It’s Curtains For King Ralph !!!

Ralph’s guide to making curtains at home


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Ensure that when you are using “Ralph’s guide to curtain making” that you:

One: Pay her well

I paid her well over the odds. I thought 84 centimos (US$1) was generous.
I paid her well over the odds. I thought 84 centimos (US$1) was generous.

Two: Bribe her well with Irish Cream, wine, tea and coffee.

The Thing guarding the Irish Cream
The Thing guarding the Irish Cream

And that’s how I make curtains at home !! Easy isn’t it !!

(Thank you so much Hilda for my new curtains and letting me have fun with this post <3)


King Ralph

This week the Spanish celebrate Three Kings. It’s the main day of the year when children get presents.

One little tradition is a cake with a ceramic king hidden within and whosoever finds the king is king for the day.

There was a king in my piece of cake.


There is no need to bow or curtsey.Β  A little grovel will be fine πŸ™‚


As King, what can I do to make you happy ??

gold_bar_separatorKing Ralph xox πŸ™‚


93 Comments on “It’s Curtains For King Ralph !!!

    • Hello Lady Beth πŸ˜€ I agree. It’s hard work watching others toil away. I need to rest after Hilda’s visit this afternoon. Worn me out πŸ˜‰ King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hi Lord YC πŸ˜€ Taxes ?? As King, I pronounce that there will be no more taxation and any refunds must be repaid by the politicians out of their own pocket and henceforth politicians and bankers will pay all the taxes deemed necessary to keep my peasants happy. King Ralph πŸ˜€


  1. Hola Your Royal Highness Ralph!

    No special requests. But I do have a question. When & where is the royal ball?

    BTW – Hilda did a great job on the curtains. πŸ™‚

    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx


    • Hello Lady RoSy of the Court of King Ralph πŸ˜€
      Ah !! The Royal Ball has been patted under the sofa by Sonic, the palace cat πŸ˜‰
      Hilda did an amazing job on the curtains. I am so happy.
      Big hug. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hello Lady Ashley πŸ˜€ Thank you. It was a wonderful day when Hilda finished the curtains and I was made King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  2. Hilda has done a great job, Please say hello from me when you see her again. I had to go to IKEA and buy mine and have them altered by a tailor. I bet it feels great and is warmer too!


    • Good afternoon Lady Ute πŸ˜€ Such an adventure to travel to the Land of IKEA. You were so brave. The Royal curtain maker will be attending my Court this afternoon to collect items that she forgot to take with her yesterday. I will pass on your greetings. So much warmer and homely. Big hug. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  3. King excellent title. When will Hilda be making your Royal Robes? And will you be hosting a Garden Party this year?


    • Hi Lady Gallivanta πŸ˜€ Thank you. No. Hilda does not make Royal Robes. I travel incognito to the local market and purchase attire from the local peasants. My royal chambers are at the top of a tower. There is no garden, but I wave to the villagers below from my balcony. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      PS I do have a Royal Seal which has two functions: One: for moistening the glue on official documents and Two: generate applause when I say something.


      • Lady Gallivanta approves of your Royal Seal. Your Royal Seal looks as though he would help you with waving from the balcony. And as long as you have clothes, we will be happy. We wouldn’t want you to be like the Emperor with his new clothes.


      • The Royal Seal is great. He is such a help, such as a fan in the heat of summer πŸ˜‰ Clothes ??? Have you been peeking my friend πŸ˜‰ xox


  4. Isn’t it called tapestries and not curtains
    when it is in the royal homes, your royal highness Sir Ralph..? πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

    Hilda is really do excellent work… πŸ™‚


    • Hi Sir Drake πŸ˜€ No tapestries in my palace. Are you a descendant of Sir Francis Drake who laid his cloak on a puddle for Queen Elizabeth 1 to walk over ?? I think you were needed here πŸ˜‰ : King Ralph πŸ˜€


    • Hello Lady of the Lake πŸ˜€ It’s flowing. I have learned over the years that the best presents to give a Lady are Ferrero Rocher chocolates, Baileys or flowers. Can’t miss !! But I always do πŸ˜‰ What would you like Lady Katie ? Big hug. King Ra xox πŸ˜€


      • My courtiers are out far and wide, so no guessing needed. Thank you for the compliment M’lady. May I present you with a medal. What typo medal would you like ? πŸ˜‰


      • Oh King Ra you doth honor me with thine fine words. If one shall be chosen, it is my wish that thou should choose for you are the wise king of the internet tube forest.


      • Then M’lady, I must go on a quest for thee into the internet tube forest where all sorts of adventures await. I shall return with the Medal Of the Magic SUP or MOMS for short. Or would just a McDonald burger do ? πŸ˜‰


      • Got fries with that? lol
        Brave warrior, I wish you safe passage on your quest for two all beef parties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame bun.


      • Would you like the strawberry milk shake poured over your selection? They do things like that in those posh restaurants ….. like McDonalds !! πŸ˜‰


  5. Poor woman. You worked her to the bone! I hope you fed her while she was locked up swathed in all that fabric.
    You really do have an entertaining way of explaining things πŸ™‚
    PS, curtains look great.
    PPS….I think the cat was seeing a DUST BUNNY under there…. Watch out…they’re mean little buggers.


    • Hi Queen Tracy of Oz πŸ˜€ I think that Hilda was well fed and watered while fabricating the curtains in her own home as she didn’t arrive at my apartment with a begging bowl πŸ˜‰ Or she could have forgotten to bring it !!
      No dust bunnies here my friend as I have a Toni, dust bunny hunter, who cleans my apartment every Sunday.
      Have a lovely day. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  6. Hello King Ralph, you can make me happy by continue to write all these curious, lovely, interesting, funny posts ! Right now I’m at my stables and I would love to wish you a beautiful day Sir Ralph πŸ™‚ ! ❀


    • Good evening Dame Sherach πŸ˜€ I am so pleased that I make you happy while you are in your stables. Have you got enough hay for tonight ? Have fun my friend. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • No I didn’t and now I have to ring the bell….. πŸ™‚ I mean I have to put my alarm because otherwise I should be late tomorrow morning ! So I wish you goodnight if you are going to sleep so not have a very pleasant evening King Ralph πŸ™‚ !


      • I bet you are still blogging Serach ! I will be at my laptop for another two hours at least till 2am. xox


  7. A hip hip hurry for Hilda! and greetings to your highness πŸ˜€
    I loved when I installed the new rails and curtains in my apt last month!!!


    • Hello Lady Patricia, Court Artist πŸ˜€ Greetings !! Curtains do make a great difference. More homely, makes the room not so bland and stops the echo. It does seem you love yours as much as I do mine. Great !! Hugs. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  8. My son mentioned Louisiana having King Cakes, I never realized other places had them too not having ever seen one or heard of them before he saw them there. Seems like a good way to break a tooth if a bite of nice soft cake contained a hard-as-rock king.


    • Hello Lady LB, Master recorder of the royal yachts πŸ˜€
      I had exactly the same shock moment when my cake fork hit the ceramic king in the cream in the middle of the cake. So I thought I would have a bit of fun after finding it. Hugs. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • *bowing* Your Majesty, Queen Elizabeth of England !!
      Yes. watching is tiring. I must do something positive like not watching πŸ˜‰
      Have you warmed up yet ? If not, here is a big warm hug for you to take home.
      Love. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Thanks Lady of the Loving πŸ˜€ It’s nice to be warm and cosy with the new curtains. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  9. Very fun post, Ralph! Hilda was so nice to make those for you. They look wonderful too!


    • Hello Royal Designer & Chef Megan πŸ˜€ It was lovely of her to volunteer to make me some curtains and I love them too. Hugs. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Glad you enjoy them πŸ™‚


    • Hello Dame Debby πŸ˜€ Oh yes !! I am so ethical with ladies πŸ˜‰ Thank you for another great comment. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  10. Keep giving me helpful hints. Even if I never make curtains, inquiring minds like to know how.


    • Hello Your Grace Georgia πŸ˜€ It’s amazing how such a wealth of knowledge leaves my muddled brain to benefit mankind in ways unknown even to me πŸ˜‰ Big hug. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hi Lady Jolene πŸ˜€
      Wrong !! King Ralph not Prince Charming……but I could be πŸ˜‰
      King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hello Princess Mary πŸ˜€ I love your crown. Thank you for your lovely comment. Have a fun day. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  11. Hilarious! Best story in pictures ever, and the results are quite fetching. Well done, King Ralph!


    • Hello Lady Katrina, my special breakfast companion πŸ˜€ Wow, that is quite a special comment. Thank you so much my friend. Big hug. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  12. Ha ha, hilarious as always!! Isn’t the right curtain in the salon a bit too long??


    • Hi Princess Heila πŸ˜€ It does look long. I will have to sack my curtain maker. πŸ˜‰ The thing is the curtains are both the same length. If in the future I have them cleaned I won’t have to worry which curtain goes where. You do have a keen eye !! Big hug. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  13. ONE crappy US$ for being locked up a few days, crawling on the floor, climbing the unsteady ladder with you watching ;-), ruining her eyesight, pricking her finger….? You are so lucky that you didn’t bite on that ceramic king hidden in your cake, dear King Ralph πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚


    • πŸ˜† So funny Princess Heila πŸ˜€ She actually was paid a lot more by tipping me upside down and shaking the money out of my wallet πŸ˜‰
      I use a cake fork. Kings do things like that. So no chance of biting the ceramic king πŸ˜€
      Have a lovely early morning my friend. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hello Regent Rene πŸ˜€ That’s funny. I was going to say the same thing about you my friend πŸ˜€ Hugs. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  14. Wow, you know how to get things done with flair! (Money and alcoholic beverages certainly help, too!) Thanks for this fun post and love the way you have the photos, to back up your story, too! Smiles, Robin


    • Hi Regal Robin πŸ˜€ What a lovely uplifting comment. Thank you so much my friend. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  15. Hey Ralph! I just read all your blog posts to get caught up since you returned…excellent as usual. Goblins, Trolls, Curtain Ladies, oh my, what an exciting life πŸ˜‰
    So glad your sense of humor is in tact!
    Keep writing, you’ll have a book soon, the only problem will be what to call it!


    • Hello Duchess of Roxieland πŸ˜€ Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Looking back on those posts I must agree. As I have said in the past nothing much should be happening here in the village of anything approaching excitement. Perhaps a chicken on the street would keep the locals talking about it for hours. But my life seems to be full of something happening !!
      A book ? Maybe so !! But I would have to stop blogging as blogging takes up all my computer time πŸ˜€
      Have a lovely productive week my friend. Love. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  16. Hilda is a very talented and hard working lady, Ralph. Your new curtains are just great. πŸ™‚ I hope you gave her the rest of the Baileys to take home. πŸ˜•


    • Hi Lady Sylvia πŸ˜€ I agree with you, Hilda is very good. She took home, not only the Baileys but a bottle of wine and loads of money as well. We were both very happy. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hi Lady Julita πŸ™‚ Between you and me it’s a magic bean πŸ™‚ King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  17. King MFR, I’m so glad you are not an emperor, and Hilda is not making your new clothes. Curtains are so much warmer. It was fun being in your kingdom for a day. Tell Hilda she did an amazing job. Bailey’s for everyone! ) RVBFM


    • Hello Madame de la Marsha πŸ˜€
      Noooooo !! My cat’s design my clothes by ripping them to shreds. I am so pleased that you enjoyed your roam around the kingdom my friend. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Don’t let them rip your new curtains, King Ralph. They might might be banned forever from the Tower of Ralphland. πŸ™‚


      • Luckily their focus on wrecking fabric such as my clothes and two rugs keep the cats happy. They ignore the furniture and the curtains……so far πŸ˜‰ xox


  18. Aloha my dear regal friend. Could not cease grinning at this post. Superb. Curtains are smashing. And I really like that telescope there as well.

    P.S. Just loved learning about RoscΓ³n de reyes. TOO wonderful!! Thank you. Cheers,



    • Hi Lady AJ πŸ˜€ Thank you so much for your great comment my friend. It’s getting a lot cooler here and the curtains do keep the apartment so much warmer. I actually do use the telescope on the stars and planets not on my neighbours. If I did, they would be upside down πŸ˜‰ I hope you are having a happy Wednesday. King Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • No, only on far off distant neighbours huddled up there in the cosmos somewhere. I always assumed you loved to gaze into the depths of a twinkly night-stained firmament- I wonder where I got this idea??? Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with your blog layout, I am sure… πŸ˜‰

        I hope your Wednesday was absolutely fabulous as well, dear matie.

        It has been abnormally warm here all winter (bit of a contrast with frozen New Yorkers and tundra-stiffened Midwesterners, I must say), but a lovely little cold front is skirting through just now. Too grand.

        So happy curtains are keeping your abode warm, as well as providing a nice flare of aesthetic appeal. I am sure the cats love to snivel up behind them to gawp out the window.

        Hugs and cheers,

        Autumn Jade


      • Wow AJ. What a great reply. Thank you so much. Have a brilliant day. xox


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