Dr Ralph. PhUn. Retrained

I had the results today of the MRI Scan and they found nothing in my brain that’s what gives me that vacant look but found a big problem in my sinuses and optics. So I have to go for another TAC scan in May for my nose and tests in Malaga for the cables between my eyes and brain. Once those are sorted I will be taking aggressive treatment for the Lewis Sumner (vibrating hands).Β  So my Neurologist is going aggressive on me. I prefer submissive women, but beggars can’t be choosers πŸ˜‰

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Β For those who are new to my blog (you need to get a life πŸ˜‰ ) I have been diagnosed as having:

One: Parkinsons’ (no cure)

Wrong !!! Two: Genetic (take tablets)

Wrong !!! Three: Lewis Sumner (possibly)

Four: Let’s diversify and go for the nose and eyes

I reckon I could do better !!

So…….

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I am highly self trained as Dr Ralph. PhUn. Psychiatrist and recently I went on a 3 year minute course to become the best sturgeon Bluefish Way has ever had

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Surgeon NOT sturgeon !!

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I began simply by learning anatomy

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I trained hard, working day and night

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Found out all about being a doctor

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I went on a specialist class

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And learned all about the skeleton

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I became more advanced

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As I was taught by the finest medical professors

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Eventually I performed my first operation. I was so nervous !!

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Eventually I became fully qualified

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Here are my certificates:

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I am so proud of them. They will be hung…..

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I have set up my practice. Got some new examination couches

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Β I have a highly trained support team

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And I imagine my first patient will be

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But !!

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My first patient lost his head in the local supermarket and I sewed it back with a lovely cross stitch

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My second patient looked promising and I gave her some corn for her pigeon toes

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And my latest…..ooh la la !!

Didn’t quite turn out to be what I expected

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(Credits; Images from Mr Google and contributors. Thank you so much)

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I see you are next. Now, what can I do for you ?

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Dr Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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While you are waiting, please click on my patient calming fish tank to feed the fish.

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71 Comments on “Dr Ralph. PhUn. Retrained

    • Hey YC πŸ˜€ Thank you so much. It’s my favourite ! I just love being certified πŸ˜‰ Ralph πŸ˜€

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  1. “They found nothing in my brain — that’s what gives me that vacant look”

    Thanks for the diagnosis. Explains a lot.

    Kidding, of course!

    More seriously, I am glad that they found nothing in your brain. And I hope they can figure out what is wrong. Sounds promising.

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    • Hi Georgia πŸ˜€ As you are the expert, you know where men’s brains are really located. They didn’t scan that area πŸ˜‰
      Hopefully over the next few months I will be a 21 year old again. In perfect health……dream on Ralph ! Ralph xoox πŸ˜€

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  2. You are SO silly, Ralph! Lol. And leave those “agressive” women alone. Wishing you all the best!! I fed the fish, too. πŸ˜‰

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    • πŸ˜† Thank you Loving πŸ˜€ My Neurologist was so sweet and I am sure that going aggressive is contrary to her normal behaviour. It could be her time of the month though .hehe. Oh. And thanks for feeding the fish. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  3. Hello Doctor…always here if you need something….kisses from Brazil…. and laughing a lot….

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    • Hi Valentina πŸ˜€ Neither, but you’re heading in the right direction. After much research I have come to the conclusion that the cables are “broad”band fibre-optics. The problem is watching too many broads !! πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  4. Dear Dr. Awesomticity, what a strenuous program you have been through!
    You do seem to keep your doctors guessing and on their toes. I hope all of the wires are connected and grounded…or they have an electrician who can flip the right switch.
    Good luck and hugs. 8)8)

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    • Hi Katie, my favourite patient πŸ˜€ Strenuos ?? It’s taxing !! The tax man is going through my cooked books as I write πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      There’s a new doctor in my practice who is helping me:
      .

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  5. Excuse me Dr. Ralph; I believe I’m next… πŸ™‚
    I have a huge pucker on my lips; can you help…??? πŸ˜‰
    xoxoxo

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    • Hi Carolyn πŸ˜€ Yes. you are next !! Please lay down on the couch on your back, close your eyes, pucker up your lips and prepare to receive the treatment kiss. Ooops !! One slight problem……….you’re thousands of miles away πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Hi Sheri πŸ˜€ Welcome to Bluefish Way !! I am so glad that you enjoyed this post and gained a few smiles. Glad to be of service. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  6. After reading this illuminating post, I’ve decided that I suddenly feel really well, thank you, so I shan’t take advantage of your kind offers. However, I wouldn’t mind sinking into that couch of teddy bears.

    Salute (that’s the Italian salute, not an army salute) for the coming weeks. oxo

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    • Hello Yvonne πŸ˜€ There you go !! I am such a brilliant doctor as you went away so well without even having to see me. The European National Health Service has just saved a fortune πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  7. Me? Next? Doc, I’ve seen your certificates and believe I will reschedule for a later date.

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    • Hi GP πŸ˜€ A wise decision. I am so fully booked !! The Feds are here now and have just booked me πŸ˜‰ Ralph πŸ˜€

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    • Hi Beth πŸ˜€ Thank you so much for your congratulations. I will treasure your words and …….I really don’t have a clue what I’m talking about πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  8. Ralph, love your way you described your diagnoses… you are too funny! made me laugh of course πŸ˜€ Happy your are ok. Hope your sinuses are ok too.. πŸ˜€

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    • Hi Patricia πŸ˜€ “Diagnosis” !! That’s doctor talk !! You are clever ! As I’m a doctor now I’ll have to remember words like that !! πŸ˜‰ My sinuses are fine. They say hello ! Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  9. I’m with Gallivanta need the calming fish, my life is too busy at the moment to take everything in…probably I need to see you Dr.Ralph.

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    • Hi Ute πŸ˜€ Take as many fish as you need. Gallivanta did πŸ˜‰
      Yes, maybe you do need to see me as being too busy needs to be balanced by loads of “me” time. Take two of these, three times a day and see me again next week πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      .

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  10. Love this post and I am laughing. My favorite too is the ‘Certificate of Insanity’. Great collection.

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    • Hello Kathy πŸ˜€ Such a fun comment from you. Thank you. Loved it !! I do hope that you are having a great Sunday. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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      • Thanks Ralph and always enjoy your blog but don’t always comment. Had a great Sunday and wishing you a Great week πŸ™‚

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      • Thanks Kathy for commenting and your wishes for this week. Happy Monday !! xox

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  11. Dr. Ralph, I need some serious help. I’ve been have trouble in the area of my smoochies and I see you’re a specialist. I need to make an appointment for a consultation ASAP. πŸ˜‰

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    • Elizabeth ! Elizabeth !! Elizabeth !!! What on earth am I going to do to you ? No need for a consultation as you are my best patient. Come as you are !! Hurry up as smoochies are going fast …….. πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  12. Couldn’t resist feeding the fishies, Ralph. πŸ˜€ You must be getting rather frustrated with these tests and whatnots. Lets hope that one day, they’re be able to decide exactly what’s wrong, and treat it. Meanwhile, hang onto your sense of humour. You sure need it. πŸ™‚

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  13. Normally I don’t like naughty stuff, but this was so funny it had me laughing my head off. Hopefully I haven’t woken my housemates. It’s hilarious.

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    • Hi Sandra πŸ˜€ Wow. That’s a first !! I am so pleased that you enjoyed the post and didn’t wake up your house mates. Have a lovely week. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  14. Congratulations!
    I’m quite impressed with all of your new credentials, not to mention your highly qualified support team which is nothing to sneeze at! Unless, of course, one is allergic to dogs. 😎 (AHCHOO!)
    I am in great shape… okay let’s say good. On 3rd thought I’m in a shape so I won’t be needing any doctoring soon. πŸ˜‰
    Take care and lots of hugs!

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    • Thank you so much Resa my friend. It’s amazing how healthy everyone has become now that I’m a doctor πŸ˜‰
      Doggone, you’ve gone and caught an allergy. Come right in !! I’m sure I can fix that !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  15. You insane ? Nooooooooooo, you are to πŸ™‚ fun, intelligent and great to be that, but b.t.w I love your personal helpers and you have very nice ways to become in a very quick time doctor (?) ! Wish you much patient and I hope they will find a.s.p what it can be ! ❀

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    • Hello Serach πŸ˜€ Yes, my helpers are great. They give all my patients that puppy look to calm them down…….before they run away πŸ˜‰ hehe. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Grazie mille per il video. Mi piace sentire Enya cantare. Avere una bella giornata di domani la mia amica. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  16. You are in my prayers for your vibrating hands and also, health in general. I hope that they will be able to treat this without too much trouble to you. Side effects of drugs scare me! I liked your way of deflecting from sympathy using humor, but you have mine, my dear! Hugs, Robin

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    • Hi Robin πŸ˜€ Thank you so much for your prayers…every little bit helps !! I am a little worried about eating in public as it’s so difficult but that’s a minor issue as the rest of the holiday will be great πŸ˜€ I don’t take any drugs for my hands since my new diagnosis. Got to laugh about it though !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Isn’t it awful ! At least they should give you a refund if they can’t help. I don’t charge so my refunds are always available πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  17. Those are hilarious certificates you’ve got there! I was just thinking of signing up for the insanity course myself! Haha

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    • Hi Raynna πŸ˜€ I’m certified ! So I am fully qualified to say that you have passed the insanity course with honours. Two men in white coats will be around to present you with a well earned rest in a lovely secluded place. πŸ˜‰ hahaha
      Big hug. ❀ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • Hello Tazien πŸ˜€ Yep !! I’m fully qualified and should be certified πŸ˜‰ Glad you enjoyed the fun. Ralph xoxox ❀ ❀

      PS Oh, thanks for the blitz of Likes my friend. xox

      Like

  18. So much fun but you are obviously smart and very well trained! Smiles and hugs to you, Ralph! from me, Robin

    Like

    • Hi Robin πŸ˜€

      Oh. Very well trained……. even house trained !! πŸ˜‰

      Big hugs to you my friend. Ralph xox ❀

      Like

  19. Your brain is a fascinating mystery! I don’t know where you get all these funny ideas from!

    On the other hand, I really hope you (or they) will finally find the cure to whatever is bothering you… These hospital diagnosis are a crazy ride! Or, as Forrest Gump would say, a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get.

    Like

    • Hi Julita my friend. I love to have fun, so maybe I am slightly mad πŸ˜‰ I look at the pictures in the box of chocolate and go straight for the coffee ones πŸ˜€ Big hug. Ralph xox ❀

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  20. All those medical appointments sound most un-fun. But I’m glad to hear your MRI came up clean (clean, not empty πŸ˜‰ )

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    • Hello Alarna πŸ˜€ So true. Appointments and what they do is definitely no fun. It’s good that the MRI scan found nothing in my brain. Maybe it’s because I’m a man and it’s elsewhere πŸ˜‰ I hope you publish another possum post soon. Hugs. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

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