post

Dr Ralph. PhUn. Retrained

I had the results today of the MRI Scan and they found nothing in my brain that’s what gives me that vacant look but found a big problem in my sinuses and optics. So I have to go for another TAC scan in May for my nose and tests in Malaga for the cables between my eyes and brain. Once those are sorted I will be taking aggressive treatment for the Lewis Sumner (vibrating hands).  So my Neurologist is going aggressive on me. I prefer submissive women, but beggars can’t be choosers ;)

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 For those who are new to my blog (you need to get a life ;) ) I have been diagnosed as having:

One: Parkinsons’ (no cure)

Wrong !!! Two: Genetic (take tablets)

Wrong !!! Three: Lewis Sumner (possibly)

Four: Let’s diversify and go for the nose and eyes

I reckon I could do better !!

So…….

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I am highly self trained as Dr Ralph. PhUn. Psychiatrist and recently I went on a 3 year minute course to become the best sturgeon Bluefish Way has ever had

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Surgeon NOT sturgeon !!

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I began simply by learning anatomy

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I trained hard, working day and night

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Found out all about being a doctor

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I went on a specialist class

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And learned all about the skeleton

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I became more advanced

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As I was taught by the finest medical professors

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Eventually I performed my first operation. I was so nervous !!

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Eventually I became fully qualified

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Here are my certificates:

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I am so proud of them. They will be hung…..

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I have set up my practice. Got some new examination couches

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 I have a highly trained support team

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And I imagine my first patient will be

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But !!

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My first patient lost his head in the local supermarket and I sewed it back with a lovely cross stitch

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My second patient looked promising and I gave her some corn for her pigeon toes

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And my latest…..ooh la la !!

Didn’t quite turn out to be what I expected

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(Credits; Images from Mr Google and contributors. Thank you so much)

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I see you are next. Now, what can I do for you ?

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Dr Ralph xox :D

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While you are waiting, please click on my patient calming fish tank to feed the fish.

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Comments

  1. This is so funny :) I like the “Certificate of Insanity”. LoL!

  2. “They found nothing in my brain — that’s what gives me that vacant look”

    Thanks for the diagnosis. Explains a lot.

    Kidding, of course!

    More seriously, I am glad that they found nothing in your brain. And I hope they can figure out what is wrong. Sounds promising.

    • Hi Georgia :D As you are the expert, you know where men’s brains are really located. They didn’t scan that area ;)
      Hopefully over the next few months I will be a 21 year old again. In perfect health……dream on Ralph ! Ralph xoox :D

  3. You are SO silly, Ralph! Lol. And leave those “agressive” women alone. Wishing you all the best!! I fed the fish, too. ;)

    • :lol: Thank you Loving :D My Neurologist was so sweet and I am sure that going aggressive is contrary to her normal behaviour. It could be her time of the month though .hehe. Oh. And thanks for feeding the fish. Ralph xox :D

  4. Hello Doctor…always here if you need something….kisses from Brazil…. and laughing a lot….

  5. Is that cable between your eyes and brain a cable car, or cable T.V.?

  6. Dear Dr. Awesomticity, what a strenuous program you have been through!
    You do seem to keep your doctors guessing and on their toes. I hope all of the wires are connected and grounded…or they have an electrician who can flip the right switch.
    Good luck and hugs. 8)8)

    • Hi Katie, my favourite patient :D Strenuos ?? It’s taxing !! The tax man is going through my cooked books as I write ;) Ralph xox :D
      There’s a new doctor in my practice who is helping me:
      .

  7. Excuse me Dr. Ralph; I believe I’m next… :)
    I have a huge pucker on my lips; can you help…??? ;)
    xoxoxo

    • Hi Carolyn :D Yes. you are next !! Please lay down on the couch on your back, close your eyes, pucker up your lips and prepare to receive the treatment kiss. Ooops !! One slight problem……….you’re thousands of miles away ;) Ralph xox :D

  8. Tx for the giggles. I’ve been a tad bit short on the smiles around here. Tx for doing more than your fair share.

    • Hi Sheri :D Welcome to Bluefish Way !! I am so glad that you enjoyed this post and gained a few smiles. Glad to be of service. Ralph xox :D

  9. Ralph, I needed the calming fish after all that!

  10. After reading this illuminating post, I’ve decided that I suddenly feel really well, thank you, so I shan’t take advantage of your kind offers. However, I wouldn’t mind sinking into that couch of teddy bears.

    Salute (that’s the Italian salute, not an army salute) for the coming weeks. oxo

    • Hello Yvonne :D There you go !! I am such a brilliant doctor as you went away so well without even having to see me. The European National Health Service has just saved a fortune ;) Ralph xox :D

  11. Me? Next? Doc, I’ve seen your certificates and believe I will reschedule for a later date.

  12. congratulations, dr. ralph

  13. Ralph, love your way you described your diagnoses… you are too funny! made me laugh of course :D Happy your are ok. Hope your sinuses are ok too.. :D

    • Hi Patricia :D “Diagnosis” !! That’s doctor talk !! You are clever ! As I’m a doctor now I’ll have to remember words like that !! ;) My sinuses are fine. They say hello ! Ralph xox :D

  14. I’m with Gallivanta need the calming fish, my life is too busy at the moment to take everything in…probably I need to see you Dr.Ralph.

    • Hi Ute :D Take as many fish as you need. Gallivanta did ;)
      Yes, maybe you do need to see me as being too busy needs to be balanced by loads of “me” time. Take two of these, three times a day and see me again next week ;) Ralph xox :D
      .

  15. Love this post and I am laughing. My favorite too is the ‘Certificate of Insanity’. Great collection.

    • Hello Kathy :D Such a fun comment from you. Thank you. Loved it !! I do hope that you are having a great Sunday. Ralph xox :D

  16. Dr. Ralph, I need some serious help. I’ve been have trouble in the area of my smoochies and I see you’re a specialist. I need to make an appointment for a consultation ASAP. ;)

    • Elizabeth ! Elizabeth !! Elizabeth !!! What on earth am I going to do to you ? No need for a consultation as you are my best patient. Come as you are !! Hurry up as smoochies are going fast …….. ;) Ralph xox :D

  17. Couldn’t resist feeding the fishies, Ralph. :D You must be getting rather frustrated with these tests and whatnots. Lets hope that one day, they’re be able to decide exactly what’s wrong, and treat it. Meanwhile, hang onto your sense of humour. You sure need it. :)

  18. Normally I don’t like naughty stuff, but this was so funny it had me laughing my head off. Hopefully I haven’t woken my housemates. It’s hilarious.

  19. Congratulations!
    I’m quite impressed with all of your new credentials, not to mention your highly qualified support team which is nothing to sneeze at! Unless, of course, one is allergic to dogs. 8-) (AHCHOO!)
    I am in great shape… okay let’s say good. On 3rd thought I’m in a shape so I won’t be needing any doctoring soon. ;-)
    Take care and lots of hugs!

    • Thank you so much Resa my friend. It’s amazing how healthy everyone has become now that I’m a doctor ;)
      Doggone, you’ve gone and caught an allergy. Come right in !! I’m sure I can fix that !! Ralph xox :D

  20. SerachShiro says:

    You insane ? Nooooooooooo, you are to :) fun, intelligent and great to be that, but b.t.w I love your personal helpers and you have very nice ways to become in a very quick time doctor (?) ! Wish you much patient and I hope they will find a.s.p what it can be ! <3

    • Hello Serach :D Yes, my helpers are great. They give all my patients that puppy look to calm them down…….before they run away ;) hehe. Ralph xox :D

    • Grazie mille per il video. Mi piace sentire Enya cantare. Avere una bella giornata di domani la mia amica. Ralph xox :D

  21. You are in my prayers for your vibrating hands and also, health in general. I hope that they will be able to treat this without too much trouble to you. Side effects of drugs scare me! I liked your way of deflecting from sympathy using humor, but you have mine, my dear! Hugs, Robin

    • Hi Robin :D Thank you so much for your prayers…every little bit helps !! I am a little worried about eating in public as it’s so difficult but that’s a minor issue as the rest of the holiday will be great :D I don’t take any drugs for my hands since my new diagnosis. Got to laugh about it though !! Ralph xox :D

  22. Can’t be any worse than health care in America where we pay a fortune to find out there is nothing they can do to help.

    • Isn’t it awful ! At least they should give you a refund if they can’t help. I don’t charge so my refunds are always available ;) Have a lovely weekend. Ralph xox :D

  23. Those are hilarious certificates you’ve got there! I was just thinking of signing up for the insanity course myself! Haha

    • Hi Raynna :D I’m certified ! So I am fully qualified to say that you have passed the insanity course with honours. Two men in white coats will be around to present you with a well earned rest in a lovely secluded place. ;) hahaha
      Big hug. <3 Ralph xox :D

  24. tazeinmirzasaad says:

    Lol! So cute!Love you! Dying laughing here! :)

    • Hello Tazien :D Yep !! I’m fully qualified and should be certified ;) Glad you enjoyed the fun. Ralph xoxox <3 <3

      PS Oh, thanks for the blitz of Likes my friend. xox

  25. So much fun but you are obviously smart and very well trained! Smiles and hugs to you, Ralph! from me, Robin

    • Hi Robin :D

      Oh. Very well trained……. even house trained !! ;)

      Big hugs to you my friend. Ralph xox <3

  26. Your brain is a fascinating mystery! I don’t know where you get all these funny ideas from!

    On the other hand, I really hope you (or they) will finally find the cure to whatever is bothering you… These hospital diagnosis are a crazy ride! Or, as Forrest Gump would say, a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get.

    • Hi Julita my friend. I love to have fun, so maybe I am slightly mad ;) I look at the pictures in the box of chocolate and go straight for the coffee ones :D Big hug. Ralph xox <3

  27. All those medical appointments sound most un-fun. But I’m glad to hear your MRI came up clean (clean, not empty ;) )

    • Hello Alarna :D So true. Appointments and what they do is definitely no fun. It’s good that the MRI scan found nothing in my brain. Maybe it’s because I’m a man and it’s elsewhere ;) I hope you publish another possum post soon. Hugs. Ralph xox :D

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