The Last Supper. How I Sat On A Nun And My Trousers Fell Down Twice !!

Additions to my previous posts

Sorry I haven’t visited your blogs yet. Although I am back in Spain I have a lot of catching up to do on my blog and in real life.

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One bus tour which I forgot to post was to Nazareth, Galilee and the river Jordan. We had lunch at St Peter’s restaurant on the shore of Galilee where Jesus, Peter and other disciples used to have Sunday lunch with a Coke to drink. It’s true !!

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Peter caught this fish this morning

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Among our group was a young student who was the only one who didn’t eat the US$22 meal. I knew she was broke, so I offered to pay, but she refused. I didn’t push it.

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The tour guide told us that once we had eaten to go straight back to the bus and not to go to the edge of the Sea of Galilee. Being me, I went and put my hands in the water. In the water in front of me rolled a carved, copper “wand”.  Wow !!

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I had a think about that young girl on the bus going to the river Jordan and when we reached the baptism “theme park” I got her to one side. Gave her €50 and asked her to pay it forward to a young student like herself when she becomes rich and famous. I then went to have my feet cleaned by fish in the river Jordan.

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See the fish. They nibble and it tickled !

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My last supper in the hotel

The last evening meal in the hotel was so unusual. As all the tour groups had left and all the tour groups had cancelled because of the trouble with Gaza I was alone in the 200 seater dining room. As there was no normal buffet the chef cooked me a special meal, enough to feed the 40,000. Did I eat it all ? No way !!

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The first time my trousers fell down !

I left the hotel in Jerusalem at midnight for Ben Gurion airport near Tel Aviv. My taxi driver, Michael Schumacher’s Palestinian cousin Abdul, drove the 1 hour 20 minute route in 25 minutes. Oh boy !!

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Security was very tight. The taxi was pulled to one side at the Israeli airport checkpoint and I was quizzed by a soldier who also took my passport into an office. 20 minutes later I was allowed into the airport. Twice more I was interrogated about where I had been and had to explain my middle names on my passport as I went through check in, passport control procedures.

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I needed both hands to remove my laptop for security Xray. I already had my belt off and my trouser waist was extremely loose. So it made the night of the Israeli girl helping me to remove all metal objects as my trousers descended to the floor.

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After 3 hours I managed to get to the Gate and we took off for Rome.

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How I sat on a Nun !

An hour more flying to Rome. The flight was okay but the seats on the A320 were so uncomfortable. Then a commotion from the back of the plane. Someone had a severe medical problem. So the  Captain gunned it and we landed 20 minutes early and parked miles from nowhere in the middle of the airport. “Ladies and Gentlemen. Please stay seated until the medical personnel have boarded the aircraft !“. Oh boy ! I have an hour and a half to walk the miles of corridors from T3 to T1 ! Eventually we were allowed to board a bus for the terminal.

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There are few seats, so I stood holding a pole next to a seated Nun. Then, Michael Schumacher’s Italian cousin, Mario, shot off towards the terminal. He cornered on two wheels, the inertia of my heavy laptop bag swung me around. I moved my feet to balance myself, but the Nun had put her cabin bag up against the back of my feet. This is when I began my pole dance…….

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……swinging lower and lower until I ended up sitting on the lap of the Nun. I think she enjoyed the experience !  A miracle for her perhaps !

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The second time my trousers fell down !

Fantastic ! I entered Terminal 3 with an hour to go before my next flight from Rome to Malaga. Easy ! I can do …….. I turned a corner and, for heaven’s sake, ANOTHER security check of person and hand luggage AND there were dozens of people queuing in front of me !

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One woman in front of me had enough jewelry on to fill Fort Knox with gold and every time she went through the detector it beeped. Time after time off came more jewelry. My turn ! My trousers descended to the floor as I removed my laptop from its bag. Oh boy !!

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Half an hour to go before my flight to Malaga leaves !! Got to hurry !!

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Rome Airport.

Do not, I repeat, do not use Rome airport. It’s BIG !! It’s FULL of people rushing here and there !! So I walked……

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…….and walked……

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……did I pass this ? ……

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……. and walked……

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……checked the signs……

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…..and walked…..

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……and walked……

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Yay !! I got to my Gate C09 on time !

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“Ladies and Gentlemen. There will be a half an hour delay because the aircraft is not in it’s correct position !” Oh boy ! I hope it’s the right way up !! After all that rushing and walking fast I needed a pee !

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Great ! One nearby ! Oh no ! The “men’s” was closed and there was a long queue of men for the disabled toilet. The women had NO queue ! (Yay ! Say you women !). 20 minutes later a happy Ralph emerged from the Relieving Station.

3/4 hour late, Michael Schumacher’s Italian cousin’s brother screeched his way out to the ancient A319 aircraft bound for Malaga …… or not !!

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The Italian Conference. Do we take off or not ! Mama mia !

All 135 of us passengers were seated in the usual uncomfortable seats ready to go to Malaga, but the Captain was unhappy. A passenger had a medical condition document attached to her boarding card which gave her permission to fly. The Captain objected. Medics and a doctor were called aboard. Others joined in. I assume the Lottery ticket salesman, the runway line painter and half of Rome came aboard as well and so started an hour of ” Mama mias” and “Did you have pizza last night ?” on the flight deck.

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The documents photographed by the Captain and the doctor’s signature on it, we took off for Malaga.

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Baggage bloomer

Over an hour late we landed in Malaga.

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Miles of walking again to the baggage hall, carousal 37. The suitcases went round……

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……nope ! No bag ! …….

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………Still no suitcase ! …….

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……suddenly everyone went and I had no suitcase ! An airport wheelchair pusher told me that as I came from outside Europe that my suitcase would be in a separate Custom’s Hall. And there it was. We gave each other a hug and left together for the arrivals hall…….

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……where I met Max who was there to drive me to my home in the mountains of southern Spain……

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…….Or not !!

We chatted over a drink in a bar outside Malaga Arrivals and went to Jenny’s sports car which she had borrowed to pick me up.  She put her ticket in the pay machine…..

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……and it was rejected. How were we going to get through the barrier ? Driving round and round the car park we eventually found the office 2 floors down.

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The girl there swiped the parking ticket and told Max to go and pay at the machine the other side of the car park. 5 minutes later Max came back saying it doesn’t work. The girl swiped, typed, muttered and sent Max back to the machine. It worked !! The barrier raised and we were homeward bound. After a major food and drink shop in Ronda I arrived home in the evening. Was greeted by my cats who had not seen me for two weeks. They talked and followed me everywhere. Had my evening meal and promptly fell asleep on my swivel chair !!

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(Most of these pictures were found on Google Search. Thank you to the contributors)

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Did you enjoy my trip home ?

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Ralph xox ❤

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72 Comments on “The Last Supper. How I Sat On A Nun And My Trousers Fell Down Twice !!

  1. Good grief, Charlie Brown, you do have some interesting adventures. I’m sending you a pair of suspenders for your trousers. Do you prefer kangaroos or koalas?

    That was a lovely way to manage the giving of some money to that young lass. Your gesture may ripple through many generations!

    There’s so much to say about your wind up during your visit, and what, to most people, would just be a humdrum trip home. I’ll leave that for your other devoted stalkers.

    Your cats will be so happy to have their human back, to snuggle up to during the night.

    Cheers, cobber. oxo ❤

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    • Hi Yvonne 😀 Wow ! Thank you ! I would love some suspenders. Maybe a young pretty blonde in them would be more suitable for me than kangaroos or koalas 😉
      My cats love me being home. Ralph xox ❤

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    • Hi YC 😀 It all really happened and I thought I would never get home, but did eventually. I hope the young girl will pay it forward one day. Ralph 😀

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  2. Only you Ralph – only you! 😉
    I’m so glad that you enjoyed your trip.
    And – I’m more glad that you have arrived back home safe & sound.
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx

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    • Hi RoSy 😀 Yes, only me ! I just didn’t believe what was going on as events unfolded considering the flights out to Tel Aviv were relatively uneventful. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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    • Hi Beth 😀 Well, it made a good post didn’t it ? Though going through it all for me was a minor nightmare. Ralph xox ❤

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    • Hi Annie 😀 I must admit it took a couple of days to get back to normal here in Spain. My neighbour, Toni, is doing my pile of washing as I write. She came early this morning to clean my apartment and took a truck load of washing home with her. Ralph xox ❤

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  3. You must be exhausted now and sleep for a week. Glad you are back safely as we hear about the trouble out there. It certainly has given you memories and many stories to tell!

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    • Hi Ute 😀 I was exhausted for the first day home and didn’t really want to write this post, but as it was fresh in my mind I went for it. Your comment has made me think how great it is to have this blog as a record of recent events in my life. Much better than photo files on a back-up memory stick ! I see that WP has selected “Grapes and Goodbyes” as one of the 3 recommended posts at the end of this post. That was when you sorted grapes for Brian & Monica and left from Malaga airport. Hope it’s not too hot for you in London my friend. Ralph xox ❤

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      • No as you know I love the heat…. I am certainly not complaining. I remember the grape harvest with pleasure it was a great ending to my holiday. I do wear the T -shirt too.

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    • Hello Wendy 😀 Thank you. It’s nice to be back ! Hah ! New trousers ! I bought the ones I wore on this post at the local market. Waist sizes that fit me have short legs. The correct leg length go with way oversize waist. Can’t win ! (I need a seamstress Resa ! 😉 ) I will visit your blog soon Wendy ! Ralph xox ❤

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  4. Enjoy? I’m exhausted by it all. Do you think everyone was taking note of your T shirts and wanted to feature on your blog? 😀

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    • Hello Gallivanta 😀 Poor thing ! Do I really exhaust you ? Maybe you are the one who needs a vacation after reading about mine ! I did have a couple of people in Jerusalem say that they looked at my blog because of my t-shirts. Their tablets blew up 😉 Ralph xox ❤

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  5. I did enjoy your trip home, but probably not as much as you did. Especially the sitting on the nun part and getting to show your exhibitionist side, not once but twice. 😛 You are such a sweetheart to give the money to that student. But then, you are always so generous, like sharing all this with us. Glad you had such a fab vacation and are safely home. Love and hugs. ❤

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    • Hi Elizabeth 😀 Wow ! What a lovely comment ! You should have been with me. I may have ended up on you instead of the Nun. Love Ralph xox ❤

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  6. Good Lord! So glad you’re home & well, my friend! Hugs ❤

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    • Hi Abby 😀 Mucho Good Lord ! I’m pleased to be home as well. I can return to sanity now…….or maybe not ! Hugs back. Ralph xox ❤

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    • Hello Drake or should I call you Sir Francis ? Of course you may call me Sir Ralph…….makes a change from what others call me ! 😉 Ralph 😀

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  7. I once almost stripped at the airport in Keflavik Iceland – because of a crazy sound from the metal detector – it was my shoes – so I asked the female officer whether we should take a date now she had seen me with almost no clothes on – she had good humor and laughed loudly… 😀

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    • lol . And did you make a date with her ? I gather in the winter months there you’ll need someone to keep you warm 😉 Ralph 😀

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      • Actually yes – for how expensive it is to invite a girl out to dinner in Iceland – alone aperitif costs the same as a down payment on a small car… 😀 😀 😀

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      • Wow ! Well done ! I didn’t realise how expensive Iceland is. Maybe a date on a park bench with sandwiches is the answer. 😀

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  8. Oh Ralph, that was such a lovely, thoughtful and kind thing to do, to give the student some money. I bet she was made up by your generosity. I’ve got to be honest, your trip back to Spain sounds exhausting. Not one but two peeps with medical conditions on the plane, that’s what I call bad-luck. And then the nun, and your trousers falling down TWICE…I do hope that you had your best, cleanest Y-Fronts on or do you go commando comme moi? 😉 xox

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    • Hello Lottie 😀 Thank you so much for your great comment. I’m a boxer man. I don’t think the security women could cope with a commando 😉 Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  9. Ralph, you crack me up. I doubt “the last supper” and “my trousers fell down twice” have ever been put together in a blog post let alone one sentence. I admire your dedicated chronicling of your trip and sharing w/ us. That last supper, btw, looks scrumptious.

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    • Hi Diahann 😀 You’re funny ! Superglue on its way as I can’t have you cracking up my friend 😉
      The supper was very tasty, but HUGE ! Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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    • Hi Liz 😀 Although it was a good meal and very tasty, I am sure your gastronomic delights would surpass that meal immensely. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  10. I’m really happy for you, Ralph, because you had a very nice holiday! Thanks a lot you for sharing with us your memories.
    Have a wonderful Sunday, Ralph! 🙂

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    • Hello Ştefania 😀 You are very welcome. I am glad that I could share my holiday with you and it’s nice to be home back in Spain. Have a fantastic day my friend. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  11. Welcome back 🙂 I still remember the long quizzes when I went to Israel. It usually took two hours and at least three different people always asking the same questions. A little annoying. You really made me laugh , when you described Fiumicino airport. It is huge and disorganized, I ‘m sorry, but you managed to go back home safe and sound at least .
    Hugs. Stefy.

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    • Hi Stefy 😀
      Thank you. I am pleased to be home after that trip back from Israel. Never again ! It took me 3 hours to finally board the plane at Tel Aviv. I suppose with the war in Gaza they were more strict.
      Rome, however, was a nightmare to navigate especially when having little time to transit from one end of a terminal to the other end of another terminal. I feel for you as you have experienced both airports. But it made a fun post anyway. Hugs back. Ralph xox ❤

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  12. My My !! Aren’t you back with a bang 👍☺ . Reading down it was almost as if I were experiencing it all. Welcome back.

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  13. As usual, you have outdone yourself with this great adventure! You did have a lot of fun on the trip! Hope you get caught up pretty soon, but relax and don’t rush.

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    • Hi Steve 😀 I must admit the return from Israel was way out of the ordinary even for me ! But, as you say it was fun. I am catching up with blogging. It will be nice to relax. Hope you and AJ are fine, well and having fun. Ralph 😀

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  14. Hi MFR, This may be your funniest post ever, you poor dear. My brother has your same problem with pants. He was 6’3″ in high school and weighed maybe 135 pounds. Most of his height was legs, so he had a very hard time finding jeans to fit. He’s shrunk a few inches now, but I think only in the back, and I doubt that he’s gained a pound, so he still struggles with his weight. He won’t fly, though. That’s why we took our big trip last year by train, and it is much more pleasant. Your trip home, harrowing as it was, helps make the time memorable. You’ll probably forget your kindness to the young woman because you are always kind to young women of all ages, but I doubt that you will forget dropping your trousers. I agree that you need suspenders, but they probably would have taken those, too. Lots of love and sympathetic hugs. RVBFM 🙂 xox

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    • Hi MVBFM 😀 Thank you for your HUGE comment my friend. It’s almost as BIG as Rome airport 😉 Yes, tall people do have trouser problems. Some of the ones I still wear are years old, but serviceable. I also have shoe size problems as well. The local shoe stores only keep average sizes and buying off the internet is a no-no for me as I like to try them on. I hope you all are well and that you have finally retired Marsha. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  15. Oh my God you are just a clever hoot. Fab article! Laughed at your ‘religious’ food experience and cringed at the thought of the travel experience. Travel was once a grand luxury where people dressed nicely and life was once simple. I have often told my husband we will soon be stripping completely just to get through security. There is almost no dignity left. But you endured with humor as always and I thoroughly enjoy you. Welcome back! 🙂 ❤

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    • Hi Debby 😀 I totally agree with all that you say especially about the grand luxury of travel. In the ’50s I used to fly to Nigeria on a Stratocruiser in school uniform with a brown label tied to my blazer. I belonged to the BOAC Junior Jet Club. I had a log book of flights and was allowed to visit the flight deck on each flight. The stewardesses looked after me well. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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      • No doubts you were looked after. Judging by what I know of you only now, I am sure you a spitfire when you were that boy as well! ❤

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  16. Like all flights, it was terrifying, and I’m so glad you are home safe! Great trip Ralph!! 🙂 xox

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    • Hello my friend 😀 I do like flying but this trip was weird, but made a good post when I eventually got home. Have a lovely week Resa. Ralph xox ❤

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  17. Ralph -i love your blog-your postings are cool-you have a great outlook on life. if I may ask are you an Englishman living in Spain? I am English living here in the U.S.
    nice to join your blog ana

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    • Hello Ana 😀 Than you so much for your follow and your lovely comment. Yes, I am English and living permanently in Spain. I do hope your American drawl is better than my Spanish blurb 😉 lol The USA maybe chosen for my next holiday, at least they speak roughly the same language 😉 Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  18. Ola la what an adventure !! I like travelling but sometimes it looks like heaven falls down in some moments 🙂 ! Italy is always ……aspetta…… un po più tardi and if they can resolve a problem in 5 minutes they will make it in an hour (or make the problem bigger) hahaha ! You had a wonderful holiday and I’m very (yourself at most ) happy that you came back save ! So welcome back Ralph and now finally your real vacation can begin by relaxing in your beautiful home among with your best friends, have a beautiful day and kisses from Sérach ! BTW………..you was so gentle to that young student girls, the only thing was maybe that she misunderstood or she was too proud to except ?!

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    • Hello Serach 😀 Thank you for your magnificent comment. Yes, it’s nice to be back home and gradually getting back into a routine. As you say, living here permanently in Spain is my real vacation. The young girl is Canadian and did understand, but as you say she was too proud for me to pay for her meal. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  19. What an amazing vacation you’ve had Ralph. Welcome home, and now you can sit in your swivel chair and relive all your wonderful memories. Looks like the flight back was full of larkish fun. 😀 You must have been so relieved to eventually get out of the car park. 😯

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    • Hello Sylvia 😀 Yes. It was a lovely and very memorable holiday though the trip home was too eventful for my liking. Still, I arrived safely AND it made a great post for me. It’s nice to get back into some semblance of a routine. Being single, semblance is as far as I get 😀
      I hope you are having a lovely week my friend. Hugs. Ralph xox ❤

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  20. I agree that rome airport is LARGE! Its the biggest iv ever been in… not that iv been in a lot. It sounds like you had wonderful time!

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    • Hi Ella 😀 Thank you for visiting and all your likes. Rome airport seems a lot larger when in a rush for a connecting flight. I did have a great holiday in Israel and visiting the West Bank. Have a lovely evening. Ralph xox ❤

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  21. Thank you! I really needed a laugh and you sure delivered. I’m always .. grateful to read or hear about the details of others travels. Not everyone knows how to share, especially in such an entertaining and honest fashion. I much enjoyed the part where you waited for your luggage in vain at the carousel. If I had been on your flight you would have had someone to wait in vain with. I can count on one hand the number of times my luggage arrived with my flight, but as for the times my luggage went on for a longer vacation without me…. I’ll bet you’re glad to be back home.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Leslie 😀 Wow ! What a magnificent comment ! Thank you so much ! That was quite a trip home back to Malaga from Tel Aviv. I am 50/50 about being glad to be home as I did enjoy the vacation in Israel. All of it. At the same time it’s nice to be home with my cats.
      I hope you are having a lovely week. Ralph xox ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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