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Fourth Birthday Bash

~Fourth~

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I have just passed the fourth year of blogging with WordPressCom.  I really must get a life !

Perhaps I will !

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~Birthday~

Hilda is a great local friend to me.  Remember how she and her husband, David, hosted the Summer Party ?  And some of you may remember Hilda helping out as my Interior Designer when my apartment was renovated.

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She also buys the cat treats when they go to Murky Donna supermarket.

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And then there was the time when Manny, a teddy bear blogger from California, clambered around in her cleavage.  He loved that !

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Anyway, she suggests ….

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Yes, on the 15th of December this year is my 70th birthday.

Maybe I should invite Elena from my Spanish village Tabac.

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…. impressing her with my Sunday best suit.  I must remember to paint my nails😀

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How about a cabaret ?

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Beth !  You’re hired !

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What do you think ?  What will make a party to remember ?

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You are also very welcome to mail me a birthday card, the funnier the better >>>

Ralph Whillier,

137, Canada del Real Tesoro,

29391 Estacion Cortes de la Frontera,

Malaga,

Spain.

Or, come to the party !

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Talking of Hilda.  The other day the local village put on an Hawaiian night on the beach of the local river where I tried out Tai Chi.

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Even though the party was only 50 yards away from my home, I didn’t go as my ankles were swollen probably from the heat of the day and I didn’t want to take the chance of having a fall on the stones.  Still, Mary and Hilda had a great time !

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~Bash~

Meanwhile, back in Daddy’s bedroom.

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Suddenly a strong gust of wind blew into the bedroom ….

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…. swirling behind the bedroom door, the door slammed shut, casting China Cat into a heap on the hallway floor.

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Whew !  What have you cats been up to ?  I have restarted Coo Coo, put China Cat back and closed the bedroom balcony door to block off that gusty wind.  What is going on ?

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Oh boy !

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So, what makes a party for you ?

For me, an imaginary kiss and a cuddle with an imaginary girlfriend would be nice !😳

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Ralph xox❤

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Animated Cats ….. Perhaps Not !

~Warning~

This long post contains gifs (animated photos) which can take a while to load if you have a slow speed IP (Internet Provider).  Play with your toy while waiting. 😀

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Welcome to Ralph’s Blogging Class of 2016 ……. Hey you, stop fiddling with your bra and pay attention !  Heck, and you leaning back with your feet on your keyboard painting your toe nails, concentrate !  And that’s just my male readers.  You ladies are even worse !

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Settle down !

Stand up Debby and take a bow.  You asked me this very intelligent question in my last post which has never happened before by anyone, as my commenters are usually smashed on wine while commenting here.  Oooh, why me ?

Debby

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My cats are going to tell you how to animate pictures by making “gifs”.

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Oh boy.  Thanks cats !

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You will need a Photo Editor (this old prehistoric Editor was on the CD which came with my ancient digital camera) ….

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….. and bookmark this free website as it makes the “gifs” for you.

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 The simplest “gif” is to take two photos from the same spot.  For your blog, reduce them in size to 450 pixels or less. Upload them to the GIFMaker.  Select the speed.  When happy with the Preview,  click Create GIF Animation, Download The GIF to “save file”.  Done.  It’s easy !

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This girl “gif” is one photo plus a mirror image of the same photo.  It is really too big for blogging.

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A photo of a suitcase cropped as a square. Rotate the photo 90 degrees, save.  Rotate another 90 degrees and so on until you have 4 photos.

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I added text to each of the 5 cat photos, but made a mistake by cropping as rectangles, not squares, so the photos are slightly different in size.

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Cropping is easy.  I had taken 3 photos of Marcus playing. The background on all 3 were slightly different ……

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…. so I picked the same 2 points in all the photos and cropped them …..

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…. ending up with 3 new, slightly smaller photos which I resized to the same size.

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I uploaded the 3 photos to the GIFMaker, uploading #2 twice to make the “gif” more fluid.

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And finally 2 “gifs” spliced together.  Here are the 2 original photos of Ana serving paella in my last post.  Notice the backgrounds are very different.

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The same as before.  I picked 2 points, cropped and resized the photos

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These 2 photos I uploaded to the GIFMaker website, set the speed, clicked Create GIF Animation and Download The GIF to “save file”.

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I then uploaded the same 2 photos again, but this time doubled the speed, downloaded as before to “save file”.

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So now I have 2 “gifs” both of which I uploaded to GIFMaker, clicked Combine Animated GIFs and downloaded the finished “gif” to “save file”.  Easy !  Lo and behold, a fun “gif” for my post.

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Can’t you give me one “gif” cats ?

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Were you paying attention ?

As usual you weren’t.  Stay behind after class and I’ll put you over my knee …. again !😀

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 Ralph xox❤

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Summer Party

The other day I received an invitation …..

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….. to go to David & Hilda’s home here in southern Spain for a party.  Yay !

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It just so happened to coincide with a full moon on the Summer Solstice.  The next full moon on a Summer Solstice will be in 2062 when I will be 116 years old and probably will marry a 21 year old super-model that day unless one of you ladies out there sweep me off my feet first.  Well, you have 46 years to work on it. 😀

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Click for original solstice full moon photograph. Normally I would have deleted the original straight away as a finger was half over the camera lens, but I could see an unusual result. So with a bit of cropping these two pictures emerged. Great, aren’t they ?

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Welcome to the party !

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Ralph talking to Thierry who is French and doesn’t understand what I am gibbering about.

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Mary and Louise talking intently about wallflowers

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Breda and Hilda admiring the wallflowers

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Wallflowers John and Adrian

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Breda and Louise conversing about wallflowers.

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Breda’s wine glass being topped up by Carmen……again !

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Carmen the barmen

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Jim made a boob in taking this photograph.

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As you can see this party had no cats.

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 The food was great.

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Ana is so slow in serving the paella !

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David the host and chef

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Mary, Ralph 2, Margaret and Brian

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 The music by Marcus was brilliant ……

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Marcus

….. to dance the night away to.

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Louise & Ralph

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Max clinching Ralph

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Ralph and Hilda

I bet you would have loved to dance with me.  I must learn how to Jive so that I can swing you over my shoulders and between my legs at the bar before the music starts.😉

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 Then, of course, the company of friends enhanced the evening.

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Bill and Max

Jim & Louise. Did you notice Jim's magical appearing spectacles ?

Jim & Louise. Did you notice Jim’s magical spectacles ?

Thank you David & Hilda for a wonderful party😀

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Will you dance with me at least once within the next 46 years ?

I’m unavailable 20th of June 2062 as I’ve probably just met a 21 year old super-model that day and I’ll marry her the following day.  Got to work fast when 116 years old 😀

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Ralph xox❤

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From Angels High To Rock Bottom

~Warning~

As usual, this is a very long post !

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I came to Spain many, many years ago for sun, sea, sex and sangria.  After 14 years I have achieved one out of four, which isn’t bad for me ….  and that is SUN !  That’s why I am an old, sad person with two cats 😀

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~From Angels High~

The other evening the Angels showed themselves.

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And at about the same time I received this fun item from Katie in Florida, USA.  Her second gift to me.   Ali Gaiter, in my previous post, being the first of those gifts.

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Yes, a fun cushion cover straight out of one of my favourite scenes in the Big Bang Theory.

 

Thank you so much my friend.

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In addition I would like to say that blogging to me is so much more than pasting a photo in a post every day.  It takes thought and energy, not only to create something that my readers look forward to enjoying, but the involvement and interaction of you all.  I have made many friends, most of whom I know nothing about; what you look like, how you sound etc., but the written word is such a powerful tool, from which friendships are built over time.  One or two of you I would never have met in real life if I hadn’t taken the plunge into the WordPress dashboard for the first time.  I would never have received such wonderful gifts from many of you over the years.  Thank you. I look forward to your Likes and comments as I look forward to Liking your New Posts.  For me, time is a big problem.  I would love to comment on many of your posts, but time holds me back, so I leave a footprint of a Like on your posts and I mean it.  Big hug.

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 ~Rock Bottom~

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After those highs, time to work my way down to rock bottom.

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I have one pot plant and I’m not green-fingered.  Can you see why ?

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Well, I thought it was a Red Hot Poker plant !

Sonic on the other hand loves flowers ….. plastic ones !

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He eats them.  Oh boy !

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 And then the other day it was so hot.  Even at midnight in my salon !

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Yes, it was “blazing hot”.  I went to see how my cats were doing in my bedroom.

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Yes, it is hot !  So hot in fact that I took a midnight selfie of myself.

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 Am at rock bottom now.  Yes, it’s time for my latest dashboard Top Searches.

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Top Search:  Who has the biggest unnatural tits in the world ?

Ralph’s Reply:  Probably some wacko with GM modified birds in a cage.

Top Search:  Females mature breasts

Ralph’s Reply:  Only found at Cheese And Wine parties. There everything is mature.

Top Search:  Goldfish clothes

Ralph’s Reply:  Gold water-proof waders with glitter fins.

Top Search:  Body swap

Ralph’s Reply:  If you are female, I’m game !

Top Search:  Happy kiss day

Ralph’s Reply:  No tongues !

Top Search:  Google search how to open girlfriend shirt

Ralph’s Reply:  Undo the bottom button, she’ll think you are her doctor.  Undo the top button, prepare to be slapped.

Top Search:  Bluefish inside nose

Ralph’s Reply:  I always get up your nose, don’t I ?

Top Search:  How to say your holiday just begun

Ralph’s Reply:  “Your holiday just begun.”

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So what do you think of this post cats ?

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Thanks cats !  Oh boy !

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Have you got a rock bottom ?

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Ralph xox❤

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Ali Gaiter

Wow !  A package for little ol’ me in Spain, all the way from a dear blogging friend in Florida, USA.

That’s strange, it’s got air holes all around the box.

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“Cats !  Help !”

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~Update~

My cats are now scaredy cats and revolting (no change there), so Ali Gaiter has a new home, sleeping with a neighbour, a 4 year old Spanish boy, who just loves the toy 😀

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Do you remember this ?

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Well, Katie owned up for sending the parcel.  Not giving up, she sent it again and this time the gator walked on its own into my home.  Thank you my friend.

Katie

Katie

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The Urban Dictionary defines a “Gator” as

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So are you a Gator, Cougar, a 21 year old, or are you married to an old croc(k) ?

I’m an old single crock😀

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Ralph xox❤

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 I would like to ask you to visit Katie‘s and Belinda‘s blogs.  Why ?  Because they are both suffering from the horrendously painful 24/7 Lyme Disease which has no cure.  Please give them a big hug.

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I Am So Poor !

Last week I received the annual update of one of my UK pensions.  Great !  An increase ?  No.😦

The instruction manual which came with the details stated that there will be no change for 2016.

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Oh yes ?

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The Gross Amount will shrink by a whole one penny every four weeks ….

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…. and I will pay an extortionate amount more in UK Income Tax (20 pence).  So the end result is that I am five pence out of pocket every week.

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Oh woe.  What am I to do ?  I am now so poor !

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After much consideration (sorry cats) I am going to have to cut back on cat treats.

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Yep !  Your cat treats will be paying for UK government parties and the expenses of Members Of Parliament.

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No change there then !  Come on, clear the bed, as I need all the space to file the letters and bank statements.

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Come on guys.  It’s not my fault that we are poor.

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Hah !  Prove it !

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I don’t believe you China Cat.

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What about you Sonic ?

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That’s a lot easier than a Hedge Fund, pouncing through the bushes and bringing Daddy back a present Sonic !

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And what did you learn from the Trump University Samantha ?

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Banker ?

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Whew !  You three are at least trying.  Very trying !  So, I will not cut back on your cat treats.

Now, get off the bed and let me sleep work.

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Oh boy !  I must cut back on something.  Any ideas out there ?

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Are you poor as a church mouse, or are you a Donalda Trump ?

If not, I suggest you take the cats’ advice.  China Cat invests in Daddy’s vest, while Sonic sleeps on it and Samantha hides her wares under the sofa.  Be smart.  Become a financial tiger.

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Ralph xox❤

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Man Tin Muchness

I did promise to show you the contents of the Man Tin (a present from Ute).

Ute Ute

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What I am about to show you is just between me and you the reader as I don’t want the whole world to know what is in my Man Tin 😉

It took me a while to work out how to open the Man Tin, but I did and filled the box with useless and pointless items.

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What’s this ?

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I reckon it’s a rubber hand bell for a librarian to use at closing time.

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Of course Sonic has a different opinion.

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This is a bit of a squeeze.   An accordion ?  No, a geeetah !

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“Totally Useless And Pointless” was the name of my song.  I can’t play or sing, so the name was apt.

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I kept my magic carpet in the Man Tin as it’s not magic and is a rug, not a carpet.

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Samantha, of course, has her own idea.

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What’s this day-glo item ?

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I think it’s worn by builders as safety clothing.  To protect and warn the public of a crack exposure.

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Now this chainsaw is totally useless and pointless as I have no bushes or trees three floors up in the building.

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What ?

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What’s this tucked away in the corner of the Man Tin ?

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I don’t have a Harley, just cats !

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I’ll just shake out and show you what’s left in the Man Tin.

White shoes for living in the muddy countryside.

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A tractor for a field three floors up.

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And the final useless and pointless item, a doll.  A DOLL ??  It’s not mine.  It’s a cats toy.  Honest !  You believe me, don’t you ?  *cringe*

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That’s it !  The Man Tin is empty.

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Well, it was empty.  Thanks Ute !! 😀😀😀 x

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Are you useless and pointless ?

I am !

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Ralph xox❤

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Wash

That’s the dishes washed ! 

Time for me to start drafting my next post,  but before that I must check my emails.

Do you want to hear my email notifier sound ?

Click for my email notifier sound

If only I could find her.  She is either a Jeannie in my laptop, or magically invisible. 😀

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Oh no !  Sonic and Samantha are in my office chair.

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Awww !  Don’t they look sweet ?

When I get the chance I’ll update my lovely blog readers on a couple of things.

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I could remind them of the time that the earth moved for me in November 2015 while I was soaping myself in the shower ?

Ralph in the shower

Photo of a hot Ralph in the shower.   What made the earth move for him while he was in the shower ?

Sadly not a magically invisible Jeannie in my shower,  but an earthquake a few miles away.

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The tiles on one bathroom wall bowed out like a balloon.  Pedro, my neighbour, removed all the loose tiles.

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Nothing happened for a few months until last week.

“Bang, crash, wallop !”

A couple of very rough looking local Spanish villagers were banging on the door.

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Sweeping past me towards the bathroom, they muttered in unrecognisable Spanish, 

“We have come to repair your bathroom tiles.” 

Two hours later the deed was done.  Paid !  Gone !  Great job.

Ralph pointing to the finished repair

Ralph pointing to the finished repair

I could have told my readers about that, but I just can’t shoo the cats out of my chair.

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Awww !  They look so sweet !

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I could have told my readers about my latest medical fiasco.  Last year I instructed the hospital Neurologist via my local GP that I didn’t want any more tests and chemical treatments ….

Anna checking that I was still alive during the hours of having an IV drip

Anna checking that I was still alive during the hours of having an IV drip

…. because after two years of hell there was no change to my vibrating hands.  I’ll live with it.

My Neurologist sweeping out of the IV drip ward. ( I have no idea who the man in the wheelchair is. Maybe he is still there after one year)

My Neurologist sweeping out of the IV drip ward. ( I have no idea who the man in the wheelchair is. Maybe he is still there after one year )

So what does my Neurologist do ?  A letter arrived in January saying that she wants to see me at the hospital in October this year.  Last week, a telephone call from her reception, all change, she wants to see me on Monday 25th April ….. in a few days.  No way.  I’ve had enough of spinal taps, MRI scans, Xrays, women sticking needles into all parts of me.  Nothing worked and why do pretty women like to stick needles into me ?  I’m not going !

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I think I’ll forget about a post this week.  It’s lovely watching Samantha wash Sonic.  I’d better go and make my bed I suppose.

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Have you had a CATastrophic blogging experience ?

This page is a magical illusion. Maybe I’ll publish a post another day.😀

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Ralph xox❤

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Wonky

I’m going to run away from home, relax, listen to some music.

Paul Leonard-Morgan – Blue State

I’ll visit Wonky the cat in my friend’s garden just up the hill and catch some sun.

Hilda says, "You do know how he got his name don't you ? He came from the family at the bottom of the lane. As you know we feed them daily, and on two consecutive occasions he was there in the same spot, hadn't moved so we feared that he couldn't walk, which indeed he couldn't, he dragged his rear leg. We knew that he was suffering so bought him back to our home and called the vet out who confirmed that he had dislocated his leg and needed total rest for 2-3 weeks. For those weeks he lived a very comfortable life in one of our bedrooms complete with en-suite. Thereafter he'd be able to return to his family, but as you know that never happened...hence the name that we chose for him ! He does visit his family daily as he enjoys the walk with Alfie (their dog)."

Hilda says, “You do know how he got his name don’t you ? He came from the family at the bottom of the lane. As you know we feed them daily, and on two consecutive occasions he was there in the same spot, hadn’t moved so we feared that he couldn’t walk, which indeed he couldn’t, he dragged his rear leg.
We knew that he was suffering so bought him back to our home and called the vet out who confirmed that he had dislocated his leg and needed total rest for 2-3 weeks.
For those weeks he lived a very comfortable life in one of our bedrooms complete with en-suite. Thereafter he’d be able to return to his family, but as you know that never happened…hence the name that we chose for him ! He does visit his family daily as he enjoys the walk with Alfie (their dog).”

Alfie & Wonky saying hi to the sheep during their morning walk here in southern Spain

Alfie & Wonky saying hi to the sheep during their morning walk here in southern Spain

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Why am I running away ?

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Well, it all started the other day with Sparrowtacus.  You read it right “Sparrowtacus”.  Not Spartacus !

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Sparrowtacus is a real troublemaker and lives in the gutter above my front balcony.

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Cats !

THANK YOU so much Sonic and Sparrowtacus !  Added to you two are Binbo, the trash can, cracking my back and Coo Coo, the cuckoo clock, cookoo-ing all night.  I’m off to join Wonky !

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May I join you Wonky ?

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Oh dear !  I may as well go home …..  AND who tore the front off of my Speedos ?

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I give up !

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Is your head in the gutter ?

Mine is😀

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Ralph xox❤

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Thank you Hilda for the fun photos of Wonky & Alfie. xox

post

I’m Not Backing Down !

Three weeks ago, the day after my last post was published I was knocked flat by the flu virus.  Living alone, home chores still had to be done even though all I wanted to do was to stay in bed or lay on the sofa and sleep. 

One such job was to change the bag in the bin under the sink in the kitchen.  I bent down to pull the bin out of the cupboard and my lower back snapped.  I was in agony !

This is how my cats saw it !

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Oh boy !  Everything about the cats is on the floor.  Their baskets, litter tray, the constant mess they make.  I moved their food and drink on top of a kitchen work surface ….

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….. which helped my back a bit, but everything else is almost impossible for me to do.

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No.  You are okay Sonic.  Just wait until I get better !

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Has a kitchen appliance ever zapped you ?

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Ralph xox❤

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~UPDATE~

I am feeling much better, not quite 100% human.  98% prince, 2% frog (or is it the other way round ?)

Thank you to my blogging friend from the USA who sent me the package which is on its way back to her.  It may not be delivered to her home in America and may be sent back to me in Spain.  What fun !

It may take me a while to answer all your comments as sitting at my laptop is still quite painful.

Happy Easter ! xox

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Nimic din ce dă inima nu se pierde, ci este păstrat în inimile altora!

∼ Reconstructing Christina ∼

A Collection of Muses, Madness or...Magic

DEAR HUMAN

These letters are written to remind you just how much you matter, just how important you are, and just how beautiful the gift of life as a human is.

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