The Three Days Of Ralph

Yes. It’s about me and the rest of the dating world again. For you see, there’s me and there’s all the women who don’t want to ever talk to me. They’ve got a choice in their profile (that’s where they talk about themselves and do they talk !!). The choice is “Not talk to Ralph” or “Not talk to Ralph”.

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I spend agesΒ looking at their photographs reading their profile and at the bottom is a box which says

Come on. Talk to me. I would love to hear from you

So I start typing.

“Hello Shyknicks ……….. I love the way you have botoxed your eyebrows……….. and your butt ……. buttered scones look very tasty on the table beside you.”

And press SEND

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A new page opens.

Sorry !! This user only talks to her preferred selections. Please talk to one of your matches.

Heck !! My matches are a hedgehog, a woman from Rome who wants to spend the night, a cuddly toy, a free stay for one in a psychiatric hospital and Margaret Thatcher (deceased).

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I have actually messaged a few women who live in Spain (that’s what their profile says). And I have eventually found that they live in Romania, Russia, Morocco or Columbia.Β  Hello !!Β  Andalucia, Spain, women please !! Preferably ones that live close by (resting on the next pillow beside me would help πŸ˜‰ ).

Wackiness is winning the online dating game !!

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I want your help. I have three sides of me concerning this online dating thing. So I will class them asΒ days on how I feel

Day #1

As I live alone it would be lovely for me to have a wife, a woman around the house

Day #2

I like being with myself and enjoy my own company sometimes

Day #3

It would be lovely to have a woman around for a couple of days to screw my brains out

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WhichΒ day do you think I should concentrate on ? Vote as many times for Day #3Β  as you like, or maybe you have another suggestion

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I’m doing well at online dating, aren’t I ??

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Ralph xox ❀

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116 Comments on “The Three Days Of Ralph

    • Hi Belinda πŸ˜€ Please tell them that !! I have to laugh at myself and wonder whether a connection will be made. Hugs. Ralph xox ❀

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      • I tried online dating; um, it really didn’t go well, but they say there are success stories, so keep the faith. Grin

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    • I am still hammering away at the keyboard in hope. I seem to be in the centre of a circle, the edge of which 100 miles away is where all the women are. Big problem as I don’t drive anymore πŸ˜€ It’s still fun for me looking.

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  1. I feel for you Ralphie! When I was dating, people always told me to just enjoy being single and have fun. But I never thought dating was fun. I always found it awkward and not all that enjoyable. I know not everyone thinks about dating this way and maybe you’re having more fun than I did – I don’t know. I’m just saying, if you’re not having fun that I feel for you. Celeste πŸ™‚

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    • Hi Celeste πŸ˜€ I can imagine you were hit on many times by all the wrong people (like me πŸ˜‰ ). I am emailing and replying to one potential. Local ? No !! Two Continents away ? Yes !!! Oh boy !! It is awkward initially, but having the practice in these comments helps me a lot. You made it in the end though didn’t you ? Which to me is lovely that you are happy. Ralph xox ❀

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  2. Hell Ralph man. I don’t know about how you’re doing but I sure am having a blast reading about it. Hugs to you my friend.

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    • Hi Shey πŸ˜€ I don’t know how I’m doing either. We are a match !! We both don’t know how I’m doing !! You are very welcome to laugh at my expense as I enjoyed writing this post. Have a lovely weekend my friend. Ralph xox ❀

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      • Aw…you know I would never laugh at you Ralpha man. Just at the brilliance of the post and the poll. Hugs and may the weekend be fabulous. xxx

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      • I know you wouldn’t Shey. You would never hear the last of it if you did πŸ˜‰ xox

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  3. Its the Wild West out there in the online dating world. I used to look in on some profiles, but haven’t for ages now. I don’t see much there. I wander around nightspots and catch sax players closing up by spying through the tavern window! Whatever cheers me up and shows me some humanity out there.

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    • Hi Steve πŸ˜€ So you didn’t find Ms Right online then ? Maybe I should give up these websites and go on ebay. They’ve got everything in there πŸ˜‰
      At the end of the day my match may pop up locally. Who knows. My best wishes to you and AJ. Ralph πŸ˜€

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      • So you can bid on dates in Ebay??!! Dangerous, you can’t test-drive a date from Ebay!! Could get a severe dud relationship that way!

        I just used to look at profiles, also to get a feel for other locations we may move to, bad method for that!

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      • Hi Steve πŸ˜€ Thanks for the advice. I need all that I can get. Ralph πŸ˜€

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    • Hello Wendy πŸ˜€ So true. All these incidents do make good posts and I’m sure there is more to come from this online dating. I’m going out in a while as it’s a lovely evening again. Ralph xox ❀

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  4. Feeling naughty I clicked on #3……but I see that most peeps that have voted for you, went down the wifey route and I think that’s probably the best bet. I tried this internet dating lark a few years ago and it was fun….the highlight being a snog in a multi-storey car park πŸ˜€

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    • Hi Lottie πŸ˜€ Yes. I agree. The wifey route is best. When one is alone and single Day #3 does pop into my mind occasionally. Thanks for voting.
      THAT is A highlight ??? OMG. There is nothing remotely like a multi-storey here. πŸ˜‰ I’ve got my Bluefish Way bike sheds though. Now that’s fun !! Ralph xox ❀

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      • LOLS!! I hasten to add that the moment of passion in a multi-storey was in Cambridge, UK, NOT Andalucia!! xox

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      • I had a Fiat X19 similar to this for a couple of years when I was single and it was impossible to get amorous in the car. Big mistake in buying it πŸ˜‰
        .

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  5. Now you have a poll to vote! πŸ˜›

    You know what I seriously think. That you should focus on United Kingdom and their dating sites, and I will give you why:

    Number 1: They are fluent in English and will understand your jokes and cross-references
    2: They DREAM is (if they are alone and of age and join online dating site) to run away from rainly Great Britain to sunny Spain.
    3: You are lovable and sweet, and once they see that… No problem. πŸ™‚
    4: You need no more proof. This theory is solid as a rock.

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    • Ivy. Ivy. Ivy !! What a great idea. I’ll try that and have a go ! For this suggestion I’ll let you vet them for me. I’ll even hire you as my PA in this venture. The pays bad, no holidays, no office romances, overtime and a 5 minute lunch break twice a week on Thursdays !! Sign here !! Ralph xox ❀

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      • Update !! That’s 3 in UK either all in a flutter or screaming “Run for the hills. Ralph’s here !!”

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    • Hi Christy πŸ˜€ and welcome to my wacky blog. That’s right. Fun !! Have a lovely weekend my new friend. Ralph xox ❀

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  6. I vote just continue what you’re doing and try to enjoy the process. It sounds like you’re having fun. πŸ™‚

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    • Hi HD πŸ˜€ This dating thing is like making a chocolate cake in a cement mixer. I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to turn out. Ralph xox ❀

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  7. Funny post! I voted “Other” Does the poll let you view the comment? πŸ™‚ xo

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    • Hi Resa πŸ˜€ You are fun !!
      It’s quite a rigmarole to read your comment. As it’s my post I click on EDIT. Back in my draft I click on ADD POLL. All my polls come up on a pop-up. Find this poll and click on RESULTS.
      So funny. I loved the way you combined the 3 days. The trouble was there were too many letters and your comment stopped as you were just saying about day 3. “……and s” So I must use my imagination. I think you either said “……. and submitted gratefully” or “………and smacked Ralph round the face” πŸ˜‰ So which one my friend ? Ralph xox ❀

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  8. The adventures of online dating. Fun to write about. Maybe try another option. Get involved in activities you find interesting, And you can meet people who share your interests. Even have a conversation with them.

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    • Hi Georgia πŸ˜€
      I’ve tried and tried in my blog. That didn’t work πŸ˜‰
      Locally. (Don’t forget I live in the mountains of southern Spain). Locally, there are a few activities for children, a yoga class (lots of married women and I would get twisted up in knots.) I could talk to a farmer about goats. He might give me one πŸ˜‰ lol Ralph xox ❀

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    • Hi YC πŸ˜€ I’m not certain about anything to do with online dating. I fill my boots with whipped cream, dive in and see who gets splattered. πŸ˜€ Ralph πŸ˜€

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  9. You are only at the beginning of dating…. patience. There are a lot of wacky people out there. Well look at me and you hehe. Still there are some genuine nice ones, you will eventually see. Enjoy the talks!

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    • Hi Ute πŸ˜€ Wackibility !! We finally have something in common πŸ˜‰ lol
      I do hope that there are a few genuine nice ones willing to talk.
      I wonder what your Username was. Dancing Queen ?
      Have a lovely weekend my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      PS I will be online prowling around London tomorrow. Run for the hills !! πŸ˜‰

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      • Actually my name was: Twostepsfromheaven ( little changed after my favourite group) I am off the dating site as I have met a wonderful man…… πŸ™‚

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      • I understand why you picked your name.
        And…..wow….I am so really pleased for you Ute. I really am. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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  10. Hi, sweetie. I’m glad you’re having some fun at least. There does seem to be more wacky, wacky woohoos out there than normal ladies, but hey, wacky can be fun. πŸ˜€ You know, I met my husband online. Not at a service because I wasn’t looking. I met him in a chat room. So it is possible to meet your one and only online. It’s also possible to meet a completely crazed lunatic. So be careful and have a blast. Hugs and kisses. ❀

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    • Hello sweetheart πŸ˜€ thank you so much for telling me your story. So there may be some hope for me after all. I will miss you if it does happen !! πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

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  11. Chocolate cake in a concrete mixer! Now if you could make that work out you would find on line dating a piece of cake, by comparison. πŸ˜‰

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    • Hi Gallivanta πŸ˜€ I had put the chocolate cake mix into the cement mixer. Set it running and only doughnuts coming out at the moment. Hang on, and a fairy cake, oh and a couple of fruit cakes πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

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    • Hi Sylvia πŸ˜€ I put Day #3 in to ruffle a few feathers in these ‘ere comments πŸ˜€ Day #1 wifey is my preferred choice. Ralph xox ❀

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  12. Right now it is just practice so when the perfect one comes along you will know just what to type to reveal the catch you are. 8)
    Or….you will gain great stories for the blog about crazy people that make the rest of us feel more sane. πŸ˜‰

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    • Hi Katie πŸ˜€

      So I am practicing with you then my friend πŸ˜‰

      Everyone is more sane than us Katie πŸ˜‰

      Oh, our mutual friend K and you are going to cure me she says. Good luck !!

      Ralph xox ❀

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  13. You’re having a lot of fun, aren’t you? πŸ˜‰
    Love the poll and just cast my vote. LoL
    Stay strong Ralph, there are plenty more hedge-I mean women around who’ll enjoy meeting you. It takes a bit of time. Speaking of time…aren’t you done ironing my dainties yet? πŸ˜‰

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    • Hi CeeLee πŸ˜€ I bet you voted the hedgehog !! No, I haven’t finished with them. I’m wearing them when I go out tonight as they are so fresh and clean πŸ˜‰ heehee. Ralph xox ❀

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      • Well…okay.
        Juat so they aren’t bunchy when they’re returned. πŸ˜‰

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      • They’re in the male……no……mail as I speak and perfect πŸ˜‰

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      • I’ll refrain from rolling my eyes but can’t stop the grin. “Uh huh…sure they are” lol

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      • Love your sense of humour CeeLee. I am going through the new posts in my Inbox and you are 8 away. Prepare yourself. Make yourself pretty for me πŸ˜‰

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      • I’m all pretty…but the main breaker box ie: Giver of power, charger of electronics, let’s me respond to and leave comments on blogs- isn’t so pretty.

        More like fried. So!
        Comment all you want- I’ll be here stewing… LoL

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      • Oh dear CeeLee. Frying tonight !! And you being so pretty and all dressed up to go.
        “I hate to see you stew” said the cannibal to the missionary. lol.
        I hope your box gets fixed asap or you’ll get withdrawal symptoms. ❀

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      • It did get fixed-right in the nick of time.
        I didn’t have to resort to any extreme methods to distract myself from net withdrawal, thank goodness.
        Life is getting closer to being back to normal.
        Game on! πŸ™‚

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    • Hi MΓ©lanie πŸ˜€ Thank you for visiting and commenting. Fantastic !! Sounds good to me !! Have a lovely week. Ralph xox ❀

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  14. I am awarding you the Premio Dardos award. There are also 6 awards I’m offering to all my readers, which you can take any or all of those. If you don’t accept awards, sorry about that, it’s just my way of saying thank you for coming by. For more details, please view this post http://wp.me/p41c99-MI Take care, Sage

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    • Hi Sage πŸ˜€ Thank you so much for kind thought but I don”t do awards. No time !! Thank you again. Ralph πŸ˜€

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    • Hi Serach πŸ˜€ Day #1 is my favourite as well. have a lovely week my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      PS Let me know if you start blogging again as I have unfollowed your blog

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      • Thank you dear Ralph and if I will restarted with blogging I’m sure I will tell you immediately ! I send you a big Hug and success with dating πŸ™‚ !

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  15. Oh my dearest Ralph…
    Someone is sure missing out on wonderful YOU!
    She better hurry & show up – if she knows what’s good for her.
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx

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    • Hello RoSy πŸ˜€ You always have my best interests at heart. I love you for it. Ralph xox ❀

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    • Hi Lumar πŸ˜€ Great !! It’s good to smile.
      Different site ? Okay, I’ll shut down Bluefish Way and go into the backwaters of Facebook πŸ˜‰ heehee Ralph xox ❀

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  16. Lolol, I don’t know if you are doing alright, but you are sure doing a great job of entertaining us. xo πŸ™‚

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  17. Well, I voted for number 1 because I really want to see you wind up with someone that will make you happy for the rest of your life….You deserve it. In the meantime, thank you for entertaining us. You make me smile, Dear Ralph. Thank you, too, for visiting me…..I love seeing your avi around my place. Hugs!!!

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    • Whoops. I missed your comment. Me bad !!

      Hi Skye πŸ˜€
      Day #1 is the best option for me. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I really do appreciate them. Love and hugs. Ralph xox ❀

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  18. Ralph-I have a friend in Spain…she wants to meet you in person. It may not be a love match, but she’s close to you traveling, likes your blogs and would like to email you. Send me a msg on my blog (I’ll keep it private), and I’ll pass it along to her. Have a great day!

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  19. Aww MFR, you do have a bite! If that doesn’t work out, I like Ivy’s ideas best. I’m hoping that there are more than hedgehogs running around out there. Marriage is not for the feint of heart, for sure. At this stage of life, if I were single, I might go with #2, but if a good one came along and knocked me off my feet, my socks blew off, and he gave me a foot massage, I might be persuaded… Lots of love to you, MFR. xox πŸ™‚

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    • Hi MVBFM πŸ˜€ I totally agree with you in everything. I hope something comes from talking to these women. Let’s see. Ralph xox ❀

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  20. Just letting you know, I am thinking of you friend. Sending beautiful thoughts of peace and joy your way! You are a kind soul, a good person, and I wish you continued tranquility in life.

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    • Hi Thomas πŸ˜€ Those are really kind words. Thank you so much. I hope work is on the up for you my friend. Ralph πŸ˜€

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      • Work is happening, and things are going slow, but we are getting where we need to be! πŸ™‚ I have faith things will come together. Thank you kindly friend.

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  21. Hi Ralph tell yourself the last thing you need is another woman in your life. Don’t broadcast this unless you are asked. Avoid women at all costs. Tell yourself you will never ever get involved in another relationship. You’ll be married within the year. Cheers mate πŸ˜‰

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    • Hi Charlie πŸ˜€ Ummm…..okay……that may work. I’ll try it !! πŸ˜‰ heehee Ralph πŸ˜€

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  22. If nothing else your online dating makes for good blogs. Perhaps the women from Spain who really aren’t would like to move there. Otherwise you have your cats. Pets are the best company. They don’t judge you or try to change you to meet their ideals. They just love you unconditionally and occasionally ruin your stuff.

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    • Hi LB πŸ˜€

      This dating thing does make good posts. There is bound to be more to come !! Such fun !

      Yes. Pets are really good company and I must add when you said, “They just love you unconditionally and occasionally ruin your stuff.” Just like a wife then !! πŸ˜‰

      Ralph xox ❀

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  23. You crack me up, as usual! Makes me think of some of the…ahem…interesting men I met online. You know, the one that was obsessed with serial killers, the one that was going to burn all his mother’s books when she died, and the one that consistently referred to me as “m’lady”. I did finally meet the right one online, though, so I’m sure you will too!

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  24. Hi dear Ralph. You always make me LOL!!! But seriously, this dating business is such a pain in the ass. Nevertheless, I have met several great guys online, (none of whom is my partner today) – you just need patience and luck.

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    • Hi Heila πŸ˜€ I hear your wise words and will take heed of them. I hope you find your Mr Right soon and I mean that. Ralph xox ❀

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  25. Ralph sounds like you’re having a whirl of fun with this online thing!! We’ll all live vicariously through you.

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    • Hello Loving πŸ˜€ Oh yes !! Online dating is not for the faint hearted *faint* Ralph xox ❀

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  26. I knew you will be well into online dating by now and having loads of fun! Good on you … if nothing else it gives you plenty to blog and laugh about! I know option 1 is where your heart truly lies, but I am going to vote option 3 since it is easier found than the option 1 and would do you good!

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    • Hi Daniela πŸ˜€ I am really pleased that you have done a detailed analysis of my problem and as my advisor I will go along with Day #3 wholeheartedly. Any spare Hobbitesses laying around down there ? πŸ˜‰

      Big hugs my friend. Ralph xox ❀

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  27. Hi again dear Ralph πŸ™‚
    First, I would concentrate on #3. After you’ve let off enough steam, you’ll probably relish being on your own (#2) even more, and might find #1 to have become less urgent.
    Hugs. Heila

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    • Hello dear friend πŸ˜€

      Hopefully Day #3 An eon of curling up toes would last much longer than being alone or a wife. Dream on Ralph !!

      See you soon Heila. Love and hugs. Ralph xox ❀

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  28. Oh Ralph. This sounds both frustrating and exciting! Hopefully you’ll find some nice ladies soon. Why stop at one right? Hah.

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    • Hi Raynna πŸ˜€ Is that a subtle hint from you two girls on your avatar ? πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox ❀

      Like

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