A Short Comedy Play by Ralph the Playwright

A stage curtainseparatorTHE SCENE

The drawing room of a Stately Home

Ladies and Gentlemen seated. Servants in a line. Main players at front of stage.

Belvoir Castle in Leicestershire, England
Belvoir Castle in Leicestershire, England

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THE CAST

Inspector Clink in civilian clothes

The Maid. (French of course !!)

Ten ladies and gentlemen finely dressed

Twenty downstairs servants

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Let the play begin
Let the play begin

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INSPECTOR CLINK: A terrible, terrible thing has happened tonight. Lady Nosegay was found murdered in her bedroom while dressing for the Ball.

ALL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND SERVANTS: (gasp) Oh No !!

THE MAID: I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: I have called you all in here to find out who killed Lady Nosegay and none of us will leave until I find out who perpetrated such a dastardly deed.

THE MAID : I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK:Β  The murderer had left many clues. A rope was used to strangle her.

THE MAID: (produces a rope from under her skirt and throws it to the feet of Inspector Clink) I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: Lady Nosegay was stabbed three times.

THE MAID: (drops a large blood stained knife to the ground) I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: She was shot at point blank range.

THE MAID: (takes out a shotgun from under her petticoat and lays it on the carpet) I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: The main clue I found was a bloodstained maid’s apron beside the body.

THE MAID: (removing her bloodstained head dress and dropping it onto the floor) It’s mine !!Β  I did it !!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: I have deduced that the apron is a diversion, planted to draw attention away from the truth. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that this was a suicide …..

ALL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND SERVANTS: (gasp) Oh No !!

INSPECTOR CLINK: ….. and you are all free to carry on with the Ball. (turning to THE MAID) Come on Doris, dear wife. Let’s go home. What’s for dinner tonight?

(All LADIES AND GENTLEMEN and SERVANTS carry on with the party)

while

(INSPECTOR CLINK and THE MAID, arm in arm, walk off, stage right)

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Curtain closes

A stage curtain

separatorApplause

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Ralph xox

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59 Comments on “A Short Comedy Play by Ralph the Playwright

  1. It’s the most funny short comedy I have ever read, Ralph! Bravo, bravissimo!!!

    Like

    • Thank you so much my dear friend Wanda. I am so pleased that you enjoyed the “play” Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  2. Venturing into screen play writing now, I see πŸ™‚ ! Well Done πŸ™‚ !

    Daniela

    Like

    • Whatever next, eh, Daniela my friend ?? Blog skydiving perhaps πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

      • Oh dear me .. can I hang on somehow πŸ™‚

        Have a great day πŸ™‚ !
        Here is 11 pm and cold, miserable almost-winter night!

        Like

    • Nia, my friend !! A little something to brighten up your Monday perhaps πŸ˜€ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • Really ?? I must go under her petticoats to see what else THE MAID has hidden in there. I may be some time πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely week down under my dear friend Tracy πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • Oh No !! A comment from Sylvia my friend !! Don’t panic !! I will have to think of something sensible to say !! There again, maybe not πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • Yes !! An after show party !! What a good idea YC, my friend !! πŸ˜€
      Really ?? Agatha Christie ?? You are a mystery to me sometimes in the best possible way πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  3. See that click on the “Like” button? I did it!

    Like

    • Yes !! You did it !! Then we must exit, stage right, arm in arm πŸ˜€ Ralph xox

      Like

  4. This is wonderful Inspector Clusseau , who never has a clue…. style play. We should have it in the West End. Would be a big show! I love mysteries…. Who did it again????

    Like

    • Thank you my friend πŸ˜€ The cast ask the audience at the end of The Mousetrap not to tell anyone who done it. So shush !! Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  5. I saw the title of this one, poured a glass of wine…wonderful playwriting my friend! Just superb. Cheers!

    Like

    • I do hope that you are sober when writing this comment dear ASL. πŸ˜‰ I am so glad that you enjoyed the “play”. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • *bowing to your applause* She did, didn’t she ?? Have a lovely week Amy, my friend. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  6. Another awesome post. Thanks for making me laugh. ROFLMAO!!!
    Peace!!!

    Like

    • Hey Frank !! I am so pleased that you had fun reading this. Take care. Ralph

      Like

  7. Bravo! Bravo! I sure missed a lot while hiding out….a playwright!

    Like

    • Yes !! There you were, round the bend ……. oops ….. Horseshoe Bend in Page, Arizona … which I hoped would give me some peace to write this. No chance with these guys & gals πŸ˜‰ Which posse were you hiding out from this time my friend Katie ?? πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

      • Not THE WP Spambots !! Oh dear. I told them that you were staying at the motel “Up The Creek Without A Paddle” and they went riding off through the tumbleweed after you. Sorry πŸ˜‰

        Like

  8. You are so funny Ralph but very original with a beautiful fantasy, it was like a scene of a criminal roman, I only was awaiting for Miss Marple!
    Lovely post :), thanks and I send you a big hug……your friend, SΓ©rachShiro

    Like

    • Big hugs back to you my friend SΓ©rachShiro. I like hugs πŸ˜€
      Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  9. Bravo, Ralph the playwrite (yes I know the spelling’s not ‘wright’ but it suits you better I think!). What an excellent take on one of my favorite all time characters. I loved your play. I came by to thank you kindly for your visit and time today that you could have spent doing something else. In case no one has said anything recently, you are the perfect gentleman. Kind, gentle, caring and wise (also talented). Just wanted to remind you! Penny πŸ™‚ xo

    Like

    • I concur most vehemently with Penny, here, you are indeed, Dear Ralph, playwright. Loved this!

      P.S.

      Sir would adore playing Inspector Clink.

      Ta la

      Autumn Jade

      Like

      • Thank you πŸ˜€ I am sure that Sir would be a magnificent Inspector Clink AJ πŸ˜€ Ralph xox

        Like

    • Thank you so much my dear friend Penny. I must always make time to visit you. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • What fun I had writing this and even more so reading your lovely comment dear Wambui. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  10. Very entertaining Ralph, but I think you should stick to documentaries, – truth is stranger than fiction… – and I just couldn’t work out who did it, your percipient friend Veronica

    Like

    • Do you know what Valentina. I haven’t a clue who did it either πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

    • Thumbs up to you dear Yessie for such a great comment. Ralph xox ;D

      Like

  11. Yes, I could be an Inspector. I inspected and jumped to the contusion her horrific name was shamefully to blame.

    Like

    • At least you understood the plot. I didn’t πŸ˜‰ Take care, Ralph

      Like

      • So we guessed the true plot! Babs suggested it was so. Have a wonderful day, Felion

        Like

  12. I want to take part in that play! Brilliant! You’re way better than Agatha Christie!

    I have a need to bless your humor once again! πŸ˜€

    Like

    • You are very welcome to take part in the play, M’Lady Julita …….. so long as you tuck your blouse in your skirt πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox πŸ˜€

      Like

  13. Best play every written. A new side of Ralph! Love, love, loved the play! I enjoyed the beautiful romantic setting as well. This was the loveliest of surprises, and I felt totally entertained! You are indeed the toast of the Bloggosphere! πŸ™‚ xoxoxo Parfait!

    Like

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