Time for a bit of fun. I need some and I’m sure you do. It’s been a while since I last scribbled a post, so here goes. The subject I have chosen is myself for sale. Probably an idiotic idea but let’s see what happens. Mind you, most of my ideas, posts and comment replies are daft, so no change there. How in the heck can I not only put myself up for sale but do it in such a way that someone will buy me. I am not exactly Superman or Rambo, more like a cross between Mr Bean and Ghandi.
What have I got to offer the prospective buyer. Physically I am knackered. I can’t say that !! I am a mature wine at the point of turning into vinegar. No !! I am an antique car one finds in a barn, rusty, covered in hay and chicken guano with a tree growing up through the floor. A car which needs a lot of work, care, restoration and hours of pampering, love and attention. I like that so I will go with this.
Mentally. Hmmm ! Difficult one. My intelligence is boundless, leaping from brilliance to nonsense. I am an scientist of art, an artist of science. I have recently had a brain scan and the doctors could find nothing of interest. What in the heck does that mean ? That my brain is in my pants or my pants are in my brain. Or maybe, just maybe they think I am normal. Did they switch the machine on ??? Mind you, it is Spain, so the doctors probably have made the assumption that Englishmen are mad anyway.
What can I offer the potential buyer. Well, I can offer….hmmm… and…aaah. I have my own income so a millionairess wouldn’t be interested and anyway she probably started off as a billionairess and spent her way to down to a million. I can offer enthralling conversation, like “Hello, who are you ?” or “Did you have a brain scan before buying me?” or “Are you from Help The Aged ?”
Offers of below 20 cents or above 20 pence will be seriously considered.