A Real Man’s Sandwich or How I Lost My Teeth

After reading so many of your wonderful cooking blogs such as Liz’sΒ  I have decided to find my kitchen and have a go myself. Being a mere male on my own I thought I would start off simply with a Real Man’s Sandwich. So get your recipe books out and prepare to be amazed at my culinary expertise.


Place gently one slice of bread on a plate. This is important as a slice of bread is necessary for a sandwich. You could use a rump steak or pancake if you have no bread (other blogs say things like that)



As this is a healthy sandwich (women always talk about healthy things) place some nuts of various sizes on the bread. A pattern would look nice for display purposes so that the reader would like to copy the recipe step by step.



After admiring your nuts, soak them in the finest oil to enhance the texture and flavour of the Real Man’s Sandwich



You could eat the Real Man’s Sandwich without additional nutrition. But if your man has a sweet tooth (not for long) add a small amount of chocolate



Cover with another slice of bread. Make sure the all the bumps and curves face the same direction as the base slice. This is important for presentation purposes



The ingredients for a Real Man’s Sandwich are as follows



Pubic Health Warning

Do not try this at home without supervision from two men in white coats


Are you a skilled culinary expert ….hmmm…..like me ??


Ralph xox πŸ™‚


75 Comments on “A Real Man’s Sandwich or How I Lost My Teeth

  1. Despite the love I’ve had for sandwiches, my friend…I think I shall give it a pass…LOL…

    Anyway, though it cannot fill my empty tummy, I’ve managed to draw in enough air (via laughing while reading this post) to cease the hunger…So, thank you!

    Cheers!! πŸ˜€


    • Ah ! An Air Sandwich !! I must try that to feed the world. Well, it worked on you Wendy πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Yes…do try it…but with more love and lesser nuts…hehehe…

        Have a nutty and peaceful day ahead, always~ Cheers!! πŸ˜€


  2. LOL! Ralph you rock. I’ve never liked nuts on my sandwich because they always seem to wind up on my chin. Heheheheeeeeeeee…..


    • I must have had a screw loose Cheryl when I published this. Still the world would be a healthier place with more nuts…..like me !! Chin up my friend πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Oh Claire. Don’t be silly. WD-40 is the drink for Real Men. πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • I need lots of pawkisses Little Binky as I lost all my teeth eating this Real Man’s Sandwich. Love to Granny. Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      PS I may need tuna after eating this sandwich as it’s soft πŸ˜‰


  3. Very creative in your ability to cook. Where did you study to become such a magnificient chef? I think you should very easily find work at anytime. I was heartened to see that in Spain you can but Kit Kat and also 3 in 1 oil. Fresh indgredients are so important especially since those two items can be bought here in the states. πŸ™‚

    My daughter has a rescue cat name KIt Kat which she almost euthanized deeming her too illl to be saved. She was a comatose kitten. A young vet came along to ask Dr D what she was doing and thus saved Kit Kat’s life.


    • I am so glad that Kit Kat was saved Yvonne πŸ˜€
      All ingredients are freshly selected from the local stores. I am highly trained. As Tom Cruise said in Top Gun…….if I tell you, I’ll have to kill you πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  4. Now don’t get me wrong, Ralph. I don’t doubt your culinary skills, but I think that sandwich would be just a little hard to chew. (( πŸ™‚ ))


    • I should !! I should doubt my culinary skills with extreme doubtness Elizabeth. In fact the whole post is hard to chew even for me πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  5. LMAO!!!
    Oh Ralph. My 8 year old daughter was just over my shoulder as I was looking at this & she said:
    “What is that?”
    What the heck is that?”
    Is that a tool sandwich?”
    “Did a man make that?”
    xx Saludos y Abrazos xx
    From RoSy & VicToria πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


    • Hi RoSy πŸ˜€ You seem to have a lot of fun visiting my posts. Do you remember your company computer flashed up “Forbidden” when you tried to read this:
      and now your daughter VicToria is aghast at this post. But what a funny comment. Loved it !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • I always enjoy visiting you Ralph!
        How could anyone resist you, your charm, & humor?
        Ha – Yes – I remember that. I was waiting for the siren & red lights to start going off & thinking that the company security officers were going to come & take me away in cuffs.
        xx Saludos y Abrazos xx


      • Hehe !! You being led away in cuffs because of me would have gone viral on YouTube πŸ˜‰


  6. This is funny post πŸ™‚ It brought one of memory I had a long time back. We were having a great lunch at pizza place. A friend of mine found a nut in the pizza. Did you ever work in a pizza place?

    By the way, I think you can use a transmission fluid in place of 3:1 oil. That should bring out a nice sweet and red syrup taste to the sandwich πŸ™‚


    • Thank you so much for your culinary advice YC.
      No. I never worked in a pizza place as I couldn’t climb into the pizza box in the freezer. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • I have plenty of KitKats in the fridge. Here. Have one. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  7. I was just scrounging round in the kitchen thinking…”what can I make for lunch?” I’m gluten free see, so unless I had a steak, as you suggested…. Ahh, lettuce, tomato’s cucumber, chopped up cheese and of course, egg mayo.! Mix it all up – voila! Fresh, filling, nutritious, EASY….and if I had some, I could of thrown some NUTS in there too!
    Wish I could have a kit kat. 😦


    • Send me your address and I’ll post some KitKats to you. My local shop has loads to sell !! ralph.whillier@gmail.com You get plenty of iron from eating nuts Tracy πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  8. Do you think it would be OK to substitute licorice for the chocolate? Would you try that in your test kitchen and let us know? Thank you

    Another Yvonne


    • Liquorice ??? Sorry. I haven’t any Yvonne, but I do have paint remover πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ™‚


    • Mrs Sensible will lock you in the garage and throw away the key if you gave her a Real Man’s Sandwich. Stick to Pot Noodles if I was you πŸ˜‰


  9. Thanks so much for advertising my blog and for complimenting it as a wonderful one too. What would I call this? The extra nutty, sandwich with oil and kit hat; or The extra bold and nutty sandwich, or what? This is the ultimate sandwich Ralph. If a man can’t eat this Sandwich, then he ain’t no man at all. Mine ate it and asked for some more. Have a nutty day!


    • Whew !! I cringed when I linked your post to mine as I was unsure of your reaction Liz. You would either go along with it (which, thankfully you did) or beat me over the head with a rolling pin πŸ˜€ Ralph xox πŸ˜€
      PS Next week. How to make holes in Gouda cheese with a chainsaw πŸ˜‰


    • That is a most wonderful compliment my friend. I am working on a recipe using bolts that have now lost their nuts. Any ideas ?? πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  10. Ralph, you just create a very nutty sandwich and I hope you have an iron stomach to go with this tasty tasty little thing.


    • Hi Valentina. It’s an easy way to put on weight πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hehe. I hope not !! You are not a Real Man Debby !! πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


      • Yes. I agree. Now that I’ve found my kitchen the dictionary is getting a lot of use. Now what’s the definition of “cook” and “food” ?? πŸ˜‰


      • Heat and non foods would be anything containing, ‘metal’ or ‘wood’ lol. Something that gives off a pleasant aroma to entice the taste buds πŸ™‚ lol


      • Ce Dar is clever Debby !! No need to Pine Fir a new recipe !! I Ron with your expertise πŸ˜‰


  11. Are you the original Iron Man, MFR? You’re certainly a hard nut to crack! Well, dear Ralph, I think I’ll pass on lunch today. Suddenly my stomach is rolling. It’s tied in knuts. πŸ™‚ Still love you though, even if you can’t cook! πŸ™‚


    • It’s okay MVBFM I’ve only gone nuts. I’ll feel better once I write another post πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hi Heather. You are also welcome to have a KitKat and have a lovely healthy day yourself. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  12. I must try that someday. Right now I do not have any of those exotic ingredients. 8)


    • No. I shouldn’t try the Real Man’s Sandwich Katie as I would hate to hear that one moment you are happily paddling away on Lil’ Red and the next moment you are a pile of rust on the board πŸ˜‰ Big hug my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  13. Love πŸ™‚ your Real Man’s Sandwich (better Real mean Sandwich), and my children would love it, such nutrient with all those nuts ……………..hahaha, Ralph you did it again you are completely mad, lovely mad ! Instead of chocolate can I use also some honey bees ?


    • Sure !! Use honey bees if you wish Shiro, so long as you can catch them. πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • I had a lot of fun setting up this post and I am so pleased that you enjoyed it, with or without mayo πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • I suppose, with me, crazy is normal. Normal normal is even crazier πŸ˜‰ A wild sandwich ? Now that’s an idea Robin πŸ˜‰ Big hug. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  14. I absolutely adore this post! Or better said, your idea!! You inspired me so much, that I’m off to prepare my man a manly sandwi(t)ch! πŸ˜‰

    You definitely kick ass with your sense of humor! πŸ™‚


    • LOL !! I would love to see his face if you really gave him a sandwi(t)ch Julita :D. Would you still be my friend if he kicks ass ? πŸ˜‰ I should stick with what he likes if I was you. Ralph xox πŸ˜€


  15. Can the KitKat be replaced with something else
    without missing the right to be a real man..? “lol” πŸ˜‰


    • Hehe !! I’ve not tried it, but you could try a few choice stones from under a railway line as the 9:15 express is passing, leaping to safety at the last minute πŸ˜‰ Or not !!


  16. I can’t make things from scratch like you can – If it fits in the toaster or micro – I can cook it. The people in my house get two choices for dinner – take it OR leave it!


    • …… or. “You’re late. The dinner’s in the dog !!” πŸ˜‰


  17. Haha! You’re sammy had me laughing out loud!! And being a vegan myself, I have to say I approve! πŸ™‚


    • Wow Celeste πŸ˜€ Thank you for your lovely comment with …… approval !! 😳 Ralph xox πŸ˜€


    • Hi Kim πŸ˜€ Oh yes, it’s a real treat if you want an early set of false teeth πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† Ralph xox πŸ˜€


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