I Will …………

No New Year's Resolutions
No New Year’s Resolutions

Many New Year resolutions are broken in a matter of minutes. Therefore I will make no new resolutions then they will NEVER be broken.

So I won’t say :-

I Will ………..

  1. Not give up smoking. I will smoke for another 50 years then have a cigarette.
  2. Flirt with anyone who makes a comment whether he, she or it is a 38 year old dream woman or a 250 lb Sumo wrestler pretending to be a 38 year old dream woman.
  3. Find myself a woman friend whatever it takes. No chance !!
  4. Eventually buy my apartment, do it up and cool out on holiday. Where though ?
  5. Think of good posts which will amuse me ………… and no one else ??
  6. Join the French Foreign Legion Pensioners Regiment.
  7. Have a bath 3 times a year and they are due next Wednesday, Thursday and Friday !
  8. Think of something sensible to say this year. No chance !

What have I missed or got wrong ? It’s time for your help

82 Comments on “I Will …………

  1. Hmm, these are quite a list to not say “I will”. You know any saying is itself a resolution you know πŸ˜‰

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    • So by saying that I am not saying, is a resolution ?? But I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is that I am not making a resolution (which becomes a resolution). I’ve got a headache. I’ll have to lie down and inspect the inside of my eyelids πŸ˜‰ Ralph x

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      • OK, that will not be a resolution then. Have a good rest and by the way, Happy New Year. Cheers πŸ™‚

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      • Ooooh ! Thank heavens for that ! And I really do hope that you have a fabulous New Year too πŸ˜€

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  2. Ralph, they all seem doable, just not sure you should at your advanced age take on so much…LOL God Bless my friend and Happy New Year!! (((xx)))

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    • I was thinking the exact same thing Len, but the worst of it is I am a male who cannot multi-task. Maybe I have taken on more than I can chew for 2013. I am getting another headache πŸ˜‰ Ralph x

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  3. No chance of finding a woman friend? Well, maybe if you took more than 3 baths a year. Just sayin’. πŸ˜‰ Happy New Year, Ralph!

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  4. Nice list Ralph, don’t overdo it with the baths. I had my yearly one today. One is well enough, think of your sensitive skin…. πŸ™‚
    We love you as you are so don’t quit smoking, don’t be sensible, amuse yourself ( and us) and keep on flirting!
    We love you Raph, a wonderful 2013!
    Ute xx

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    • Hi dear Ute. I shall pamper myself next week with 20/40 oils in the bath (car oil πŸ˜‰ ) helps with the tan πŸ˜‰
      We love you too Ute, but not for lunch, maybe a sandwich ??
      Have a fabulous New Year. Hugs Ralph x

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  5. That sounds pretty reasonably to me πŸ˜‰ You won’t need me wishing you good luck to stick to those resolutions. Happy New Year, Frohes Neues, Ralph πŸ™‚

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    • No, no luck needed dear Scarlett, just a lot of checking in my filofax to remind me of what I screwed up each week πŸ˜‰
      Have a great evening and a wonderful New Year. Ralph x

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    • Oh yes?? That’s what the engineer said in his workshop !! No vices ! I really deep down do…..not……do believe you….hmmm !!
      And have a fantastic 2013. Ralph x

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    • You are so,so right young lady. I have completely forgotten the implications of taking three baths. The power stations having to crank up to maximum to heat the water. the Spanish debt and austerity measures increased by my use of water. I think I will just have to make do with putting a watering can out in the sun during the day and use that. The green way to bathe πŸ˜‰
      Have a wonderful New Year. Hugs (well after I have used the watering can) Ralph x

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  6. Happy New Year to you Ralph! You have put a smile on my face with each and every post. πŸ™‚

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  7. I’m confused….If you are already doing something and say that you are going to do it, that wouldn’t be a resolution because you’re already doing it…Right?? So, if you are not doing something and say you are not going to do it, that wouldn’t be a resolution either…Right?? On the other hand if you fail to continue doing something you are already doing and that you have said that you are going to do, then that would not only be a resolution, but a broken one as well…Right?? So, by placing the simple negative in front of the list (“So I won’t say..”), the intent being to negate the possibility of making the resolutions to begin with, the entire list becomes one resolution because declarative statements can be both positive and negative…Right?? The end effect being the production of one single resolution that covers all issues as indicated in the list. The problem with this approach is easy to see. If one were to violate any part of the list, that would constitute a failed or broken resolution even if all of the rest of the list remained intact. All of this begs the question “Does making a declarative statement before a list of resolutions thereby changing a list into a singular item, constitute bad form and violate the intent of the resolution matrix??” I don’t know the answer because although I think you understand what you thought I said, I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant….I think..???

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    • Wait!!!! (screeching brake sounds here) Intent is everything, unless one is autistic, then it’s a coin toss! I would consider that one might need to be resolved in order to have a resolution. If one simply conjectured and thought aloud, one would not be making a resolution and might only be momentarily paying attention to the chickens. Paying attention overly long, to the chickens might then require a bath, they are dirty birds. Which could lead to a woman, depending upon if you wished her to be dirty or to prefer you non-dirty, after said shower. (several visuals not shared here)

      If I can’t live on a daily basis doing the next right thing, that makes me human AND a person with a frowny face considering those who think making a list and stamping a foot once a year will just correct that, rather than allow them to feel a failure and justifying not doing anything at all. Have you got any donuts and tea?

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      • Happy New Year Elisa. You and Howard would get on great guns, you are welcome to chat each other up here. I won’t listen πŸ˜‰ Ralph x

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      • Comfy you two. Can I get you anything > tea and crumpets…um….donuts….um… πŸ˜‰

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    • I’ll just have another glass of Champagne and say “Yes Howard”, “Yes Howard”. Did you ever have your 2012 bath ?? πŸ˜‰ You’re great fun Howard, keep it up !!

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      • Not yet…….Oooh, gotta hurry!! Not much time left!! Let’s see, bath..shower..those things have something to do with water, right? You ought to know Ralph, water is best taken internally…mixed with scotch. πŸ™‚

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      • Water !! In scotch !! Sacrilege !! Never !! Only in tea or coffee with crumpets or donuts or crumpe……..
        Time is short for your bath Howard, but please don’t bathe in scotch !! Ralph

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  8. I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions yet… I have a few hours, yet, to ponder! πŸ™‚

    Blessing to you, Ralph, for 2013 ~ Wendy

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    • A happy New Year dear Wendy and may our friendship continue for another year. Keep pondering πŸ˜€ Ralph x

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  9. So Ralph, what do you think? Am I a 38 year old dream woman or a 250 # sumo wrestler?
    Not that it matters to you.

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    • I think that you may be the one to give me my three baths πŸ˜‰ Happy New Year Teresa πŸ˜€ Ralph x

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  10. Dear Ralph,
    Go left. Smell, Hop twice, forward and on one foot. Make two immediate rights. Smile and laugh at the dangling note. Receive kiss on forehead.

    Elisa

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  11. Dear matie, this evoked too many myriad and roving grins to count.

    Lovely! I trust the nascent of 2013 will find you most jubilant and highly chuffed indeed. A merry New Year my winsome friend, and give my regards to the fine furry felines (p.s.I DO hope you get to pop th cork on some form of bottle or other this night- I know I will, a bottle of alkie-free FrΓ©. The joy will be tremendous, but let me assure you, if you were present, I would bequeath the honour to you, dear Ralph.)

    Looking forward to future posts of the coming year, you bring such joy to all those privileged enough to have discovered your wonderful blog. Cheers!!

    Autumn Jade

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    • Autumn Jade, my new found friend, wandering through the walled garden of my blog, dropping petals of compliments for me to find. A trail of petals leading me through the arched ivy strewn gates into 2013. I will pin this note to a gate for you to find when you next pass by, and it says, ” Your friend, Ralph x ” πŸ˜€

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  12. Knock, Knock, Knock. Screeeeech No, no, Ralph won’t mind if we go in… COME ON DON’T BE SHY!! …. He’s friendly……sniff, sniff, sniff. Whew, the pheromones are really RIPE in here!!! They’re strong enough to attract a 250 lb Sumo wrestler pretending to be a 38 year old dream woman. Sniff, sniff. Yep, pheromones mingled with the cigarette smoke, candles burning… Yikes, I don’t know WHO he’s had in here. Raaaaallllph? Where are you???? I thought he was looking for a woman, so .. What’s that noise??? Laughter…coming from the…??? Don’t open it, I can hear it from way over here. There’s water running somewhere, too… We’d better go… Bye Ralph, wherever you are… Sorry I missed you. Happy New Years. See you next year.

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    • “Who’s there ?” *dressing gown half on, slippers on the wrong feet, peering down the corridors of the internet*. Mumbling to myself, “Who IS that making such a racket at 2 am on New Year’s Day”. *not looking where I am going I step onto the debris of hundreds of empty champagne bottles, my feet fly in different directions.* “Shucks” I say politely as I am propelled uncontrollably out of my blog, slippers flying, dressing gown flapping, bottles clinking and I fall into your arms Marsha and I give you a long lingering New Year’s kiss……………..

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    • Hi dear Alice. May I wish you a fabulous New Year. Now …..sums…um…..
      66 + 51 =
      um……ah…….where’s a checkout girl when you need one…umm… πŸ˜‰
      Love Ralph x

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    • Good morning my special RoSy. The best things always come in threes.
      Firstly a BIG bear hug ((((((HUG))))))
      Secondly a Spanish kiss on each cheek
      Thirdly a proper kiss combo hug
      Ralph xx

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      • Wonderful!
        πŸ™‚ A great way for the start of my new year! πŸ™‚

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      • And mine. I really enjoyed it. Can’t wait for next year ! πŸ˜€

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  13. Happy New Year Ralph. I laughed out loud as usual reading your blog. Especially the two getting together with crumpets – or dough-nuts as the case may be ( you notice that I spelt dough-nuts the old fashioned way.)
    But Ralph, I’m worried about all this old fashioned bathing… doesn’t every-one shower nowadays? It means you don’t have to clean the bath – surely an object with anyone who values their time and uses it all on blogging?

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    • Good morning to you my Mata Hari, my woman of many names and guises. Do you remember the time, Violet, when I got you a little confused over your name, Victoria. But we managed to sort that out Veronica.
      Those two are going to have fun Vera over crumpet and d*****t.
      Good point Valentina, I have to totally reconsider the bath issue Viola.
      And a big hug and kiss for you dear Valerie. Ralph x

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  14. Ah Ralphh! Happy new yearr! & haha, great going with the resolutions there! =p
    Stay blessed.

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    • Hi Sarin, my favourite commenter, always late, mouth full of chocolates and chips, but always says lovely things to me. A very happy New Year. Have a great one. Hugs Ralph x

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    • Hello dear Frances. It’s been a long time since I gave you a hug (you are not a Sumo I hope πŸ˜‰ ). Happy New Year. And I hope it’s a fabulous one for you πŸ˜€ Ralph x

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    • Thanks Daph and have a wonderful year yourself and I mean that. Hugs. Ralph x πŸ˜€

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  15. Happy New Year, Ralph πŸ™‚ I’m happy to see that you have a written list…I didn’t even bother with that this year. In my mind, the list went: I will not treat New Year’s Day any differently than any other day of the year. Seems to have worked so far…
    ~Lyann

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      • I do the best I can – but writing things down I intend to do, or improve upon…so far, I haven’t found that to work very well for me. πŸ™‚

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      • Both Star and I have a feeling Lyann that the 7th Cavalry is coming to save the day. Hold out for a few days more πŸ˜€ Ralph x

        Like

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