Ralph’s Nursery Rhymes

Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack lay down.

Paid Jill half-a-crown.

Β Now her new son is called Bobby Shafto


Mary Mary

Mary Mary quite contrary.

How does your brothel grow ?

With silver Belles

And glockenspeils

And pretty maids all in a row


Mary’s Boyfriend Was A Ram

Mary’s boyfriend was a ram

He fleeced her of her dough.

For everywhere that Mary went

The ram was sure to go.


Ding Dong Belle

Ding dong belle

Her pussy’s gone through hell.

Who put it in ?

Big boy Johnny Flynn.

Who pulled it out ?

Doctor Tommy Stout.

What a naughty man was that

To use super glue instead of fat….


Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a woman

Going to the fair.

Says Simple Simon to the woman

“Let me taste your ware.”

Says the woman to Simple Simon,

“Show me first your penny”

Says Simple Simon to the woman

“Indeed I have not any”

“Clear off. What do you think I am ? A charity !! “


The Queen Of Hearts

The Queen of Hearts

Was the queen of all tarts

Her name was Summer’s Day

The Knave of Hearts

Who frequented tarts

Took her any which way.

The King of Hearts

Was the worst of old farts

And beat the Knave full sore.

The Knave of Hearts

Still goes with the tarts

That’s royalty for you Poor !!!


Do you want some more in a future post ??


Ralph xox πŸ™‚


79 Comments on “Ralph’s Nursery Rhymes

    • Okay Patricia !! I will when nothing else comes to mind. Which is usually the case πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Wow !! I wasn’t too sure of the reaction when I published these “nursery rhymes”. Occasionally I like to push the boundaries and to push myself and see what develops. I’m pleased that you had fun reading this post Wendy. More coming in the future. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Well, as long as the contents do not include any direct personal attacks, I guess it is okay to be a little creative at times.

        Have a great weekend ahead, always~ Cheers!! πŸ˜€


      • LOL…you better pray you won’t be drawing one in your next card game then…good luck, my friend!! Cheers~ πŸ˜€


    • So much time. Only 2 hands when I last counted !! An idea comes into my head and I go with it …… only one, as I can’t multi-task πŸ˜‰ Thanks Annie, you little chuckle you πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • If you say so my friend, more it shall be at a future date. I’m glad we are having fun. Lots of love and hugs back to you Len. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • I am aghast at such a suggestion. In fact my “Ag” is extremely “hast”. For I am such an innocent fellow playing with his tool, his writing tool; exploring depths, depths of imaginary odes. πŸ˜‰ Okay !!! hehe !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  1. My sense of humor bone got tickled a lot by these parodies on the old nursery rhymes! Oh, you know you can always get my funny bone!


  2. Leave my funny bone alone!!
    Here’s one for you …

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet,
    Eating her curds and whey;
    Along came a spider,
    Who sat down beside her,
    What did Miss Muffet say?

    “P*ss off hairy legs”

    (You’re a bad influence, Ralph) πŸ™‚


    • I know. I am a naughty boy Yvonne πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      Good try, but I would have said:

      Little Miss Muffet
      Sat in McDonalds
      Eating her Big Mac, fries & coke, while checking her emails today
      Along came her ex boyfriend
      Who sat down beside her
      And frightened Miss Muffet away.


  3. Arrrghhhh….but are you being very ‘professorial’ and trying to return us to some of the true meanings of nursery rhymes?


    • Eeeek !! How can I be “professorial” and explain the political, medical and religious meanings to this class from St Trinian’s.

      You’re a good girl Gallivanta. A+ and no homework !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Glad you laughed and enjoyed them G πŸ˜€ More on the way in the future. Ralph πŸ˜€


    • ….. and I am a naughty, naughty boy Alarna …… I have no idea what happens to a naughty, naughty boy πŸ˜‰ Big hug. Ralph xox :DD


  4. Me thinks Ralph has too much time on his hands (lol)! You should have warned us of the adult content. πŸ˜‰


    • No way LuAnn. I am just imagining you opening the New Post email and spluttering your coffee all over the keyboard. πŸ˜‰ Yes. I have too much time on my hands to get a real life πŸ˜‰ Have a nice day my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  5. Children nursey rhymes Ralphasized – Oh my!
    I think next time you should vlog a nursery rhyme.
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx


    • Oh my, my RoSy πŸ˜€
      What a good idea !! A YouTube video !! I’ll have to think about that ……. get my single brain cell to work on it πŸ˜‰ Big hug. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • When you get on the tube – I am subscribing to your channel for sure!


      • Does that mean I get paid loads of money, bright lights on Broadway, an Oscar or two, a show in Las Vegas and thousands of ecstatic women hammering on my door ?? πŸ˜‰


    • Okay !! Why not Shiro. Why not !! I enjoyed playing around with these rhymes and there are plenty more out there. Just don’t ask me to turn “War & Peace” into a pantomime πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  6. These are great. I only wish I knew them when Daniel was young πŸ™‚


    • I hope you are referring to the original children’s nursery rhymes Noeleen πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Aaaah … the sun is way over the yard arm here my friend …. way over the top πŸ˜‰
      Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Great, now it is too late in the day. My eyes are back to blur and you are likely staring at your eyelids. πŸ˜‰


      • This is like Groundhog Day !!
        Aaaah … the sun is way over the yard arm here my friend …. way over the top πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • I think I am reading this to early. The sun is jumping over your arm? Hehe
        Maybe I will call in sick and see what the sun looks like from here. πŸ˜‰
        Is that my shadow?


      • I think you are early !! Have you been to bed ? I will write you a sick note …..
        Dear Boss. Katie can’t come in today as she has gone down with a severe case of sunstroke at 5am this morning. She is just a shadow of herself. Signed Dr Who


      • ROFL. That is perfect! I am forwarding it now. I may have to go underground for the next 6 weeks but I will try to stay in contact. 8)


      • What !!!!!!
        No way !! Who will I play with during the next 6 weeks while you are Alice In Wonderland ? πŸ˜‰


      • No silly, Katie in Wonderland.
        On second thought, it is payday. Maybe I will go in to work. 8)


      • Yes. Good idea. While you are there, ask for more money and 52 weeks holiday with company car, jet, yacht and chauffeur πŸ˜‰


      • Will do. Perfect time to drop a note…my boss is out. I will assume that a non answer means Okay.


    • Ho Ho Ho !! I see you have used some rarely used smileys Flobbergobbed. (well, you said you are !!) πŸ˜‰ Got to keep you on your toes !! What will I come up with this weekend ?? πŸ™„
      Big hug Sylvia. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • I don’t know !! What are you going to do with me Elizabeth !! Okay. More on the way in a future post. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  7. You are brushing and plucking eyebrows now? BEFORE reading and writing nursery rhymes, or are the rhymes for bedtime only? And if bedtime, why do you need to be brushing and plucking? Well, maybe brushing teeth, but don’t be plucking your teeth or anyone elses’ either! They don’t grow back! I’m not sure I trust you in the nursery! I’m anxious to know what Manny DID learn while he was in Spain. My baby! Does he still have his teeth and eyebrows? πŸ™‚


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