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Hijacked Interview.

WARNING :  This is a very long post.

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As most of you know …..

Ralph

….. I live in Spain.

Spain

Today, I am honoured to interview Resa …..

Resa

….. who lives in Canada.

Canada

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Resa designs and creates fabulous art gowns …..

Resa Arts & Gowns

…… which you can marvel at in her Art Gowns blog.

Autumn Orchid (Art Gowns Com)

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Hello Resa.  Thank you so much for letting me interview you today-yy-yyyy

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Oh no !  Come on !!!

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Sorry about that dear Resa.  Maybe I can interview you another time.

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Oh boy !

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I would never wear a gown, now, would I ?

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Do you get walked all over ?

I do.

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Ralph xox <3

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Bedroom Domination

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Please don’t forget to send me your wacky, goofy photos for a future post.  Maybe something for Valentine’s day perhaps ?  Send them to >>>>

ralph.whillier@gmail.com

I have already received one photo.  Thank you !

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How is your bedroom domination going ?

Your china cat can comment if you like.

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Ralph xox <3

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Wild Cat Strike & New Posts

Oh boy !   My cats have gone on a wild cat strike !

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Their demands are >>>>

1.  More sleeping hours.

2.  They are fed up with being paid kitty litter wages.

3.  They want more fur brushing with new cat-a-combs.

4.  Their baskets to be fluffed up at least twice a day.

Sometimes I wish I was a hard task master

*thinks*

 As I am their manager I refuse to bow down to their exorbitant demands.

Back to work cats !

(gif.  A small movie which takes time to load)  >>>>

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Or the cat will hit the fan !

(gif.  A small movie which takes time to load)  >>>>

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But I am too soft with them.

Awww !

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I’ve been thinking about New Posts from you which would be fun to read.  Here goes !

a.  My mother has grounded me for doing too much blogging.  Hey, I’m 87 years old !

b.  I baked cookies for my family this weekend.  My husband is selling them on our side walk, in charcoal bags, as he does every week.

c.  I won’t be blogging for a while as I’ve been arrested for driving with intent to going somewhere.

 d.  I have started to renovate my house.  Ooops !  Next door’s home fell down as well.

e.  My doctor says that I am psycho-arsonistic.  I thought I had heartburn !

f.  I am a pilot of the new Boeing 878 which is fully automatic …. automatic.

g.  I’ve just returned from a trip.  My husband gave me sexy panties 6 sizes too big …

h.  ….. The bra is also 6 sizes too big.  No need to take a shopping bag to the store then !

i.  Quote of the day.  “Oh f*ck !”

j.  Friday Fiction by President Obama.

k.  4 out of 3 blogs are educational.

l.  Black sheep found in my chimney.

m.  Thank you for the 50m Breast Stroke Blog Award.

n.  50% of the world’s population are female.  The other 49% is ?  Answers in comments please.

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What New Posts would you like to see ?

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Ralph xox <3

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Pictures & gifs found on a Google Search and are not mine.  Everything else is mine.

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ROBLMTO !

Americans have a way of talking using the first letters of words in a phrase which only they can understand.  Abbreviations !    I have to Google OMG, BTW etc.  to find out what the heck they are on about.

Oh My Google.  My cats are at it now !!

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( Licking my lips ! )

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( Rolling on the bed, laughing my tail off  ! )

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( Immobile on the floor, laughing my glaze off ! )

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( Sitting on the bed, licking my tail off ! )

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( Oh my kittens ! )

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( Rolling on the bed, laughing my tail off  ! )

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(Propping up Daddy’s door, laughing excitedly ! )

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( I want to disappear where the sun does not shine )

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( Pushing on our door, laughing endlessly ! )

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What is your pet’s favourite joke ?

No abbreviations please.  You will.  I know.  I asked for this !

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Ralph xox <3

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My Spot !

~ A normal evening in Ralph’s apartment~

Let’s see what’s on TV.

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“Psychic Detectives” !   I knew that and who did it !  It was the butler with the candlestick in the study, but he had to stop half way lighting the candlestick for the 4 minute commercial break.

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Let’s see what else is on.

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Oh heck !  Another half an hour of media enhancing depression for the masses.

I’m going for a shower. 

Here’s a photo of me in the shower (it’s a bit steamy ;) )

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~Meanwhile back in the salon~

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*door opens*

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SAMANTHA !   You are in my spot !

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Awww.  I’d better be quiet.  She’s asleep.  Isn’t she sweet ?

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I know.  I’ll do some blogging !

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Whew !  I could do with a drink.  I wonder what’s in the fridge ?

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I STONK !  No way ……

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…….. I don’t stonk as I’ve just had a shower.

Got my drink.  Now back to blogging.

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Noooo !  SONIC !  That’s my spot.  OUT !

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That’s a good boy Sonic !

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Nearly finished !  I’ll take a sudoku break.

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Noooo !!SAMANTHA !  That’s my spot !

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I give up !  I’m going to bed.

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*faint*

I wonder what I’ll dream about tonight ?

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~Send me silly photos~

A few of us were chatting in comments in my last post where a germ of an idea was born.

You are very welcome to send to me any wacky, silly, original photos from your life, OR browse through my blog where there are plenty of photos of me.  Such as my About .  Photoshop them, whatever, and send them to me >>>

ralph.whillier@gmail.com

I’ll give you plenty of time to do your worst before publishing them with a link to your blog.

Sonic & Samantha will judge the entries and I’ll send the winner a small prize (no, not my two cats ;) ).

Good luck !  Here’s an example of what you friends did way back in my blog.

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Ha !  Caught you trying to press “In love with him” :roll:

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Have you got a favourite “my spot !” ?

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Ralph xox <3

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Run !!

Before I start this post, here are a few photos of Liam, my Spanish neighbours’ new boy.  He was one year old a couple of weeks ago, just before Christmas 2015;  he is walking and into EVERYTHING !!

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~Toddler Liam~

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Liam with his brother Eidan and sister Ariadne.

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And now onto the post.  If I was you, RUN !!

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~Run !!~

The other day I looked over my rear balcony in southern Spain and watched two egrets wandering around the field singing ……

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….. that famous egret song …..

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…. stolen by Edith Piaf.

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On walking up the hill near my home I came across a couple of local Spanish residents.

I said, “hi !” to Don Key who has a small ass called Little Butt, his sister.

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Walking up and over to the other side of the hill I joined Hilda and Alfie (her dog), who live on top of the hill.  They escorted me down the steep road to the bottom where the wild cats hang out.

Wonky, the cat, tagged along with us to see his family down below.

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And there they are coming to greet us.

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Both Hilda and David, her husband, are real lovers of cats and hate to see them starving or ill.

They look after 11 cats in their home, inc. Wonky (who was found with a broken leg when young, thus his name). And they daily feed & water another 10 shown here at the bottom of the hill.

They also take cats to the vet, it seems almost every other day.

Great people !

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Okay Wonky.  Off you go home.

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It’s getting late now.  My cats don’t like me out after dark.

Got to run !! wander aimlessly in the general direction of home.

I’m sure that some gentle soul will find me and say soothingly,

“You are wandering aimlessly in the wrong direction Ralph.  Keep going !”

Oh boy !

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Do you have to run ?

Do stay, so I can take a photo of you.

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Ralph xox <3

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Hang On 2016, I’ve Not Finished With 2015

Yes, stop the clock !

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I’ve still got a few items from 2015 to talk about.

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~Christmas Presents~

All the way from America to Spain …..

RoSy

…. RoSy sent me these tasty Peeps !

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Oi !  Clear off Sonic !

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And all the way from London to Spain, Ute …..

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….. sent me these lovely gifts.  The Teddy, Stanley, she gave to me a couple of years ago, ….

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…. but the beautiful heart, which Ute made herself, came with the Wellness book.

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Thank you so much dear friends <3

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 ~WordPress 2015 Skool Report~

I daren’t open it as I know what the WP monkeys will say.

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Anyway, thank you for the 18,000 views from the Sydney Opera House.  The WI-FI must be working well in there.

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 ~Ralph’s New Year Resolutions~

I have decided to make my 2016 resolutions from the Top Searches which I found in my Dashboard over the last few weeks.

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………………………….

Top Searches  

My Reply

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 Lucky man enjoy with neighbour

I’ll really work on her !

If u want to come in, my life door is open

How can I refuse such an offer ?

You passed permit sign

I thought it was just a wink !

How to take ECG for women pics

Is this like playing doctors and nurses ?

Nipless big breast in taxi

No room then.  I’ll take the bus.

Do not stand on toilet bowls

Okay.  I get the hint.  I’ll stand in them then !

Girl painted like a cat drinking milk out of a bowl

Sonic, my cat, comes to bed with me every night.  OUT !!!

Enase he aken he woken me not lirik

Heck,  painted cat girl speaks Urdu.

Black and white blue fish butons

I do hope my butons are done up !

Dear diary attitude quotes in Urdu

Painted cat girl keeps a diary.  Oh boy !

xxx bouder numbar chi

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Cougar love poems

Poems love Ralph.  Ralph love Cougar. ……

I’m not a groupie

You would be if you met me !

Drake quotes about bf who doesn’t care

Do I have to repeat myself.  I don’t care !

Sorry girls daddy says no dating

No dating !  Stay at home with daddy.

Ephemeral bouncing boobs

Of course they are !

…………………

And my final resolution is to be …….

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….. a crap :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: cook.

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Restart the clock !

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Oh, go on.  Ring my bell !

Happy New Year everybody !

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Are you blogging like me ?

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Ralph xox <3

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The Christmas Pudding

This post is an embellishment of two acts of kindness which happened to me over the Christmas period.  Thank you dear friends.

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‘Twas the week before Christmas. 

I had resigned myself to spend Christmas alone at home with the two cats.  Sad, isn’t it ? 

When …..

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“All this poofing has poofed me out.  Where was I ?  Oh, hello Ralph.  I understand that you are old, alone and have two cats.  You’re a sad person, aren’t you ?”

 “Don’t rub it in !  Who or what are you ?”

“Well, sad person, I am Rude Elf the red-beaked chicken, the lead pullet puller of Santa’s sleigh in Spanish airspace as I am Spanish Fly licenced. Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer is not certified, well, he should be !

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I am here to grant you one wish.  Pluck a feather from me and your wish will be granted !”

*pluck*

“Ouch !  Not that one !”

“I wish for a tall, slim woman.”

“I said WISH, sad person, not a dream with no chance.  I can grant you a slice of Christmas pudding. Take it or leave it !”

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“Drat !  Okay, I’ll take it.”

“Not now. You will eat some Christmas pudding on Christmas Day.”

c42With that, Rude Elf the red-beaked chicken vanished in a cloud of feathers. (The cats played with them for hours)

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At the same instant my email notifier rang out.  An invitation to come to Linda & Adrian’s home across the river for Christmas dinner on Christmas Day.  You could have knocked me over with a feather !

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~Christmas Day~

Yay !  Adrian picked me up from my home and drove me to his house. On the way I met Christine on the river road bridge and I had a Christmas kiss.

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Yay !  Arriving at Linda & Adrian’s I met their two boys, plus one girlfriend, who had all specially flown out from England for the festivities.

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Two more Christmas kisses.  Yay !  (Come on.  I only kissed the ladies !)

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We settled in to enjoy the festivities.

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Linda cooked a fabulous Christmas dinner.  Turkey, bacon, sausages, yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, peas, carrots, parsnips, broccoli, stuffing and gravy.  Fantastic !

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And then came the dessert.

No Christmas pudding !

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One of the son’s (who shall be nameless) bought a Christmas pudding in Fortnum & Mason in London ……

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…… and FORGOT to bring it out to Spain !

Calamity !  But Linda saved the day with a strawberry delightfulness and a hot mince pie with brandy butter.  Brilliant !

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We all then retired to the salon for the cabaret.

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 Thank you so much Linda & Adrian.  I had a wonderful time with you and your family. xox

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I could wring that chicken’s neck !  No tall, slim woman.  No Christmas pudding.  And I’m back at home, alone with two cats.  Sad, isn’t it ?

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~Two days later~

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“Hello Ralph, you sad person, alone with two cats.  Did you enjoy the Christmas pudding ?”

“Will you stop this sad person stuff !  I had a fantastic time, but NO Christmas pudding !”

“Oh !  That’s sad for an already sad person alone with two cats.  Here, pull this feather.  This should work !”

*pluck*

“Ouch !”

With a cluck, Rude Elf the red-beaked chicken poofed out of existence.

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One second later I received an email from David & Hilda, who live on the hill, inviting me for lunch.  Wow !  You could tickle my feet with a feather !

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 I had a lovely lunch.  David had specially cooked a pie, plus stuffed tomatoes and mashed potatoes.  Very tasty !

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I thought I would have to carve the cat ….

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….but they were just table decoration ….

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….. and drunk !

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Go on !  Guess what we had for dessert ?  Yay !  Christmas pudding with brandy cream !

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Thank you so much David & Hilda for a really lovely lunch. xox

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I arrived home before dark.  My cats don’t allow me out after dark !  Sad, isn’t it ?

When ….

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“Thank you so much Rude Elf, the red-beaked chicken.  The feather worked.  I had some Christmas pudding.  Yay !”

“No problem Ralph, you sad person.  Hey !  Let me go !”

“Nope !  Not until you produce a tall, slim woman for me.”

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*pluck* “Ouch !” *pluck* “Ouch !” *pluck*  “Ouch !”

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Did you create some seasonal magic for a sad person ?

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Ralph xox <3

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No chickens, cats, dogs or sons were harmed in the making of this post.

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I’m bottling out !

~WARNING~

I suggest that you read this post with your eyes closed as it’s really scary !

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The other morning I woke up (I do some mornings) and my heart missed a beat (which means I’ll live one heartbeat longer. Yay !).  For, as I looked out of the window, my aghast was astonished when before me, above the street, hovered two UFOs.

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There was nobody about !  Did all the local Spanish villagers run away on the train,  or were they all abducted ?  Will I be next ?

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Maybe they are not UFOs,  but two foot high influenza viruses breeding and ready to climb up my nose.  Painful !

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Or, perhaps, giant snowflakes that had drifted through a strawberry & mint ice cream factory.

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Whatever they are, they are still out there …… waiting to get me !

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The other big village on the mountain side is also infested ! 

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There are eggs nesting everywhere !

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Eggs, shape shifting into angels !

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Blue crowns are swooping like flies !

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Heroically, I will defend Spain from the onslaught !

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This may be my last post.  For, as I type, they are coming through the windows.  Stand behind me.  I will save you.  I must press Publish to warn the world ………

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Spoil sport Samantha.  My heroic blog cred is now zero, zilch, ruined !

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A very Merry Christmas to you all from Ralph, Sonic and Samantha <3

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Are you still scared ?

If you are, then I will heroically unscare you.  Ignore the cat ! ;)

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Ralph xox <3

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Yep !

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I wonder what the cats will give to me.  I am soooo excited !

I got some great ideas for them off of a Google search.

Flying lessons perhaps …..

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…… a book …..

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….. chocolate ……

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….. a new smartphone ……

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….. a drinks cabinet …..

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….. a new coffee cup (come on ! 69 !) ….

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….. or, even a lovely lady whom I can be nice to.

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Awww !  My cats are sooo sweet in thinking about me. 

I thought they were like this >>>

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I just can’t wait for the postman to arrive !

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Cats !  Oh boy !

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Are you a “Yep !!” type of person ?

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Ralph xox <3

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