post

What The Ophiuchus Is Going On ?

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Many thousands of years ago there lived in a far middle eastern land ……

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…… a wise man ……

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…….. named El Ralphio of  WadiPress.

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He had 1578 goat herding followers …….

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…… and he spent his days consulting the oogle Oracle.

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Nights were spent singing traditional goat songs around the camp fire ……

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“But, YouTube hasn’t been invented yet !” cried El Ralphio of WadiPress’s 1343 followers.

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One day, while loitering on the local mountain side, a flash of inspiration came upon El Ralphio of WadiPress.

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The oogle Oracle spoke to him, saying,

“Join the dots……

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“But, the pencil hasn’t been invented yet !” cried the 1127 followers.

……and create the Zodiac !”

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“But, the car hasn’t been invented yet !” cried the 928 followers of El Ralphio.

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But wise El Ralphio of WadiPress wisely wisdomised the meaning of the joining of the dots.

12 groups of lines between stars and the Zodiac was born.

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To mark this day of oogle Oracle brilliance, El Ralphio of WadiPress was presented with a new throne from the people of the Like tribe.

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” But, the lines for Capricorn don’t look like a goat !” cried El Ralphio of WadiPress’s 553 followers (who are now revolting !).

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El Ralphio of WadiPress then spake this immortal word,

” WHAT ??”

and added,

“Thousands of years in the future, people will read their stars in the newspaper. Reading words such as,

“Capricorn ! You are horny and have a great butt !”

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“But, the newspaper hasn’t  been invented yet !” cried his 275 followers.

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El Ralphio of WadiPress devised a cunning plan to confuse, in thousands of years’ time, his descendant, Ralph of WordPress, who would think he was a Sagittarian as he was born on the 15th of December.

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El Ralphio of WadiPress secretly inserted a 13th group of lines into the zodiac and he called this one Ophiuchus, basically a man playing with his big snake.

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Ralph of WordPress is totally confused now !

He shouldn’t be as he doesn’t read his daily stars, as there are no daily newspapers in the mountains of southern Spain. Oh, and he’s an Ophiuchan now and who would want to write about a 13th daily star sign !

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What does this mean ?

That’s definitely Ralph of WordPress in the video, but he does love cats !

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“As well as the Zodiac I have created a land in the west by joining the dots. I’m brilliant !” cried El Ralphio of WadiPress, as his last follower left him.

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El Ralphio of WadiPress was last heard of when he wandered off to find Spain with his two cats……

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…… while consulting the oogle Oracle on the way.

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Nowadays, Ralph of WordPress consults the Google Oracle in Spain with his two cats……

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…..while trying to work out how to join dots.

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Do you have a wacky ancestor, or are you a wacky descendant ?

I know which one YOU are !

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Ralph xox <3

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All these images were found on a Google search and are NOT mine !

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CATch Us If You Can !

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So what do your pets, kids, partners, grandparents get up to when you are out of the house ?

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Ralph xox <3

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I Am Sure You Have adVICE For Me !

I’ve been thinking about doing some DIY, but it’s cold and it’s February here in Spain …..

*thinks* My followers don’t know what day it is, let alone what month !

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…..so I had better get on with this week’s post instead.

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Many of you already know that I am not perfect medically ( Oh, okay ! Mentally as well ! ) and I’m passed it !

But !

I also have a VICE !

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Not THAT sort of VICE !

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I don’t run around chasing or be chased by women.

Not even women with money.

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Not even strong women …..

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….. nor flexible women.

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So women are not my VICE !

*thinks* They’ll believe anything I say !

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I don’t gamble.

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So gambling is not my VICE !

*thinks* I bet $5 they’ll fall for this !

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I never drink alone.

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My cats drink though ! Real water slushes they are !

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Maybe I’ll have a little at parties, but that’s it.

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I don’t drink a lot of coffee as it’s bad for me…..

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….. so ….

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Drinking is not my VICE then !

*thinks* I reckon my followers are on their 3rd bottle of wine already today !

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I am not power crazy.

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So being power mad is not my VICE !

*thinks* Okay ! I’ll do what you tell me mistress !

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I am no glutton. ( A glutton for punishment….. definitely !  )

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I do like cakes though.

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I was egged on by my cats to say that !

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Gluttony is not the VICE !

*thinks* I wonder where they keep their stash of chocolates ? Next to the wine I suppose.

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SO WHAT IS IT ?

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I smoke roll ups !

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I have been smoking for 53 years. Since I was 15.

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I even had girlfriends who smoked.

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My father and grandfather smoked and lived into their 90s.

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Whereas I had 2 uncles. One gave up cigarettes and the other didn’t smoke. Both died in their 50s with unrelated cancers.

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This is a no brainer. I’m going to live into my 90s.

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I never smoke indoors or in a car.

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So that’s my VICE !

*thinks* Now we’re smokin’ !

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My Neurologist asks me how’s my smoking and I reply,

” Fine. Thank you for asking. “

She’s not worried.

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 I may not be Politically Correct. I may have lost many followers. I may be meringued harangued by all of you for smoking. So please be kind in your comments or I may huff & puff and take up more VICES ;)

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*thinks* Whew.  I should get off lightly with this lot !

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Ralph xox <3

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(All of these gifs and images were found on Google Search and are NOT mine. All the vices mentioned in this post are not mine except for smooching smoking.)

PS.  I’ll answer any comments when I get back from having an ECG at Ronda hospital. They are checking to see if I have a heart, which happens to be a bit too late for Valentine’s Day ! ;)

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A Private Letter To You My Valentine

I know it’s a few days before Valentine’s Day and as my next post will be a couple of days after,  I thought I would “post” to you a Valentine’s Day card with a letter enclosed.

A very private letter !

Valentine's Day card for you.

Valentine’s Day card for you.

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Don’t worry !

You are the only one who will read this letter as no one else reads my posts anyway.

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Sister Act – I will follow him

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To you my darling Valentine,

There’s a slight sprinkle of snow on the mountain tops surrounding the river valley where lies my rain damped Spanish village. A day to keep warm and sheltered in my apartment. A time to send a Valentine’s Day message to you wherever you are.

I even put on my best shirt to write to you.

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Oh yes I did !

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We met on WordPress two years ago or was it yesterday ?

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We talked, we Liked, we read each other’s posts and I became a great fan of you and your blog.

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In fact, I thought you were hot !

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I love Valentine’s Day and I am so glad that I found you.

Or I would think that

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 We have so much fun together in emails, comments, or in my imagination behind the bike sheds.

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You and I have become friends.

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One thing I am happy about is that I have not put my medical burdens on you in real life.

Things have gone crazier !

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Last Thursday I went to Ronda hospital for the second attempt on having the drip.

It didn’t happen !

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The results of the tests I had the week before showed that I have or have had Tuberculosis.

Nah ! I reckon it’s nappy rash on my lungs !

I haven’t even got a cold !

Oh boy !

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That means any parties or vacations will have to go on hold this year :(

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 Soooo, I am on a 9 month course of antibiotics. I have to take an ECG and another blood test this month.

Goodness knows when I will have the drip to “cure” my vibrating hands.

I haven’t quite turned into a ……

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……. yet !

As I said, I can’t burden you or any woman with my problems.

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It would be enough to drive you to drink.

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(ALL THREE OF YOU !) :D

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As it’s  almost Valentine’s Day I would love to give you a present.

Some underwear perhaps to help with this problem.

I am so practical !

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I know you can’t have chocolate so here’s a salad for you.

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But, hey, it’s Valentine’s Day !

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You might like an Xbox …….

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…… or some gloves.

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I am sure you would love me to do some DIY for you.

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I know you would love a puppy. I would !  ;)

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I hope you appreciate the lovely gifts.

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Do write sweetheart !

Send me a selfie taken with your new smart phone !

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Call me !

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Or better still, write your reply in the comments below. (Ignore the other comments as they are only in my imagination).

Lots of hugs …….

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……. and kisses.

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Ralph xox <3

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( All of these images and gifs except for moi were found on a Google Search and are NOT mine. )

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Ralph’s Medical Twilight Zone

For the last couple of weeks I have been a nervous wreck waiting to be given the dreaded aggressive drip with the possible side effect of turning me into an Aggressive Drip !

It never happened !

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Last Thursday I entered the medical twilight zone.

(Play Twilight Zone Intro)

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I waited an hour in the chair.

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Ronda hospital

'tis me !

’tis me !

An hour of just wasting time thinking about things.

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

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I sat INTIMIDATED listening intently to the change in plans.

My Neurologist was going to get it right ……

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…..by sending me though a battery of tests that morning before being aggressive with me another day in the future, hopefully to cure my CIDP Lewis Sumner with Rituximab.

OMG ! “,  I thought.

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She explained what was going to happen to me and with a swirl of her white coat ……

My Neurologist

My Neurologist

…. disappeared back into her twilight zone world of Ronda hospital, Spain.

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  Then I waited !

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

A nurse appeared, tore open my shirt and rammed a thermometer up my armpit !

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I was so pleased that it was nowhere else !

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Then I waited.

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

The same nurse appeared, dragged me out of the chair and across the room to a weighing scales / height measure combo.

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I didn’t realise how tiny she was until she couldn’t reach the slider on the height measure.

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She found a step …….

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…… stood on it, but still couldn’t reach the slider until another nurse arrived and lifted her up.

I sat back in my chair ……. exhausted with laughter !

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Then I waited !

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

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A nurse pushing a wheelchair crashed in through the double swing doors my Neurologist went out through. The wheelchair skidded to a halt. I was dumped into the seat. The now Ferrari  swung around and sped off, crashing back out through the swing doors ……..

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………. coming to a screeching halt by the lift.

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There we waited !

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

Another doctor appeared by the lift carrying a syringe ! ……..

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…… and in the bustling corridor she rolled up my sleeve, pumped in some liquid just under the skin and drew yellow lines around the little bulge.

( NOT THAT LITTLE BULGE !   IN MY ARM !   DUH ! )

She explained that on Sunday I was to go to Emergency, near my local village, in Cortes de la Frontera. If that point on my arm turned red I was to come straight back to Ronda hospital Monday morning. If no reaction, then the doctor in Emergency will write a report on my computer file.

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The nurse then proceeded on her mission to frighten the living daylights out of me.

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Speeding down corridors, a two wheel turn through the open doors of the Xray dept.

I almost had whiplash when she braked !

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I hadn’t a clue what was going on !

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All these experiences were making me batty !

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Within seconds the Xray technicians took front and side photos of my chest.

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I reckon this photo of me came out well !

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Then I waited !

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

The nurse returned with the wheelchair ……

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….. scooped me up and raced back to my drip chair scattering aside patients, doctors and nurses along the corridors.

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Then I waited !

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

Another nurse appeared laden with syringe, tubes, bandages and proceeded to extract an armful of blood from me !

Then I waited !

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I sat for an hour in the drip chair just thinking about things.

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Suddenly out of nowhere !

A nurse appeared, gave me a copy of the report of what happened that morning and I was free to go.

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Ralph’s medical twilight zone was over.

FOR THAT DAY !

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Seriously, everyone was so brilliant, fast and professional, especially Angela, my Neurologist, who organised the tests. Thank you :D

I was so pleased to be back home where I found my cats wrapped around the heater as they have been doing for the last couple of weeks.

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72 hours later ! Sunday morning ! Emergency in Cortes de la Frontera !

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Yep ! The red mark is positive ! 

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So back to Ronda hospital this morning !

Back to Ralph’s Medical Twilight Zone. Oh boy !

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 So, how does your Twilight Zone go ?

(On reading some of your posts, any Twilight Zone is normal for you ;) )

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Ralph xox <3

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(Some of the photos in this post are mine. The rest were found on Google Search and are not mine)

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Notification Darling ?

The other evening, here in Spain, I was in a catatonic state relaxed in my round chair with one cat on my lap and the other draped alongside me.

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Then my home phone rang.

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Cats flew everywhere as I got up to answer it.

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“Hello darling !”

Heck ! Beautiful English ! She was hot ! The line was burning ! My ear was burning !

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Only two words she uttered. My mind went into overdrive for a split second.

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Who is she ?

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Perhaps it’s my Spanish Neurologist ?

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Nah ! Her English doesn’t sound that sexy !

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A model maybe ?

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I very much doubt it !

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This is probably who it is !

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I had better say something !

“Umm ! *splutter* errrr ! ……..

Shoot ! I am making a right mess of this !

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……. Who am I talking to ?” I cringed !

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Oh ! That sexy voice again  !

“What’s your number ?”

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Yippee ! She wants my number !

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Another split second thought sped through my mind.

I wonder where she is ?

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“951168107” I blustered !

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There was a slight pause.

“Sorry !  I’ve got the wrong number !”

AND SHE HUNG UP !

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I was in shock !

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While she was most likely telling everyone about how she called Ralphie “darling”……

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…… I clicked the button

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I know I am going to live the rest of my life alone with my 2 cats !

THE END

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And now for something completely different !

Fed up with the new Notifier ? ~

Well, I am !

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It’s so blooming complicated and I never know who I’ve replied to and have to search through to find where I last replied :(

Never fear ! Ralphie’s here !

You can access your old Notifier “View Archives” by clicking >>>

here

The Notifications page comes up, bookmark it and place the bookmark on your Bookmark Toolbar.

(I use a laptop with Windows 7 and a Firefox browser)

Yay ! The reply arrow is back !

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So now when you see the orange notifier light up ……

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….. click Notifications on your Bookmark Toolbar.

Easy !

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To close this post, here are some older ladies who have some love advice for us men.

 

That’s put me in my place !

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 Do you need notifying darling ?

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Ralph xox <3

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The chair & notification images are mine. The rest were found on Google Search and are not mine !

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Do Not Click On This Red Button !

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Yes ! I now have 1500 followers !

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I am so happy !

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Thank you “geekkat” for that clincher ……

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….. also “justdan93″ for being my first ……

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…..and for you, the other 1498, without whom this post would be pointless !

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I know you would do anything for me !

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If I was to say, “Don’t click on this red button !”, you would pass it by, wouldn’t you ?

Ha ! Fat chance ! I know you !

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS RED BUTTON !

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I bet Peter Pan didn’t do that !

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I love you for being you.

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I know you can’t help it !

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Your comments are music to my eyes !

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I love it when you poke fun at me !

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You always keep abreast of my news !

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So a high-five everyone !

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I just love tall women ! Whew !

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Thank you for increasing my blog traffic.

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Yes ! It’s all my fault that you are congested !

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You are always so forward with medical advice.

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It’s hard for me to listen though !

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So, thank you for following me !

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I am now publishing a single weekly post around midnight (CET) Sunday/Monday …..

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…… which means that if you are NOT in Central Europe my post will NOT get to you around midnight Sunday/Monday.

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DON’T WAIT UP OR PLAN A PARTY !

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Why not ?

Because the World, the Universe, Everything wants to confuse you !

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I’m off now to exercise Sonic my cat  …..

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…… maybe watch some TV …..

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….. or maybe, just maybe I’ll visit you !

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 This post is so bad that it’s >>>

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So what’s your excuse for following me ?

I will accept pity !

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Ralph xox <3

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All these images were found or created via Google Search and are not mine !

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Who Am I ? A Drip ?

OMG ! Please put some clothes on while reading this post !

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I was 20 minutes in the waiting area of Ronda hospital, Spain, on 30Dec14 before going in for a consultation with my sweet Neurologist.

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It’s amazing what I heard the nurses say ………

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….. I had to put up with some waiting patients grumbling ….

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….. and what I read on the wall.

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To bring you up to speed I have been diagnosed with the rare CIDP Lewis Sumner. My hands vibrate especially when holding anything ……

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……. and my balance isn’t too good !

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It’s difficult for me to do anything !

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I have had 4 different treatments. None of them worked, some causing dreadful side-effects…..

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……which were quite upsetting.

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I went in. Sat down. She was on the phone.

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It turned out that test results were missing from my file and it transpired that I have 3 hospital files under different names !

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My first name.

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My middle name.

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My surname

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Thank heavens I am not called Don (Spanish for Mister)  Ulysses Thomas Spencer !

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Keep up !!

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No wonder I have Lewis Sumner ! This latest Spanish hospital cock-up is added to my incorrect middle name “Citizen” on my house deeds and the 3 numbers for my Spanish house 131, 137 & 143 when I confused you in this old post.

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At least my Neurologist didn’t blame me for this mess !

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These are all my files in the government. police, medical Spanish system. There should really only be about 10 altogether !

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My Neurologist was quite upset. This was the time to give her a hug.

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After all she is human like you.

I would be upset if she did this !

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As I live alone she recommended that I apply to Spanish Social Services for a carer/care giver. It will take about a year for them to say yes or no. If future treatments don’t work then I may need one.

*thinks*

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Reality !

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She told me that my next one-off treatment will be an anti-mag IV/drip.

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I hope there is no side-effect this time.

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I would be happy if the drip fixes me ……

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…… and so will she !

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If it doesn’t work this may be a possible future treatment

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She gave me my IV/drip appointment date and time.

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It’s at the end of January 2015 !

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Let’s have a bit of fun ! What would you artists, cooks, seamstresses, etc. put in my IV/drip and what side-effects would I experience ? Make it as wacky and silly as you are !

What are you waiting for ?

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Ralph xox <3

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Only one photo is mine. The rest, found on Google Search are not mine !

post

Can You Help Me To Enhance My Rear Balcony ?

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My rear balcony is quite small and empty. I would like to make it look more homely over the summer.

It was full of logs late 2013 ………

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….. and this year it just has a couple of pots.

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I’ve got a few ideas such as storing vehicles (which I haven’t got !)

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Maybe I can make it animal friendly.

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I like babies …….

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…… and I like sleeping.

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I could make it people friendly.

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I may use a plant in a pot.

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I won’t go down these routes !

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I don’t have to sign anything to do it !

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Now I am lost !

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Maybe all I need on my balcony is a pair of tits ……

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…..or sun drenched boobies.

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I need a push ! Can you help me ?

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Ralph xox <3

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Except for my balcony photos the rest were found on Google Search and are not mine !

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Ralph’s Unbreakable New Year’s Resolutions

I normally never make New Year’s resolutions as I always break them within an hour.

So I have come up with unbreakable ones !

Here goes !

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Exercise

I will never exercise seriously.

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I will relax more.

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I will never exercise animals.

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Blogging

I will blog !

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I will throw a wobbly when the laptop crashes or the Internet goes down.

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I will write about ANYTHING !

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Women

I will always toe the line.

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Learn to understand her.

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Improve my dancing skills.

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Always ask for advice.

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Be natural with her !

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Enjoy housework more !

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Iron out any problems before they happen.

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Be fixated on her !

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Be mesmerised by her ……

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Happy 2015 my bloggy friends !

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Are you alone during the New Year celebrations ?

I am !

So you’re not alone !

Cheers !

*clink*

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Ralph xox <3

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All these images were found on Google Search and none of them are mine !

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A great WordPress.com site

shehanne moore

Smexy Historical Romance

Swim in the Adult Pool

Finding humor in an ADHD life without water wings

Spanish scribbles

My journey into sketching and drawing in and around Jimena de la Frontera, Andalucia

fashionable over 50

fashion with compassion

Ivy Mosquito | Liberating My Creative Soul

Peace. Nature. Photography. Crafts. Projects. Me.

Busy Mind Thinking

Wait! What?!

BroadBlogs

A broad blogs broadly on women’s & men's psychology: sex, relationships, equality

Art Gowns

The Art of Glamorous Fantasy

Manny's Blog

a blog for kids and kids at heart

Stories From the Belly

A Blog About the Female Body and Its Appetites

Willow's Cabin

A Gypsy's Life Journey of Self-Healing through PTSD and Abuse using unconventional methods including Energy Healing, Reiki, Radical Encouragement, Esoteric, Shamanic and Mystical Ideas sprinkled with a touch of Adventure, Travel, Imagery and Poetic Expression.

Loving Food, Fashion, & Life

My love of food, fashion, and living life.

1950 Memories of Suburban Adventures

Mostly humorous stories with Buddha-like observations

Heila

Adding new dimensions to life

HotDish

The singularly most delicious things I have ever eaten anywhere

I didn't have my glasses on....

A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.

silkannthreades

about the little things in life

Le Drake Noir

Andrikken

Hello World

Walk along with me

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