Ralph The NUTritionist

WARNING

Eating the following may damage your wealth

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FORGET

anything that you have read previously about nutrition.

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RALPH’S DEFINITION OF NUTRITION

It’s rabbit food !!

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I hop

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RALPH’S  BALANCED FOOD DIET

Ralph diet

Yes !! Cakes, chocolate, donuts, cookies, candies, strawberry milk

all with CALORIES, E’s and SUGAR by the bucket full, 

all YUMMEEEEE, SCRUMPTIOUS, TASTY, things !!

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MARSHAMALLOWS are my favourite !!

Marshamallow

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And I have finally found my SPANISH BIMBO

Not quite what I expected !!

My Spanish Bimbo

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STAR, my rescued kitten, has banned me from using the hob

If I attempt to cook she steps onto the on/off button and it beeps !!

No cooking Daddy

It’s thirsty work guarding the hob from Daddy !!

Star drinking point

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So follow my advice. Stay away from rabbit food and eat, eat, eat lovely things !!

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OFFICIAL REPORT

There is scientific evidence from the Bluefish Way Labs that the loss of Ralph’s

teeth was due to eating Brazil nuts without removing the shell munching through

many tons of cakes, chocolates, candies and sugar during his life time.

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Ooooh !! That’s a  ………. !!

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Am I a naughty boy and need a firm hand to feed control me ??

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83 Comments on “Ralph The NUTritionist

  1. Oh my goodness, someone need to take you in hand, if you know what I mean. 🙂 Have a great weekend, and eat healthy stuff, Ralph.

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  2. Thank you for the sweet and delicious advice but according to my own lab, those need to be limited in quantity. I sure will get sick. 🙂

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    • I would hate to make you sick YC. Returning to the post 😉 I am sure your advice is sound. Let’s have a balanced lunch then. I’ll meet you in the middle 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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  3. You are so funny dear Ralph, I should read your list to my love, because I want to eat all these things BUT it is not good for me and he always warns me 🙂 We should be a great team about this. Thanks and Love, have a nice weekend, and and and I love your cat, seems so lovely… Blessing to her. nia

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    • Hello my dear friend Nia. Most people have a to-do list but I have a to-eat list, the sweeter the better If anyone wanted to take my heart, the sweet route is the one to take 😀 Yes Nia, we could become a team about this.

      My lovely little Star just smashed a bowl similar to the one in the post, She jumped up on to the work surface in the kitchen knocking the bowl to the tiled floor. Frightened her. She jumped down and landed in her food bowl and her tiny biscuits flew all over the kitchen, under the fridge, everywhere. While I was cleaning up Star was running around patting her metal ball through the mess. 😀

      Have a wonderful weekend. Ralph xox 😀

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  4. Now tell the truth, Ralph… You have trained that poor little kitty ‘Star’ to be a pawn in your ‘eating bad stuff’ scheme… Poor kitty..!
    Now that I have done the good guy stuff, can I be real bad and ask for an invite to dinner..!?! Marshmellows and Kitty Kats are are fave of mine too..! Yummy.. 😀

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    • Oh. No. !! You have uncovered my secret. Shucks. My eating-bad-stuff scheme is foiled. But together, you and I Carolyn, a romantic dinner of Marshamallows overlooking the Kit Kat factory ? I have always loved you as you are a bad girl anyway 😉 Ralph xox

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      • Don’t tell anyone, Ralph – I will meet you at the Kit Kat factory Saturday at 11am with a marshmallow in hand…
        Please, please be there… I don’t have a key.. xoxoxo

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      • My lips are sealed Carolyn. 11am then, Hongkong time. I will be there. My two attendants in white coats have the key (to my cell). Oh. Carolyn. Only hours to go !! 😀

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  5. Yum, Yummy, & Yummo!
    All looks good to me. I would need lot & lots of milk with that though.
    care to share? 😉

    Star looks like she’s giving a “Don’t even think about it” look. I would take that look seriously too.

    Feliz Friday Ralph! xo

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    • I will share all that I have with you, my dear friend RoSy, including my guard cat Star. Happy Friday !! Ralph xox 😀

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  6. Oh my! Oh my, Ralph…! And I thought the same when I saw that “Bimbo” bread! What a name! 😀

    The best marshmallows are in Lidl though. That is the one’s available in Spain ;).

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    • In my book you could never be a bimbo, my dear Julita. Or could you just be ?? 😉

      Lidl has two stores about an hour’s drive in different directions. So I visit them rarely. BUT when I do, I am a kid in a toy shop. Next to the marshamallows in a blue bag are chocolate covered coconut bliss ….. oooh !! And I love their muffins ….. and …. and … 😀

      Have a lovely weekend my fashion guru. Ralph xox 😀

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      • An hour is sure long…! The nearest Lidl around here is around 20 minutes, going by car. And I also make rare visits. But that’s also the reason that once I do, I check out EVERYTHING! 😉 And I’m a fast shopper actually. I have to check those coconut cookies!:)
        I liked their muffins until I started baking my own… Nothing’s like a home-made treat!

        I could write a whole novel about sweets but I think it’s safer to stop just here.

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      • Wow !! That is unusual. Most women can take hours looking at everything. Then while checking out say “Oh. I forgot ………” and disappear back into the store 🙄

        I could shop with you 😀

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    • Thank you so much Seyi Sandra. I am also getting quietly hungry just reading your comment. Star won’t let me move as she is curled up asleep on my lap. MOVE STAR !! No. Fast asleep.

      By the way I just saved your comment from Spam. You were sandwiched between (!%$^&%%£$) and (&^%$$%”£) both as interesting as rabbit food

      Big hug. Ralph xox 😀

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      • I don’t know why all my comments were sent to spam! I’ve made several comments today and WordPress kept sending me to spam! Tell Star to move or I’ll have… let me stop there before I’m spammed again!
        Enjoy your weekend!
        Much love. 🙂

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      • I know why you were stopped from entering these comments on this post. WP must have realised that you were too beautiful to come here directly in case I had a heart attack. So, I am answering this blindfolded until Star lets me get up to take my Smarties/M&M tablets 😀

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  7. That’s right Ralph, forget the rabbit food. We men need manly food, junk food. Yummy yummy in my tummy.

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    • That’s right Frank !! You tell them !! High five !! Take care (especially after writing your comment) 😆 Ralph

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    • Hi Yvonne. You are not a Coca-Cola or Pepsi-Cola lady then 😉

      I bet you replied on your notifier in the top right hand corner of the page. Deadly for long comments. Crap-ola is bad for you 😉 Ralph xox 😀

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      • Thanks Ralph. However, I was at the bottom rung and I had no idea there is any other place to comment. Actually I had about 6-7 sentences. Is that long winded or crap-ola? But Pepsi and Coca-Cola was once drunk by me until it was and or found to cause me absolute misery. I am allergic to cane sugar and high fructose corn syrup. If I ingest any of those 2 sweetners I suffer from joint pain, muscles twitching, headaches, itching of my joints, sternum pain, and terrible fatigue. Soooooo I try to avoid any of that stuff and maybe it is a good thing that I can’t eat/drink junk food. I just crave chocolate and rarely indulge in candy which I could eat all day if I thought it would not harm me. Needless to say I have never had a weight problem in my entire life but I just don’t over eat other things either. Just a few extra pounds will slow a body down and I need all the energy I can get. 🙂 xxx
        ~yvonne~ 🙂 PS this was not my original reply as you have probably noted by now.

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      • There are at least 3 places where you can reply to a comment
        1) On your notifier (you may lose your comment if you move your mouse)
        2) Click VIEW ARCHIVES on your notifier (which is very safe) or
        3) Come over to my post and see me sometime 😀

        I am so sorry, Yvonne, to hear that rabbit food helps you with your allergy. I do apologise for inflicting torture on you with this post, but only to you !! I am so lucky I can eat what I like and I am still tall, dark (well, grey) and handsome …….. in my dreams 🙂

        Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox 😀

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      • I forgot.
        4) If you reply to a comment in the grey area at the top of the comment email that arrives in your inbox it is automatically sent to the comments on that blog. Clever !! 😀

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  8. Hey Ralph,

    You and my dear husband (aka the Car Guy), would get along just great. In spite of my repeated efforts to have him eat healthy, he just loves junk food. Or, as he would say “real food that tastes good” not the healthy cr** that I eat 🙂

    Thanks for giving me my laugh for the day.

    Nancy

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    • You are so, so welcome my dear friend Nancy 😀

      So when I said “Am I a naughty boy and need a firm hand to (feed) control me ??” From what you say. IT DOESN’T WORK having a woman around the house with health/dietry issues trying to feed us men rabbit food . You must be pulling your hare out 😉

      Have a wonderful weekend between the sheets (in the car). Ralph xox 😀

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  9. LOL… Oh! If only it were true! I have been craving a donut and pastries, and your blog isn’t helping! LOL… I just ate a mini Snickers candy bar, and I still want a donut!!

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    • Oh. Oh. Oh. What am I going to do? Panic. You could have had a donut but I ate them all and the shops are closed AND Star won’t let me cook you one. Oh dear. What can I do? There’s nothing for it my dear friend Rene. You will just have to grit your teeth, be brave and have another Snickers bar.

      Love and hugs. Ralph xox 😀

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      • LOL… You’re so sweet, Ralph, to even consider cooking a donut for me. Maybe I’ll walk to the local Dunkin’ Donuts. Do you think 3 miles is enough to walk off the calories? 😛

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      • Not a Dunkin’ Donuts !! The last one I visited was in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, years ago. Come on, take my hand. Let’s start walking !! 🙂

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    • I wish I knew your name ! “Oh Ache” will have to do then 😉

      Hi Oh Ache, I suppose your doctor has got you on rabbit food as well. You poor thing !!

      I found this ooooh kitty on Google and had to put it in my sidebar just so that we all can go ooooh !!

      Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox 😀

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  10. I know what you mean Ralph, love marshmallows too…but rabbit food it is. Oh well, that’s my deal in life! Oh and I have a kitty too, a very large fat furry one I might add who absolutely tries to run my life…kitties I allow but humans I won’t!!!

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    • It’s such a shame that many of you, including yourself dear Tovah have to eat rabbit food instead of yummy sweet things. I absolutely agree with you that cats run our lives …… to a certain extent. Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox 😀

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  11. Ahaha, you are so funny, Ralph…thanks for starting my day with laughter! 🙂

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  12. Ralph, what can I say…… I love rabbit food and you don’t? At least with this lot i couldn’t burn your dinner :-). you certainly need someone to control you … actually the cat does. Are you sure in the cat bowl is just water?? and not gin? One can never be too sure with your diet sense!

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    • Of course you love rabbit food That’s why I eat these in preparation of the day that you may visit ……. no burnt dinners. Whew !! 😉

      Star is a non-drinker as it may effect her ability to pat her metal ball around the apartment at 3am waking me up 😀

      Have a lovely Sunday. Ralph xox 😀

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  13. You can’t say that Star is a non-drinker, when we can see right there in the picture that she she is drinking, MFR. Now YOU are saying it’s straight water, but what’s the proof??? Well what proof is water anyway??? I never really understood proofs anyway! I had peanuts and M & Ms for dinner. Don’t tell Star! She’ll think I’m nutty!

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    • Hi MVBF Marsha. Star only drinks 100% water with no added water. When she is in a party mood she has a little milk. I’ve told Star. She thinks you’re nutty 😉

      Have a lovely Sunday. Ralph xox 😀

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      • ME????? Are you sure???? STAR, did you just hiccup? hmmm Are you sure MFR is giving you REAL milk???? I think it’s COCONUT milk!!!! 🙂

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      • Possibly a hiccup. And a coconut is too big for her to pat around the apartment at 3am 😀

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      • And what are you two doing UP at 3:00 a.m. Taking your laps???? Ops, that’s the last comment box. I get SO confused! This is downright NUTTY! hahaha

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      • It’s 7am here. I am leaving early for my three monthly check up with the neurologist in Ronda (Southern Spain) hospital. It’s a lovely long windy road through the mountains to get there, but will stop for a coffee on the way probably by the cave of the cat 😀

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      • Watch out for this catty women and the cat-walking lap dancers! You’ve had enough excitement for one morning! Think about your blood pressure!!! 🐱

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  14. YOLO!
    I’m so jealous. You can’t find that stuff here. 😉
    Are bunnies on the diet? 8)

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    • Hi Katie. What ??? I bet you have a secret stash of chocolate bars hidden in your pink fluffy bunny slippers cupboard 😉

      Duh !! Of course the bunnies are on the diet. They eat rabbit food !! Ralph xox 😀

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      • Wonka himself carved my house out of a giant block if chocolate. I just lick the walls as I do my chores. 8)
        😉 🙂

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    • Hi Pinky (if I may call you that?) and welcome. I totally agree with you 😀 Ralph xox

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  15. Oh my lord! I wish I had those things at home (or maybe it’s good I don’t) – I’d lock myself with those beautiful things and never ever come out – but no food on the flight deck! Xx

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    • So very true Captain Scarlett. But I have sent to you, in deep space, a selection of tasty things which should have been teleported into your Cabin. Admiral Ralph. Flagship HMS Bluefish Way. xox 😀

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    • Good morning my dear friend Sheri. Not quite the Spanish bimbo I am on the look out for but just as tasty 😉 I do love your blog and your posts are, shall I say, out of this world 😀 Do have a lovely week. Ralph xox 😀

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  16. You are really a naughty boy Ralph and maybe you can do this; during the week nothing of this horrible food and in the weekend ………… yessssssssss, have a wonderful weekend dear Ralph 🙂

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    • Yes. I am afraid so. I am a very naughty boy. I need to be taken in hand to be taught all about rabbit food
      Thank you Shiro. I hope you have a lovely weekend as well. Ralph xox 😀

      Like

  17. Oh no. Is it opposite day already? Your idea of healthy… tsk tsk… *shakes head in disapproval*

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    • Hi my friend Rynna 😀 It is such a healthy post to the point where a new aerobic’s move has just been introduced. It is called *shakes head in disapproval* 😉 Ralph xox 😀

      Like

  18. THAT MOVE SOUNDS VIRAL DON’T YOU THINK! Bet it’ll be way bigger than the Harlem Shake. Whatever that is! I’ve never actually watched the video. Just keep seeing the thumbnails up on YouTube.

    Like

    • Fantastic !! It’s bound to take off as there is so much to shake ones head in disapproval over 😀

      Like

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