Exploding Children

my cuckoo clockI am now 65, an official old age pensioner. I am now allowed to say anything I like without being PC any more. I can be looked at by others as being an old fool, grumpy old fool or “his mind is going”. Fantastic! My body may be at the junkyard door but my mind is as active and alert as a 21 year old. As the saying goes; you’re as young as the woman you feel. As I am talking about being young I have a few ideas about children and as I’m an “old fool” I am going to say what I want. Brilliant! I’m enjoying this.

All children from birth to 21 years old are little people, right? No, wrong!! They are metamorphic alien species. Babies have two heads and one is invisible to the viewer. The first head is the smiley, googley, bubble bubble, smelly nice head which suddenly turns into the screaming, manipulative, sickly, smelly one. The baby then changes into an exploding, leaking child.

You have a nice tidy room with a child in the centre. Leave the room and return a few minutes later and it’s like a bomb has gone off. Well, I’ll tell you now that that child IS a walking hand grenade. Toys are everywhere. These toys are in pieces, a plastic wheel on the sofa, a half chewed lego block on the TV, a Jack and Jill book pushed into the DVD player. The whole room is someone else’s, a total shambles. Beneath the wreckage are the fingerprints of chocolate mixed with paint on the walls, chairs, cat and dog. Then they change again into the most horrendous alien specie: The Teenager.

This specie only speaks a few phrases; “Why me?”, “What for?”, “I’m bored!”,”I hate you!””I’m broke”, “I want a Xboxipadlaptop,all my friends have one”. There are a few more but as a pensioner I get bored easily. A teenager alien hates and loves the same person, wants it’s friend’s boy/girl friend and sleeps till noon. Only works if threatened with grounding. And threatens to die if it has to wear THAT!

So that’s my thoughts on children. Now where is my grumpy head ?

20 Comments on “Exploding Children

  1. Wow!! Nice one!
    I totally agree with everything you mentioned above!!
    I wish if you could have also written about people in early twenties! 😉
    Still, I loved it!


  2. Why thank you Diana. I am sorry I cannot write about people in their early twenties because I have a mind of a twenty one year old and I haven’t lived it yet 😉
    (aside: she’ll believe anything 🙂 )


  3. Love it! Especially ‘you are as young as the woman you feel’! I guess I am not PC either … too old to care really. So called ‘old’ age is amazing … for instance you can never be a ‘fallen woman’ after 45! As for children … either it has been long since you had them around you or you did not. Either way I like your post even though I love kids!


  4. A friend of mine says he loves kids slightly grilled on toast, and another says the best age to speak to kids is when they reach 60 when they have stopped making a mess and just before they start making a mess again 😉
    Mind the step, Daniela, we can’t have you being a “fallen woman” now can we ?
    Yeah it’s fun being 65.


  5. It is so true Ralph. The older I get the more I get away with. It would seem that the younger you are the more allowance you give to those older…. and probably for the reason you state; we are seen as a bit doddering and mindless…
    Haha… don’t mind that perception at all; after all, it’s good to ‘get away’ with being so open and frank… Don’t tell Frank I said that…!


  6. Hi again Carolyn. Yes it’s fun being old. I promise not to tell Frank (shush!! or your husband about Frank) 😉


  7. Bumble here. Hi Ralph. Well, I’m in the toy stage and you SO got it right. Yes, the room explodes with pieces of toys everywhere, and somehow, somewhere, there’s always chocolate. I await with trepidation for the teenage years 🙂


  8. Funny! I love it that when we’re 65 we can say anything we want and people won’t raise their eyebrows and look at us funny. Thanks for the inspiration! (I’m 55, but heading your way…)


  9. I’m impressed, 65 and making accurate references to technology! My Mom still wont let me touch her tv remote in case i change the settings and she is unable to turn her tv on/off after I depart from visiting with her!! She wants to know if she buys an iPad, if it will hook up to her internet ….and she hid her dvd player in case my kids use it and make it stop working. Sigh. But i will stop, this is your blog, not mine.


  10. I am obviously not PC and I have kids. In fact, I’m not even PC around my kids. I do not know what that makes me, however, I enjoyed this post because it’s so damn TRUE! Your curmudgeonly ways are spot on. By the way, thanks for commenting on my daughter’s post on our blog. She has been on cloud nine all day with the support and sweet comments.



    • Thank you so much non-PC Emily for your welcome comment. And I’m thrilled about Maddie’s reaction………….NOT !! She won’t give me a sweetart 😉


  11. I will say that I enjoy my children more the older they get. Don’t miss the ‘baby’ stage (or toddler or pre-k stages) at all, although I am enjoying their advancing children-hood 🙂 I will also say that I do not enjoy the household chaos caused by ‘youngsters’ and I most especially do not enjoy the noise level…if God forgot one thing, it was to put a volume control on children.


    • Hi Lyann. Thanks for stopping by. With GM engineering running riot maybe a volume control and mute button will be next on their list…..god forbid…..good idea though 😉


This is the best bit. Your comments !!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Julia Streetstyle Blog

Fashion Blogger, Designer, Globetrotter


Growing older with silliness, high spirits and a lot of heart.

Blog Woman!!! - Life Uncategorized

Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. .................................................................. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net

Walking With Scars

My daily dance through a creative life as a female artist and photographer with lifelong depression.

An Evil Nymph's Blog

I Think WAY Too Much!

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.

the incurable dreamer

my dreams are my disease, chasing them my only option

My Hearing Loss Story

This is my story about my experience of sudden sensorineural hearing loss and how it affects my life.

The Crazy Bag Lady @BulanLifestyle.com

Welcome to my Art Blog and follow my adventure. Bohemian artist who loves to travel and draw.

Surprising Lives

Discover Life, Incredible People, Places and Our World!

Out an' About

Loving Life On and Off the Tracks


Day-Dreamer, Moon-Gazer, Confirmed Contrarian, Traveler, Artist, Frustrated Cartoonist, Perennial Fish Out of Water

Skinny and Single

Single and Over 40 and Not Suicidal About It

Cruise Stories

cruise ship adventures

In the Net! - Stories of Life and Narcissistic Survival

This is my story and I'm sticking to it!

brushes and papers

my learning journey

Marsha Ingrao

Traveling & Blogging Near and Far


Inspiring the WOW factor in life and business

Arcilla y fuego

Una visión sobre el complejo y apasionante mundo de la cerámica


Relationships reveal our hearts.

Queen's end

The Fifth Corner of Life

Twisted Gypsy

Photography, travel,art,craft,writing and all things creative...

fashion with compassion

fashionable over 50


Books, musings, news...

My Favourite Pastime

Food, Travel and Eating Out

An Unexpected Life Chosen

A freelance writer, clairvoyant medium, credit manager, chakra meditation teacher, traveller, animal lover, past-life healer, and a change advocate.........having walked many paths, I ask; did I really sign up for this?

Graffiti Lux and Murals

Luxuriating in Ephemeral Art

Quirky Books

Read the difference

Englishman in Italy

An Englishman, his Sicilian wife and an Italian / English Dictionary

shehanne moore

Smexy Historical Romance


A broad blogs broadly on women’s & men's psychology: sex, relationships, equality

Art Gowns

The Art of Glamorous Fantasy

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.

Hello World

Walk along with me


These letters are written to remind you just how much you matter, just how important you are, and just how beautiful the gift of life as a human is.

pelly * made

subjective worldview

Ute smile

Ute's Happy World

Valentina Expressions

Author and Designer - Designs, Style, Italian Culture, Travel, Food

Katrina Perkins

A force of Nature, with intense acting skills.

Real Woman's Health

The Journey to Wellness

Nancy Loderick's Blog

Musings on technology, marketing and life.

%d bloggers like this: