Relax !

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The Spanish town of Ronda sits

High in the mountains perched on cliffs

Was the day when Ralph lost his wits

In hospital went he. No ifs

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Or buts. Excuses thrown aside.

Admitted with suitcase in hand

To room three four six he walked inside.

“Relax”. they said, “You understand?”

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“You must take it easy. Relax!. Relax!. Relax!.”

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Lights on and off. Shouting aloud!.

Visitors came. Oh, what a crowd……………………..Relax!

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Man in next bed groaning all night.

Two bottles of blood. Oh, what a fright ! ……………………Relax!

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Then all went quiet. Door crashed wide!

Machine in my ear. Then out she did glide……………………Relax!

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Silence again. My heart nearly froze.

A nurse took some blood. Hey, I’m trying to doze…………………..Relax!

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Wheelchair to X-ray. Outside I sit.

People race by. It gave me a fit……………….Relax!

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I stood on the X-ray machine. It did click.

It then turned me over, I really felt sick………………..Relax!

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Then of all the things. My back it did itch.

I scratched it so hard. Oh, what a bitch……………….Relax!

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On Tuesday the doctor, she said today

I must not smoke. Throw them away…………….Relax!

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By wheelchair I sped to ultrasonic test.

Doctors cold gel’ed me. Twins?? I’m having no rest……………Relax!

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On then to TAC-scan. Uranium (?) in me!

Tomorrow I’ll be Superman. Just wait and see………….Relax!

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The Padre he came to visit one day.

I could not speak Spanish. So he ran away……………Relax!

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At seven in the morning, sleeping and dreaming,

A nurse woke me up and gave me a bottle to pee in………….Relax!

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Spanish television. The volume is high

My eardrums are bursting. Am I angry or sigh……………..Relax!

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The last day it came. I got in the car.

Off we drove south. I let out a roar

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I’m RELAXED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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70 Comments on “Relax !

  1. That is so true!!!! why do they tell you that for. or you need to sleep, their crazy i get more sleep at home with my kids running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off and 10 of their friends with them. I have 4 kids/3 teenagers and 1 preteen and well i’m with you i’d rather be driving lol

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    • Hi Laurie. Welcome to my blog and I welcome your comment. I’ll ride shotgun with you then as I agree with everything you say. Hugs Ralph x

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      • lol sounds like a plan, your on cat duty too lol cat duty say it fast it’s funny.

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      • Oh yes. Definitely a plan! I have been working hard on “cat duty” and the nearest, sensible (?) word I found was “casualty”. This is a good game. Am I right Laurie? Ralph x πŸ˜€

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  2. Yes, Ralph, it can be very busy and not at all relaxing to be in hospital…. Relax..!
    Are you well?
    Do we need to send flowers?

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    • Hello Carolyn. So true. Hospitals are really busy which really helps one to rest and recover ……not!! πŸ˜‰ Why is it every time I have visited there I feel worse coming out than when I went in ?? Maybe I am missing something !! Take care. Love Ralph x

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  3. There is no rest or relaxation in hospital, don’t know how they expect you to relax with all the push, pull, click, owies they inflict. Love the poem it was very apt! πŸ™‚ stay well my friend.

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    • Thank you so much dear Len. It’s amazing how many bloggers, when you get to know them are facing similar ordeals throughout the world. They all have my sympathy and if I could I would visit every one of them. Bless you. Ralph x

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    • Yes, Daniela, poor Wits. Lost for so long. Lost in the gloom of the backwaters of Blogland. But now Wits is home and happy. Yes, it is a great relief. How does a New Zealander sign off? I’ll go with Hugs. Ralph x

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  4. What a lovely holiday spot. You must give me your travel agent’s number. πŸ˜‰
    Truly a mess. Glad you are home and finally able to RELAX!

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    • Magnificent Katie. The hotel was at least Gorgon Bleu. The service beyond comprehension, but I wouldn’t recommend the room maids as they stick needles and do funny things with you. The phone number is 0901- IWannaEnema πŸ˜‰ Ralph x *relaxed*

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      • My original reply got lost in the intertubes when the power went out. I have learned not to test the fates of the intertube so I will let it be. Thanks for the referral!
        Going for the strangest reply you have ever received. 8)

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      • Go on then. I thought your comment was strange. A strangest reply is intriguing. πŸ˜€

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      • BTW, there is a politician that is still teased about calling the Internet a set of tubes a few years back.
        That resort seems to have rather aggressive acupuncture.

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      • Because of the austerity measures/cut-backs in Spain, syringes are being replaced by knitting needles; CAT scanners will be replaced, bowls of milk on the floor will indicate the type of replacement; ambulances will be changed to mules with hats and panniers on the sides of the animal for patients. I hear Florida is going that way πŸ˜‰

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      • I heard we will have to get to a nearby island. I’m getting a motor for my board. 8)

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    • Oh Elisa, this is a relaxing post, written under doctor’s orders. He told me to “Relax!”. I am only passing onto you the meaning of Relaxation in Spain. Ralph x

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  5. My experience of in the hospital:

    R est is elusive
    E veryone is intrusive
    L oud noises are everywhere
    A sses are exposed
    X rays are scary

    Glad you’re back, Ralph!

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    • Brilliant concept Denise, and it’s great to be back. Shucks. I went to the wrong hospital. None of the nurses here practiced your “A” πŸ˜‰ Love Ralph x

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  6. Witty poem. Hmm… perhaps I should rethink wanting to spend some time in a hospital and go to a spa instead! I hope you’re able to relax and enjoy some peace and quiet and time with a friend. ((hugs))

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  7. Hello again dear Rene. The spa idea is a brilliant one. I’ll have to ask my consultant for a prescription to attend a spa on a regular basis. πŸ˜‰ Relaxation, peace and quiet…yes. A woman friend….not yet, but here’s hoping !! Hugs Ralph x

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  8. Hi Ralph, your post rings true, how can you relax with all the noise and distractions! Good you took it on your stride though, I am happy you’re home and can finally relaxxxxx! Cheers!!

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  9. Really kind words Seyi. Thank you so much. You have said it all AND I bow to your writing skills. Hugs. Ralph x πŸ˜€

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  10. Great poem about the Spanish hospital. True you don’t get any peace there. Same here I would say. So tell me no twins then???? after the ultrasound…… Now at home you can and need to relax! Have a cuppa and a big hug from me! x

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    • Thank you dear Ute for your comment and big hug. That’s two I’ve had in this comments area. I must come here more often πŸ˜€ Yes, the twins !! I went in after a heavily pregnant woman came out, so I joked with the doctors in their Starship Enterprise lookalike room and they giggled at the thought of them looking for twins somewhere in me. Cuppa in hand, difficult to hug, but here goes. Hugs *coffee all over the floor* Ralph xx

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    • Hey Frances hi !! I like your “…now RELAX! hehe”. Now, you must know something that I don’t. Out with it !! πŸ˜‰ Ralph x

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    • Hi dear b&wc. Lots of oh my’s. Something has oh my’ed you in a big way ! Yes, afraid so. I’m back home. I’ll pop round and see you sometime. Love Ralph x

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    • Hello dear Nia. Thank you so much for your gracious comment and, also, thank you for the Angels and the sun. That is very sweet of you. Love and hugs. Ralph x

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  11. oh so true…now that you’re home, you can RELAX…other than that, it’s all a fairy tale the hospital tries to tell. Great post, Ralph! missed you while you were away, glad to see you back πŸ˜‰

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    • I wish I could relax Roxie. For instance, in half an hour I must go to the village town hall to put my name down on a list written by a local councillor. The list is the order of villagers to be seen by the doctor tomorrow from 10am, who only visits twice a week. But!! I am glad to be home and I missed you while I was away. Hugs Ralph x

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  12. Hospitals & relaxing are like water & oil.
    Glad you’re home & hopefully doing better now πŸ™‚

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    • Hi LuAnn. Thank you so much for your very welcome comment. I’m sort of okay but well enough to reply to all your lovely comments. Love Ralph x

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  13. That was pretty upbeat – doesn’t sound like you were able to squeeze in a whole lot of relaxing ! But you’re home now – R E L A X !!!! πŸ™‚

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    • Tina, welcome back to blogging. I hope you are loving your new house and beautiful countryside. I will really try to relax thank you as I hope you will be able to when you are really settled. Hugs. Ralph x

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  14. And you made my morning Shalini with such a lovely comment. Thank you so much. Hugs. Ralph πŸ˜€

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    • Hey Charlie. How’s things. Thank you so much for your great comment which I really do appreciate. Ralph

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  15. Loved the way you explained everything Ralph. Haha, it was a fun read! I’m glad you’re back! You were gone for long huh? Or maybe I was lost somewhere.

    Hospital gave a new meaning to all the relaxation in the world huh? Now relax and enjoy Toni’s scrumptious meals! πŸ˜‰

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    • Hi Sarin. I hope you were not lost anywhere except maybe in a packet of crisps πŸ˜‰
      Thank you for your “relaxing” comment. Hugs. Ralph x

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      • Hahah, sadly, that’s not it! πŸ˜₯
        There was monster who kept me back. Also knows as ‘exams’…

        No problem! πŸ™‚

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      • NOT the Exam monster that terrorises teenagers into dread and panic?? Hope all went well. Ralph x

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    • You have a great sense of humour and I enjoyed myself reading your posts. I also enjoyed rescuing you, another damsel in distress who was trapped in spam in my dashboard. Hugs. Ralph x

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    • Hi LadyFi and welcome to my blog. Yes, I have finally relaxed and am enjoying life without medical worries for a while. πŸ˜€ Hugs. Ralph x

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  16. Having gone through this on more than one occasion, I couldn’t agree with you more. “Get some rest”, “Relax” etc. are heard constantly and totally not possible until you get out of there. Glad you are well now.

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    • I hope that they fixed you up Michelle and that you do not have to hear those words again πŸ˜€ Ralph x

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  17. Whoa, I see how many comments you have to handle now! Don’t ever feel you have to comment my way though, Ralph, it is good just to know my word is being spread, appreciated.

    I am one who needs stillness to either write or properly relax. I have got used to the sound of my son Daniel & his mates in the lounge (we’re just in a flat) & it’s comforting he’s ‘around’, but for real peace, ahhhh, quiet.

    Like

    • I can imagine how difficult it is for you to relax with Daniel on the go most of the time Noeleen, but as you say it is comforting to have him around. πŸ˜€ Ralph x

      Like

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