My Type of Woman

Come on!! One finger with EACH hand!!
Come on!! One finger with EACH hand!!


could I give a hoot
could I give a hoot



So here I am typing. One finger of my left hand has the muscles of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other of Sylvester Stallone, the rest of my fingers have the strength of a jellyfish lifting a sledgehammer. How I am dressed is not of your concern as I could be wearing the clothes in the last post, covered in blankets because of the cold, or nothing at all ……. necessary for the purposes of writing a post. (whew. I got that in quick!!)

I would really love to come to all of your lovely blogs and comment. If I could type faster I could probably do it….

……..*dreaming* Oh wouldn’t it be fantastic to have a woman draped over my shoulder, her fingers on mine gently teasing them towards the correct keys. I would feel her softness against my neck and her scent would waft in gossamer waves past my nose. “Press there …… gently” she breathes …….

Uh! What? Where was I? Oh yes. I am a typist,  a snail on a go-slow kind of typist.


What is your typing like?

Do you set your computer on fire?


75 Comments on “My Type of Woman

  1. Hahaha… type like my hubby. 🙂 I’m a six finger typist, but quite fast….at typing that is. 😀


  2. I use eight fingers, but at times they don’t keep up with my mind. At other times, my mind does not agree with what they are typing and goes to play the piano in the other room while they have their fun.


    • I am the same Yvonne. Great becomes greta. I always seem to get two letters back to front. 😦 Ralph xox


      • I left a note over on your other blog about the brain surgery for Parkinson’s. Yes I transpose many words with words reading as something else. I have arthritis of my fingers- but I have always typed words and letters backwards. I suppose it is backwards thinking. 🙂


      • That is very kind of you. I will look at some websites later. It must be very difficult to type with arthritis. I have heard that there are voice activated systems around but I know nothing much about them.


  3. Ahh, it seems like you want to be a touch typing or perhaps a touched typing 🙂 Me? I am a touch typing (do make few mistakes as I touch a long the way though).

    Have a great weekend Ralph.


    • Tooshay YC (can’t seem to find French fonts in WP)
      Is that what they call it, touched typing? Seems like a good way to learn 😀 xox


  4. Merhaba Ralph 🙂
    güzel bir haftasonu diliyorum
    kucak dolusu sevgiler :))

    Hi Ralph 🙂
    I wish you a nice weekend
    armful of my love :))


    • Seçil !!! Gerçekten çok tatlı. Ve sana güzel bir hafta sonu da isteyebilirsiniz. Nasılsın? Öptüm Ralph xox

      Chosen!!! It really is very sweet. And you may also wish you a nice weekend. How are you? I kissed Ralph xox


      • Teşekkür ederim iyiyim Ralph
        sen nasılsın?
        hep sevgi ile kal 🙂

        I’m fine, thank you, Ralph
        how are you?
        Stay always with love 🙂


      • Seçil. O ince olduğu harika bir haber. İspanya’da mutluyum ve ben Blog’a seviyorum. Blogunuz çok iyi ve ben gayet zevk. Google+ çevirmek imkansız ama bu yorumlarda kolaydır. Daha fazla konuşmak isterdim. Ralph xox 😀

        Selected. He is thin, great news. I’m happy and I love to blog in Spain. Your blog is very good and I really enjoyed it. Google translate is easy to impossible, but these comments. I’d like to talk more. Ralph xox 😀


      • English :I hope that this makes sense to you, Secil.
        Turkish: : Ben Seçil, bu size mantıklı umuyoruz.
        Back to English: I am selected, I hope this makes sense to you.

        This is fun with the translator. Words go wrong
        Bu çevirmen ile eğlenceli. Sözcükler yanlış
        This translator is fun. Words wrong

        LOL 😀


  5. I set my computer on fire, but I use only one finger on my right hand when typing on my phone. So, you’re left-handed, huh? While you may not set your computer on fire, it sounds like you have a lot of passion in your heart. 😉


    • Now Rene. I have to ask. Did you set your computer on fire with you typing so fast, or did you just set light to it, had a bonfire? Just asking.
      Yes, left handed just for writing. Right handed for everything else. Big hug. Ralph xox


      • Whew!! I’m glad of that, as I had the Bluefish Way Fire Brigade on standby in case the fire spread this way……STAND DOWN LADS !!!


  6. Oooooooooooooooohhhhh Wow can I type!!! And dream, and imagine!!! Wheeeeeeeeew. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m really good with one letter words. 🙂 mmmmmmmmllllllllllllllll 🙂


    • Wow my favourite Marsha, if you were not:
      a) Married
      b) Living on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean
      c) b) + the width of the United States of America
      You would have been the perfect tutor for me in honing my skills. One letter is a good place to start !! Love Ralph xox


  7. I’m a pretty decent typist. My fingers can get a-flyin’. I wish they still taught typing like they used to. Kids start keyboarding so early, they should learn proper technique. But sadly, I think it’s fallen by the wayside a bit.


    • Wow, Carrie, I expect it took you a millisecond to type your comment. So far it has taken me two minutes, give or take half an hour. I wish I was taught typewriting when I was a young sprightly buck then I could talk to everyone in their own creations. Ralph xox


      • I had typing way back in 10th grade of high school. Not the most exciting class but definitely worthwhile.


      • Yes. I agree. Especially nowadays, as you can do almost anything on a laptop using a keyboard. 😀


    • Is this a typo Elisa?? Flares and Trowels?? Must be flares and trowels …. hhhhm!!


  8. When I was in my first years of secondary school my mom signed me in for a “10 finger writing course”. It only works properly when I am at my laptop, though. When writing with my typewriter I only use two fingers 😉


    • That’s a special Mum you have there Scarlett, as you now have the basic skill for IT and so on. I just wonder how technology will go …… a WP blog chip in your head? Then we could visit each other in virtual reality. But at the moment, this is fun. Have a great weekend. Ralph xox


    • With or against the wind and tide? I must admit that sometimes Lyann when I type I have that feeling you have just said, one forward, two back, three delete, four make a coffee, five look out of the window, six remove pieces of glass off the floor after looking out of the window when closed, seven go to A&E, eight return home, nine return to one.
      I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Ralph xox


      • lol, no, ROFL
        (That took me about 30 keystrokes, backwards and forwards)
        I hope you have a wonderful weekend, too, Ralph 😀


      • I WANT YOU as my tutor Lyann. NOW!!! I have counted 49 characters in your comment and YOU did it in 30 forwards AND backwards. You are such a skilful woman!! 😉 Hugggs


  9. I trained as a secretary, so about 80 wpm (words per minute) which is pretty damn fast!!!! (don’t have the others skills you require, though, so I would not pass your test) 😉


    • Wow. That is fast !!! Failed the test. Shucks 😦 xox
      One of my jobs in the army was to set up, repair and test the old style teleprinters and I remember one of the tests was to type: “Quick brown fox runs over the lazy dog” as it uses all the letters of the alphabet.


      • yep!!! that’s how I learned to touch type, many moons ago. To make it more difficult, our teacher would tape an A4 sheet of paper over the keyboard (well it was called TYPEWRITER in those days…), and we had to put our hands under the paper. No cheating, you HAD to learn…


      • That’s a good idea. I’ll try that with my laptop. Oooops. Out of A4. Will a cat do?? 😉


  10. Wow. That scene is mesmerising. I haven’t seen it before. Only reason I clicked is because I LOVE Elvis singing that. But that scene ….. wow!!

    As for your typing, with two wee fingers you sure get a lot done!!


    • Yes. Whew Noeleen. The video steers one to want to take up pottery, immediately !! A good advert for a local village hall pottery class 😉

      Yes. My brain is working in the now and my fingers are typing back in the Ice Age. I really need them to catch up ….. fast!! So the need for a tutor……*dreaming*…… xox


  11. You always make me smile! I type with all my fingers and thumbs since I took typing in school many years ago… But I peek a lot, since I tend to miss keys if I try to go too fast. Besides – Life is meant to be savored – not rushed through!

    Blessings ~ Wendy


    • ……. am I still dreaming? Must be. Hi Wendy 😀 No peeking around my blog. But as it’s you, you may 😉 xox


  12. Oh – I chuckled & chuckled at this post.
    And – now I’m smiling.
    I don’t type properly. I never learned. I type using 2-3 fingers & my thumbs. I’m pretty avg speed though. I have to look at the keyboard with the letters though. I can work the number keypad with my eyes closed though.
    Happy Weekend 😉


    • Hey RoSy. A good idea to have a keyboard with letters on the keys. I am impressed with your number keypad ability though. Well done with your average speed……. no homework for you tonight then 😉 Love Ralph xox


  13. Typing is kinda like speaking Spanish for me… I had enough instruction in school to be fluent in both, but I still need a translator and I still look at the keyboard. 8)
    At the moment, I am using the one finger, smart phone shuffle technique.


    • Hi Katie. Upside down question marks get me in knots on my laptop with an English Keyboard. And why do you need a translator to help you to look at your keyboard? Smarty pants!! 😀 Big hug. Ralph xox


  14. I’m so fast that my body developed a muscle weakness is my wrists to slow me down. The benefit is that many years later I still can’t settle for typist jobs. Must stretch beyond for the mental calisthenics work.


    • You must have been really, really fast to have damaged your muscles like that. Yes, typist jobs are out of the window because of your injury. Mind work is much better. A big hug. Ralph


  15. I type really really quickly, and my mind is faster still – that little monkey dyslexia often forces me to go back and correct stuff, missing letters, spellings. So all said not too bad ^^ but boy corrections are a pain the….


    • …..asterisk? Hi Sherrah. Fast and Furious? My favourite key was the left arrow of the 4 arrows (4 arrows….. hey that’s a good name for a writer opening a ranch in Arizona ….. just a thought). I say WAS because I have recently found the HOME and END keys, but as usual the mistake is in the middle. Why is there no MIDDLE key? There are all sorts of funny named keys around the edge which I dare not press as I might produce a rabbit. I’ll press one and see what happens……..

      Told you!!!
      This is why I need a skilled woman draped over my shoulder to help me press the right button ;)Take care. Ralph


  16. What a wonderful video of a great movie with great acting to boot; to say nothing of the music, the oozing sexuality, the pulsating throbbing of….. Oh, where am I..!?!
    Oh, my dear Ralph…. If I could be that woman draped over your shoulder caressing your fingers to the keys of choice; indeed I would…
    Oh, my dear Ralph… xoxoxo If I don’t stop listening to this incredible music I will forget to tell you I am a sincerely fast typist who learned her trade many years ago on the old keyboards that one had to pummel down with great gusto…
    I can’t go on, Ralph. I have to turn that video on again… I keep stopping to listen.. Oh, what rapture….!


    • A wonderful, sensual video dear Carolyn and I remember the time when you pummeled down with Great Gusto, the vaudeville magician who performed in the small cramped theaters of smog ridden London. It was in all the papers at the time. Quite a furore. I remember it well 😉
      But I know that you have changed your ways. “NO!! NOT THAT WET LUMP OF POTTER’S CLAY ON MY KEYBOARD !!!!!!!!!”
      PhhhhhhZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz………zzzzzz.zzz……zz……..z…………… xox


      • Well, there’s nothing wrong with your memory then…! 😉
        I’d forgotten that particular ‘furore’…! 🙂

        Well, Ralph; you know the old saying: “You can change the clay, but not the clay manipulator…..”

        Poor, poor computer keyboard……. xoxoxo


      • Pzzzzzzz…..Zzzzz……. Hi……zz……Carolyn……z…… Whew!! I managed to clean it all up and and it’s all ……zz…… okay now!!
        You are a lot of fun and I always love your comments dear Carolyn 😀 Ralph xox


  17. Well, there’s a dilemma. I’m remiss in not having wished you a Happy New Year, I think, Ralph ❓ I can’t blame my typing speed (I’m a touch typist), but I can blame the speed of my brain. Which works like your one finger typing… Hope you are doing well 🙂


    • No matter my dear friend Alarna. May I wish you a bubbly New Year also.
      The sychronisation between brain, two hands and fingers in my case, as seems to be yours as well, is to pack it in and have another coffee. Sugar? 😀 xox


  18. The best I ever typed was 361 word per minute over a five-minute test. I have been typing since I was six years old, but my fingers feel it now. I can still do a hundred words per minute, but if I do it for too long, my fingers curl up and freeze. Thus, for the past ten years, I have done very little typing. It’s almost all voice recognition software, specifically Dragon Naturally Speaking.


    • Hi Russel. Wow. What can I say…… 361… wow!! I have heard of Dragon Naturally Speaking and i understand it has improved now as it used to do its own thing when it wanted. I may download it and give it a try. Thanks for your visit. Take care. Ralph.


      • You have to take time to train the Dragon. I actually have it trained for three different voices of mine: normal voice, margarita (drunk) voice, and cold voice.

        It is about 95% accurate, which is far better than most people can type. However, I usually use the keyboard to make corrections, thereby introducing more errors. By the time I’ve corrected errors, it’s only 90% accurate………


      • I may need it then with my slow speed and 20% errors. Or take up Skype 😉


    • Very understandable dear Valentina. It’s the Italian in you, the fire, the passion …….. and, of course, your typing skills 😀 My kind of woman !! Big hug. Ralph xox


      • You are so kind Ralph. I must say computer has ruined my beautiful hand writing, now it looks like chicken scratches.


      • You are very welcome Valentina. My handwriting has been non existent for a few months now, so I am glad that I have this laptop and a printer 🙂 xox


  19. Dear Ralph,

    Splendid post! How jocular and jovial, a literary delight. If I did not already deeply appreciate every word you bequeath to the cyber world, I now appreciate it even more so. I am impressed at how much you give, and please, do take your time, as it is always worth the wait. You could be a speed-typist like me and go through myriads of flaming keyboards every week because they continually evapourate in pale plumes of wispy steam after the phalanges have tangoed over them, but deliver a great amount of bosh (as I do, especially when dehydrated and greatly deprived of much-needed vats of lime-infused H2Ocan you tell I love chemistry? 😉 Also…can you tell that I have not had any lime-infused H2O in the last few hours??) but what you deliver is quality, MOST indubitably.

    Right…I rambled off and now seem to have become a bit lost. Well, here is a good place to mention just how much LOVED the owlie! TOO groovy!!

    P.S. one of my dearest chums in the world, a bloke that loiters about the Isle of Thanet, also employs your typing method due to his dyslexia. Again, what quality! It seems cats are squabbling just now, so I must dissipate for a moment (not that you will notice).

    As to your question about whether or not I think it would be fantastic to have a woman draped over my shoulder- I cornfess that that does not strike me as a delightful situation to get myself into (it was bad enough when my Spanish teacher made me dance with her during salsa week…hmm…you might have liked her, she may very well have been the drape-over-one’s-shoulder-and-tenderly-direct-one’s-typing …type) but I am very happy for you since this is your dream, and I wish you the very best with it.

    Would you like to know how my own typing saga began?? I doubt it, I wouldn’t, but I cannot seem to stop myself…It all long, long ago in a thrift shoppe called Salve when I was four and I spotted a cumbersome metal typewriter accumulating dust in the corner of the shoppe. I believe the thing was nearly as big as I was (I wasn’t exactly a hulk back then when I was four, though I thought I was. I can face the truth, now. I was a squirt. Do not be fooled, I’m a complete brute now, impenetrable, monster at rugger, an ambulating slab of limestone and all that, as you know, ahem, ARG) Anyhow, I was in love. Wearing the over-sized cigar-ash old man highlands cap slumping over my eyes (I was hoping for a weathered and rugged Scottish shepherd look. How delighted I was to find the beloved woolen headgear inhumed in a bed of hideous neon-orange skull caps), I proceeded to stab the long, sonorous stalky keys, and became addicted. THIS was the way to write, I thought, looking at the fine, perfectly legible blue letters as they appeared on the thin typing paper. Hmm…perhaps I could take this thing with me to Kinder…I was musing. My handwriting was a bit…troubled. I embraced the thing in my arms and somehow managed to lug it over to me mum, who was cheeping away at the counter with a lassie volunteer for helping the homeless. I caught the attention of both ladies, and announced through the hat that life would be bleak, dismal and truly insipid without the sainted objects- old-man cap included. Oddly enough…I still wear that old cap nearly every time I find myself before the keyboard- some strain of OCD I must have…

    Where’s the lime water?

    Did I really just type all that to you in three micro-seconds? I must read before hitting send. Hmm…nah, I’m sure it wasn’t as horrid as I fear…or as long. Besides, I imagine it illustrates my point (do I have one?)- quality is what matters, not the speed in which it is delivered- I can type up a sea of deblaterating bosh in seconds, as you see, “big whup”, as they say here in the States (I think they say that…) but your single digits can write words of pure soul, poetry, and wit, however long it takes, and that is what matters, most indubitably. If Spanish teachers draped over shoulders helps you with that, as well, fantastic! Right, I really am stopping now, as I fear the keyboard is beginning to vanish…


    Autty Jade


    • *shakes noggin woefully* Dear Ralph, apologies, I did not know I rambled on THAT much…oh dear….

      -a sheepish babs the babbler…


    • Reads email *faint*. Enters comments *faint*. Reads some of your comment my dear friend AJ *faint*. Reads some more *faint*. Have you got some smelling salts ??? 😉 There is absolutely NO WAY I can answer in such length 😉 *permanently out for the count* Ralph xox 😀


      • 😉 I think I have thus properly elucidated you why it is very good you are NOT a speed typist. Poor matie, I didn’t mean to hit you quite THAT hard, however….I’m like a concrete-brained youth with his first beastly hangover surveying all the tornadic chaos and destruction he cannot remember authouring the swimming and swirling night before…oh dear, what on earth did I write to you….*shakes head dejectedly* And the state I put you in…Here, have some lime water,
        Autumn Jade


      • Thanks for the drink AJ I needed that to get over the shock of it all. I am better now and am a happy chappy again. Thank you so much for your comment. I must read it again. Better not as it gives me a funny turn and it causes me to hallucinate lime trees. 😉 Take care my friend. Ralph 😀


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