Ralph’s Titbits !!

Introduction  (or undoing your blouse)…

So here I am, the Monday post as promised. For research purposes only I have been going cross eyed  exploring what is hidden, cupped in the bras of women. Where do I start on such a venture ? As I have no woman here for a detailed field study in the nearest meadow I am having to use Goggle. So I Goggled for images and the first picture that popped up on my screen was …… bloody hell !! … no way !!

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Annie Hawkins Turner has the biggest natural breasts in the world
Annie Hawkins Turner has the biggest natural breasts in the world

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I wonder how many men she has suffocated while turning over in bed ….. the mind boggles !!  Ten cold showers later  I am not an expert on breasts by any means but I have met my fair share over the years. Well, I was married twice, intermingled with hundreds about ten women friends. So I have had the pleasure of meeting about twelve brace of breasts. Not one pair are the same. They are so different in size, texture, shape and colour, and yet, you !! yes, you women do go on about them. They are either your worst enemy or your best friend with strange tendencies.

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I have deduced that….

Puberty should have been disallowed at school, banned until you got home. Either your nipples had not started their march away from your rib cage until you were 17, or over night the Wicked Witch of the BooBoos cast a double D spell on you. In either case it was a major trauma for the growing woman. Teasing, poking fun or just being nasty was the norm at school and probably still is !!

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I have deduced that….

When you are over 18 you are now all grown up, but branching off with different looks and problems. Some of you put on the uniform of boots, jeans, floppy tops to hide your breasts. Other women, Amazons, squeeze into boots, jeans and “max forward thrust” tops to scare the living daylights out of some poor man. Bring it on !!  This is the time for hands on field study. On close inspection, nipples and Oreos range from best china dinner plates to thimbles. My favourite nipple has yet to show itself !!

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I have deduced that….

A few women branch off into the weird realms of breast enhancement surgery, nipple piercing and tattoos.

A model before breast enhancement
A model before breast enhancement

This pretty woman (above) had surgery and was pleased as punch with the result. What was going on in her head !! She is lovely !!! I am not going to post the after photo. I have been up late most nights as many of you know and I accidentally on purpose stumbled upon late night channels with some women who have had  boob jobs and nipple piercings. To tell you the truth it was awful. The breasts unnaturally bloated with visible scarring and I won’t talk about the piercings or the problems they will face in later life.

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I have deduced that ….

Many of you women have had medical problems with the result of losing your breasts, which must be awful for you. I would like to give you a big hug !!

I have deduced that ….

Now you are mature, really grown up and wearing a sensible (?) head. This is the time when your breasts start to droop, sag and wrinkle. Bras don’t fit or your breasts occasionally like to take a walk around your back or anywhere except in the cups where they should be. The straps can’t hold the two weights that are bouncing on your belt buckle. Or you could be lucky by having small breasts (my favourite), pay back time for those taunts at school !!.

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In conclusion (or doing up your blouse) ….

This is my view of women and their breasts. I could have said more but this is enough. Women’s breasts are like flowers, they bud, blossom, droop and wrinkle, but they are a small part of  all the bits and pieces that make up you, the woman, that special half of humanity that says ……

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I Am Woman !!

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Now back to my field study. Binoculars…. butterfly net … no ….  just a woman (or two) !! hehe !!

Ralph xox

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71 Comments on “Ralph’s Titbits !!

  1. I am starting to be seriously worried about you all the way here in NZ … I think you are displaying all (and I mean ALL) the signs of a prolonged singleton 🙂 !

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    • I have been thinking about what you said Daniela. I feel I am right in writing what I published here as I want to push the boundaries and see where I am going. I am not going to post single pretty flower pictures or single Aesop quotes, copy other people’s work or have a stream of reblog posts. Maybe I have gone over the top with decency. But what is decency? Limits not to be crossed? We all have bodies and thoughts. Both of which to be kept private? Personally, I don’t think so. So I have published this post and honestly I don’t care if I have offended some bloggers. I say what I think. My next post will be completely different as I don’t want to be locked into a theme blog.

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      • I am sorry if my comment, which was meant in a good and friendly humor, prompted you to think about offending … my stance on blogging is basically the same as on life itself; we are all unique human beings and thus express ourselves in our own way. No one is better than the other. Just different. And as far as I am concerned there is absolutely nothing offensive about human body … I never though any different.
        And with that … whatever post you publish on your blog, next time or any time will always remain uniquely yours -:)!
        Take Care,
        Daniela

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      • Big hug Daniela 😀 As you say, we are all unique and I am so pleased that we are or it would be a boring old WP. You are one of the great bloggers with your Lantern Post full of your interesting tales of Hobbitsville. Ralph xox 😀

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  2. Interesting to get a man’s take. 8)
    Looking forward to any future updates after your follow up research study. 😉

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    • Hi Katie. You must be up really early this morning !!! I will definitely post a follow up on my field research. The way things are going that will be in about 10 years or so 😉 Have a great week.Ralph xox 😀

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    • Why, thank you YC. Your comment has really given me a boost.
      I hope you have a happy Monday. Ralph xox 😀

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  3. Yeah good to know what a man really thinks. I love your humour! I feel sorry for the lady in the pink shirt though. Oh my what a hindrance. Blessings Tovah

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  4. A woman has to learn to love what she has. To some it comes easily, to others it takes a lot of time. Bet when she finally gets there, she glows.

    Your speech is very nice.

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    • Why thank you Julita for your kind words and your glow is dazzling me here in Spain 😀 Ralph xox

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      • Thanks Julita, you too have a lovely day. Only your glow is visible as it’s cloudy here 😀

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  5. I enjoyed your research study Ralph… and although it is written in your characteristic humorous manner, I sensed kindness, respect and tenderness underneath… Bravo!
    Loved the title too 😀

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    • Yours is a really special comment Pelly, and I will treasure it. Thank you so much 😀 Big hug. Ralph xox

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  6. I was seriously plotting taking my seam ripper to you about this idea. I had arguments with myself over letting people be themselves. I shouted at me that I do NOT have to be near to the ones that are inappropriate, trying to convince me it’s ok, when the tingle says NOPE it is not. So, I thought this morning that I would NOT read, but it was like trying to pass by a wreck and not look, so I looked. My ideas of taking the seam ripper to you began to disperse almost immediately, though I am still holding it in a tight fist behind my back. You didn’t do too badly with real issues. You shared your inner stuffs without being a letch–or covered it up considerably ty. I am sitting here picturing how the origin of a woman not being enough comes from such disgusting things, like boobs for instance. Could you imagine the lesson of men of the penis varied in such a visible manner?!? OR everyone’s nose. It is interesting, the fixation upon looks of the body, being what a person is worth, in providing information that is supposed to be legitimate about who a person is and what they value. Thanks for writing.

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    • When I first began to read your very long and informative comment Elisa, I thought I was reading the rants of a rubber necking coal miner, but then I read on. I am sorry that you feel that way about boobs. I am a man and the whole package of a woman initially either attracts me or not and that includes breasts. You really need to read my other post
      https://bluefishway.com/2012/08/05/women-with-shotguns/
      That was a real life situation, whereas blogging is the total reverse where we measure a person by what is said, most of the time not knowing what that person really looks like or their life style.
      I understand that men’s penises are all different and only come out on firework’s night. It’s just a matter of dress code, the way we are. 😀
      Thank you Elisa for writing your comment. Ralph xox 😀

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  7. You did it Ralph! Good job discussing a sensitive issue to every woman on the planet. Gold stars! 🙂 You’re the best! 🙂 xox

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    • Thank you so much MVBF Marsha for such an accolade and probably for the first time the shortest comment from you. I really do respect and appreciate what you have said. Big hug. Ralph xox 😀

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  8. Ralph, I am so proud of you and your wonderful ‘coverage’ of such a sensitive subject. A woman’s breasts is not easily the best subject commented or discussed by the male of the species but you my friend did so with class, dignity and respect. Thank you

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    • When I pressed “Publish” on this post I was in quite a turmoil on what the reaction would be. I seem to be blessed with the majority of commenters having strong views and say it as it is. You included Len. 😀
      So in trepidation I waited.
      Amazingly nearly all the comments are wonderbrafully supportive (thanks Pelly) 😀
      And your comment is amazing Len and I thank you so much for it my friend. Ralph xox

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      • 🙂 always going to get my true thoughts Ralph for I have no filter between brain and mouth or in this case keyboard 🙂 Love to you my dear one… God bless and keep you

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  9. Ralph, I don’t know you. Not at all. This is the first post I have read by you, and I rather enjoyed it. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “Women’s breasts are like flowers, they bud, blossom, droop and wrinkle, but they are a small part of all the bits and pieces that make up you…” So, thumbs up on your research. 🙂

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    • I don’t know you either Maddie, but with such a wonderful comment I may be making a new friend 😀
      Thank you so much. Take care. Ralph xox 😀

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  10. Hi again MFR, You thought you had heard the last from me! hahaha Maddie is an adorable blogger, and a funny one, Ralph. I’ve been cleaning up files, and came across hers hidden in my blog piles. Somehow I had overlooked her beautiful blog. We have been writing back and forth for about a week, now. You will enjoy Maddie – trust me! 🙂 xox I love and agree wholeheartedly with Len’s comments. Have a great day, Ralph. xoxo 🙂

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  11. Amazing job, Ralph… stop… Are you sure you are not part female… stop…. Can we honestly believe our secrets are safe with you… stop… Will you now please, please give us a field trip excursion of the male genitalia… stop…
    Oh, sorry, Ralph; I got carried away… yes, better stop…
    Are you sure you haven’t been listening in on female conversations… stop…
    If you have; I salute your impeccable insight into a woman’s favourite (this woman’s fave) thing to loathe or love… stop…
    Did I tell you I think breasts look better on women…!?! Now I will stop..! 😉
    xoxoxo 🙂

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    • Your Tickle-tape machine is really working overtime Carolyn, too many “stops” and not enough “go’s”. I accidentally clicked “Dislike” on your comment instead of “Reply” …. sorry ! 😳
      START TICKLE-TAPE
      Part female . No. I have all the male bits to prove it ……go.
      Your secrets are definitely not safe with me. Tell me more …..go
      Field trips of male bits are up to females to laugh about …..go
      I don’t have to listen in. You seem to like to tell me …… go
      Loathe or love them you have them ………go
      Breasts on women seem to be the best place for them ….. go
      MASSAGE ENDS
      Have a lovely week. Ralph xox 😀

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  12. Haha, Ralph; a wonderful reply…! 🙂 (Really tickles….) 😉
    And to you a wonderful week, too; my English/Spanish friend…
    xoxoxo 🙂

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    • Haha Valentina. My dreams are elsewhere 😉
      Thanks for the offer of an award but I don’t do them. Your thought of an offer is enough for me to treasure. Take care. Ralph xox 😀

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  13. You could have gone off in so many directions here Ralph. I was a bit nervous of what I might find when I came to your blog. I say well done! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much LuAnn. I think I was more nervous …… no, terrified …. of your response and others’ reactions to this post. I can sleep easy tonight. Whew !! 😀

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  14. What a very sensitive and tasteful post, Ralph. 😀 Mine are still where they’re supposed to be, and long may it last. :;)

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    • Long may it last Sylvia !! And thank you for your lovely comment. I really do appreciate it 😀

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  15. Ah Ralphie… I love your writing! So witty! I loved this post!
    You my dear are charming! And a little brave if I do say so… teehee!

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  16. No, not TeeHee. Me, Little Brave Titti Haha ……..mean to you, Warrior Who Searches Squaw For Two Bumps And Get Slap. 😀
    Thanks Diane.Big hug. Ralph xox

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  17. Ralph, I am sure the research took months and you thoroughly enjoyed that. Every man would…… 🙂 We might even get a deeper post later as surely the research has not stopped. Men always research and look! And we always wonder what men think, now we know your conclusions at least. You wrote some lovely things in there, much appreciated.

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    • Oh yes Ute, months, if not years of painstaking research into the subject. I am not so sure about a follow up post as I am experiencing a great lack of research material and specimens at this time 😉 Thank you so much for your kind words. Ralph xox 😀

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      • Such as, in my local shop’s notice board. “Wanted two boobs for research purposes, attached to owner preferred”. Now where’s my English>Spanish dictionary 😆

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  18. I love it, Ralph!
    Speaking as a 30-year h.s. teacher, I agree that puberty definitely needs to be saved for home and prohibited at school. We would get so much more done in the classroom if puberty (and drugs) were checked at the door!

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    • Hey Marylin, Hi !! 😀 The situation must be a lot worse for you nowadays with cell phones, internet and cameras which must add more trauma to a puberty stricken young adult, whereas in my day it was teasing and bullying only which had to be tackled basically on your own as a child with no support from peers or adults.. Ralph xox

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  19. Ralph : My awesome buddy…..beautiful piece of writing and honoured for the respect shown towards all the lovely women on this planet.

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    • Hey Madhu. Hello. How’s it going with you ?? Thank you for your lovely comment. All women are wonderful in my eyes and should be treated as such. Although I was enjoying writing this post I kept that thought in the back of my mind. I hope you are having a lovely week. Ralph xox 😀

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    • Hehe !! Who knows Yvonne, I never know myself about what to write next 😀
      People are funny. They can talk endlessly about animals, stud farms, cockerels in hen houses and so on but when it comes to humans, people go all coy and shy (some, I admit are the opposite). 50% of the human population have breasts, so personally I can’t see why I can’t talk about them or about anything else. So watch this space 😉 Ralph xox

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      • I like your reply. I hope you know that I was joking about the what will you post next. Sure lots of female bloggers post some raunchy stuff and no one says a dang thing. Tiss not fair, say I. Keep on doing what you are doing. I think you are hell-larry-us. Yvonne XX

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  20. “Accidentally on purpose” – I had a 7th grade teacher way-back-when who used to say this a lot 🙂 I say this, myself, more often than I’d like to, to explain many of the things my children do. There’s no telling what’s really going on in their minds when they do things, especially things I’d rather they didn’t do and I know they know better… For things I do, it really is (usually) either accidentally or on purpose!
    Hugs,
    ~Lyann

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    • So true Lyann, so true. Sometimes I wonder how we communicate in English as there are so many different meanings and spellings for words. For me, accidentally or on purpose ? On purpose !! 😉 Ralph xox

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  21. First of all – pardon my delayed visit to this post. When I 1st saw it – I was at work. When I clicked on the link I got a “Forbidden” by the company warning & the page would not open. I was like – What the heck is dear ol’ Ralph posting about that it’s forbidden??? LOL
    Well – here I am at home & finally catching up on your blog.
    I must say – you had me laughin’ to bits & pieces. That 1st picture – I think one of her boobs weighs more than me. I wouldn’t wish that back pain on anyone. As for the 2nd one – I think she’s beautiful too. But – to each her own pair I guess.
    😉

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    • ROFL RoSy. I have just about had everything happen to me in my life as you have read in my posts and blogs and now I am FORBIDDEN !! I love it. So funny !! Yes each to her own pair 😀 No back pain for you then 😉 Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox

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  22. Love this, Ralph. I agree that model is pretty just as-is. The first woman is horrific – and I’m sorry for her, they’re natural. It really has to be some kind of deformity – SOMEthing is wrong…

    You make me laugh though, love the way you write 🙂

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    • Thank you so much dear Noeleen. I am so pleased that you had fun in this post and I do agree with you 😀 Ralph xox

      Like

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