I Am Sure You Have adVICE For Me !

I’ve been thinking about doing some DIY, but it’s cold and it’s February here in Spain …..

*thinks* My followers don’t know what day it is, let alone what month !

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…..so I had better get on with this week’s post instead.

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Many of you already know that I am not perfect medically ( Oh, okay ! Mentally as well ! ) and I’m passed it !

But !

I also have a VICE !

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Not THAT sort of VICE !

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I don’t run around chasing or be chased by women.

Not even women with money.

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Not even strong women …..

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….. nor flexible women.

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So women are not my VICE !

*thinks* They’ll believe anything I say !

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I don’t gamble.

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So gambling is not my VICE !

*thinks* I bet $5 they’ll fall for this !

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I never drink alone.

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My cats drink though ! Real water slushes they are !

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Maybe I’ll have a little at parties, but that’s it.

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I don’t drink a lot of coffee as it’s bad for me…..

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….. so ….

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Drinking is not my VICE then !

*thinks* I reckon my followers are on their 3rd bottle of wine already today !

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I am not power crazy.

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So being power mad is not my VICE !

*thinks* Okay ! I’ll do what you tell me mistress !

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I am no glutton. ( A glutton for punishment….. definitely !Β  )

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I do like cakes though.

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I was egged on by my cats to say that !

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Gluttony is not the VICE !

*thinks* I wonder where they keep their stash of chocolates ? Next to the wine I suppose.

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SO WHAT IS IT ?

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I smoke roll ups !

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I have been smoking for 53 years. Since I was 15.

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I even had girlfriends who smoked.

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My father and grandfather smoked and lived into their 90s.

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Whereas I had 2 uncles. One gave up cigarettes and the other didn’t smoke. Both died in their 50s with unrelated cancers.

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This is a no brainer. I’m going to live into my 90s.

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I never smoke indoors or in a car.

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So that’s my VICE !

*thinks* Now we’re smokin’ !

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My Neurologist asks me how’s my smoking and I reply,

” Fine. Thank you for asking. “

She’s not worried.

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Β I may not be Politically Correct. I may have lost many followers. I may be meringued harangued by all of you for smoking. So please be kind in your comments or I may huff & puff and take up more VICES πŸ˜‰

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*thinks* Whew.Β  I should get off lightly with this lot !

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Ralph xox ❀

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(All of these gifs and images were found on Google Search and are NOT mine. All the vices mentioned in this post are not mine except for smooching smoking.)

PS.Β  I’ll answer any comments when I get back from having an ECG at Ronda hospital. They are checking to see if I have a heart, which happens to be a bit too late for Valentine’s Day ! πŸ˜‰

96 Comments on “I Am Sure You Have adVICE For Me !

    • Heehee ! I just knew that you would be the one to come to if I need vice Shey. On my way ! πŸ˜‰ Hugs back my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ralph, no advice from me! It’s up to the docs to give your advice on all matters of the heart, lungs, other organs, and mind! Remarkable, funny Vice post! Christine

    Liked by 1 person

    • So true my friend ! I hope the doctor’s start fixing me and stop testing. One day they will…… perhaps. Have a lovely week. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Milk ? Sugar, Diana ? I also have a fine selection of doughnuts and chocolate biscuits. The vicar’s not coming as I don’t have any tarts πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh no, now you’ve taken over my knocker obsession! But, yours aren’t sun-kissed. πŸ™‚

    So, I’ve got many of the vices you listed, but not smoking. I’ll probably only live to 89. Sigh.

    Cheers, bloke. oxo ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I DO love your knockers Yvonne…Venetian door knockers ! You do have a fine selection….of photos.
      I am sure that everyone in Dismal Swamp have vices as there can’t be a lot else to do there.
      Here’s 89 hugs for you my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

    • PS I miss him too. At least YouTube have many of his old sketches to see.

      Like

    • A funny and wise woman, your mother Lynne. πŸ˜€ Ralph xox ❀

      Like

    • Yes Your Honour. Guilty as charged ! I plead insanity ! :/
      Have a lovely day Leslie. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ralph!
    I see no problems with smocking. It’s a vintage sewing technique, and at worst you might get fingertip callouses.
    I can think of ten cute contemporary teen top ideas w/ smocking, but unfortunately those would all be machine smocked. It’s not the same as hand done.
    So in the end, I just wa…….. oh smoking! Not smocking? Oops! Well …Never mind! _Resa xoxoxo ❀ #,#<

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your smocking has got me smirking my friend. You must show me this smocking vice some time πŸ˜€
      .

      .
      Now we’re smockin’ !
      An “oops, well, never mind” hug to you Resa. Ralph xxx ❀ #< #<

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      • I forgot to say Resa, a funny thing happened in the hospital this morning. The doctor who tested me with the ECG machine looked exactly like you. She said nothing. The nurse did the talking. It WAS you wasn’t it ? πŸ˜‰ xox #< #<

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    • They are, aren’t they YC. I also love them to bits. Ralph πŸ˜€

      Like

  4. My vices are the cats! but no, I’m not an old bag lady with a bunch of cats….hubby won’t let me have any…. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is such a shame Betty. Here is the starter kit from my last post. Dream on my friend. Ralph xox ❀
      .

      .

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Masgautsen. So I need a few more then ? I’ll work on it on your advice πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Tellement vrai Fanfan! Mieux que ce sort, plutΓ΄t que cachΓ©. Je espΓ¨re que vous aurez une belle semaine vous-mΓͺme ainsi. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  5. If it makes you happy it can’t be that bad (to quote Sheryl Crow from a song I rather like) Good luck with the ECG my friend, and report back soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just love that quote Wendy. Thank you.
      I had the ECG test but don’t know what she found as the doctor said nothing. Nothing could mean anything !
      Thank you for your lovely comment my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ralph, if that’s you on the roof, I only have one thing to say……..put it away, before you catch a chill ❀ xox

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heehee ! If it was me I am sure that innocent Julie would probably gain a vice ……… manic laughter ! :/ xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  7. i’m quite sure you have a heart, ralph, that’s quite clear from your posts. as for your cigs, we all have vices –

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so sweet Beth my friend. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I’ll let you get back to your vices now πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  8. I’m so jealous of you smoking – I’ve had to give up, my lungs hated me doing it 😦 I’ve got loads of vices and I enjoy all of them πŸ˜€ xox

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so brave and have strong will power to give up smoking. My weak willed mind is in envy of you Lottie. I’ll swap one of your vices for mine. Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

    • I can imagine how films can become addictive Seyi. Maybe one of your writings will be turned into a film. You never know !
      I know I can spend 3 hours easily on YouTube beginning with a someone’s post link of a song and ending up watching “how to repair a cuckoo clock” πŸ˜€ Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  9. Still laughing here, lol. You are hilarious! No bones from me! Oh and I love the ‘smoking Barbie how to kit’! That first pic of the man on the roof scared me a bit, something like the one of you sleeping on the escalator. LOLLLLLLL. Hope you are well! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so pleased that you enjoyed, but a little scared, in reading this post Debby. You can come out of behind the sofa now ! I’m fine thank you my friend. Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m not going to hassle you. πŸ˜‰ I smoked heavily too. Gave up and now I use an electronic cigarette. My lungs and wallet feel much better, but I still have a vice! We all have at least one I think. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for not hassling me Tracy. Do you like the electronic cigarette ? I don’t. I have one and the juice inside must be like a rock as I haven’t had it out of its bag for months. Happy vicing ! Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • You have to get a “good” one Ralph. Most of the cheap electronic cigarettes are crap and quickly turn people off. You pay a bit more for a decent one – one with variable settings so you can get decent vapour out of it – and more flavour. It still IS a huge adjustment though. I’m happy as Larry with mine. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for the advice Tracy. Now I just have to work out how to roll an electronic cigarette πŸ˜‰ heehee ! ❀

        Like

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  12. Hilarious πŸ˜€ The cats are so cute…and tough πŸ˜€ Granny says she has smoked for almost 40 years and she quit smoking, because she didn’t want it anymore and now she doesn’t even remember that she ever has smoked. The nicest thing she found out, is that life was still the same, with or without a cigarette πŸ˜€ I have to get myself a nail file now. Hope you’re doing fine, Ralph…oh, and we are sure you have a heart πŸ™‚ Pawkisses for a good night πŸ™‚ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I would just love to give up smoking the way that Granny did Binky. I have tried a few times and failed dismally. What I need is a power mad cat like you, when filing your claws, to help me give up when I am 90+ years old. Tummy rub. Ralph xox ❀ (for both you and Granny πŸ˜‰ )

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Ralph. Granny says It wasn’t easy and she was really moody for a while, with disturbances of equilibrium, but I promise it will work out, when you think of me in full armour, instead of a smoke…I’m catlicious πŸ˜€
        There’s a homeopathic remedy Tabacum that might help too. Pawkisses for a Happy Healthy Day πŸ™‚ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

    • You would surely be catlicious in a suit of armour Binky. My black cat Sonic loves this and wants me to get it for him >>>>>
      .

      .
      Thanks for the medicinal advice Dr Binky.
      Ralph xox ❀ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I got the Princess looking at your blog! Wish you could hear her laugh!!!! It’s a kick. You’re so funny, Ralph! You missed your true calling as “class clown”. Catch ya later! πŸ™‚ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heehee ! Glad you both had fun with this post Lucie πŸ˜€
      I’m a happy bunny. This is the last comment answered and my Inbox is empty ! Yay ! Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  14. no advice here πŸ™‚ just enjoy life and I love this post made me laugh out loud πŸ™‚
    images seem to be saying what you thought πŸ™‚
    Thank you for the laugh and the smile….. πŸ™‚
    Take Care….You Matter
    )0(
    maryrose

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for fun comment. Loved it MaryRose πŸ˜€
      You matter too my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Another hilarious and clever post dear Ralph… Thanks for the giggles and I am wishing you a great day! Best to you, Aquileana πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your comments are always so nice to me Amalia and this one is no exception. I love it ! Thank you so much my friend. Hugs for you. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • What a great comment from you Elizabeth. Thank you my friend. Love you too, creek and all …… oh ….. love your new avatar picture, so forget the creek bit πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Well dear Ralph – why waste a trip to Ronda hospital when i could have simply told you that you have a wonderful heart? Silly man! πŸ˜‰
    Live it up!
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will take all your advice to heart RoSy inc. living it up ! I wanna be a pilot now ! Love and hugs. Silly Ralph xox<3

      Liked by 1 person

    • Well you only live once Christy. Not long by the sound of it, but what fun ! lol. Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I *thinks* you are fine too! Smoke if you feel okay with it. We can’t and shouslnt tell you otherwise. Us Italians have the same vice. My mom smoked. I stafed when I was 45 and moved to Italy. Hmmm… I quit when I came home 5 years later. Ok πŸ˜” six! My vice is the vino. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I drink about a bottle a week. It’s going to keep my ticker tocker ticking for many a tocks. But you know, that cancer thing isn’t so sparkly. So keep up with the doc takin pictures of those lungs. That’s preventive right? From a lady who thinks the world of you. A thousand big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww ! You are really lovely Sheri ! I am so pleased that you have told me a little of yourself and your mum. It’s nice to get to know you a little and I know that you have a beautiful ticker tocker my good friend. I think the world of you too as you keep it and us turning in the right direction. A mega-hug back. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Okay !? What have I done to be whacked over the head a bit ? Oh ! (second comment) No !! I can’t even climb up to my roof any more. The photo was found on a Google Search, so someone does ! Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  18. Well, Ralph, I don’t know how I missed your funny vice/advice post in my Reader. It must have been sitting there for days. I’ll look out for your next one, which must be due pretty soon. As always, your hilarious pictures are so appropriate to your theme of ‘Advice’. I just hope you’re following the advice of your medics and that the weather out there has now improved. Judging by your excellent pose on the roof, I imagine it has done. Take care. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry you almost missed this post Millie, but you came eventually. Thank you ! My next post is due midnight Sunday (Spain time) as I am finding once a week is enough ! The picture of the man on the roof was found on Google, so someone loves DIY sunbathing ! Take care yourself my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I am afraid I would be puffing the plumes with you out on the balcony with my little wooden pipe filled with smelly cherry tobacco that always seems to scare people away…I have to fumigate my old-man hats, after all- that is my excuse, of course. πŸ˜‰

    I have a friend who has smoked hand-rolled cigarettes for roughly the same amount of time. Scrappy fellow, was a boxer. He reminds me of Bogart when he lights up. I don’t look like Bogart with my pipe. I don’t even resemble Sherlock Holmes…perhaps an impish leprechaun.

    P.S. Sad to learn your uncles died so young. Me mum died early of cancer as well- not a smoker, lived a very healthy lifestyle. So it goes.

    Bug hugs and smokey embraces, dear friend,

    smiling toad

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had to have a quick roll-up after reading your lovely, long comment AJ. I have no idea what cherry tobacco smells like, but sounds smelly enough to ward off any bugs which may be heading towards you on your balcony.
      Thanks for your bug hugs my friend. Big hug back. Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Har har superb!

        Walnut-flavoured tobacco is another favourite of mine…but the head-shoppe stopped carrying it…blast!

        Yes, it does ward off the mosquitoes rather nicely and it really gives the old-man hunter caps a nice acrid bite. πŸ˜‰

        Cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

  20. That made me laugh! I started even earlier than you and also on β€˜rollie’ and still sometime smoke, actually whenever I feel like it despite the fact that smokers are treated like sub-species now days (actually I wrote about it a while back: http://wp.me/p2v1s2-IE ). So no advice from me, and none would come even if I am non-smoker because what would be a life without so called vices! And I suspect that smoking is by no means you only vice!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I saw the ashtray on the table in your latest post Daniela. Oh, I think smoking is my only vice ! *fingers crossed behind my back* πŸ˜‰ Happy Friday my friend ! Ralph xox ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Hahaha …………hahahaha so fun this post, loved it and you can see that you’re a real cat-man πŸ™‚ ! If you feel good with smoking don’t stop, stop only when you think you have too !!

    Liked by 1 person

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