Farmer Ralph ?? OMG !!

I just don’t believe what is happening to me. A few days ago I went house hunting with friends, found a quaint little house in the village which needs a lot of work, fell in love with it, called it Quirky and asked my Lawyer to do some checks to ensure that I do not have any nasty surprises when I make an official offer to buy the house. I received an email from my Lawyer which was a copy of an email he sent to the owner. The last line which I Google Translate from Spanish to English said :


Whoa !! FARM !!Β  Come on. You can’t be serious. Me a farmer !! I know nothing at all about farming. The land … at the back is not much bigger than two large rooms in a house, has a well, a BBQ area, patio, a place for wood storage and a tilled garden. Help me blogging friends !!

1) What does Farmer Ralph wear ?

2) What crops or animals do I farm to feed the world ?

3) What machinery do I need to buy ? (I am considering buying this magnificent tractor)


53 Comments on “Farmer Ralph ?? OMG !!

  1. Good questions, in summer wear nothing – in winters borrow a bear skin πŸ™‚
    Crops, whatever cool things you can grow πŸ˜€
    Machinery, no man – use muscle power – old age style – lets save waste of electricity, fuels and lots of money.
    I am sure whatever you choose, you will be a great farmer πŸ™‚ give it a go.


    • I had better be careful of the scythe in the summer Mani. That’s an crops…ice cream trees…breed slush puppies. My muscles are in very short supply but a great farmer I WILL become !! Ralph


      • You will become “Ladies man” – Ralph”The Farmer” if you grow too much ice cream trees. Bonus for you there.


      • Maybe so. Especially if I grow the chocolate flavoured variety πŸ˜‰


      • πŸ˜‰ collect some bees as well – Honey is a good essential for making women fall for the man πŸ˜‰ variety indeed.


    • Haha Mani, great idea! I agree with you….your answers! And Ralph I am sure you will become a great farmer. Love the chocolate flavour idea! Go for it! πŸ™‚


      • Hi Ute. I saw you comment, but couldn’t find you. You were up here ! It seems a chocolate flavoured ice cream tree is a winner with you Ute. Have a great weekend. Ralph x


    • Hahah, I think I’d go with Mani’s suggestions! Absolute fun ;D

      & Ralph, haha good luck with your Quirky farm and your no-one-can-beat Farming skills!! I’m sure you’d be one rocking farmer out there in Spain, for sure! ;D


      • Hey Thanks Sarin. At the moment the wind farm idea from Katie is the best. Rocking…umm!!…rocking chair farmer watching the pin wheels spin. πŸ˜€ Ralph x


      • LOL! That completely makes sense! Fine whatever suits you the best! πŸ˜‰
        Happy farming πŸ˜€


  2. Farmer??? Well yes I guess I can envision you doing that ie. tomato plant 1 or 2, onion, few garlic , peppers yea a small plot and you would be considered a famer. At the least you would have the start of a great pasta sauce or perhaps you could be an herb farmer in the cute little pots set on a window sill to snip whenever needed.
    As for what shall you wear as long as you wear your hat it doesn’t matter! The tractor oh please don’t . what would you use it for it looks like it would need a bag full of money to repair, wait until house is done then go looking for NICE used tractor. God Luck and God Bless!


    • That’s another brilliant idea Len….pasta…. an orchard of spaghetti trees. The hat sounds good, but I like the tractor….it dances and its nose is the same colour as the front of the house. Take care. Ralph x


      • Listen you need an investor in those spaghetti trees count me in! well there you go for the tractor now I understand the appeal makes perfect sense to me! God bless you and your brilliance!


      • With your investment we should be able to feed the world….then we can begin to think about feeding the people in the world πŸ˜‰


  3. Perhaps you might do one of those living roof things!? I’m not climbing up there mind you. Do not try to put that tractor onto the roof. There is a giant cow somewhere south of me that used to stand on the top of Bechtel’s Dairy and Restaurant. She’s famous! She’s very lonely and feeling useless now, as the place has closed. You could play that music from the video for your chickens. I know a place here that does opera for their Turkeys. They LOVE it. Nepeta smells nice and the cats would love it. Hops are good for shading house.


    • Such a great variety of ideas Elisa. I’m going for the cow on the roof. A pipe from her udder going down to a bottle in the fridge. Instant milk ! Have a lovely weekend. Ralph x


  4. Hahaha! πŸ™‚
    1. The Ralph farmer wears a Hat πŸ˜‰
    2. I like potatoes, so you can grow them.
    3. Even I am not a farmer, so I will go with the tractor…
    Happy farming!


    • Hi Diana. Yes. The hat is a must. Great idea, potatoes. I could grow them in the BBQ and when harvested they are already baked or french fries. Brilliant !! Hoorray, the tractor lover. Great ! Have a fabulous weekend. Ralph x


  5. I have a pair of overalls that you can wear. I wore them last October as part of my farmer zombie costume!
    If you got cilantro – I’m there πŸ˜‰
    I say pass on that tractor. You can do better πŸ™‚


    • Hi RoSy. I am sorry but I will have to contradict you on all three of your suggestions.
      The zombie suit and Halloween are plainly evil. I have upset a lot of village children in the past by saying “Merry Christmas. Every day is Christmas day”. I have had eggs thrown at the house where I lived because I believe Trick or Treat is training children to become Protection Racketeers ie. give me something nice or else !
      I did not know what cilantro was, so I Googled it and a lot of people hate it. ie
      “Ms. Child had plenty of company for her feelings about cilantro (arugula seems to be less offensive). The authoritative Oxford Companion to Food notes that the word β€œcoriander” is said to derive from the Greek word for bedbug, that cilantro aroma β€œhas been compared with the smell of bug-infested bedclothes” and that β€œEuropeans often have difficulty in overcoming their initial aversion to this smell.” So I don’t think I will grow it.
      I think the tractor is quirky like the house.
      Thank you so much for your comment RoSy. I do not wish to offend you. Ralph x


      • Oh no – Have I been banned from the farm?
        (No worries. I am not easily offended. It’s all good Farmer Ralph)


      • Of course not RoSy. I will need a milkmaid. I have heard about them πŸ˜‰


  6. Hi Charlie . Questions….hummm!! ??
    1) From which end of a sheep does wool come from ?
    2) How does one grow bacon so thinly sliced ?
    3) Why are farmers sold at a farmer’s market ?
    Could be his tractor ! Ralph πŸ˜‰


  7. Hope you are a quick study Ralph and I agree with Rosy, you may just need a pair of bib overalls (lol). πŸ™‚


    • Let’s say LuAnn that I am somewhere between panic and desperation over this farm issue πŸ˜‰ If I must be a farmer then it has to be a quirky farm with crops in keeping to its name. Hope you are having a great time on the road πŸ˜€ Ralph x


  8. Ah now we are talking -:)!
    As it is well known, New Zealanders are best farmers … so just pop over and you will be initiated in no time at all -:)!


    • Uh oh !! This sounds like work Daniela ! I am not against work but work is against me. What in the heck is this New Zealand initiation??? I hope this has nothing to do with sheep. πŸ˜‰ Have a lovely weekend. Ralph x (I may not because I am thinking about your comment !! πŸ˜‰ )


  9. Sorry, but yes it does have to with sheep -:)!
    And while at it; I think you better check for my last post on the Lantern as I am afraid you may recognize something -:)!
    Do enjoy your weekend; for one we will be gentle (in NZ), and for two it is quite a few flying hours away so you get used to the idea -:)!!!


    • Katie marry me !! The best, most original, perfect way to farm for me. I love the idea. Hugs Ralph x


    • Fantastic YellowCable. You are also on my wavelength. The small pets, such as glow worms and fireflies will keep the lighting bills down and the garden mole tunnels will act as drainage with their little mounds great for Diana’s potatoes. Brilliant. Take care. Ralph x


  10. depends on where you are at and what sells where you are at like out here you can sell chicken hay or cattle and years ago out here there was a booming berry market but not no more. seems where i am at natural gas farming is the most popular thing so find the markets first


    • Hello Arkansas. Thanks for visiting and your enlightening comment on the farming conditions in your State. To be serious for a moment I am appalled at the way your government, banks, seed industry, cattle food industry, GM industry and resource industry have not only hijacked but killed the small farmer or making their lives too difficult to farm anymore. The backbone of America is turning to jelly and is taken over by large uncaring corporations. But they are staffed by people who if they cared could take these corporations down and restore the rightful rights of the people of America.
      Now back to my joke farm. Natural gas……I do talk a lot πŸ˜‰ Take care Ralph


      • it is so sad but true and it is that way with any small business. why the entire country is full of abandoned ma and pa stores, collapsing barns ancient ruins of what was once called the american dream. all the people can do is get a job somewhere at a large corporation though if a farmer sells or rents a piece of land to a gas company they tend to stay a float


  11. Reading all the comments you have more to plant than you have land I am sure. So set your priorities: Chocolate flavour Icecream trees, Honey bees, Spaghetti bushes, sliced bacon trees, and never forget the money tree in the back.
    That should cover dinners, and what women want. Another option would be strawberries which you can harvest with cream instantly, I will be there in June instead of going to Wimbledon. And don’t forget the chocolate flavoured brown cow.
    Also let me know if you find a Lasagne tree, I could do with one in my back garden!
    Happy farming Ralph.


  12. Why thank you Ute for your deep and explicit analysis of my farming possibilities. I shall consider everything you have said then panic. As a retired electronics consultant and having spent many years in the deserts of the Middle East you may understand the skills that I have acquired for farming in Spain are lower than nil. So there is only one way I can go…lower !! πŸ˜‰
    Hope you are having a happy Sunday. Ralph x


    • Hi Life. I am glad that you had fun and that you have a positive outlook for my “farming” future. A great idea of buying more hats……eh… case of what ?? Ralph x


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