Carnival Relations

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It’s time to own up and celebate celebrate the fact that I have not had carnal carnival relations with a woman since 1990. That is 23 years give or take 7 months either way. The exact date of my last Close Encounter of the Female Kind I have long forgotten. Heck !! 23 years !! I suppose it’s a bit like riding a bike after so long. Trepidation ! Wobble a bit ! Fall off ! Get back on again and disappear into the sunset !!

I could have joined a monastery, but would have been ejaculated ejected by the Abbot for secreting a laptop into my cell, flirting on the internet, playing the fool which would have been a dirty habit for an upstanding monk. But, not to be, thank heavens !!

23 years !! 23 years of missing out on cuddles, the perfume of a woman next to me, an expensive Canal aroma. The idle chit-chat, “Why are you so idle……go out to work !!”. Hey, I’m 66 !! The sharing of the bedding ….Β  she has it all wrappedΒ  around her and I would have a tiny corner of a sheet. The patter of tiny feet at 3amΒ  followed by the loud flushing of the loo. The intimate moments ……. “No. I’ve got a headache !!”. Wake up in the morning, erect and ready for action ….. she’s gone !! An hour in the bathroom and I am dying for a pee !!

Thinking about it, maybe I should be alone in my bed after all …… or not !!

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Have you some bedtime advice for me ??

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Ralph xox πŸ™‚

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90 Comments on “Carnival Relations

    • No ?? Oh well 😦 hehe !! I was in the army at one time which helps me to keep things clean (except for this post) and tidy. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Shucks !! I thought you would bedazzle me with your advice Yvonne πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  1. But your cat seems not happy that you took the photographs of (your) his/her room πŸ™‚
    Thanks and Love, nia

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    • Sonic is a happy cat. He follows me around all the time. His look is his normal look since he sprinted into a chair leg when he was about 5 years old and knocked out 3 of his 4 fangs. The vet said they were clean and total extractions. He is coming up to 12 years old. Have a a lovely week Nia my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  2. 23 years? The only advice I can offer is make it another 23 years. We are trouble my friend. We boss you around, tell you what to do, fuss about the toilet seat, complain about everything and we have a perpetual headache. LOL!

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    • Love it !! Love it my truthful friend Cheryl πŸ˜€ LOL !! Could I even consider another 23 years. After reading your comment ….. possibly !! You’re fun. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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      • I keep coming back and reading this post. You crack me up Ralph! I wish I could meet you in person. Dammit, I just got a headache!

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      • Cheryl !! Back again ?? Maybe we will meet one day. Would you like an aspirin or a hug ? Headache excuses are off the menu πŸ˜‰

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  3. Hugs, Ralph……I hope that you find someone to share life and love with. Until then, it is so great that your cat let’s you sleep in her/his room! It is a lovely room by the way. Thank you for sharing your photos.

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    • Hi Skye πŸ˜€ That’s probably what will happen Someone will arrive in my life out of the blue and before we know it we will become an item. Nothing so far !
      Yes. My cats do let me use the apartment so long as they are stroked, fed and watered πŸ˜€ Big hug back my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  4. Weeellll, I don’t have much to offer except that you are better off as you are and you just don’t know it.- yet! Friends and pets are the best substitue in my humble option er, mean opinion. Oh, yes and a hobby that requires some metal activity… Ralph, can you handle mental activity? πŸ™‚ ~yvonne xxx

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    • Your opinion is always so welcome Yvonne πŸ˜€ The “metal” activity I have done and dusted on my previous “sandwich” post whereas handling mental activity gives me a headache before passion strikes ….. or maybe not !! Have a lovely day my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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      • Ralph, I hope that you realize that I wirte more in jest than in actual meaning and advice. But I think that you do. As for me the mental activity was quite a stretch for my brain just to come up with something to write for a comment. πŸ™‚

        ~yvonne xox

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      • Of course I do Yvonne and I answer in kind πŸ˜€ I can imagine this post may cause a commentary problem. But you did well my friend !! πŸ˜€

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  5. Oh Ralph Oh Ralph …………….hahaha, great this post ! I don’t have Java but I would also see your bedroom ! πŸ™‚ Good tip ; stay away from the ladies ! Xoxo

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    • Staying away from the ladies seems to be the most popular advice. I am beginning to suspect why πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely week my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  6. Hi Ralph!
    If it wouldn’t mean I wouldn’t have TREZ (my shorthand for my children), I’d rather be in the boat you’re in than the one I’m in. πŸ™‚

    I can’t imagine there isn’t a woman somewhere who is going to become your perfect companion.

    There is a song with the lyrics “the waiting is the hardest part” – someday the waiting will be over!

    Hugs ,
    Lyann

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    • I like that !! TREZ is so much a better order than ZERT πŸ˜‰ I know where you are coming from but your TREZ are special to you as they are worth all the effort that you have given. So please don’t compare my boat with yours. Enjoy your cruise πŸ˜€
      Maybe there is a woman waiting for me in the future or maybe not. I don’t know. See what happens πŸ˜€
      Big hugs to you all Lyann. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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      • I never even thought of ZERT… there is something to be said for birth order after all!

        I’m not minding the cruise so much as I am being Captain’s Mate…things are improving, though…

        Once again, I’m writing to you while waiting at a school – this time for Rane. The nurse called and said she had her sick in the office. I sure hope whatever it is it doesn’t run through my entire family again!

        Rane is here, gotta go – off we go to get her dad from work.

        I have some amazing news to share with you…

        Hugs,
        Lyann

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      • Yes. TREZ is so much better. At least you are not the Ship’s cat πŸ˜‰
        I hope it’s nothing too serious with Rane … you are having more than your fair share of family bugs, aren’t you ??
        About time that you are on the up. Can’t wait to hear your news. πŸ˜€ xox

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      • Or… ship’s rat…

        Rane will be going for tests next week but she returned to school Friday.

        I’ve been overwhelmed with video shoots – plenty of stories, no time to put them together! One more day of shooting video then I should be able to get to the editing B-)

        I hope you’re doing well and also that the weather there is better than the weather here!

        Funny how much difference birth order can make, isn’t it? I never even thought of ZERT!

        Off now to gather more video and interviews…

        Hugs,
        Lyann

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      • Haha. Ships rat !! I don’t think so.
        That must be a relief that Rane is going to school and that it wasn’t too serious. I hope the tests come good.
        Wow. You are unstoppable now. That good news has really spurred you on. I know you will make yourself a great name as a videographer.
        Love to TREZ and yourself Lyann. xox

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  7. Ralph!! Thank you for visiting my blog, I’m honoured and delighted! πŸ™‚

    The Other Yvonne

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    • It was such a pleasure to paddle in the canals of Venice through your blog Yvonne. I may return with my water wings next time πŸ˜‰ Big hug. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  8. Who is that taking pictures of your bed from the balcony? Do you have a peeping neighbor or is that google again? πŸ˜‰

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    • That was me. I took the pictures as my cat locked me out for being late in feeding him πŸ˜‰ Did you see the salt lamp ? I switched it on just for you Katie πŸ˜€ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  9. Oh dear Ralph – you always put a smile on my face!
    ALWAYS!
    Sorry – no bedtime advice to give here.
    But – My dad always used to tell us – “Mejor solo que mal acompaΓ±ado.”
    It’s an idiom which basically translates to better to be alone than in bad company.
    Until the right one finds you – sweet dreams my friend!
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx

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    • I was going to headline this post Carnal Relations. Then I thought of you at work, FORBIDDEN on your screen, so I had to tone it down. I would hate to think that you got the sack (take that any which way) at work because of this post my friend.
      Good paternal advice. Depends what he meant by bad though πŸ˜‰ Big hug RoSy. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Fantastic idea Beth πŸ˜€ I’ve always wanted to take up trampolining or swinging from the chandelier πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  10. Ralph, oh how you make me laugh! and smile! and chuckle! reading your post has made me realise that I must be a nympho as I can barely go a day without a canal trip! I jest of course but I’m not sure I could manage 23 years.
    I have absolutely no advice to give you but I have a very rude true story (which I’m not sure that I should post on here….I may have to email it to you). It involves a young man and a sherry trifle. That’s already probably way too much info.

    BTW, your boudoir looks very inviting. I think the carnival is just waiting to happen! πŸ˜‰ XXX

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    • Your comment is more fun than this post my friend πŸ˜€ Of course you jest …. hmm !! There is not a lot for you to do once you move to el campo (the countryside) of Spain so I am sure that you will be permanently gondoliering to pass the hours. πŸ˜‰
      It may be best to forgo the joke as it may be a trifle too much for my sensitive eyes to read πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely day Lottie. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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      • haha!! tis no joke I can assure you but I shall not trifle you with the sordid details. I’d hate to be thought of as Lottie Lewd. You have a lovely day too xox πŸ˜‰

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  11. πŸ˜€ 23 years??? well it’s a long time but you have a nice cat lol. Your room really cleanly and tidy. I like your post and your rooms πŸ˜€

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    • Yes. 23 years too long Yessie !! Thanks for your appreciation of the bedroom and post. I must get a life πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  12. Oh my…oh my! I pick this post to visit! haha *blush* Well…my dear sir…being the lady that I am (*cough* *cough*)….I shall merely say what lovely photos and quite the philosophical…yet controversial topic you have chosen to discuss…. haha meaning…um..I don’t know! πŸ˜‰ I will send some Hugs!!!! And my compliments to your beautiful abode… hehe πŸ˜€ xoxo

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    • Oh. I have made my Christina blush …. hehe !! ….. AND you don’t know how to react ….. even better πŸ˜€ I think then we had better stick to philosophy, controversy and compliments in my “beautiful abode”. Dream on Ralph !! xox πŸ˜€

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  13. Interesting wall art, or is that the bed head? Anyway, I like it.
    There is one photo of the cat looking positively demonic. Perhaps he? is scaring the ladies away?
    Ralph….one does not need another person to be truly happy. Think of the positives….you have that nice bed ALL to yourself! And the demon cat to keep you warm.

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    • Hi Tracy πŸ˜€ I explained to Nia earlier why Sonic looks a bit strange. “His look is his normal look since he sprinted into a chair leg when he was about 5 years old and knocked out 3 of his 4 fangs. The vet said they were clean and total extractions. He is coming up to 12 years old.” He’s quite a softy really until a vet gets near him and then he goes demonic full time πŸ˜€
      It’s a metal bed head which clangs like a bell if touched. It would ring the changes like Westminster Abbey if perchance shenanigans were to happen πŸ˜‰
      Have a lovely day/night my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  14. This is a very exciting bedroom! I thought you were going to show us how you use that lime green or yellow green rope! Hahaha! Circus and acrobats, indeed!

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    • Hi Robin πŸ˜€ Your imagination of the lime green “rope” should be left alone to ferment into which ever way you think that the “rope” is used πŸ˜‰ hehe !!
      It’s a “fly” curtain,dozens of strings across the doors. I won’t tell you about that though πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  15. Are you kidding me? Twenty three years … with your looks, not to mention wit and intelligence … I am being serious! What is the world coming to!

    My friend; I think you know exactly what to do, so just do it! Man cannot and should not be deprived of feminine company and such company could be found in various places and by various means!

    Take Care,
    Daniela

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    • Hi my friend πŸ˜€
      No. I’m not kidding !! Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying … what on earth is the world coming to. Don’t forget I was a companion to Judith for 20 years until she died 18 months ago. As far as various places and means I have never gone down the route of paying for it or dating agencies. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  16. 23 years…hummm, maybe it’s time. But we women can be a rather demanding lot. You might be better off as you are. If or when you do decide to end the dry spell, I hope you find a lady who will treat you as the Prince you are, my friend. Many hugs. πŸ™‚

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    • Hmmm …. maybe Elizabeth πŸ˜€ You are very gracious with your comment which I really do appreciate my friend. Big hug back. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  17. Hola que tal, Ralph! πŸ™‚ NO advice, because each person is UNIQUE, but I wish you LOVE… lots of love! It’s “the engine” of our life… the rest will always follow! My very best, stay healthy and optimistic… Glad to have come across your awesome blog! Have a sunny day y hasta luego! πŸ™‚ Friendly thougths from Toulouse, France & cheers! πŸ™‚ MΓ©lanie, catlover Γ  la vie, Γ  la mort…

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  18. Hello my trilingual new friend Melanie. Welcome to Bluefish Way πŸ˜€
    No advice from a woman !!! My, you are slipping !!! But I welcome your comment about love, the more the merrier !! So from one cat lover to another I send to you a big hug. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  19. Hmmm, I’m still not sure of a response here, MFR. A sexy picture of you in the yellow green hangy thing, more covered than not – less exposed is sexier. That might just do the trick, maybe cuddling with Sonic. A blank, perfectly made bed sends the wrong image, MFR. A little tossle is indicated here. For sure, let’s not tell EVERYONE it’s been 23 years. 23 minutes, maybe, but let’s keep it all a big mystery, and with the eyes tell each and every blogger that they are just who you are waiting for. It’s kind of like selling a house, you have to stage it! So those are my staging suggestions.

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    • Wow. MVBFM you have just blitzed me with loads of comments. It will take me 23 years to get over it πŸ˜‰
      I’m saving myself for the right woman πŸ˜‰ I suppose I’m like a vintage car, well preserved, no rust πŸ™‚ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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    • Hey !! What a great comment. Thanks Zubaria. Appreciated !! Have a great weekend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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