A prophetic letter from an imaginary Spanish hospital to Ralph
You really did think we were serious in trying to cure you. Hah ! No way Hosay ! We are having fun !
We sent you home last Saturday with an arm full of drips and a bag full of tablets
PLUS the most horrendous blocked nose cold we could devise.
We know you won’t mix-and-match cures, so suffer friend.
This cold is created to worsen the other problem you will have……..
…….. AND THAT WOULD BE ? ……….
……when you, on Sunday, take the first day of tablets we are overdosing you with. LOL.
We are going to give you elephant’s feet. What fun !
No, they’re not ! These are my feet !
And once upon a time you thought that you had flying feet ! No more !
The best is yet to come !
On Monday morning, at precisely 0557am you will get out of bed to go for a pee, but you won’t make it ! Hahaha ! The circulation in your legs will go haywire. Your legs will collapse with severe tingling and you will fall back onto the bed. You will eventually stagger to the toilet.
You won’t be able to stand to pee as your legs will give out and we did want to see this !
This is when you turn yourself into a woman. Sit my boy !
No. Not like this !
For the rest of the day YOU WILL SUFFER. You can’t stand. You will sway ! You’ll be drunk without having a drink. Oh, you are so cheap to buy for !
And the best bit is you will even take your second day of tablets thinking it’s part of the cure. LOL. What fun !
Then you go and ruin it all !
Early Tuesday morning you will have an agonising stand to pee, but you will have to sit again. Oh, we did want to see this !
What do you do ? You call in your neighbour Toni ! You ruin everything !
Yay for Toni !
You ask Toni to phone the hospital doctor for instructions, but we make sure the Neurologist isn’t available and you will have to go and see the local GP doctor which will stress you as he normally sits tapping his keyboard all the time and tells you off for not having a visitor number.
But, GOD-DAMMIT ! He is nice ! He takes your BP, fiddles with your ankle, tells Toni to reduce the strength and course of tablets and tells her that you must eat and drink more. You will leave him happily mumbling to himself,
“Lewis Sumner, eh, Lewis Sumner ! That’s different !”.
Toni then really ruins our plan by buying and cutting bread rolls for you for breakfast. Leaves them outside your front door.
You will make and eat your breakfast…….
…….while your cats enjoy the Spanish morning sun just beside you.
We know you like washing the dishes, but overdosing you will make it hard for you to stand……
……. but, you will do it ! This is getting to be no fun now ! Unless ……
Hahaha ! The GP doctor says for you to oil your legs 3 times a day and we know you are not a girl, but we are going to make you one. LOL
We know you won’t want to slip in the bathroom ……
……. or fall in the bath …….
…..but, knowing you, you will have fun oiling your legs and feet !
In conclusion ……..
…… we will see what else we have in store for you Ralph.
A Spanish hospital.
Time I had a shower. Now that would be some post.
This post is the last medical one for a while. I want to have fun again !
( I am sorry. Since I drafted this post I cannot promise, but I will try to answer all your comments and visit your new posts as I normally do. At the moment I am not normal. No change there then ! :D )
Am I turning into a woman ?
Ralph xox <3
All the images with a date are mine. The rest have been Google Searched and are not mine.