How I’m Going To Attract A Woman

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(With thanks to Getty images of London Fashion Week.)

It’s time I made a fool of myself had a make-over.Β  Time I moved on from slacks, normal shirts and V-neck sweaters. I have worked very hard over the last month or so and have whittled my stupid ideas selection down to these five brain destroying wonderful outfits. I have researched sent out emails to a few friends and most seem to like me with Wood. I have no idea why? Probably because it’s a mobile burning at the stake outfit brilliant womanΒ  attractor for a Valentine’s Day party. If you are daft enough willing, I have added a Poll for your fashion expertise to be shown off to the world.

Would you wear these?

115 Comments on “How I’m Going To Attract A Woman

    • I am absolutely curled up laughing at these models’ faces. They would rather be anywhere else but on that catwalk !!!!!!
      I am so pleased that you had fun as well dear Nia. Love Ralph xox

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  1. Hmm, it’s between the wood and the mini for me. But I guess I’ll vote for the wood, because with that one you can hide your face…

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  2. LOL!!! I like the mini on you. Show some legs to warm up the winter room πŸ™‚

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    • Legs it is, dear Irene, and thanks for helping me select my final five. Love Ralph xox

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  3. I saw that freshly pressed thing with the breast pocket one, but the others weren’t ones posted. I might prefer you in the surgeon looking gown thing with the boots and the white gloves–but that would only be to accompany my thoughts of you as mad scientist psycho dude. If you choose to wear it, let us not slick our hairs down with the vaseline uhm hair product. Also I think there are some options available that do not include the ones you have offered, perhaps some negotiation? Please consider, have you got enough closet space? Would the items make the cats rip up the ceilings from hanging upside down in fear of you? How sharp do claws have to be to scare away women anyway?

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    • ps you would look REALLY cuterer in the pants on the kill me oufit and brightly colored argyle socks! But then, I have odd taste. πŸ™‚

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  4. Gee Ralph, I think you should wear the wood and then you could set the world on fire! πŸ™‚
    Are those designers trying to be funny” or what? Who in their “right mind” would/wood wear/ware/where those kind of duds? πŸ™‚

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    • LOL Yvonne. The Wood it is! I can just imagine walking into a Texan saloon in one of these get ups. I think that there would be either a shooting or mass hysteria spreading throughout the whole town. πŸ˜‰ Hugs. Ralph xox

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      • You made me laugh and as usual all my gigglng caused a few cats to stir from deep slumber and look at me like I have lost my mind. That wood “get up” would probably get you arrested and taken to the loony place. πŸ™‚ Hugs, back. Yvonne

        Oh and thank you for subscribing to my little ole blog. One day I want to ask you about Bluefish and how in the world do you get all of these wonderful things added to your blog (music, etc.) I know if is customized but I don’t know what outfit did the thingly for you.

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      • I wonder if cats have a sense of humour. I believe they have. Yes, I would probably be arrested in Texas wearing the Wood outfit !!

        I do have a premium theme, customised Tapestry. I had no help with the sidebar, just playing with my widget, and trial and error over the 6 months. I am still learning and trying out new ideas as the days pass when things are quiet.

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    • Here’s my hand dear Renxkyoko. Let me help you up.
      Oh. I can’t as I am ROFL as well.
      Love Ralph xox

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  5. I vote for the blue dear Ralph it will give kitty something nice to scratch, for you the ‘killme’ as the knickers are cute the hat hides most of your face….lol Love and hugs (((xxx)))

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    • Hi dear Len. You have got me thinking about mix-and-match with these. The mind boggles with the possibilities. I will have to ponder on this for a while. πŸ˜‰ Big hug. Ralph xox

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  6. I say wear nothing at all. Nothing wrong with airing your dew-dads now and then…

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    • Mother !!! Really !!! Have you been on the Gin & Tonic again ??? January in Spain is not the time to air ones dew-dads. Hang on. I’ll turn the heating up in here πŸ˜‰ You are fun. Ralph xox

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      • Oooo, a man that is witty AND knows how to turn up the heat!!!

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  7. I would have to vote for blue. It is not ideal but among them, it is the best option among the rest. Seeing these, I do not think you will attract any one from the look only. How about wearing what Ralph normally wears and be Ralph who is intellectually attractive?

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    • Dear YC I will always be safe in your hands no matter what I post. 😎 Ralph with love. xox

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    • Your comment dear Amy is more or less brilliant. You know me well enough by now that I can be a bit of a handful sometimes, but I hope you don’t think less of me because of it πŸ˜‰ A BIG hug. Ralph xox

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  8. I thought all famous people had personal stylists. I think you would be lovely in baby blue. 8)

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    • Are you volunteering dear Katie to become my personal stylist??? Better not. With all your talk about babies you will be dressing me up in romp suits, bibs and teething rings πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox

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  9. Oh, it’s so hard to choose, Ralph. Never before have such tantalizing images swept through my addled mind… I mean ecstatic mind…! To see you in any number of ‘outfits’ would bring such joy.. Even the fourth choice brings a tear to my eye…! I’m in ecstasy at the mere thought…! πŸ˜‰
    Therefore, I cannot; no, I will not limit you to any one particular theme, texture or demeanor….
    You are ‘Bluefish Way’; that’s gotta mean something, Ralph…..
    Hold up your head, your torso and your feet. Wear them all proudly in whatever garb happens to drape (or not) you….
    This advertisement was brought to you by….. πŸ˜‰

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    • I have never seen you more ecstatic than this my dear friend. Those pictures have turned your mind into a frenzy of ecstasies. But, I shall wear those drapes with pride!! (That’s curtains for me then!!). Has the Bluefish Way Financial Department (my wallet) paid you for your advertising campaign. If not, please leave your invoice nailed to the Wood outfit. πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox

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      • What a joy you are, dear Ralph…! xoxoxo
        As far as payment goes; it’s in the mail…. Look out for a narrow wooden envelope with kisses covering it ‘both sides’… πŸ™‚

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    • Rene. You okay?? Quick. The smelling salts. Dear Rene has fainted with the “oh my’s” πŸ˜‰ Ralph xox

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      • Whew!! I was a bit worried about you dear Rene. But I love to see you all hot and bothered πŸ˜‰ xox

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  10. I voted.
    But – really – I think you can work any look – because you’re cool like that πŸ˜‰

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    • I have never really classed myself as cool dear RoSy, more tepid like hot milk on a cold winter’s evening. πŸ˜‰ Love Ralph xox

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    • It had to be said dear Sherrah. Wood is outstanding and I think most women like it as it is so versatile and it must be thrilling to be with a man who has it on πŸ˜‰ Hugs. Ralph xox

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  11. Oh Ralph is hard to choose, how if you wear : Wood on Monday, Mini on Tuesday, Breast Holder on Wednesday, Blue on Thursday, Please kill me on Friday (because Friday I’m in love so I will kill you lol), and wear all or nothing on Weekends because is free day πŸ˜€ Enjoy your day

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    • Day dreaming dear Yessie??? You said, “Enjoy your day”. Now, which one would that be?? Friday? xox πŸ˜€

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  12. Just imagine you wore one of those on the Google Picture… you WOULD be famous….
    I personally like the fluffy blue one, I would say it suits you! πŸ™‚

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    • Now you know I always listen to you dear Ute and take your advice seriously. But, honestly!! The fluffy blue one?? πŸ˜‰ Big hug for you. Ralph xox

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    • Now if anyone was to be a Fashion Guru commenting on my make-over, I expected it to be you dear Julita. I’m a big boy now, Of course you can do it to me. I can take it!! πŸ˜€ Ralph xox

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      • That’s even more reason to say “no no no no and no!”. I have to say though, you’re really good in finding the best of the best! πŸ˜‰

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  13. You, Sir, are very fashionable πŸ˜‰ Definitely go for the “Please kill me”-thing. Made me laugh very much Xx

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    • Hi Scarlett, my 18 year old fashion expert!! “Please kill me” is also one of my favourites and I would quite happily wear it as you advised me to do so πŸ˜€ Ralph xox

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      • omg, face flaming!!! is what i get for trying to dress you both up whew i needed to laugh like that!

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  14. I saw this a few days ago, and couldn’t say a thing!!!! For once, Ralph, I’m speechless! And worse, opinionless. OK I’m lying, but I’m just trying to picture handsome Ralph ruining his hair in the skirty pictures, not to mention having to shave your chest and legs – eeeww. Then covering up your face in the woody picture. How in the world are you gonna kiss your gal that way? No one wants to kiss a plank! Then the blue fuzz, not bad. I might go with Ute on that one, but it’s so girly. I just don’t think of you as a girly man. Finally just kill me, well do it, just kill me. I think best to just start from scratch. πŸ™‚ Marsha πŸ™‚

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    • Hi dear Marsha. I really do believe that you are speechless. Lost for words. opinionless. Yes, I agree. Kissing a plank is not much fun for a woman so the Wood is out. Plastering ones hair down and shaving legs is not a normal pastime for me. So the skirts are out. I thought the Blue was babyish also, but you can get two people in it. So it looks like a mass murder or a rethink. I may have to be with you on this with a rethink. Hmmmmm!! πŸ˜€ Big hug. Ralph xox

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      • Oh please, Ralph, I didn’t mean to draw others in on this murder thing! Just kill me! Or rethink and go back to being the Ralph we all know and love. πŸ™‚ ML

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      • Okay Marsha you win again. I will, may, possibly have a rethink as I would hate to have to put you out of your misery. I would have no one to battle with in the future!! Maybe just a little twig instead of the planks of wood?

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  15. Sure, then you could be a male Twiggy! hahaha πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I’m lovin’ that!! Could I do your eyes?

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  16. Of course you can do Twiggy Ha Ha’s eyes. Put one end of my twig in the fire and you can use the charcoal end πŸ˜‰

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    • PLEAAAAAAASSSSSSEEE Ralph?!? Do NOT do the raccoon look! Avoiding whiplash would also be a GREAT idea. Please don’t be confused.

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  17. Ralph, of course I’m doing well! Anony was just using her cell phone to help Twiggy Ralph with his make-up. Oh, this whole thing is so made-up, it’s getting away from me!! Anony and Marsha Lee only get one chance to reply on Bluefish International, then no more notifiers come up, and we miss your sparky, I mean Twiggy, replies. So we take measures into our own hands!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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    • Hi dear Anony, Someon and Marsha. I feel that the three of you are ganging up on Twiggy Ralph. I have been hiding in the cupboard under the stairs from the three of you carrying bags of make-up, sprays, files, hair curlers and hot wax treatments. Can I come out now ??? xox

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      • Sure, come on out!!! hee hee hee. Oh Ralphie, where are you? I hear you!!! Cooooome on out Ralphie. It’s saaaafe, now. he hehehehehe Ralphie?? πŸ™‚

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      • he hehe he he Where is he? Ah ha Shhhh I think I see his twiggy outfit thingy hanging out of the cabinet. .. … … SURPRISE RA…!!! EEEEEEK Ralph! What ARE you doing? What happened to your outfit? Come on out the wax is warm now. hehehe

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  18. Ralph, while I am having lunch(sorry I ate the last beet without offering to share), I was thinking of what a great experiment and evidence this conversation is for how long women can hold onto things, think about things, mull things over, continue to process and to act upon things!?!?! Might be why the snap about red and green, as we do it, we are triggered and remembering all previous conversations regarding(or disregarding) said situation! oie! On the other pillow, sometimes I just like to engage and to interact. How to know which is which?

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    • I would never ever forever understand what a woman thinks. So Elisa, I am a lost cause in your comment. Totally and forever lost. Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox

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  19. Wow Ralph! I don’t know what to say! Except that you always keep me smiling and begging to come back for more!

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  20. Oh Ralphie…. Where did you go now? I see beet juice coming out from under the sofa…. are you still hiding? Did you coax Elisa into giving you a beet? I have some nice warm wax out here. It makes your hands and feet feel really soft. I see the edge of Elisa’s pillow under the sofa. I know you’re there, Ralphie. This won’t hurt for very long, then you’ll be so lovely….

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  21. Really??? Whoopeee!!! Hot wax, eyelash curlers, sprays, files!!!! Wheeeeee. I’m SOOOOOO Excited!!! I dyed my brother’s hair orange once, did I tell you that story?!!! I told him I was going to make it softer by conditioning it. Really it should have made his hair soft, and my intention WASN”T to make it orange. He doesn’t have much hair now. Where did you go now/?? Ralph? ???

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    • It would be something to consider. There are many benefits. No wardrobe, so no washing clothes, no clothes shopping; permanent suntan, permanently looked at …….. laughed at. πŸ˜‰ Ralph

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  22. HOW IN HEAVEN’S NAME IS THAT FASHION? Seriously. I say stick to your own normal clothes. And the only other thing you need to wear is your smile and charm!

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    • Whatever it is, my readers and I have had a lot of fun with it. I agree with you Rynna. I will keep to my normal clothes, smile and charm….. hmmm!! Big hug. Ralph xox

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  23. Firstly, I like the background of this comment post, and to come back to what you have to be wearing. 1st I said blue because maybe it makes you winning some points but then I choose naked, the perfect way, because when she will see you she’s gonna have a lovely laugh and making woman to laugh is the greatest thing I think ! Have a beautiful Sunday !

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    • Hi dear Shiro. Yes. Making a woman laugh is a fine thing for a man to give to a woman, but laughing for the right reasons, not out of pity or making fun. In these two cases, seeing me naked would apply πŸ˜‰ And a lovely Sunday to you πŸ˜€ Ralph xox

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      • But you can all so laugh because out sympathy/funny not because out pity or making someone ridiculous, sorry If say something wrong !

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      • Dear Shiro. You never ever said anything wrong. It is my British humour. I was laughing at myself …… which is normally the case. πŸ˜‰ So please, do not worry. I am having fun πŸ˜€

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  24. You are a magnet to me my dear Ralphie! Wood or nothing at all! πŸ˜‰ it’s what is on the inside that attracts me! And you my dear, have the stuff it takes to attract any Valentine!!!! And women love a good sense of humor! So you are set!

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    • Oh you are a dream commenter dear Diane, with words enough to make any man blush. Thank you so much πŸ˜€ Big hug. Ralph xox
      PS. You wouldn’t happen to know a lady by the name of Loony, from a state north of California, who sent me a Valentine’s card? Thanks Loony. I will treasure it as it’s the first and probably the only card I will get this Valentine’s Day. πŸ˜€ xox

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  25. I like the one with the pockets for hands – the “breastholder” – maybe Star would fit in there? I would prefer you just keep your current style, if that holds any weight with you. I certainly wouldn’t choose any of these styles for myself- or for you, if you hadn’t asked πŸ™‚
    Hugs,
    Lyann

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    • I agree with you, stay as I am. I was having a bit of fun which we all enjoyed. Thanks for visiting Lyann. Big hug. Ralph xox πŸ˜€

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  26. You’re funny, Ralph! This is great πŸ™‚

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    • Yes. A lot of laughs dear Noeleen. Glad you enjoyed the post. Mind you, I think any of these would go down well if I walked into a bar in the Outback wearing one of the outfits πŸ˜‰ Big hug Ralph xox

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  27. Giggle Giggle…winter blue was my favorite b/c it was cuddly and warm looking! I love your post ~ and I love that we can see how others voted! Great job! πŸ™‚

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    • Thank you so much Giggles. Blue is good but Please Kill Me is just ahead in the Poll. You are a fabulous commenter. Thank you. Ralph xox

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      • Unlucky for you the very same one πŸ˜‰ I am feeling fine though still have minor hand problems, but am much better and a happy chappy πŸ˜€

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  28. Nice reading about you.

    Thanks. for visiting my blog. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may definitely find something of your interest.

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    • Good morning. You hit me last night with six LIKEs in one minute. Impossible for you to look at any posts and then you had the audacity to use copy/paste method to make two comments exactly the same linking to your site. I have removed the link in this comment and trashed your other copy/paste comment on another post of mine. I have seen the same copy/paste comments from you on other blogs. I have only approved this comment of yours to tell you that I will only visit your blog if you have the decency to read a post of mine and comment accordingly and to only LIKE if you have read the post. Happy blogging. Ralph

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  29. I hope your make over brought you the magic you were hoping for. Or at least didn’t land you in jail.

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    • The magic I am hoping for may be happening as I write WITHOUT my new wardrobe πŸ˜‰ Whew. The police just drove by without stopping πŸ˜‰ Thanks Brick for your great comment. Ralph

      Like

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