Wendy. Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Wendy πŸ™‚
      Heehee. Love your fun comment ! Thank you so much my friend πŸ™‚
      Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Spidey πŸ™‚
      Bwaahahahaha. Love it ! What a brilliant comment from you my friend πŸ™‚
      Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  14. My dearest MFR, you are so funny, though so subtle with your purposefully leaving out #2. Very subtle. I’m beginning to think you don’t want to get married. So many women throwing themselves at you day and night, there’s got to be someone out there. The problem is that older women are older and have their own quirks.Some younger women might want an older man, but what is younger, 65, 60 35? My older man is your age, as you know, and I hardly think either of you is like your hilarious description of an older man. I guess you meant older like 95 or something, right? Even Hal, who is 92 is not like that! He does not want to give up his freedom to get married again. What would you ever do if someone was seriously interested in you??? China cat might roll over and play dead!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello MVBFM πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for your wonderful, interesting and entertaining comment my friend. I have taken notes just in case. I know that I am getting close to becoming set in my ways, but maybe I need a woman to bash me over the head and unsettle me a little. I don’t want to get boring so a bit of variety is just what I need at this time in my life. I haven’t a clue what to do if a woman was seriously interested in me. Go with the flow I suppose. Then China Cat would definitely roll over and play dead. πŸ˜‰
      Take care. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  15. Thanks Ralph for giving me a heartfelt laugh whilst I sat waiting in a doctor’s waiting room. You should have seen the looks. Your cats would make a good tale about that.
    Spain now, sounds very inviting 😊 , hmm… your humour and wit is
    enchanting.
    Miriam

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Miriam πŸ™‚
      What fun ! You have made me think about who and where my readers are when reading my posts. I supposed, in my mind, that everyone was at home on the sofa or desk where in fact they could be anywhere nowadays. My dashboard tells me that I have almost reached 27,000 comments and I do remember (don’t ask me where) that a reader had funny looks on a packed train and another similarly in a restaurant when they burst out laughing. So you my friend are the first in a doctor’s waiting room. I am so pleased that this post cheered you up. I do hope that your visit to the doctor was not too serious.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  16. Ah…….shoe shopping. Thanks for reminding me that I need some new ones. πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t talk about them, I’d just model them for you to admire. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

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