I’m Checking Out !!

Like most men I have a list, enter the supermarket store, grab a trolley, zip around the store. Trolley filled in ten minutes. Another ten minutes wait and checkout. Then back to the car and off down the road. Twenty minutes max. But not this day !!

Different store. Grabbed a trolley. Wow, no customers in the store. Fantastic. My trolley was filled in a matter of minutes until I came to a whole row of Cereals. There must have been a hundred varieties and I only wanted a box of normal cornflakes. I searched and searched; honey flavoured chocolate alphabet boxes to GM soya sunflower muesli bags but NO normal cornflakes !! I turned the corner at the end of the row and there they were. Piles of normal cornflakes. I had to make a decision, for the sign said, buy two get one free. I decided one packet was enough for me. I then bee lined for checkout. Woman coming in from the right. I moved faster and just got to the empty checkout before the lady. I noticed that she only had seven or so items in her basket. Being a gentleman (thanks) I waved her through. Her big blue eyes…..No !!

Big mistake !! The totally bored checkout girl, in a world of her own, carried on filing her bright red nails. Name tag said Day Dreamer I think. The store was filling up with customers and a second checkout was just about to open. Shall I go for that one, I thought. No, this woman won’t be long. How wrong could I be. She emptied her seven or so items on the conveyor belt. “Do you happen to have our store card, ma’m” squeaked Day. ” Just a minute” the woman replied, emptying her shoulder bag onto the conveyor belt. Filofax with sticky notes poking out, a thousand cosmetics, tissues, cuddly toy and her purse, from which she produced the Rip-u-off store card. “Oh dear….I forgot” and she ran off into the rows of products. The queue was building up behind me and the other checkout was moving customers through.

A few minutes later she returned panting (women do that) placing a tube of clown flouride is good for you toothpaste onto the belt. “So sorry” her blue eyes said. Day put her nail file back down and beeped three of the items through. “Excuse me,” rummaging through her bag, “I’ve got a coupon for that” the out of breath woman said. Rifling through 150+ coupons, she smiled, producing a coupon. ” Sorry miss we don’t take that coupon in our store.”. Beeping through the next two items, Day stopped. “May to checkout one. May to checkout one” squeaked Day into a microphone. The trolley loaded queue was really lengthening behind me. A couple of minutes later May Workoneday arrived at the checkout and disappeared back into the now bustling store. By now the ice cream I had bought was beginning to drip onto the floor.

May eventually returned and Day beeped through the final items. “Cash or credit card ?”. “Credit card”. Rummaging through her bag again the woman produced a stack of cards. “Oh. Where is it?” Ah!! Scanning the card, Day placed the metal keyboard box in front of the woman. “Pin number please ma’m”. Again the woman plunged into her bag producing her filofax the size of a church bible. Pin keyed in, bag loaded, the lady left the store. At last, I thought, here we go. ” Hello Day……” ” Sorry sir, this checkout is now closed”, smiled Day as she disappeared into the crowd of customers, who on hearing what she said, fought their way to the other checkout. I was left alone (all say ohhh!) looking at a queue of 15 trolleys filled to the brim at checkout two.

So, ladies, if I am standing behind you at checkout, my trolley full, you having seven items in your basket, please WAVE ME THROUGH !!!