I am now 65, an official old age pensioner. I am now allowed to say anything I like without being PC any more. I can be looked at by others as being an old fool, grumpy old fool or “his mind is going”. Fantastic! My body may be at the junkyard door but my mind is as active and alert as a 21 year old. As the saying goes; you’re as young as the woman you feel. As I am talking about being young I have a few ideas about children and as I’m an “old fool” I am going to say what I want. Brilliant! I’m enjoying this.
All children from birth to 21 years old are little people, right? No, wrong!! They are metamorphic alien species. Babies have two heads and one is invisible to the viewer. The first head is the smiley, googley, bubble bubble, smelly nice head which suddenly turns into the screaming, manipulative, sickly, smelly one. The baby then changes into an exploding, leaking child.
You have a nice tidy room with a child in the centre. Leave the room and return a few minutes later and it’s like a bomb has gone off. Well, I’ll tell you now that that child IS a walking hand grenade. Toys are everywhere. These toys are in pieces, a plastic wheel on the sofa, a half chewed lego block on the TV, a Jack and Jill book pushed into the DVD player. The whole room is someone else’s, a total shambles. Beneath the wreckage are the fingerprints of chocolate mixed with paint on the walls, chairs, cat and dog. Then they change again into the most horrendous alien specie: The Teenager.
This specie only speaks a few phrases; “Why me?”, “What for?”, “I’m bored!”,”I hate you!”"I’m broke”, “I want a Xboxipadlaptop,all my friends have one”. There are a few more but as a pensioner I get bored easily. A teenager alien hates and loves the same person, wants it’s friend’s boy/girl friend and sleeps till noon. Only works if threatened with grounding. And threatens to die if it has to wear THAT!
So that’s my thoughts on children. Now where is my grumpy head ?