Freeze Willy Or Aaargh!! Oooooh!! OMG!!

FREEZE WILLY !! You idiot !!
FREEZE WILLY !! You idiot !!

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As most of you know I am on Day 15 of the major renovations in my apartment. Two days ago the builders removed the hot water system and I am left with cold water only. This is the true story of my first cold shower. Come into the bathroom with me and enjoy my agony.

(My thoughts are in Italics)

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*BANG BANG BANG on the door to the front two rooms where I exist* Opening my eyes and glancing at the 8am time on my alarm clock. WTF!! *BANG BANG* “Raoul ! Rafael ! I need the key to the main water valve !” *BANG BANG* Scraping myself out  of bed, dressing gown covering my modesty, I bleary eyed open the door and pointed to the keys hanging on the wall where I showed him, the Spanish builder, the day before. Idiot !! I smiled at him drowsily and went back and sat on my bed.

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Cold water only !!
Cold water only !!

separatorOMG. I had better have a quick shave and shower before they remove the hot water tank. Standing up, adjusting my dressing gown as I didn’t want the builders to feel lacking or jealous, I hastened to the bathroom. The water was off. Oh no !! as I went to the loo. One flush !! I better leave it  I closed the lid and went out to the extension to find three builders laughing while another was being sprayed by boiling water from the pipe he was undoing below the hot water tank. I returned to my rooms to take stock of my situation.

The kettle was about one third full. Coffee or shave? Decisions !! Coffee. Definitely coffee !!

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6pm.  Builders gone home. A vacant space where the hot water tank once was. Cold water only !! I need a shower !!

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Dreading the thought of a cold shower I made excuses for five hours. Blogging, change the stones in the cat litter tray, take the household waste bag out to the street trash bin, blogging, a hot kettle shave, blogging, evening meal, wash the plates with a hot kettle emptied into the kitchen sink, blogging……bed time!! I’ve got to have my shower !! So into the bathroom goes I.

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Standing in the bath as far away from the spray as I can, naked (I always am when taking a shower!), shower curtain closed, I turned on the water. Waaaaaah!! Freezing!! Leaning forward, my head under the spray was not so bad on my hair which I washed and rinsed. Soaped and rinsed both arms, in and out of the cold water, with a little Waaah !! Chest next. Bloody hell !! Aaaargh!!  My Little Fellow was beginning to shrink into the realms of quantum physics. OMG!! Brrrr!! Waaaaah!! The package washed I turned my attention to my back. This is when I let out a muffled scream !!

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Now my bum. I couldn’t take any more cold water. Ah. The bidet !!. So I got out of the bath. Sitting on the bidet, I turned it on. The jet wash almost killed me.

The Jet Wash or The Fireman's Hose
The Jet Wash or The Fireman’s Hose

separatorI jumped up in agony and cold water shot across the room soaking the jumbo kitchen roll, toilet rolls, everything !!

Everything was drenched in cold water. (Take note Katie. The toilet seat is down just for you)
Everything was drenched in cold water. (Take note Katie. The toilet seat is down just for you)

separatorReturning forlorn to the shower, I finished off, dried myself and feeling refreshed That wasn’t so bad I thought as I waded out of the bathroom through the builders rubble back to my two rooms.

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Have you had a Waaaah bath or shower??

If I get 100 comments including my replies. I will add a photograph of me in a towel to whom I think writes the best comment. Up for it? And did you enjoy watching me having a traumatic shower?

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Ralph xox  😀

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84 Comments on “Freeze Willy Or Aaargh!! Oooooh!! OMG!!

  1. I feel really badly about laughing until tears are squeezing out of my eyes about your quantum-ly shrunken package!! I haven’t had a laugh like that in ages! I think I will keep doing it. Somewhere in here I think that I should NOT be laughing at you and that something will later bite me in the ass for doing it.

    Ralph? I have a question…uhm why would you think that the bidet would somehow help?
    Perhaps you might do the bird sponge bath with hot water from the sink? Rinse in coffee?

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    • Don’t feel bad Elisa as I enjoyed writing this post but not experiencing a cold shower. It’s a fun post. The bidet? I thought that it was a good idea at the time but turned out quite the opposite. The sink is a good idea and I could rinse in Champagne/Cava as I have loads of bottles. Can’t waste a good cup of coffee my friend. Ralph xox 😀

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    • Okay I’m a wuss !! I am definitely not an Amazon like you Sylvia 😉 When I was younger I used to sail dinghies (Larks) for the British Army in the cold. No wet suits then. Now that I am perfectly matured I like HOT that’s why I am living in Spain. Anything below 33degC is cryogenic to me. 😀 Ralph xox 😀

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      • I like being called an Amazon, Ralph. 🙂 When I was younger, I wouldn’t have dreamed of having a cold shower, probably because I lived in cold, dreary England. Here in South Africa, I can be brave. 😆

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  2. if memory serves me correctly, willy was eventually freed, though in your case, he was subjected to all sorts of torture and still was quite firmly stuck where he began. thanks for showing us your hose.

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    • Hi Beth 😀 I have a feeling that you are developing a theme with your two comments so far 😉 He almost snapped off as it was SO cold and as far as showing him, anytime my friend, anytime!! 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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    • oh god, i suppose my slip is showing. there is much more to me than these two comments, though for some reason, (my immature approach to life, my twisted sense of humor, and appreciation for all things bawdy), i have commented on your posts this way. i will try to branch out from my immediate reactions and offer responses on a variety of other levels. maybe not. it promises to be a mixed bag. and i promise you, no pun intended. ) b

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      • I quite like it when your slip is showing Beth !! Don’t you go all prim and proper on me (no pun intended 😉 ). You are very welcome to say it as it is. Let’s have fun 😀

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      • no worry about me going prim and proper, never have been and never will be. i absolutely cannot restrain myself from calling things as i see them, as you will continue to see. some can handle that, others not so much. i’m perfectly okay with that.

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      • Great. I am looking forward to what you have to say in the future. Have a lovely weekend Beth 😀

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  3. Oh yeah, I can relate. The cold water kind of sucks the breath out of you and it’s hard to rinse shampoo out of your hair with cold water.

    If there is a nice river near by maybe you could take a nice swim instead of a shower?

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    • Whew. Makes me cold reading your comment Linda, but I do agree with you about the cold water. The river isn’t exactly pure. I shall not go into the details of why. Ralph xox 😀

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  4. Rafael, Rafael a cold shower is too cruel. Sponge bath, bucket bath, top and tail, anything but a cold shower and a cold bidet.

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    • I have had three cold showers up to now and each one is as bad as the first, but with no bidet. I shall take into consideration all your options Gallivanta, hot water would be good :D. Take care my friend. Ralph xox 😀

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  5. Hot water is one of the best advantages of civilization. The thought of a cold shower literally sends shivers down my spine! Hope you are back in the warm embrace of hot water soon.

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    • We must be soul mates Catherine because I love hot water as well. Cold …. yuk !! I should have hot water back by next Friday as the tiler is in the middle of tiling the room where it goes. Roll on next weekend 😀 Have fun this weekend my friend. Ralph xox 😀

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  6. Lord have mercy. I laughed my head er a— off. Is your package a “willy wonka, a willy-nilly or, wee willy? A bidet really. It is too bad there isn’t a video of the entire shower thing from beginning to “your end?”

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    • It will be wee willy in about three hours when I next have my shower before going to bed Yvonne. Who is going to video me? Any volunteers? I hope that this weekend will be special for you my friend. Ralph xox 😀

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    • 23 comments at the moment Annie and climbing. I am so pleased that you and many others had a good laugh at my expense. Hot water next week *crossing fingers*. Big hug. Ralph xox 😀

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    • Hi Rene my friend. Thank you so much for your long, interesting and intriguing comment 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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  7. Dear Ralph, I feel for you!
    I hate cold in general… In my 20’s I went camping with a crazy friend and was forced to shower with cold water for 12 whole days! (It’s one of the reasons I don’t like camping) I will never get used to it… it’s torture 😉
    Can’t you just boil some water and then mix it in the tub?
    p.s.: I am super-extra-ultra happy for you and your good news 😉
    Besos**** and a happy weekend***

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    • Hi Pelly my friend. That camping trip would have been awful for me too.

      I hadn’t thought of boiling water. I have loads of large saucepans, boil water in them ….. then faint when I get my next electric bill 😉 Good idea though.

      Thanks for the super-extra-ultra happy from you. I have never ever had one of those before. I was thrilled with the news. Besos Pelly. Ralph xox 😀

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  8. I could not help imagining you were dashing in and out of the shower head just to not be in cold water too long… I definitely know that could go… I hope you get used to the temperature soon Ralph 😉

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    • The soaping is easy. Dart under the spray to get wet then soap myself, but then the awful bit is to go back into the water for a much longer time to rinse off. Brrrr !!
      Although it is expensive I am having installed a solar water heater, so if the electrics go down I will still have hot water. I am also having installed a log burner which incorporates a small oven and a hot plate on the top for the same electrical reason. A few yards away is the river where there are piles of branches washed there by the floods. So I will be able to saw off what I need when I need it.
      Have a lovely weekend YC. Ralph xox 😀

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  9. i was told I would wet myself when I read this post, and I assure you, Ralph, that I’m not coming anywhere near your shower or your bidet. You are a very good sales person, and I am sold on not wetting myself in any way until I get over the shock of … well the whole thing! 🙂 tee hee hee. I think maybe public shower? Move to Japan? Roman baths? Maybe just an old fashioned sweat house. Have a great week-end!

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    • I don’t blame you Marsha. You stay away. Cold water showers are a shocking and a shrinking experience at least for me. 😉 I am quite happy where I am my friend 😀 Ralph xox 😀

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      • Now wait a minute. Now you are TELLING me to stay away totally??????? AND you are happy??? Without me??? You didn’t sound very happy Mr. Bidet! So what are you telling me here???? I just don’t want a cold shower. I don’t want a cold shoulder, though, either. Are you giving me the cold shoulder, Ralph??? 😦 Is this a brush-off??? I can pick myself up and dust myself off. I think I’ll go take a cold shower to clear my head. 🙂 I mean 😦

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      • Did you actually read your first comment ? You didn’t want to come near the cold shower, so I said that it’s best for you to stay away. Secondly, you were telling me to go off to weird places and I replied that I am happy at home.

        So no problem. No brush off …… unless you would like to brush my back with soapy water 😉 xox

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  10. When the men knocked on your door at 8am, and you stumbled to your room and sat on your bed … at least you had a gorgeous view! 🙂

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    • ??? YOU weren’t there Maddie !! Silly me. Oh. You mean the landscape view ?? 😉 Ralph xox 😀 hehe!

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      • LOL!! Yes, the view out the window. I almost cut you off at the pass and made reference to “your view,” but thought I’d just leave that thought hanging out there. 😉

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  11. Poor Ralph, all chilled! I think we should get a peek at the poor kitties reaction to your antics 😉

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    • Hey Roxie my friend 😀 Star, my new rescued kitten, heard the tormented noises coming from me in the bathroom so she decided to keep warm and sleep on top of Sonic, my 11 year old cat. Love from Iceman Ralph xox 😀

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      • they”re so ahhhdorable bundled together!
        I hope you’re thawing out. pour some of that tea kettle hot water next time 😉

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      • Thanks Roxie. Yes, I am a lot warmer now. The kettle, I found, is the way to go as it really perks me up 😉

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  12. Sorry Ralph, my comments don’t show up, so by the time I’m replying to your second comment I’ve already forgotten my first, but in my defense, you weren’t very clear when you responded, I’m happy at home. I’m happier at home than in a Roman Bath or a Japanese public bath, OK! I need a little something to refresh me – and not cold water. 🙂 Well maybe cool water. I think I’ll go for a swim! 🙂 xoxoxox

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    • 😆 A swim will cool you down just a little, Marsha, and there is no need to apologise. Just kneeling, grovelling, begging forgiveness would be sufficient 😉
      I have had 4 cold showers since the hot water was cut off. I had had enough so I had a warm body wash today using the kettle. Bliss !! 😀 I just hope I have hot water back on next week. Did you enjoy your swim? xoxox

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      • Yes, I had a great swim. The weather has been perfect here. I used to live in Colorado Springs, and still have a friend who lives there in the Black Forest area, too. That whole state needs a cold shower! 🙂 xoxo

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      • Maybe I should get into the Cold Shower Exporting business. Should make a splash 😉

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      • There you go – something for you to do in your spare time! That’s JUST what you need MFR! 🙂 How do you like my new look today??

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      • Thank you Marsha 😀 Your new look is great with all the info tucked away at the bottom with 3 rabbits. I worry that you are trying to do too much. Take care. xox

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  13. Thanks for the seat, but now I will wait until there is hot water before my visit…I’m so diva, sorry. 8)

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    • Oh. You’re a diva alright my friend 😉 You could have worn your wet suit and brought Lil’ Red with you …… hot water coming soon, I hope. Have a lovely Sunday Katie. Ralph xox 😀

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  14. Hi Ralph lovely post ! Only when it’s very hot here I take a cold shower, so in summer and when I was in Spain I took all the water from the boiler because I didn’t know that there was one, my sister had to do with only cold water………and she had also to wash her hair, poor my little sister…..I felt sorry 🙂

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    • Oh, your poor sister. I know exactly what she went through and it was not pleasant. My old hot water tank was only 55 litres. I soon learned not to wash the plates or shave before having a shower as it went cold halfway through. My new tank will be 85 litres plus another storage tank connected to the solar water heater. Baths for all, all day 😀 Have a lovely new week my friend Shiro. Ralph xox 😀

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      • Yes and happily she didn’t blame me ! There do you well to to take more gallons and the only positive thing is what you had first that you maybe saved some money…. hahaha 🙂 Wish you too a enjoyable week full of nice things !

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  15. I too must admit to laughing at your misery Ralph! Cold showers are agonizing, I know from experience. Campground showers are always a surprise. One never knows until they turn on the water. Hope you have hot water again soon. 🙂

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  16. Oh Ralph … you made me laugh to tears (again)!

    I always disliked cold; cold weather, cold people, cold manners … and of course cold showers!

    While the whole post is simply great … for me the gesture of adjusting your dressing gown to make sure Spanish builders will not feel lacking or jealous, takes a cake -:)!

    Well Done -:)!

    Take Care,
    Daniela

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    • Hehe!! It was so enjoyable to write and I am so thrilled that you were reduced to tears my Croatian friend *adjusting my dress* 😉 Big hug Daniela. Ralph xox 😀

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  17. Ralph, we must be soul-mates! I always take showers naked too! 😉

    As an experienced cold-shower user (I went through probably all the hard stuff when it comes to water. Also bathing in a pretty small bowl of water…), I say cold showers are only for mornings! They will definitely wake you up!! Although, I still prefer the bowl system, that is heating cold water on fire, and then using that little dose you have wisely. Although it may sound worse, it’s actually much better…!

    But anyway, your competition beats everything! 😀

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    • Wow. Julita and I are soul-mates !! That has made my day 😀

      Still no hot water today as the floor has just been concreted and levelled below where the new hot water tank is going. Soul-mates of the freezing kind again tonight 😉

      No competition my dear friend Julita. It’s just the way it is 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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  18. Ok Ralph, that takes the cake. That was simply friggin hilarious!!!!!!!! I had tears from laughter, thanks for directing me to this blog. So glad I found your blog because I find you refreshingly hysterical! And yes, having gone through major renos myself last year,, I have encountered many of those sorts of tales, I’m wondering though, what is worse.,………..the cold shower or the one where you get in the shower for the first time in your new house and shampoo you hair and go to rinse, only to find the water is coming out at a pace of an aging prostrate, thus no hopes of getting the shampoo out, or at least not until a good half hour is past. That one I have experienced,

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    • Oh. You’ve arrived here Debby. I am so pleased that you enjoyed this post. A traumatic experience for me but fun to write. I can see you had similar misfortunes and I hope that all is well in your home now. At least I have solar heated water and it’s HOT. My electric bill has plummeted because I don’t have to use an element any more to heat the water 😀 Ralph xox 😀

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      • Lol, you are funny, I look forward to your adventures, and yes, if you would have asked me a year ago if everything was alright, my answer would have to have been in book form, of which I almost considered writing about. 🙂

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      • Maybe you should write about it. You seem to have enough material for a book 😀

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