The Wife, Wifi Or The €1200 Toilet Brush

❤ ~Love Song~ ❤

Sometimes I get confused and fabricate typos in my mind.  So before you whack your keyboard on my head to try to heal me, 🎶ommm🎶, here is a beautiful love song from me to you.

Home and Away 1988 TV theme – full version performed by Mark Williams and Karen Boddington

I just love the way the sax comes in at 02:33. 🎷



Hang on a minute Sonic, I’m drafting a post.

~The €1200 Toilet Brush~

You know what it’s like, you buy something nowadays which you think will last for 2 generations and it falls to bits after a couple of uses, which so happened to be my toilet brush.


Just a tick Sonic.

I needed to go down the mountains to my bank on the Spanish southern coast and while there I’d buy a new toilet brush as I was fed up with fishing the hedgehog out of the bowl.


Pipe down cat !

Pedro & Toni (my young neighbours) and I had a lovely day shopping on the coast near Gibraltar.

Okay, what’s the emergency Sonic ?



Alright !  ALRIGHT !  There you go Sonic.



Oh no !  Greasy pawprints all over the laptop screen AGAIN !


And so I returned home with a new toilet brush.  I was so happy !  (note the extra Costa Del Sol dust given away free by the supermarket.  The Spanish are so generous !)



Ooops I forgot !  AND a new smart TV.  I bought it as it had a wife in the box.  NO WIFE,  just wifi !  Sad.  (I must get some reading glasses !).  



Windows 10 refuses to load my old Canon printer CD disc (of Windows XP era) , the printer is useless.  Bloomin’ Windows !  So ….. 


…. I brought home a new printer which also had a wife in the box.  Two wives so far !  I am really a sad person, aren’t I ?


ANDDDD I bought a new camera, as important buttons on my old camera refused to be pressed.


Oh, and lots of bits and pieces.  It’s a man thing !


And that lot came to €1200 (approx same in US$).  All I went for was a new toilet brush !  Oh boy !


Of course I did.  12 cans of scrumptious fish in gravy.



So will you marry me and become my wifi ?

The criteria you must meet are >>>>

Be a really, really fast worker.

Vital Statistics:  36Mb – 24Mb – 36Mb

Be able to multitask.  Do many things at once.

Never crash.

Keep me happy in my office chair, sofa and bed 24/7.

Are you up to it ?


Ralph xox ❤


92 Comments on “The Wife, Wifi Or The €1200 Toilet Brush

    • Thanks Mary. A bit of fun for a change 🙂
      The new television is now hung on the wall and the new printer is up and running. Everything works, yay …. except for my Internet. I am paying a fortune for a 3 Mb download and look at what I normally get from them >>>

      So on Monday a man is coming to my home to install a 10Mb system, probably lots of drilling and cables everywhere. I wonder if I will get a promised 10Mb download, but this is Spain and anything could happen. Pray for me 🙂 lol
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Lynette 🙂
      No ? Are you sure ? Is it my daft cats ? lol
      Thanks for your wonderful comment my friend.
      Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Wow…that was some shopping trip! Almost all hooked up. except for the internet wifey! Very creative post as always, Ralph! Sonic seems to be watchful waiting for his prey, the roundy, spinny, thingy! Please kill it Sonic, for all of us! 🎼 Christine

    Liked by 5 people

    • Hello Christine 🙂
      It did end up with a somewhat wow shopping trip, didn’t it ? Yes, all now hooked up, but still no wifey 😦
      I decided to buy a smart TV because if I want to watch a live programme from the Internet on my normal TV I have to do it by running an 10 metre HDMI cable from my laptop around the fireplace in my salon to the TV which means my laptop is running all the time while the programme is on. As the Internet is a lot slower than what I have paid for there is a lot of buffering (the round, spinning roundy thingy). That is when Sonic has his fun patting my laptop screen. So I am with you my friend … Kill it Sonic !
      Have a lovely weekend my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Ralphie, here’s one for you & your megabite lady: A single sperm contains 37.5MB of DNA information. One ejaculation represents a data transfer of 15,875GB, equivalent to the combined capacity of 62 MacBook Pro laptops.

    Don’t forget to ask megabite lady (in real smooth tones): Do you want to do some data transfer. Daria xx

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hello dear Widdershins 🙂
      Indeed, new boy toys ! Might as well as I only have two cats to play with. So sad. lol
      Have a lovely weekend my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so funny. You are the only guy that can make me laugh about sexual stuff – the way you say it is just so hilarious that you get away with it. Congrats for spending money on you.xx

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello dear Sandra 🙂
      Wow, another comment. I think that makes five. Thank you so much for taking time out to make them so early in the morning 🙂
      Me ? Sexual stuff ? Nah, I could never do that to you my friend, well maybe ! 😉
      Thank you, I needed to spring clean my wallet to shake out the moths. I am one eighth Scottish you know. Heehee.
      Have a lovely day my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi dear Mia 🙂
      Thank you so much. I have not had much of a chance to enjoy the new toys as yet as I have to work out how to use them. lol.
      I am sure to have a wonderful weekend especially as it’s starting with your lovely comment. Make sure that you have a good one too my friend.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • In no time they will be enjoyed. Thank you dear Ralph, for the lovely wishes. Enjoy your Sunday with Sonic and Samantha. Hugs! ~ Mia ❤ xo

        Liked by 3 people

      • I am sure they will.
        Thank you for such a wonderful reply dear Mia 🙂
        And do have a lovely Sunday evening yourself my friend.
        Hugs back. xox ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Ralph,
    The saxy bit at 2:33 was cool, but Sonic was more dominant.
    Also, I’m happy to report that I am very close to your memory specs, coming in at a most desirable 24Mb/36Mb/24Mb. How’s that for bites?
    Hey…. sending hugs!!! xoxo ❤ #<

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello dear Resa 🙂
      When I switched on my laptop this morning and read through all the new comments I curled up laughing while reading yours. I always look forward to what you have to say.
      Yes, Sonic is very dominant, isn’t he ? I am learning from him 🙂
      I just have to say that you are beautiful just as you are. As for the specs, I know that you wear them.
      24Mb/36Mb/24Mb ? No, J&J must have Photoshopped you while you were sleeping ! Oh, I love the way you bite my friend 🙂
      Hugs received gratefully, desperately and thankfully. Big hug back. Love Ralph xoxox ❤ #<


  5. If I wasn’t such a lazy lump, I would be so tempted by your never to be repeated offer. Well, maybe not so tempted, but still.

    How are the neighbours from hades these days.

    Cheers. 🍻 😸❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Good afternoon dear Ebor (YVONNE !) Oh, this Dragon 12 ! 🙂
      I would have never thought that you were a lazy lump. Must be a residual reaction from your Dismal Swamp days. 🙂
      I am so sorry that you were tempted and then not tempted. Oh well, stay still my friend. Don’t over do it.
      Hades is probably regretting taking in my new neighbours, but I am quite happy here on planet Earth that they are still very quiet.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Merci beaucoup Georges, j’espère que vous avez une belle journée vous-même.
      Prends soin. Ralph 🙂


  6. Thank you for the beautiful love song. Of course, I’ll be your wifi!

    Actually, I understand about your speed issues. Ironically in rural Mexico, we have better speeds than we can get in the U.S. in rural, northern New Mexico. It used to be great there, but they just haven’t kept up. Our connection times out before we can even get a bill paid and of course movies are out of the question.

    I am a sucker for all of your new tech toys. These days one change (thank you Microsoft and Apple to a lesser extent) does lead to another. I can’t put all the blame on them, however. The printer/scanner makers won’t make upgrades to their drivers. It’s so much better for them if you have to buy a new product. Originally printers were a luxury, but now they seem to be a necessity.

    I took a side trip to read your painful story about two bricks and a camel. Ouch! Painful, but funny. You are a great storyteller.

    I’m glad you had a nice trip with your neighbors to go shopping…and your new brush looks topnotch! 😉 I hope you and Sonic enjoy all your new toys. You certainly got them set up quickly.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello dear Linda 🙂
      Awww, that’s nice of you to be my wifi. I am mega-pleased about that.
      It is really interesting to read about your speed issues and your love of tech toys.
      Thank you for reading the two bricks and a camel post. It was fun to write, but definitely an ouch experience, never to be repeated thank heavens.
      I hope you have a lovely day and didn’t wake up to a Trump wall through your back yard.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❤


      • No Trump wall yet, but I am a little concerned about a backlash. If it affects the economy extremely, it is possible that the kind and generous people I love so much could become desperate and angry. I’m praying that the leaders of the two countries are more bluster than action. Thanks for your well wishes. A wonderful weekend to you, Ralph!

        Liked by 3 people

      • I do hope that it all works out, but I doubt it. Trump is the proverbial cat amongst the pigeons who are is own people and the rest of the world, creating chaos and uncertainty which I believe is all part of an attempt for world domination helped by other leaders who will work with him. We will see.
        Take care Linda 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  7. What a shopping trip. You did not find a toilet brush with Wifi then……and had to buy all the other bits with wifi. Understandable. What an offer free Spanish dust too, a bargain for 1200 euros. The brush looks really stylish. TV, camera, printer… just the small bits you needed additionally. I am sure the cats will be happy as long as they all have the round whirly thingy.
    Let’s hope that man with the additional 10 MB will bring you a desirable Wife, oh Wifi, I meant. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Ute 🙂
      lol. A toilet brush with wifi ? I just love that ! You must patent that idea 🙂
      Thank you so much for such a great comment. Brilliant. The man who is installing a new wife should be here in a few hours, but it will probably be a new wifi instead. Drat !
      Have a lovely Sunday evening my friend.
      Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hilarious post! Now Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. I hope you have come up with a romantic plan for you and your new wifey 😀

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Magick Mermaid 🙂
      Thank you so much. I am so pleased that you enjoyed this post.
      Heck, I forgot that Valentines Day is only a couple of weeks away. I won’t panic, not quite yet ! As for the romantic plan and the new wifey, zero out of two is pretty much normal for me. lol.
      Take care my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Ralph, isn’t that always the case? You go out looking for something and end up with a whole pile of other things too.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hi Leslie 🙂
      So true. Maybe next time I go shopping I will plead poverty and take with me only a few euros. That might work.
      Have a lovely Sunday evening my friend.
      Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Just make a list and stick with it. Mind you you probably needed those other things anyway.
        Have a great week Ralph.

        Liked by 2 people

      • A list to starboard it is then me hearty ! You are right, I did need those things, but put it off as those things sort of worked, just !
        Thank you and have a lovely week yourself Leslie 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  10. You’re a riot! And by the sound of it doing very well with two wives, a bundle of money for all that great shopping and to top it off you’re all wired up and ready to rock! hahaha

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Nice TV! I hope you find a nice WiFi to settle down with someday.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Ellen, my lightning friend 🙂
      Thanks. The new TV is having a friend installed tomorrow, an IPTV box which will allow me to watch all the UK TV programmes without hogging my laptop. All I need now is a nice wifi to watch it with on the sofa. That will be the day !
      Take care and be happy Ellen. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. When things go bad…i.e. toilet brushes and printers….they go bad while influencing other things to go top side. You then have to spend a shed load of money to replace things with newer versions. Then you spend several weeks trying to read the instructions for the newer up dated versions. Oh hell…..I’m going to have a coffee. lol. Great post Ralph, have a great week. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Adele 🙂
      Exactly ! Spot on, I couldn’t have said that better myself and that is exactly what has happened to me.
      Probably my kettle will be next to go, so if I may, I’ll join you in the having a coffee. No milk, one sugar please 🙂
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello dear Beth 🙂
      So funny, probably the best “no way” ever written. Well done my friend.
      Happy Sunday. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Brilliant! That’s what happens to me whenever I go to IKEA to buy something I need and end up with a dozen of things I don’t need… 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Ralph, I’m laughing here – what a shopping trip! 😀😃 That is one expensive loo brush. I’ve had the same thing when I go supermarket shopping for a loaf of bread and end up with two heavy carrier bags – but obviously my bank account didn’t take such a hammering! Good luck with setting it up – after months of wifi battles I’m exhausted with it all. The last time the BT helpline (haha! misnamed!!) said not to call back!! Oh, love the song and this brings back memories of coming home from school and watching ‘Home and Away’ – the song sounds so much better than I remember.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Annika 🙂
      Hell, yes, what a shopping trip !
      I completely understand that supermarket shopping for a loaf of bread is a definite no-no. Food shopping I am okay with as I know what I like and what I usually buy. This post is definitely a one off as I don’t normally go mad in a tech store, the occasional light bulb perhaps.
      Oh dear, I thought BT was good, but I suppose like everything else it is down to the people that you are dealing with. The man who is coming tomorrow to install my new wifi is a one-man band and it is very good as I have used him a few times over the years that I have been in this Spanish village.
      Home and Away came to me by accident. I was going to use the Neighbours theme tune in my last post about my nasty new neighbours, but I hated the song so left it out, but I stumbled upon the old Home and Away song and loved it. I had to use it somewhere as it was so lovely. Glad it bought back memories for you my friend.
      Have a lovely Sunday evening. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Lol Ralph. It looks like Christmas time around there with all your new gadgets. And btw, you mentioned you couldn’t connect your printer with Windows 10. I had that problem because there is no DVD drive in my new laptop to fit the disk. I downloaded the connection through the internet and it worked! 🙂 Oops, hope I didn’t cost you money unnecessarily by buying a new printer. You shoulda asked me first. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Debby 🙂
      I am so pleased that you had fun reading this post. Oh yes, definitely Christmas time for me.
      In a way I wasn’t too worried about my old printer not connecting to my laptop as I gave it away to my young neighbours who have a tower computer with windows 7 and I know it works with W7 as I had it initially on my last laptop. They were glad to have it especially as I had a few unopened boxes of ink cartridges which should come in useful.
      Thanks for the offer of me asking you my friend. When I am totally flummoxed with something in the future, expect the worst for me. lol.
      I do hope that all is well with you and hubby.
      Big hug. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol, you do make me laugh. And anytime my friend, if I can help. So glad to know your generous heart helped out your neighbour friends. And thanks, getting ready for our winter vacay next week! Hello sunshine! 🙂 ❤ xo

        Liked by 2 people

      • Have a lovely holiday my friend. Don’t come here tomorrow as heavy rain is expected. Oh boy ! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Anisha 🙂
      Thank you so much my new friend. Such a sweet comment. Thank you.
      Take care. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I think my Pedro’s a bit fed up with his wifi!!! slow, on/off, a bit of a slacker really! we were on telly this afternoon, did you see us!! xox

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Lottie 🙂
      Sorry to read that your Internet is slower than snail mail. Mine has been finally upgraded to a 10 MB download with a new IP. My new post in a few days will explain all.
      DRAT ! Smack my wrist ! I completely forgot about you being on the telly. Perhaps there will be a repeat or shown on YouTube. I do hope that the show went down well with you.
      Rain tomorrow !
      Take care my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Great song, Ralph…. You know, I’ve never seen Home and Away… See the promos nightly, but, it’s just not my thing… But, great song for sure!
    Wow, what a treasure trove of goodies you bought. Just as a by the by: Ink cartridges are quite expensive; however, whilst shopping in the computer area of a major store here in Oz, we came across a printer selling for less than the printer cartridges!
    Solution to ever paying for cartridges alone ~ buy a new printer instead.. 🙂
    Hope you get to enjoy all your new toys; and just think how clean your loo will be. Sonic will be sooooo pleased, I’m sure..
    Have a wonderful weekend, Ralph.. Hugs and Kisses 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Who’s that young lady Avatar picture ? Oh, it’s you Carolyn, didn’t recognise you 🙂
      I agree. It is a great song and I just had to use it in this post.
      Thank you for the information about printers. I know, cartridges are really expensive !
      Happy Sunday my friend. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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    • Hello Valentina 🙂
      That is really kind of you to say my friend.
      Happy Sunday !
      Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  19. All teched up with no wifie;). I’ve been waiting 2 months for a new cable/internet service to be hooked up. They have fig up half my yard burying cables. At least I hope that is what they buried! Hope it went smoothly. 8)8)


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