Oh Pants !!

Sonic in pants drawer
Strange goings on in my pants drawer


“Turn my back for one minute. SONIC !!”  Sonic, my little boy, decided to jump up into my pants drawer and rearrange them to his liking. “Out !!”  And being a good boy, down onto the floor he jumps, spluttering his fury at not being left to his own devices in there.




I was 17  & 1/2 years old when I was rapidly taught by a Drill Corporal in the British Army that shirts were ironed with two parallel creases down the back and one across the shoulders. Trousers only ever had one crease and woe betide if tramlines appeared by careless ironing. Everything was folded in its own special way and placed in it’s favourite place in one’s personal locker (never locked !!). Ironing and folding, a brainwashed technique I never forgot, like my Army Number …… 2*****93 …..

My first wife was an ex RAF nurse, so when I was home not working on contracts in Saudi Arabia; the girls at school and V on shift in a local hospital, I found myself almost everyday with a mountain of ironing. Nurses uniform, kids school clothes and a mound of underwear. She had to have all the underwear ironed. I am an expert at pants, and have a Master’s Degree in brassieres. Knickers moved so fast across the ironing board, ironed and stacked high. Ironing a bra is similar to ironing the inside of two ice cream cones. Once de-creased and the frilly bits stop looking like a roller coaster, one cup is folded into the other and the bungee cords tucked inside. This bra was placed into the next, cups into cups, and the whole line picked up and placed into the bra drawer. The knickers to the bottom of the pile in the knicker drawer, whites with whites, blacks with blacks and so on. Why do women have so many drawers ?? (read into that what you will)


I digress. As well as a cat in my (now tidy) pants drawer I have a hot water bottle and a jewellery box. The hot water bottle is for emergency use only, that is, if my feet are cold in bed !!  And the jewellery box, poor thing was ravished by gypsy women who broke into the house on the Costa del Sol, now has pretty crystals inside.


Do you have strange goings on in your drawers ?? 🙂

(I should be so lucky !!)


56 Comments on “Oh Pants !!

  1. Oh dear me … you are priceless indeed 😉 🙂 ! Man with so many talents already and now an expert in bra ironing … one cannot quite believe it! I do hope this special talent of yours is going to come useful fairly soon … resulting in subsequent removal of hot water bottle as well (read into it as you will 🙂 )!


    • Hot water bottle replacement is on my to-do list (if I can ever find it 😉 ). Yes, it’s true my hobbitual friend Daniela that bra pressing is one of my many talents 😉 Big hug. Ralph xox


  2. I am not kidding, Ralph, when I say I have a mountain of ironing to do… Will you please send yourself by cyber space into my home… Oh, perhaps you shouldn’t do that; I may wish to keep you for more reasons than your impeccable ironing manners and ‘drawers’…!!! 😉 😉

    I have never in my life ironed a brassiere…! You are more than a marvel; you are a marvelous marvel who should be crowned the panties/brassiere/non-tramline Prince of Couture (with a very spiffy feline). Sonic Boooooommmmmm…! xoxoxo 🙂


    • It would be my pleasure, my friend Carolyn, to press anything you like and to rearrange your drawers to your satisfaction 😉 Whew !! Hot work this ironing 😆 Ralph xox


  3. you are amazing…. and I love your Sonic! and I hate ironing… so many time I have a mountains of ironing… 🙂 Blessing and Happiness dear Ralph, Thanks and Love, nia


    • Thank you my dear friend Nia for your lovely comment 😀 Maybe you should employ a local Ralph or Ralphess to do your hated ironing 🙂 Ralph xox


  4. Mssr. Ralph, you should have KNOWN then, WTF irons a bra? blink
    I would have done something outrageous with them, (is pleased to think of creative bra disruption at present)
    I do not understand persons who iron gutchies either.

    Dingles noticed Sonic and is trying to get into the monitor. She also seems to like your widgets. I might lose this kitty, the place where she stays during the day, so that we do not get into trouble, has a rat problem and will have to poison, so she cannot go there. 😦
    lol she just attacked the moving time clock globe.

    Things are falling out of my drawers.


    • Creative bra disruption ?? I must have a Google at that later 😉
      It’s nice to know that your kitty is safe from the poison and is in a playful mood. Your friend. Ralph xox 😀


  5. I shall choose to ignore your last question. 😀 My pants don’t need ironing. They’re far too small, and as for ironing bras…..why would I?


    • That’s okay Sylvia. Ignorance is bliss 😀
      You are surely not one of those modern day women who buy their knickers from quantum physicists? 😉 Twang theory!! Ralph xox


    • Shucks !! You found me out Lyann !!
      It’s only a little sweatshop in the small bedroom. I give the cats a half hour break once a week. They iron bra cups by curling up inside for 20 minutes. 😉
      (This will be all over Facebook *yuk* ) 🙂 Big hug. Ralph xox


      • Lol!!…I need to get my cats to do something besides beg for food between their naps – maybe I’ll threaten to send them to you! 😀
        Big Hugs to you and your kitties!


  6. I hate ironing :#
    I even don’t buy clothes that need ironing, and since I live with my boyfriend I gradually removed all of his shirts. For the last 5 years he wears only t-shirts! Plus I have developed a technique to avoid it. It’s some kind of ritual and it begins the moment the washing machine ends its washing. I will not reveal my secrets … as I think you enjoy the ironing process 🙂 Ok…maybe a hint: hanging=key factor 😀


    • I have been really thinking about this, Pelly, and I have come to the conclusion that you tumble dry the clothes (not your boyfriend as that may give him curly hair 😉 ) and then you hang the T shirts up in the wardrobe. I could be wrong as you have secret rituals at the end of the wash, perhaps a simple celebration of the event by downing a bottle of wine 😉 Ralph xox


      • Haha! Love the pic and text 😀
        But… sorry Ralph, wrong conclusion!
        ….It’s an extensively detailed ritual (I’ve mentioned my obsession about details) with great results and I just decided that I shall keep it a secret! Maybe I’ll write a book about it, I am sure it would be a best seller (…greek economic crisis and all) or just pass it to my descendants as I have no material possessions 😉


      • Hehe !! I was almost drawn into the realms of Dan Brown and Harry Potter which would have been fun, BUT I think I have cracked the clues 😀
        “hanging=key factor” means hanging around.
        “Greek economic crisis” means money involved.
        You go to the local Laundrette !! QED


  7. Hmm, I think Sonic is looking for a comfy place. That is a signal to you to find a good place for Sonic to hide or snug in.


    • I wish you would have a quiet word with my three cats. They have 4 cat baskets dotted around the apartment. If a cat is curled up in a basket I cover them with a blanket. As soon as I move out of any chair I am sitting in and return a few seconds later I find a cat curled up in it. I make the bed in the morning, by late afternoon it is wrecked with a bump in the middle, yes a cat buried somewhere in there !! My pants drawer is mine *stomping foot* 😉 Ralph xox


  8. Hola Ralph-
    I can count the number of times that I’ve ironed.
    And- underclothes? I never heard of anyone ironing bras. That’s a new one for me.
    Wrinkled RoSy xo


    • Hi my dear friend wrinkled RoSy 😀
      If I did your ironing you would be back to my smooth, soft and squishy friend 😉 But wrinkled it is !! So sad 😥 Ralph xox


  9. Your cat seems to saying, “Who me? Get out of the drawer? Why?” I love that pic. Who woulda thought you to be a neatness guy? Cute ;post. Guess your ex had you well trained. 🙂


  10. Ironing is not one of my most favourite pastimes, and I also skip ironing my pants. Now, ironing of the bra is most certainly a new lesson for me. 🙂


  11. I suppose nowadays, Michelle, things are a lot different what with padding, droop-dry and synthetic materials. I am fumbling in the dark here as I may be talking about breasts or bras or both 😉 It has been a few years since I have ironed a bra, a time when metal whale bones departed from the bra and clattered around the washing machine frightening the life out of everyone. I really need to get my hand in again 😉 Ralph xox 🙂


    • I admire such skill and vivacity in such rituals and trust that each journey you make is a cleansing experience for your robes and raiments, and then you can hold them high in triumph and say, “I did that !!” 😀

      Yes. Of course I am jealous because I have to take mine down to the river and beat my shorts on a rock. I must remember to take them off next time 😉 Ralph xox


  12. Wow, Ralph…I have never ironed a bra before in my life. I daresay, you must be expert in ironing with all your experience! How are you doing?


    • Hi Amy. 😀
      I am fine. Never “pressed” for time. Never get “steamed” up over anything. Just “flat” out all the time. Thanks for asking 😀 Ralph xox


  13. hahahha You’ve obviously never melted any lace, foam rubber, or leaked out the gel or you would have heard about it! That says something else about size. Bigger than a string “G”, I’ll bet! hmmmm Did she have big feet, too? 🙂 Are you up for any blog awards for ironing? 🙂 Marsha 😀 xoxo


    • Hi Marsha. My ironing expertise was at its peak in the 1970’s early 1980’s when the bra’s only function was to cover rather than being an uplifting experience. Knickers were Sloggi’s …. passion busters !! …… There is no way I would approach a bra or knickers with an iron nowadays …. but …. 😉


  14. Sonic is a adorable cat and with my drawers is everything OK what not is OK are the clothes for ironing…………….so many, can’t you come to help me ? 🙂


      • This is Ralph’s comment answerphone “I am sorry Ralph is not here at the moment. He is on its way to Hawaii to iron some clothes” Beep !! 😉


    • I know Valentina !! It’s possibly because they are wearing iron bras 😉


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