Jane’s Blonde: Double Oh Boy !


If you read this post I may have to kill you …. pleasurably.

Cue music !

Β ~The Spies Who Spy On Me~

Do you remember my €1200 Toilet Brush post when I bought a new Samsung Smart TV ?


Well, it seems that the CIA and MI5 listen to me when my TV is TURNED OFF !!!

Click on the picture below for more information

The TV is on now so I can’t be overheard talking to you on my voice/typing app.

~Jane’s Blonde File~

If you read this file I may have to kill you …. ecstatically

Agent Jane’s Blonde has been assigned to listen in to Ralph’s home.

Agent Jane’s Blonde

Working in Room 36.24.36 adjacent to the Navel Attache in the CIA headquarters, Dangley, USA, she monitors Ralph day and night.

AJB is highly trained and is at the foot of a successful career ladder.

She came first in Disguises Class. Β No-one knows what she really looks like as she can change her look in an instant.

See !

She excelled in her latest course on Interrogation. Β Tippex’ing teeth always produced results.

“I’ll tell you everything as I’m such a gossip !”

~Entering Room 36.24.36~

If you see what is in this Room, I may have to kill you …. excitedly

Many weeks of training in Room 36.24.36 preceded her assignment of listening in to Ralph’s conversations. Β She is now skilled at pressing the Red Button after the odd mishap.

Such as ….

…. and ….

She finally made the Red Button grade with the unwavering help of ABC, her mentor.

~What Happens When I Turn Off My TV~

If you find out I may have to kill you …. strokingly

My TV is now off.

Agent Jane’s Blonde:Β  Quick ABC ! Β Press the Red Button and I’ll start recording !

Agent Button Cat: Β Okay Boss !

ABC …. Agent Button Cat

Cue Siren !

Dangley immediately goes on shut-down. Β Ralph’s words are piped thoughout the complex. Β Thousands of CIA employees stop what they’re doing (having a snooze) and stare at the speakers in anticipation of Ralph’s immortal words. Β Such as >>>

Will you stop trying to rip off my shirt !

I like it when you wriggle on my lap, it makes me hot !

No ! Β Licking my nose will not hurry me up to get your supper.

Whatever turns you on. Β Sniffing my slipper ? Β Whatever !

No ! Β You can’t eat my sandwich. Β Go and have a biscuit !

I know you get excited, but do stop scratching my leg !

Right ! Β Bedtime ! Β Coming ?

Oh boy !

Are you The Spy Who Loves Me, Β a definite Dr No, Β or even the one to give me the Goldfinger ?

Ralph xox ❀

Β All the images, MP3s and gifs are not mine, but my cats are ! Oh boy !

93 Comments on “Jane’s Blonde: Double Oh Boy !

    • Hello Elizarose πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much. Your comment is really uplifting.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ralph, I think you need to find the microphone on your TV and put a piece of bubble gum on it. You will be much safer from CIA or MI5. Especially, the room 36.24.36 is too dangerous for you to enter. You need to listen to your cats more πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hello YC πŸ™‚
      Great advice my friend. I can always rely on your comments of wisdom. I’ll just go and steal a stick of bubblegum from my cats. They won’t mind πŸ™‚
      Be well and happy. Ralph πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s all true, Ralph, but it’s not you that the CIA and MI5 are spying on. It’s your spy cats. Trump heard that they’re spreading real news and that’s not allowed. Hope you have a lovely weekend with the spy cats. πŸ™‚ ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Diana πŸ™‚
      Oh no ! Don’t say that my cats are working undercover (usually in my bed) and passing on sensitive secrets and real news about me to Agent Button Cat at CIA headquarters ? What am I going to do ? I think I will go and hide in Trump’s hair, they will never find me there πŸ˜‰
      Thank you and have a lovely weekend yourself my friend.
      Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Georgia πŸ™‚
      Thank you, I loved drafting this post especially as it is all true. I’m sure that Donald Trump will confirm this in his next tweet. πŸ™‚
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀


    • Hello Amanda πŸ™‚
      What a lovely comment ! Multimedia blogger ? I must stop wearing mp3 underwear while working with my laptop. lol
      Thank you and do have a lovely weekend my friend.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol so hilarioussssssss. But not so hilarious is the fact that it’s actually a thing that you can be spied on by ‘smart’ TVs. There’s nowhere left to hide. ❀ xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Debby πŸ™‚
      Heehee. Thank you my friend.
      So true. I understand that even new refrigerators have wifi and one day will probably tell you off when you sneak down stairs to raid the fridge for a late night snack. πŸ˜‰
      Take care Debby. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I just met a little girl carrying a basket to her grandma … wait … where am I? This isn’t The Enchanted Forest! What kind of furry tale is this??? πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Lynette πŸ™‚
      So funny ! I absolutely love your comment my friend.
      Love from the big bad wolf. Ralph xox ❀


    • Bonjour Georges πŸ™‚
      Merci beaucoup. Je suis si heureux que vous avez apprΓ©ciΓ© le poste. Bon samedi, mon ami. Ralph πŸ™‚


  5. Ralph, you so had me chuckling with this post, thank you my friend for all the fun and laughter you bring within each of your posts.. Its so what the world needs right now among all of this madness.. xxxx ❀ Take care.. Sue xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Sue πŸ™‚
      I am so pleased that you enjoyed this post and I must agree with you that the world is going crazy, but I am not going to cry over it, just make fun of it. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment my friend. πŸ™‚
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ah, Ralph, it’s a dangerous world we live in. Wait till the day when the remote control is used to operate you. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Gallivanta πŸ™‚
      I must agree with you, it is a dangerous world that we live in 😦
      The remote control operating men is already existing as they hog it all the time, don’t they ? lol
      Have a lovely day my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Daria πŸ™‚
      Heehee. What fun ! Thanks for telling me my friend.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  7. LMAO. Please pretty please don’t kill me for reading. Got to say it is shocking that you have to put up with that Jane Bond. How do you do it Ralpha?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Shey πŸ™‚
      You mean you are still alive after reading this post ? I must have a strong word with your hamsters. They are useless ! lol
      You have no idea what I have to put up with, cats, secret agents and I can’t get the lid off this bottle of strawberry jam. πŸ™‚
      Big hug my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Course they are useless these dudes. All bark no bite…. Well.. I can see the hard hard life you have Ralpha. You need to get rid of these secret agents. xx

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Annette πŸ™‚
      Wow ! What a comment ! Spot on my friend. It’s only the fake women that like me to come out on top. πŸ˜‰
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Agent Hplar,
    I like Spy Apples. They make a good pie. Well, actually, I make the pie, and the Spys live in it. Of course, the I eat the pie. There’s 8-10 Spys per pie. Therefore, I wipe out 8-10 Spys by the time the entire pie is eaten.
    This message is entirely incoded. Good luck outcoding it.
    Agent Aser
    Sguh, pzpz β™‘β™‘

    Liked by 2 people


      Hello my dear Agent Sear πŸ™‚
      Wow, Spy Apple Pie ! You are licensed to thrill, aren’t you my friend ? πŸ™‚
      Vole & gib gush. A Gent Ralph xoxox (with a couple of pzpz’s for luck) ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’d stay away from that red button, Ralph. It sounds like trouble. Just throw a jacket over the TV when entertaining the ladies. Otherwise you just might be starting a whole new career.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Leslie πŸ™‚
      Sound advice my friend. Get it ? SOUND advice ! It’s the way I tell ’em ! Mind you I am looking to start a new career, sounds good to me πŸ˜‰
      I do hope that you are having a lovely weekend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. hahaha! did I tell you lately that I love reading your posts? Well, I do! Have a great day, Ralph, and be careful what you say…TV spies, you know πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Barbara πŸ™‚
      What a kind comment ! That is really nice to say my friend.
      Thank you and have a lovely day yourself. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I don’t know how long it took you to create this post, but it was worth every minute! So funny–especially the spy music for Agent Jane’s Blonde. Oh, no, a new Samsung. But don’t feel bad, the governments are into everything and they must be truly so bored. What do the peons do that excites them so much? BTW, a long time ago–15 years maybe–my husband et al were not allowed to take their cell phones into meetings, on the Air Force base, that required a security clearance. They were told that even with cell phones off, voices could be picked up. Now it’s out in the open–everyone is spying on everyone else. I am glad the spy assigned to you is so cute; you deserve special treatment!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Linda πŸ™‚

      Thank you so much for your long, interesting and well written comment my friend.

      This is top secret. The drafting of the post usually does not take me too long. For me, what takes the time is taking an idea or an event, thinking about it and expanding it into something which is fun. I am used to working with the tools to create a post which I find is the easiest bit. I then leave it for a day or so to stew. I return with a fresh mind and tweak what needs tweaking. Once I am happy, it’s ready for publishing. (You can have your phone back now πŸ˜‰ )

      As my wifi, I am so pleased that you are not jealous of my cute spy. Agent Button Cat is sweet, isn’t she ? πŸ˜‰

      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • No, Ralph, I think I have worked through my jealousy and realize I have to share you with the many other females in your life. You are just a secret agent playboy at heart. What can a wifi do?
        Big hug back.
        Your wifi Linda

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Not just the tv Ralph….check the lightbulbs too. They hide microphones in them. Have a great week my friend. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Adele πŸ™‚
      Oh no ! Not the light bulbs as well ? I have over 18 lights in my apartment and most have now been converted to LED light bulbs. Heck, they can listen to me in quadraphonic, HD, stereophonic sound. lol.
      The day I start to worry is when a cheese and tomato sandwich that I have just made, turns over and says, ” You forgot the mayo ! “. πŸ™‚
      Thank you and have a great week too dear Adele.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Christy πŸ™‚
      Oh no ! If I’d known I would not be wearing my pink fluffy bunny slippers, but strutting my stuff in hobnail boots here at 01:30am ! πŸ˜‰
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  13. aha! it’s not the Russians we have to be careful about, but you! You’re posting this to throw us off your trail, well, mister it won’t work! Those kitties are watching, reporting it all, lol.
    enjoyed this, Ralph!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Roxie πŸ™‚
      lol. Heck, my secret is out. Wackyleaks is bound to post your comment my friend and my cats will probably get a medal (to pat around and be lost for ever under the sofa).
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh Ralph – just look at all the women who comment and follow you (including me) – YOU ARE James Bond 007 – and you will be spied upon! XOXOXOX

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Lara πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for your fun comment. Love it ! Got to go now, parachute out of a helicopter into my kitchen for a coffee (which is shaken not stirred … it’s my hands). πŸ˜‰
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  15. So funny, MFR. I’m so sad that you discovered that I was spying on you through your TV disguised as Jane Blond. You are the first to discover my fake cover up. So do you suppose all these women following you are spies in disguise? OH no, MFR. Where will you hide? Or maybe you won’t hide, you’ll just keep entertaining us. Sorry about your starry theme. It won’t be the same without it. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello MVBFM πŸ™‚
      You a spy as well ? Heck, it feels like I am living on a theatre stage for all the world to see. (Popcorn is on sale in the Foyer) πŸ˜‰
      If and when I do change my blog theme I do hope that I will be able to transfer the starry background and not lose any of the widgets. I am coming round to changing my theme.
      Have a lovely weekend my friend. Ralph xox ❀


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  17. Dear friend Ralph,

    Forget the spying tv, I think you should get those cute little hard hats for your cats! I am sure they would be thrilled to wear them. πŸ™‚


    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello dear Nancy πŸ™‚
      lol. I love the cat in a hard hat too. I am sure that my cats would hate wearing hard hats as much as they hate work. Waking up is the nearest to work in their books πŸ™‚
      Take care my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

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